Carolara didn't recall much about arriving at the Temple. Someone had helped her off of the horse, she knew she had fallen once before it was realized that her leg was broken, and then someone put her over their shoulder. She remembered being carried inside and could distinctly recall the transition from the cold snowstorm to the firelit great hall. There were voices all around but no understanding them, her senses had all been a blur. She'd heard Martin's voice in that mix and tried to keep focused on it to stay conscious, it sounded like he was giving urgent instructions; and then her grasp on reality slipped away into nothing but blackness.
She woke at last on a soft mat with her head resting on a pillow, the fireplace in front of her, unable to tell if it was day or night. The Breton was lying on her stomach and it only took the slightest of movements to be painfully reminded of why. Carefully she started to lift her head, only to be told what she already knew, in a voice she smiled to hear.
"You might not want to move around yet," Martin spoke, somewhere out of her view. There was some shuffling around, she felt something against her wound that stung and made her hiss. "Sorry," he apologized, "I got the bleeding to stop but it's a nasty burn, and if I don't clean it now you'll get infected."
Another voice chimed in, this time it was Baurus. "What happened?" He stepped into her view and knelt down to talk with her face-to-face. "You were muttering on about the Amulet when you got here, but we couldn't find it on you."
Right on to the unpleasant business. Carolara averted her eyes, unable to look him in the face as she said, "I found the Shrine, I got in, but... I didn't manage to get it."
A silence pervaded the room for a time, so uncomfortable it was that she dared not break it to even apologize. But a nervous glance up to the Redguard showed her he was still awaiting an explanation, so she went on, gaze downcast. "The original Master is still alive. Mankar Camoran, he has the Amulet of Kings. But he went through a portal-"
"How can that be?" Baurus cut her off, "He wrote the Commentaries over four hundred years ago."
"Strange things are possible with Daedric magic," said the Septim heir, his tone a calm contrast, "What sort of portal?"
Carolara closed her eyes, partially out of pain, and partially to concentrate on the memory. "Fiery, horrid, sort of like one of those cursed Oblivion Gates but there was no frame on it. Before he stepped through he said 'I go now to Paradise' and that when he returned, it would be with Dagon himself."
Baurus got up, seemingly exasperated, and left the room saying, "I'm going to go report this to Jauffre. He's not going to like it."
When she let out an audible sigh, Martin scooted around so that he wasn't out of her sight, sitting on the bare floor and wiping blood and medicine from his hands. He was still going about in robes, it would seem, but these seemed a bit nicer than the trappings of a priest and yet not too royal yet; somewhere in between, like he was. A bit more confidence in the movements, a more regal carry, but still with quite some ways to go before the change was complete.
"Don't blame yourself," he assured once they were alone. "If nothing else, we at least know where it is now, and from the looks of it you're lucky to even be delivering this news."
"I just can't help feeling like I failed," was the Breton's reply, barely able to look him in the face. "Though," her eyes and spirits lit up a bit as the memory returned to her, "I did swipe something that I think might help. When Camoran touched it, the portal opened right up, but I don't really know how it works."
The Imperial regarded her quizzically, and she had a look around, difficult to do without raising up. And that was not an option, as she was clad in nothing from the waist up to permit access to her wound; turning bright red from the mere thought, particularly with present company, Carolara asked somewhat sheepishly, "My pack, wherever it is. There should be a book. They probably overlooked it since it's not the Amulet."
Martin got up and walked out of her view, and she could hear him sorting through her belongings for a quick moment... and then silence. Just at as she was wondering if it was worth the risk and agony to rise up and look there was the sound of footsteps, heavy and fast, and then her Emperor knelt beside her.
The tone of his voice startled her right away; Carolara had never heard him so lacking in composure. "You carried that thing, the Mysterium Xarxes... you handled it?" When she just nodded in stunned silence he stood again and marched back out of her view, going on almost angrily, "By the Nine! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"
She remembered Tar-Meena telling her that, of course... but it had been a decision made in desperation, it had been that or take an innocent life or come back with nothing, and with so many cultists in the room... no. The Breton stopped the racing in her mind. All excuses, nothing but excuses, unacceptable. She'd fumbled her first important solo mission as a Blade, failed at trying to be the first thing she'd ever really aspired to be. All she let out was a sigh, and a shamed "I'm sorry, Sir."
For a while neither said anything, but she could hear Martin's movement and the slight hum of magic. There were a few moments of nothing at all, and then he spoke again, voice calmed significantly. "No, I'm sorry. You were right to bring this to me. I know of some ways to protect myself from its evil power."
