Disclaimer: I don't own Big Bang Theary.
In a perfect world we would be free to be ourselves. In a perfect world we would live how we think we should and not be judged simply because we are different. In a perfect world we would know how to be comfortable with one another. In a perfect world we wouldn't be picked on just because we are more advanced then others in our species. In a perfect world people would understand why I do the things I do and why I am the way I am. But they can't understand it because even I can't understand it. I can't explain it. Even if I could nobody would understand
As a child I used to watch the birds. One would fly ever so differently and everyone would follow her. She was the leader of her pack. I was terrified of bird but I couldn't help admiring how comfortable they were around themselves. They were free to lead their pack. From an early age my life had to have order or it was in disarray. My mother said that I was one of the special ones.
For a long time I rejected that premise. I didn't want to be 'special'. I wanted everyone to be like me. Why should I try to be like everyone else. I was better then them after all. But after sharing something with Leonard about my relationship with Amy he said something that baffled me. His relationship isn't based on rules and contracts. How can it work if there are no rules or contracts? There's no order. It's all in disarray. It doesn't make sense. Nothing in this world makes sense to me anymore and I hate that. I hate how it makes me feel. I never felt like an outsider before but now I do.