A/N: I own nothing. Actual A/N at bottom.

Chapter One

She'd only just woken up when it hit her. 'I have cancer'. It was so surreal to think about, considering she'd gotten rid of it once, could she do it again? Rachel lay in bed, the covers of her duvet pulled right up to her chin and her arms folded gently over her chest. Tilting her head to the side briefly, she gazed at the bright red numbers of her alarm clock.

6:47am

She was normally out of bed by now, well in to her routine while her dad's worked downstairs on breakfast. But now, she couldn't even find the strength to get up. It wasn't that she was tired. Oh no, though she expected that soon enough that's all she would be. It was more that she didn't want to make her way downstairs, to a still freezing cold home, to no breakfast on the table and no couple singing together over the kitchen sink. Her father's had all but cut her from their lives, leaving money and the paperwork already filled out to get her the treatment she'd need.

For a moment, Rachel allowed a small sob of despair break through the silence of her room, before covering it up and sinking back in to her pillow, resigned.

She didn't blame them. Sure, it hurt. They had left her with little more than a letter, a note really. At first, she'd been angry. Incredibly so. She'd torn the letter in two and thrown it's crumpled remains in to the garbage bin in the kitchen. Then, she'd been upset. How could they just leave her like this? Then, she'd been quiet. Stewing in her thoughts and sitting at the dining table, hands folded one over the other and gaze unfocused as she stared at the wall opposite her. Of course they'd leave. Their marriage hadn't been the same since the first time she'd gotten sick, it wouldn't survive a second time. Just like she wouldn't. How could she expect them to live through what? Another six months of their daughter dying? She couldn't, that's how. And she didn't want them too.

Lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, Rachel considered calling in sick to the school. It wouldn't be a lie, exactly. Technically speaking she was sick, but right now she just didn't want to get out of bed. As she contemplated the effort it would take to get dressed, make something to eat, drive herself to school and then put up with over six hours of pure torture, the ringing of her phone interrupted her thoughts. Head falling to the side, she watched as the light flashed on and off and vibrations caused the small object to shake. Should she answer? Maybe she could just tell everyone she'd accidentally slept in, then she wouldn't have to answer the phone.

Sighing, she reached a hand out from the warmth of her blanket and flipped her phone open, bringing it to her ear and greeting her caller sleepily. "Hello?"

"Rach? You okay? You sound like crap."

Rachel cringed, burying herself further under her bed as she subconsciously lifted her free hand to gently rub at her throat. She thought she sounded sleepy, not crappy. Sighing, Rachel shook her head though she knew he couldn't see her. "I'm fine Noah, I'm just tired. I'm not feeling particularly well so I think I may stay home today. Could you inform everyone at Glee that I'm terribly sorry and will make it up to them come next rehearsal. I know that Nationals is soon and I don't want to hold everyone back with my be-"

"Rachel, you're rambling. I got this Jewbabe. You okay though? You never call in sick."

In retrospect, telling Noah what was going on, her remission with her cancer and her father's abandonment, might have been a good idea. He was after all the only other person to know about her sickness. He was there, how could he not? But she knew that he'd worry, that he'd skip out on school and demand she go to the hospital with him, or to the police. She was still underage and legally, she needed a guardian. But she couldn't tell him. Not now. There was too much going on already, especially for him. Besides, he needs the grades. "I'm okay Noah, really. But I don't want to risk damaging my voice so I feel it'd be best if I remain at home where I can best maintain it."

"Al-right, if you're sure. Want me to swing by after glee? I'll even let you make me watch those stupid musicals you like so much."

Rachel huffed, wrapping her free arm around her stomach as she bit through her teeth. "They are not stupid, Noah." Pausing, Rachel sighed. "But no, I'll be fine, really. Besides, aren't you seeing Beth today?"

"Yeah, I am."

Rachel nodded, falling quiet as a lingering silence built between them.

"Look, are you sure you're okay with this? I mean, Shelby-"

"Has nothing to do with this Noah. This is about seeing your daughter, whether I am okay with the fact that her adoptive mother is the biological mother that didn't want me shouldn't make a difference. It's okay." Rachel pressed, lightly chewing on her lower lip as she once again fell silent. Though it didn't bother her, Noah seeing Shelby, the woman was still a sore spot for Rachel. Especially now.

At this moment, all she wanted was to hold on to someone and have her tell her it was going to be okay. If everything had worked out, that someone would be her mother. But it hadn't worked out and Rachel was almost certain it never would, especially with her diagnostic.

"Okay, if you're sure. Look, I gotta go. Bell just went and I gotta slip in to somewhere I can hide out 'till Math starts. I'll call you later."

"I might be asleep Noah." She pointed out, resisting the urge to scold him about skipping Math. It was a habit of his that he really should get over, especially if he wanted to get out of Lima, Ohio. He'd need to go to college, and he wasn't going to get that without the grades. But Rachel wouldn't nag. She was too tired right now, for one thing.

"I'll leave a message."

"You should go to class Noah."

Rachel listened as he laughed, a sort of low chuckled that resounded through her head. "Come on Jewbabe, why go to class when I can have a better time elsewhere?"

Rachel sighed. "I don't want to know. Goodbye, Noah."

"Yeah, probably don't. Later's Rach, get better."

She'd barely pressed the hang up button when she felt it, the lurching of her stomach, the burn in her throat. As fast as possible, she whipped back the covers and flew across the room, landing in a heap on the floor in front of her toilet as she heaved what little she'd had for dinner the night before in to the stone-cold basin in front of her.

'Great. Nausea.'

For almost an hour, Rachel sat curled up around the basin of her toilet, heaving gagging. She hadn't had much to eat and she knew that eventually the burn in her throat would stop. She'd yet to have a glass of water even though she knew she'd need it. Silently, Rachel stood on shaky legs, gripping the sink with white-knuckles as she slowly made her way back in to her bedroom. Eventually, when she started the treatment, the nausea would get worse. She knew that, had gone through it all before. In fact...

No, Rachel wasn't making a decision yet. She didn't have to until her next doctor's appointment, tomorrow afternoon.

She was supposed to bring her fathers. Her doctor didn't know about the two men's getaway, their flighty exit to who knows where. If she told, she'd be taken in to child services, wouldn't she? Thrown in to a foster home. She didn't want that. She'd rather live alone.

'Shelby?'

No. Rachel shook her head, cringing slightly as pain shot through her neck. (She'd been sitting in an awkward position for far too long). Shelby was out of the question, completely. She'd already dealt with her father's leaving, and they at least had been there in the first place. She had no claim to her biological mother, for that was what she was.

Mother. Not Mom.

Rachel sighed, leaning back against the wall with her fingers gripping the basin just in case.

Now what?

A/N: So it's been a while, no? I've been super busy but don't worry, I will still write. Here's chapter one. I know there's nothing much going on at the moment, and the chapters are particularly short. Not to worry, it'll pick up in both aspects. Welp, I'm off to an 18th, and I may or may not be getting wasted (of the alcoholic or the chocolate kind, I have yet to decide). Laters!