"Should we destroy it?" Carolara asked as the Imperial laid down the artifact and returned to her side. A whimper escaped her when he got back to work.
"You said that Mankar Camoran laid his hand on that tome and opened a portal," his voice was contemplative. "It makes me wonder if we can use it to follow him."
The Breton's hands tensed around the edges of her mat when the next wave of pain came. "Like I said, he said he was going to 'Paradise', so I think it leads there. In the books Baurus and I researched it mentions this place a lot, as a reward for his followers. He calls the realm his, talks like he created it, so I don't think it's the same place the Gates go." Out of the corner of her eye she saw a pile of linen being moved and smiled a bit with relief that all the stinging was coming to an end.
Martin leaned over to rinse his hands. "Maybe if I can decipher it I can figure out how to open the portal myself."
"You can do that?" She raised a brow.
"Tampering with dark secrets, even just reading them, can be very dangerous. I'll have to proceed carefully."
There had been something a bit avoidant about his wording that just didn't sit right with Carolara and she turned her head to see him as best she could, inquiring, "Weren't you in the priesthood of Akatosh? I thought that sort of thing was," an uncomfortable pause while she searched for a word. "Just a touch... taboo."
Martin looked her in the eye a moment, the look in his eyes suggesting strong internal debate, before he shrugged to himself and stopped in his healer's work a moment. "I wasn't always a priest," the words seemed heavy in the air. "I used to practice much darker arts than healing and blessings. I'll spare you the details, but that phase of my life is long over."
Carolara wasn't sure what to say to a confession like that. She bit her lip and glanced over to the fire in thought. It didn't make her think any less of him; who was she, a former thief, to judge others for their crimes of the past? It was not that but the pain in his tone that bothered her; she felt compelled to help if it was within her power. Strange, she thought, that she was so suddenly concerned with his happiness. "Well... I suppose it worked out for the better, right? It means you'll be able to decipher the Xarxes, and we can corner Camoran in his own little rat-hole."
A dry laugh from the Septim. "When people came to me for advice and I didn't know what to tell them, I'd piously say, 'The Gods can turn anything to good'." The pompous imitation brought a smile even to his Blade's face, and he returned to folding and placing bandages on her burn. "I suppose I never believed that myself, not truly, not until now."
Carolara fell back asleep before he finished bandaging her up, still exhausted from her ordeal. It wasn't until early the next morning she got up and found Martin already hard at work, a table already covered with books in the Great Hall and another table pulled over to it, the Mysterium Xarxes open in front of him. Someone had moved her from her cozy spot in front of the fire to a spot off to the side, but at least she could see the room better. She was certain the fall in the woods had knocked bones out of their proper places but now they were set and splinted, and she was thankful that he'd done that part while she was unconscious.
Soon she found she couldn't stand the monotony of just lying around so in the early afternoon she was using the wall to pull herself up and get dressed. A fellow Breton and Blade named, amusingly enough to them both, Caroline, lent her a thick wool dress with a fur shawl to wear while she waited for her wounds to heal... and while they all waited for something to come of the Xarxes.
Over lunch Carolara sat down and gave Jauffre her full report, while the Blades eating nearby listened in. He didn't act as disappointed as he no doubt felt, but he did openly voice his worries about Martin working with the book, despite the Septim's reassurances that he would be alright. She couldn't help but agree but didn't really care to discuss it; she too was concerned even with what she'd been told in secret, but there was no defying the will of her Emperor. Instead she inquired after his message to the Imperial City that had called Baurus away.
Progress on identifying who was watching them had been slow, he confessed. Every lead the Redguard had been able to pick up in Bruma had led to nowhere, and the watchmen still swore they saw figures moving in the woods on some nights. So what were they to do, while she healed and Martin studied the Mysterium Xarxes? The old man shrugged at her.
"We wait," he said.
The copper-headed Breton had never been good at waiting, or anything requiring a lot of patience. But in her condition, what could she do? Well, her mind answered eventually, when one is bored one can always practice. And while walking was still difficult, she could stand without holding to anything. Standing was all one needed to do with one's legs in order to shoot.
The next day she felt even stronger, and with Roliand carrying a chair out for her, Carolara limped outside with her bow and quiver to do some target practice. She couldn't afford to get rusty in a time like this after all. There was far too much at stake; and it felt good to have her skills be needed. Actually, it felt good to be needed in general.
Even a year ago if someone told me I'd be here today after nearly dying in service to the Empire, I would have thought they were crazy. The Breton took a deep breath and adjusted her hand on her bow, raising it. I didn't care about the Empire. Well, I thought it was alright, I had nothing against it except maybe being a bit uptight. She slipped an arrow out of the quiver and nocked it, smoothly running her fingers down the fletching as she took aim. I guess they are still kind of uptight, but no one deserves what's happening right now.
