Much like how I did the commentary for "Sheep in Wolf's Clothing," here I give you the director's commentary for "I Control You" and will also do the same for the final piece for this series, "Where Our Story Ends." If you don't wish to read my comments on what Harry is thinking, where he's coming from, and what I think about his character, turn away now, for you shall be subjected to my egotistical prattling on if you don't.
I am the voice inside your head
And I
control you
I am the lover in you bed
And I control you
–Nine
Inch Nails, Self Destruction Pt. 2 –This was, for a long
time, my favorite Nine Inch Nails song, and is still on my top 5
list. This part of the song played over and over in my head while
writing this, so I put it here. This also led me to believe that
Harry, as I write him (along with other tidbits in the story) is very
media-centric. Don't ask why, for I know not the reason for this.
As I've stated, I'm not very confident at writing pre-war Harry. He doesn't really click with me the way Draco does. So, instead of writing him as many see him, I write him in a more realistic fashion, drawing from key ideas given in the Harry Potter books themselves. For one, the fact that Harry very nearly landed himself in the same house as Draco, rather then in Gryffindor with Ron and Hermione. Yes, he did choose the house of courage and loyalty, but it doesn't mean he not a snake under it.
I have you. –So much more confident here then he appears, ne?
It wasn't hard, you know? Though I know you don't want me to know it, I know how you feel about me, how obsessed you are over me. I know how easy it would be for me to get anything I want from you. –Proof that Draco's mask is slipping? Or perhaps Harry is simply much more well versed in Malfoy then Draco would like to believe.
And I do. –Oh… he does… -pervert-
You must think I'm so cruel, to torture you the way I do. When we're in the halls, or in class together, I like to tease you, frustrate you. Oh, you put up a good front, few have even noticed anything odd in your behavior.
I did. –And the answer is "B," folks.
I see it, I see you. I see how you squirm and wriggle like the worm you seem to think you are, so neatly and beautifully snared on my hook. You would make such easy bait for He-Who-Escaped-From-A-Star-Wars-Film (see, media-centric! I'm equating Voldy to Darth Sideous here), my sweet, but why? Why sacrifice such a lovely, delicate creature such as yourself when I don't have to. I'd be better bait anyways. –How to immediately address your lover's fears, 101. See, it's not that Harry has proof of what Draco is thinking, but is well versed in Malfoy, and knows very well how paranoid his love can be. Also, if you'll note the first couple of lines, Harry is being very evil here. It's one thing to stick your bait on a hook to catch a fish, something else completely to do this to something just to watch it squirm. Years of abuse finally surfacing.
Didn't think of that, did you? Didn't think I wanted you for something as basic as my own amusement. Why would I, Harry James Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the shining star of the Wizarding world, want the son of a known Death Eater as a lover? –Because he has sexy legs, and moans really load while Harry pounds him into the walls…
You have no idea.
Actually, on second though, you probably do! Especially right now while I'm staring at you here in our Potions class. You glance back at me with those quick silver eyes of yours and I know what you're thinking. I know because I'm thinking it to. Funny how I'll probably never be able to get over you, your heat and your passion. I think tonight I'm going to have to encase myself in that heat again, bury myself in you deep enough to loose myself again. Do you have any idea how amazing you feel? How amazing it is to hear my name come from your lips like a chant, the most dangerous spell I've ever heard? The taste of your sweat, the sound of your heart racing in a rush of adrenalin, the smell of sex filling the Astronomy Tower. –Harry, my love, you are a PERVERT. Years of being repressed in more ways then one WILL do this to a person. Most definitely.
Funny, the last time we were up there you threatened to throw me off it if I wouldn't stop telling you how beautiful you are, or how beautiful your voice sounds when I lick that spot just behind your ear. –Oral torture, the worse. This, I know from experience. X3
Now where was I? Oh, right, I was just about to talk about your legs. Yes, those beautiful legs that are covered in bruises left while impaling you over and over and over again. Such beautiful, beautiful legs. Then there are the bruises left from my teeth. Bruises and scars. I remember there was one time when you had the school thinking you had been attacked by a wild animal while walking too close to the Forbidden Forest. It was great fun needling you about that. Of course, with Ron making less then clever but always humiliating remarks at your expense it couldn't have been much fun for you.
And yet, where did you end up that night? In the Astronomy Tower, in my arms against the wall screaming all of your inhibitions from the highest point in the school.
Why? Because you're mine, and you know it. You are mine, and I control you. –Many people who are beaten by their lovers will do the same thing for the same reason. Draco is conditioned to return to the same person he's devoted himself to no matter what, and Harry knows this. However, what separates Harry from Voldemort is a very defining factor; he doesn't abuse his power over Draco. He never will (unless he thinks it's for Draco's own good).
And yet, I respect you. I respect and will follow any order you give me because I love you. I want to tell the world of what we share, but I can't. I can't because you would be used and manipulated against me. You wouldn't be willing, but there wouldn't be much choice. As I have been molded, manipulated and used by the "Light," you would be treated very much the same by the "Dark." I believe the only real difference between the two is the "how" and the "what." We fight for, supposedly, the liberation of Wizards across the word. Voldemort fights for the destruction of all muggles, muggle-borns and "blood traitors." –He has no delusions about Dumbledore. He knows the man is using him, however, he also knows he's loved by Dumbledore and everyone else all the same. They're kind of retarded, but he doesn't care. They're trying to do the right thing, and as long as that's the point, he doesn't care. Sadly, he's terribly short sighted.
Dumbledore and Voldemort. They connive, lie, cheat and steal their way through this war the best way they know how. Dumbledore offers love and acceptance he cannot truly guarantee. Voldemort offers power and control he has no intention of giving. The next few months will be a power play and all I can do is what the White King tells me in this little game of Wizarding Chess.
Why Wizarding Chess as apposed to Muggle Chess? Why the distinction?
Because in Wizarding chess there are no prisoners. There is just a battle ground strewn with shards of broken soldiers, broken pawns. –This is what ultimately separates Harry from the rest of his Gryffindor peers, he knows he may die in this, that he may loose everyone he loves. But, like a Gryffindor, he fights on anyway, knowing he fights for something worth dying for. He's seen the eye of death, and faces it full on.
In the end, who will be left? Will we have a chance, or will be torn apart by the very thing that made me turn you away in our first year?
Slytherin and Gryffindor.
The Snake and the Lion.
You bite because it's your nature. I fight because it's mine. –This is what it all comes down to, isn't it?
Where will this get us? Were will it end? I can see a future for us. I can see you and me and a world of infinite possibilities. We can travel, go to Rome, Tokyo, where ever it is you fancy. Just the two of us.
Lead, and I will follow. I'll relinquish all of my control to you just to see you smile. I'll flip Dumbledore the bird and turn my back on this world forever just so I can curl myself around you on a Sunday morning and trail your back with kisses with a promise of a day in bed I fully intend to keep. –He knows it would be short lived, he knows this would be a quick fix to the problem that is the world, but he would do anything that Draco asked of him, especially if it meant any amount of extra time with him.
Yeah, I can see this future. –As short as it may be.
Can you? –Please?
In a way, I think Harry is begging Draco to say yes. To say "To hell with the war" just so they can have a little more time, so they can really build a real relationship and not have to sneak around the school, lie to everyone they know.
