Saavik:

The moment I heard the doors close as David left I dropped my work from my hands and buried my face into them.

Why? Du nirak. Why? David was my friend, and now I had banished even that in calling us 'work colleagues'. Friend. The word hurt me now, I was unsure why. But I knew through my own hurt and fiery attitude I had pushed him away.

I neatly put away all my work, knowing that it was the last thing I needed tonight. I felt myself headed for another restless night but what could I do. I needed to clear my mind of everything; however that was easier said than done.

After tiding my work away I stared around my room for a while. Quiet, blank, empty, plain. All these phrases came to mind. While I was usually utterly comfortable in my own quarters I now felt suddenly very small compared to the rest of the space.

Not wishing to just stay standing there and wishing to think instead I wandered into my bathroom, stripped down and turned to shower on. I need this. I thought as I leaned back against the cold tiles while the mid-heat water poured over my head and through my dark tangles of hair. It wasn't exactly a pleasant position, but I was comfortable, which was an absolute blessing to me at that time.

Friend. The word offended me in some way, even more so than work colleagues. I had been comfortable to call David my friend, but I didn't want that anymore either.

I slid slightly further down the wall and turned my face upwards against the water. This is good. I thought. At least I'm thinking, and thinking clearly.

Suddenly my mind raced. Friend. I didn't want that anymore, neither did I ever want work colleagues. Could I possibly want lovers? In my mind I pictured David clearly. He loved me, I knew that. How do I feel about him? I am comfortable around David more than any other person. He understands me more than anyone, and I mostly understand him, better so than any other human I've ever encountered. Humans confuse me, but David, well he's so human, and yet I trust him more so than others.

In my mind I could now picture us as lovers. My hands in his hair, his body over mine, and I would be satisfied by our kisses, better than the first one I had given to him as he slept.

He trusts me, and I him. He supports me, and I him. He understands me, and I him. He loves me, and…

My legs crumpled and I slid down onto the shower floor, grasping at the wall for support, and looking down.

…I love him.

I realized suddenly that it was true. David cared for me more than any other being in this universe, and there was no one else who would love me like he did, and I loved him too because no one would ever come close to how we connected. I want him.

I pulled myself up hastily from the shower. I have to tell him. I thought, for I knew I'd turned him away, made him think he meant nothing to me, when in reality the situation was the complete opposite. Don't let him get away. Turning the shower off I ran out of my bathroom and pulling on a lose jumper and black leggings while hurriedly doing my best to dry my hair with a towel at the same time. I want him, I want him.

Without even bothering to put on shoes I left for David's quarters, eager to tell him the truth.

It was when I ran into the lift that I was met with the last person I wanted to see right now. Ensign O'Hara.

She looked up coolly as the doors opened and glared at me. Then she casually moved over to the side as I entered so that she was as far away from me as possible. She continued watching me out of the corner of her eyes as I ignored her.

"I've always thought Vulcan's were known for being an unemotional race." O'Hara commented teasingly.

My head snapped towards her as she spoke and my eyes bore into her suspiciously. I assumed she was making this remark based upon seeing me cry the other day. The corners of her mouth twisted into a playful yet disgusting smile as she looked over me.

"True that is our way." I explained through gritted teeth while deliberately staring at the lift door. "However we are not unemotional, rather we just bury are emotions within ourselves and refuse to let them control us. However" I added as an afterthought in an effort to get her to shut up. "Sometimes there are situations where in the presence of a certain individual we shall produce an emotional response."

She giggled at me. I remained myself calmly that David would probably object to me hurting anyone, it was all I could do to not attempt to strangle her right then and there.

"How very poetic, for a race that you'd think wouldn't be very artistic." She laughed coldly.

"That would be wrong, Ensign." I began quickly just to insure that I didn't have to listen to her talk. "Vulcan's have a great appreciation for many forms of art." After what seemed like a lifetime the doors finally opened. "What we don't appreciate" I told her coldly as I left and stared back at her "is humor, particularly if it is talentless."

With that I turned, hearing the doors close shut behind me, and headed for David's quarters.