Twang- zip! A nearly perfect bull's-eye. Carolara smiled and leaned over to retrieve another arrow from the quiver propped on the chair, cursing the lack of a belt on her dress when she wobbled on her splinted leg painfully. Straightening up she rolled her shoulders and tugged the chair a little closer for better access.
Shooting had always been so centering for her. Nothing but her and the target and her bow and her thoughts. When she was puzzled about something, or needed to think up a strategy or figure out a problem, she would go shoot until she found clarity. And it nearly always worked. While she wasn't naive enough to think that a little target practice session would do anything to solve the doom looming towards them, there were other, more personal things it could potentially answer.
Why do I feel like this? Do I feel like I have to prove something? The Breton slipped another arrow onto the bow. Is it because I want to disprove everyone who said I was worthless? She shot, this one landing in the second ring from the center. Decent, but not up to her standard. Shaking her head she reached for another. If not that is it because I feel like I owe them something for what happened in the sewers? Am I really willing to die to make up for that mistake? Her hand tensed involuntarily when a wave of pain washed over her body and the arrow went flying past the target and right off the side of the Temple.
Carolara snatched another piece of ammunition and strung this one up hastily, too hastily. I've spent my entire adult life either drifting or in prison. And then fate itself comes walking into my cell. But that doesn't mean I 'have to', that I 'absolutely must'. This one missed dreadfully too, and she cursed not at all softly. These Blades are capable and I've done more than my share. Why did I sign up? I don't like fighting. The world in the Gates is frightening. The Mythic Dawn almost took my life. I used to look out for no one but me. And then Kvatch... She hesitated in the nocking of this arrow, trying to calm herself down.
That's right... I told myself I didn't want to see another Kvatch. This arrow just barely missed the target and a smile returned to Carolara's face, more relaxed as she reached for her next arrow. Or at least, that was it. Well that's still it, but there's more to it now. These Blades... they're my friends. Much better than the sort that you make in the black market. Another near-miss. And I've actually gotten to meet the man who will be Emperor, and he'll make a great one. So I'll have faith the Empire cares about those who need it most. She nodded at her own thoughts, allowing herself to speculate. Emperor Martin Septim... a prosperous reign... and I will be one of his protectors.
A low laugh as Carolara prepared her bow again, picturing what her life might be like after the Crisis. Perhaps I'll get to travel; see more of the Provinces, meet interesting people and eat interesting foods. Or perhaps I'll be stationed in the Palace itself as a bodyguard... I'd get to be in the Throne Room, maybe even handle that magnificent jeweled crown, be by Martin's side and talk to him every day...
The arrow flew from her bow but she froze when it hit its target; the first perfect bull's-eye she had landed the entire session. But her hands shook too much to reload and she slowly lowered the bow. The Breton blinked, shook her head, rubbed her temples... everything in the logical part of her mind was in denial, but the other, whimsical half knew it to be true and there was no un-knowing it. That explains it... oh no. No no no.
I've fallen in love with him.
Looking around almost as if her thoughts might be read she lifted up the quiver and eased painfully into the chair, dropping the thing in her lap and resting her head on her hands. It was the sort of thing one was supposed to be happy about, but she just could not view it that way. Not only was this a thing to realize at one of the worst possible times, it was something she could never, ever let anyone know. Not a soul, no matter how much she cared for or trusted them, would hear those words leave her lips. Even if she thought she was alone she wouldn't speak them.
And most importantly, Martin himself could never know. A Dragonborn Emperor should have no place for a little criminal; he was deserving of better, and noble blood should only be carried on by noble blood. What more would it do to tell him than serve as an emotional dead weight during a time of Crisis far more deserving of their attention?
Yes, there was far too much to worry about right now- and even though she couldn't reverse the sudden revelation, Carolara could at least swear on all Nine Divines that she would keep her petty wants to herself and channel the energy of that unwitting affection into a force to be reckoned with.
As the Breton pulled herself shakily back to a stand, she felt her second wind kicking in and smiled. She could stand some more practice yet... her Empire needed her in top form for the coming storm.
TO BE CONTINUED! in "Fighting for a Brighter Dawn", Coming soon!
"I appreciate every single one of you that's taken the time to read this far, and hope you have enjoyed the ride. There's more to come, TWO parts in fact, so keep an eye out for more of Carolara's saga in the aforementioned "Fighting for a Brighter Dawn" which will be released very, very soon. I love my readers!" -Svetlaena