I open my eyes confused. I´m lying in a desert... Why am I here? Why am I still alive? I destroyed me... let myself explode... didn´t I? So what the hell am I doing in a desert? It... it´s so hot! I´m thirsty... have to find water...
So I start walking while the sun burns on my head. Several thoughts... questions... I can´t explain a single one of them. What´s going on?

…...
I´m walking through this fucking desert for two weeks now. Normally I would have been dead already... without any water I would have died within three or four days. So there´s just one explanation left that is approximately logical: I am dead! But... if that´s death there must be other persons except me! I mean I´m not the first one to die! Where are they?
May be I simply have to find the way out of this torture. Have to find the others... Yeah, that must it be! You have to go through this after you died!
It´s so pitiful! You´re hungry, thirsty and ill because of your loneliness but you can´t lay down and die because you already are dead.
I want to fucking find my aim although I don´t know what it is. Where the hell shall I go? It´s like I´m going the same route over and over again while the sun desiccates your whole body. I almost can feel how the water reserves leave me. It weakens me so much but there is no possibility to hide. Nothing is shady. No cloud is there up in the sky. Nothing but the hot sun. My stomach hurts because of the loss of food. My mouth hurts because of the loss of water. It dries out as a lake in the summer and it gets cracked. But I can´t do anything about it because there´s no end in sight! Nowhere is water nor food. I want to kill myself but I don´t have any clay... anyway I´m already dead! So there´s no escape.
My head aches because of this loneliness. I haven´t spoken to anybody for those two weeks. No life is here except me. But I do want to talk, to scream at anybody... To be in civilisation again! But how? I can´t see the end.

…...
After four more weeks I finally see something on the horizon. Hopefully I start running though my legs feel so heavy. But I don´t stop... I don´t give in. The need to get rid of this loneliness makes me run even faster.
Then I see something green... grass... trees... and a big house. It´s evening and the lights are already on. There...there must be life in it! There must be somebody! At last!
Soon I arrive in front of the houses´ door. Sighing I turn around a last time. But there isn´t a desert any more. Everywhere around the house and me is a forest. And the pain leaves me as well. No need for water nor food... It´s like as I´ve never been in this desert. It´s like it was a dream...
Confused I knock on the door. Nobody opens so I walk in by myself. I´m standing in a long dark corridor. For a moment it seems like nobody is here but then I hear some voices. Rapidly I head for the direction they came from. It´s the last door of the corridor and as I open it the bright light dazzles me so that I have to close my eyes for a moment. It´s calm again but I feel some gazes on my face. As I open my eyes again I realize that I´m standing in a living room... and... Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi are sitting in front of a TV on a big sofa. They all watch me interested.

"Welcome Dei," Hidan smiles happily.

"What took you so long?" Kakuzu asks.

"Where am I, un?"

"Pff, you don´t know?" Itachi asks unbelieving, "You´re dead, Deidara! You killed yourself!"

I know... But why are you here, un?"

"Well, I´ve been killed by Sasuke."

"What? I thought I killed him, un?!"

"You didn´t, somehow the bastard survived."

"...You all died after me so why are you already here, un?"

"Well we guess that everybody who fucking kills his-/ or herself has to go through a special torture," Hidan answers interested, "So what was your torture, Dei?"

"I had to find a way out of a desert, un. It was horrible!"

"Ugh, sounds hard..."

"Where´s Tobi, un? I killed at least him, didn´t I?"

"No, he survived, too," Kakuzu grins, " The only one who died was you, all the animals and plants around you. Believe me, as soon as Zetzu is dead you´ll have a big problem with him! By the way, impressing explosion, Deidara!"

"Thanks! Who´s here except us, un?"

""Just Sasori..."

I shudder instinctively while I remember... remember him... I almost forgot him as I tried to find anybody here but now... the pain returns. Not as strong as before... but it returns. Sasori... he´s here!
I didn´t consider to meet him ever again as I decided to kill myself. But now I´m somehow happy. Happy to be near to him again... to feel his presence... his gaze on me... even if it could mean that he´d... rape me once more... I´m near to him again and that´s the most important thing for me! My love... my Sasori...

"Anyway we told him that you killed yourself," Itachi informs me, "He said that you should go to him as soon as you arrive."

"Dei, you don't have to go," Hidan says carefully, "We simply can hide you some more and keep secret that you´re here. So you´d have some time to prepare for your meeting... If you want to!"

I know I could but right now I just want to see him as soon as possible!

"No, it´s all right, un. I´m strong enough. See ya later, un!"

So I turn around and go out of the room.

"It´s the third room on the left side!" Hidan shouts.

My body starts to shudder again. Half in fear half in longing. Carefully I knock on the door. Nothing... I knock again.

