Author's Note:
Hello! In this chapter, I tried to introduce who Alice is and how she thinks, acts, and I also tried to show how she built the foundations of her relationships with the SeiGaku characters. Anyway, it's kind of a long chapter. I hope it doesn't bore you. I hope you like it. :)
Disclaimer: No, PoT doesn't belong to me. (*sob*) Just this fanfic. :)
PS. I am not a fan of Chris Brown but strangely, to inspire me write this story, I have been listening to his song - "Should've Kissed You". Haha! (I'm really fond of that song right now.) And also, a lot of Michael Buble's lately. (*swoon swoon*)
Peace and lurve y'all!
Chapter One
The New Town. The Odd Couple.
When I was a little girl, I've had many answers to the question: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'It depended on my mood swings and my current perceptions about things. Like when I took home my first stray puppy and realized how something so cute and innocent can be so fragile, I was sure that I wanted to be a vet when I grew up. But then, I realized how much I can't bear hearing, seeing, or even being close to someone in pain- even if that someone were an animal- and that dream was out the door immediately. And then, I read a book for English class in third grade and I thought about how amazing that book was written, and I was sure that I've found my calling as a writer. But then again, after a year of trying, I realized that the joy for me was in reading the novels, not in writing them, and that dream was chucked out of the window at once. To make the long story short, I wanted to be a lot of things- a lawyer, a female cop, a bartender, an artist, an astronaut - you name it, I've thought about it!
And so, I've tried a lot but never really stuck to one particular thing. Needless to say, on that certain year of highschool, I was lost. While everyone else was prepping up for whatever plans they had for college, I was panicking. Trying to figure out a way to find my passion before term ended. I guess it also goes without saying that I have been part of a lot of clubs, but have never really been part of a certain clique. For instance, as much as I wanted it to be the other way around, I wasn't part of the popular kids which consisted of cheerleaders, jocks, or really beautiful people who didn't have to do anything but be beautiful. I wasn't part of the artsy kids too because the artsy kids on our town, despite of what most people believe to be the best group where you can be your true-awkward-but-amazing-self-but-they'll-accept-a nd-love-you-anyway, tended to be just as judgmental as the popular kids. Oh, you haven't heard of The Beatles? Shame on your bad taste in music. See his painting skills? Why would he even think about picking up a brush? You haven't heard of Niks Mendoza? You've got to be kidding me! Oh, you hate coffee? I guess you're just not one of us. And it goes on and on and on and after a short while of trying to fit in, I grew tired of it. The fact that they were about as superficial as everyone else but was still trying to delude themselves that they weren't was what was puke-inducing for me. I also certainly didn't belong with the nerdy kids because my IQ level is too low for their liking. I was a nobody, in short. A chameleon, changing colors as I go, reflecting only what was surrounding me at the moment.
Before senior year started, my father decided that it was for our family's best interest to move. Business was thriving, he said, and so mom and I packed our suitcases and bid the home I knew for seventeen years goodbye. My dad enrolled me at a school named Seishun Gakuen, which was near our new home. And the truth was that, despite my nervousness, I was really kind of excited. I kept thinking how this was my chance to be an entirely different person. To be someone who scorches the Earth simply with their intensity. To be someone who didn't care about what everybody thought of. I was kind of fed up with my hometown and all the people who've lived there all their life, to be honest. And fed up with myself for being just like them.
That's how I came to sit beside this minor miracle named Ryoma Echizen.
On my first day in class, after the teacher introduced me to everyone and asked them all to be nice to me, I took the vacant seat beside him and said hi to him (because I like to say hi). He looked bored and passive and he was probably still sleepy. He nodded his head in response and that was it. I didn't even get a smile. He went back immediately to looking out of the window. I should've just given up from then on. It probably was my cue to stop talking to him; it was a sign, a helping hand from fate ordering me not to get involved with this person. But oblivious to it all, I again tried to engage him into a conversation.
"I'm Alice Toru." I began. "You are…?"
He stared at me before answering and I felt kind of shy because I always feel kind of shy talking to a stranger.
"Ryoma. Ryoma Echizen."
I nodded. "Okay then, Echizen-san. We're seatmates from now on!" I beamed.
"Hurrah." He says weakly. His lack of enthusiasm kind of offended me.
This guy's difficult, I concluded to myself.
I decided to leave him alone and rested my chin on my hands. That was when I noticed that everyone was staring at me. Maybe it's because I'm new to them was the initial reason I thought of. But it made me feel awkward and so to ignore them, I figured, I had to focus on my little bubble with Echizen even if he were a bit difficult.
"Is there dirt on my face?" I asked him. "Everyone's looking at me funny."
His eyes scanned the room before settling down at my face and then he said,
"Nothing on your face. They just like to stare."
"Why would they like to stare at me?"
He kind of was trying to suppress a smile or something. And even though he was cute and all, it was still a very irritating expression. Like I was amusing him somehow. And so I had to ask,
"What's so funny?"
And his smile faded at once.
"Nothing." He replied.
"Then, why were you smiling?" I asked lightly.
He exhaled loudly like I was the irritating one, and then said matter-of-factly,
"Nothing."
