They sat in Denny's with menus waiting for their waitress to show up. Sollux sat next to Karkat, leaving Eridan by himself on the other side. Sollux already knew what he was getting, but it was fun to have a shield against this new douche bag. Though he was paying for his food. And giving him money to stay in his common area for a week. That just made him a rich douche bag. Eridan threw his menu down, a pout on his face. "What kinda establishment is this place even? Can't a man get some better food than the swill they've got on this menu?" He looked right at Karkat. "You picked this place. We coulda gone fuckin' anywhere and you picked the fuckin' McDonald's a pancakes!"

Karkat scoffed. "Listen here, come satchel, this place happens to have the best fucking biscuits and gravy I've had apart from what my own asshole dad makes back home and since I'm flat fucking broke, you are getting me whatever the hell I want. That was the deal."

Eridan sighed. "So I'm basically payin' you to make me your personal manservant?"

"That's not what I fucking said, but if you want to see it that way then I won't object."

Sollux smirked. "Since you're paying me does that mean that I get in on this manservant business too? Because I could really use someone to do my laundry."

"You don't want this asshole doing your laundry. He'll ruin it." Karkat glared at Eridan.

"What the fuck did I ever fuckin' do to your laundry, Kar?"

"Remember that awesome red hoodie I used to wear? And that favorite white shirt that I used to love? And remember when you put them in the same fucking load? With hot water? I think it's safe to say that that's what you fucking did to my laundry."

Sollux snorted. "You used to wear colors besides black and grey?"

"Hey fuck you I'm like Malcom from Jurassic fucking Park, okay? Black and grey match and no one can convince me to wear anything else! Not even you, lizard dick."

"Yeah, yeah, love you too KK."

"Fuck you, you're a dick!"

"Takes one to know one, pink sweater."

"The shirt was the one that was pink after that, shit weasel!"

Eridan rested his chin on his hands while the two of them argued. As long as he and Karkat had been friends, they'd never really fought like that. It made him a little sad. He wished that he had someone to throw insults around with like that. He had goods ones on hold for just such occasions. He sighed. "Now if you two lovebirds are done bickerin' over how to decorate the fuckin' nest, I think I see our waitress over there."

Karkat glared at him, but Sollux just snickered. That wasn't the first time he and Karkat had been called a couple and it was always hilarious to see the short boy's reaction. He looked back at Eridan while Karkat flipped his shit. Apparently the hipster thought the whole ordeal was hilarious and, honestly, he had to agree. Karkat's little tantrums always made for good entertainment. This particular diatribe ended with an angry, "you odorous fuck wit!" as the, now rather concerned, waitress stood table side.

Her eyes darted between them all. "Is everything okay here?"

Eridan smiled at her broadly. "Everythin' is just fine, darlin'. Our little firecracker here was just havin' a tiff with his his boyfriend."

She looked right at Karkat and giggled. "You're Equius's roommate, right?"

He glared up at her. "Uh, yeah. How the fuck do you know that?"

"Oh Equius is one of my best friends!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, right, I think I've seen you in the lounge hanging out with him. It's... Nepeta, right?"

"Yup!" She gave a Cheshire cat grin. "And I'm going to have to update my notes! I didn't think that you and Sollux were a thing!"

Sollux smirked. "Oh yeah, me and KK here do the do daily. And I mean just sick nasty fucking, too."

"No. We don't. Go fuck yourself, Sollux."

He shrugged. "Oh KK, just admit that you want my sweet ass."

"Nope."

Eridan smirked. "And what ass would that even be, Sol? I don't exactly see one on you."

Sollux side eyed him. "Oh you were staring?"

"Oh I check out everyone's ass." He looked up at Nepeta. "So, Nep, what on the menu would you suggest to someone with the tastes that come from livin' a life a fortune?"

She blinked quickly, her smile still on her face. "I think everything on the menu is pretty good! Though maybe you'd like to try the bacon avocado burger? I think the avocado makes it pretty fancy!"

He shrugged. "I'll give that a try at medium rare, with a side a fries and that orange grove smoothie." He winked at her as he gave her the menu. "I'll take your number, too, if you're willin' to give it."

She shook her head. "Oh no no no no no! I'm interested in someone else, sorry!"

He slumped visibly and frowned. "You sure, Nep? You're not even gonna gimme a chance?"

"I'm sorry!" She laughed nervously and looked at Karkat. "Um, what can I get for you, Karkitty?"

He frowned at the nickname. "Biscuits and gravy along with the biggest root beer you are legally allowed to give me." He threw the menu in Sollux's face.

He just grinned again and his braces caught in the fluorescent light. "I'm getting the grand slamwich, a Pacific chiller and a desert blush, NP."

"Any sides?"

"Give me all of the sides."

"All of the sides?"

"All of them." If Eridan was going to be paying for his food, he was going to take advantage and get as much food as possible. If nothing else he could take something back to Mituna. After all, they both had to eat at some point.

But the asshole just kept pouting. "You're gonna take advantage a my generosity, Sol?"

"No, I'm going to make sure that I get some food and don't starve for the next week."

Nepeta looked around the table. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

Karkat cleared his throat. "Every appetizer and dessert."

"Okay..." She wrote furiously.

"Oh and NP be sure to bring me a huge Dr. Pepper, too."

"Sure thing, Sollux!" She smiled. "That all for you?"

Karkat nodded. "Yeah I've got everything. Sollux?"

"Make it two of every dessert. No three. I wanna make sure Tuna gets something to revel in this victory over the bourgeoisie with me."

She giggled. "All right. I'll be back with those drinks in a little while." She grabbed the menus and scurried off.

"I'm not the bourgeoisie, Sol!"

Karkat furrowed his eyebrows. "You are just a sack of dumb, aren't you?"

"Hey fuck you, Kar, I'm an intelligent fuckin' specimen. I'm just not the fuckin' bourgeoisie!" He narrowed his eyes. "My dad's bourgeoisie, but I most certainly am not! I'm actually fuckin' poor."

Sollux put his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together. "And yet here we are."

"Yeah, because my dad doesn't fuckin' care what I do with his money."

Sollux rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "That's pretty much exactly what the bourgeoisie class is, ED."

"That is the shittiest fuckin' nickname I ever heard, Sol."

"And it's gonna stick as long as you keep calling me Sol, shit stain."

Eridan huffed and leaned back in his seat. "Whatever. I'm just gonna sit here and think about my self worth and wonder why I even bothered wastin' my time with you bastards."

Sollux laughed. "You're paying us. We could've said no, jag cock."

"You've been spenin' too much time with Kar. You sure the two a you aren't fuckin' at all?"

Sollux snorted. "You just like thinking about me naked, don't you?"

"You wish."

"Hm, no."

Sollux just loved goading this kid on. He really was too easy to fuck with, though. At some point he realized that it wasn't going to be fun.

But who fucking cared? His pissy reactions were the best.