"Who´s there?" A well known voice asks and opens the door roughly, "I said that I don´t want to see anybody except... you..."

His eyes grow wider and his mouth stays open in disbelief.

"H-Hello... S-Sasori...un... nice to...to...meet...you...again, un!"

"Deidara," he whispers then steps forward... wants to hug me... but he remembers something.

"S-Sorry! Please come in!"

I follow him into his room. It isn´t like I thought... There aren´t any puppets lying around nor any wooden piece of work. Wondering I walk to his table and discover some drawings... of... me...
Rapidly he tries to hide them but I´m faster. I grab one of those pictures. It shows me sitting under a tree moulding some clay birds. A really good and realistic drawing of mine... But why did he portray me? He never cared for me, did he? Why should he draw me? And if I saw right, all those pictures show me, don´t they?

"Explain that, un!"

The redhead blushes crimson and rubs his head ashamed.

"Well... Where do I start? First of all sit down, please! There´s so much to say, explain, apologize..."

I follow his wish... yeah wish... it isn´t an order. Normally it would have been an order but now? He´s somehow different..."

"Go ahead, un!"

"Well first of all I want to apologize for... what I´ve done to you! I hadn´t the right to do such a cruel thing... to even touch you, Deidara! I don´t know how I could do that... But as I began to... to rape you I... I couldn´t stop. I was so angry and disappointed because of myself! I knew the whole time that I hurt you with my rough behaviour but somehow I couldn´t be nicer to you. Then... then you ignored be and I became really frustrated. No one ever dared to ignore me! I-I was so upset and I couldn´t quit dreaming of you. I wanted to touch and kiss you... to hold you in my arms again. But I knew that you wouldn´t let me! So angry about my misery I... I decided to r-rape you. So... so...sorry... I´m so sorry, Deidara! Later I realized which mistake I´ve made. What I destroyed... our relationship... your trust... you. And I knew that I couldn´t solve this problem. Every time I looked into your beautiful face I saw the pain, the fear, the helplessness. I hurt you so much and I couldn´t do anything about it but dying. So I decided to disappear out of your life to release you from your pain. That was the only thing I could do for you. I... I let you think that I don´t feel anything for you... But that wasn´t right! I felt it though I didn´t want to. I didn´t want to have any emotion. So I thought it would be better... for you... and me to leave forever."

" But S-Sasori! That didn´t release me, un! Your death made my pain even worse, un. It was worse than being raped, un... I felt so lost... lonely... somehow killed inside..."

"I´m so sorry, Deidara! I didn´t know that! I-I thought that you´d be happy if I died..."

"How could I, un?"

"So, I didn´t expect that you´d kill yourself. Why?" Sasori asks.

"Because of you, un! I- I didn´t want to live any more, un."

"It would have been better if I´ve never come into your life! Now you´re dead... just because of me... I turned your whole life into hell... I don´t know what I can do to repay my debt... I can´t do anything... You have to know, that I do care for you, Deidara! Every time I wake up, I close my eyes, am alone I see you... just you! I drew you because I care for you... more than that... I... love you!"

"Y-You do what?" I ask confused.

"I love you with all my heart, Deidara! And... and that´s good because you can punish me now on the same way! I´m human again so my feelings for you are stronger... much more. So play with me... hurt me... everything you want! You own me!"

Sasori kneels down in front of me and lowers his head awaiting a punch into his face. But... I can´t! Though he hurt me so much... Though he destroyed me... Though he´s the reason for my death... I don´t want to hurt him. I simply want to hug him tightly and never let go off him ever again.

"I don´t want to punish you, un," I whisper and kneel down as well.

Seriously I look into his unbelieving beautiful eyes.

"Why?"

"Because I love you, un!"

With that I bend forward and touch his soft lips with my own ones. Shocked he doesn´t move for a moment, that feels like eternity for me, but then melts into the kiss. I lay my arms around his neck to get as near as possible to him.

"I...I...forgive...you, un!"

He breaks the kiss and looks directly into my blue eyes.

"Are you sure, Dei? That´s a big step! I-I raped you! What if you´ll regret..."

I stop him with another passionate kiss. Sasori gasps surprised. Taking my chance I let my tongue slide into his sweet mouth. His tongue returns the lovingly movement and begins massaging mine.
I feel how the wound in my heart heals from one second to another.
All I need to be happy again, to forget the pain caused through the person in front of me is him. He´s the one I love more than anything in my life and I can´t do anything about it. As long as he´s loves me, too, I´m happy.
I know that some of you´ll say I´m stupid therefore. I should let him suffer. Should resist him. But you can´t control love! It isn´t a game somebody can win! The love finds its own ways and the only thing you can do about it is accepting your destiny.

"I won´t, my love, I won´t, un."