Yeah, he was kind of being an irritating jerk that day.
"Okay." I rolled my eyes at him because I was tired of keeping up with his attitude and I wanted him to know it. Unfortunately, he didn't see my expert eye-rolling because he already had his back at me and was already ignoring me.
So much for being friends with this guy, I thought, he's impossible.
At lunch that day, Mr. Snob disappeared into who-knows-where and I was left sitting alone when two girls approached me.
"Hi!" The jolly one said. She had brown hair up to her shoulders, round face, and dark brown eyes. "Alice, right?"
I smiled at them.
"I'm Osakada Tomoka. But you can call me Tomo-chan. And this is Sakuno Ryuzaki."
"Hi," said the other girl with the long brown hair in twin braids.
"So was Ryoma-kun nice to you?" Tomo asked suddenly, taking me by surprise.
"Tomo-chan!" Sakuno scolded.
"What?!" Tomo raised her hands innocently.
"We came here to ask her about herself. To get to know her and be friends."
"Oh, come on Sakuno! We'll ask her about that later. We have all the time to get to know her. I know this is what you truly want to know."
What does that mean?, I thought.
And Sakuno, surprised and blushing, kind of pouted at Tomo. "That's not true!"
"Okay, okay." she sighed dramatically.
And they went on, asking me basic things: where I studied and lived before, how I was finding it here, and the like. I answered all of their questions truthfully and realized that they were actually kind of nice. And then, they said if I ever needed anything or if there was something that was confusing me about school, I should tell them. I said okay. That's when I remembered what happened this morning, why everyone was staring. I asked them about it.
Tomo-chan laughed. "I'm sorry you noticed that. Our classmates were just curious."
"Curious about what?" I continued to prod, deciding to get to the bottom of whatever happened.
"It's just that… They weren't staring at you. Well, not exactly." And then she kind of glanced at Sakuno before turning back to me. "They were staring at you and Ryoma-kun."
Huh?
"They were looking to see how you'd react about sitting next to him, I guess." She further explained which I still didn't get. And then, I remembered her asking about Ryoma too and I wondered why everybody seemed so interested with that guy.
"Why is that such a big deal?" I asked.
"Because, uhm. Okay, so I'm guessing by your reaction that you don't know him, do you?" She raised one eyebrow at me.
"No. I've just transferred, remember?"
"No, I mean, you don't know who he is?"
"No, why should I?" And it occurred to me slowly that he was probably famous or something. Hence, the attitude, I concluded. Where there's fame, there's attitude.
"Well, he's…"
And then, Tomo-chan briefed me about who Ryoma was and all that he's done, blah blah. Sakuno kind of just smiled at me like, 'Just bear it' and was quiet the whole time. By the end of lunch hour, I've learned how Ryoma Echizen was this-and-that (I couldn't really remember it all). All I understood was that he was a tennis player and that he was really, really popular and was really, really hot (or so Tomo believed) and was really really rich with his own money by now and that he might someday be the core pride of our country. (I didn't get how playing tennis could affect the country and all. I thought you had to at least cure cancer or something to be the core pride of the country. But I didn't say that.)
So when Ryoma returned, I couldn't help but stare at him too, (Oh no, it's a sickness in this class and I'm infected!) thinking about how he was all the things Tomo-chan said he was.
He noticed me staring and said, "What?"
"Huh, what?" I asked back.
"Why are you staring?" He asked in a bored tone.
"Nothing." Ha! Two can play at that game.
He smiled at that. And then, it looked like something had just clicked in his brain.
He sighed and said,
"Okay. So what did you learn about me while I was gone?"
That took me by surprise.
"Uhm… A lot." I said, deciding to be honest.
"And who told you?"
"Tomo-chan."
"So did she ask you to join the Ryoma Echizen fanclub, too?"
"Uh. Yeah. Kinda." He didn't look like he was pissed or anything.
"So did you?" And then, he had this sly smile that again made me think he was finding me funny. And I didn't want him to because I wasn't trying to amuse him. I didn't want him to think I was one of "them" – one of his fanclub members who always have to stare at him, make him the center of their universe.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Not my cup of tea. Honestly, there are other things I'd rather do than ogle at you and marvel at your greatness. I'd sooner shoot myself." There was an edge to my voice, surprising even myself, and I worried that he would find me too nasty as soon as I said it. I didn't even know why I was so angry. I guess I just figured that this town would be different. That this town wouldn't be like my old town where everyone adored those who they think are better than everyone else, which then forces everyone to care about what they do, what they wear, and what they accomplish all of the time.
Turns out this town is exactly the same.
I was on this line of thought when Ryoma's laugh suddenly distracted me. Only, it wasn't really a laugh. It was just some kind of a 'ha-ha'.
I sighed, having had enough of it. "Okay, what's so funny now? And don't tell me it's nothing."
"You're kind of amusing." He shrugged.
"And why is that?"
"You're just different I guess."
"I still don't get it."
"It's hard to explain."
I sighed loudly. And then, he kind of laughed at that too. Why did he find everything I do amusing?
And then, he smiled at me - a deep, genuine, sincere smile that suddenly dislodged my thoughts and made my skin feel more like skin. I was stunned. He went staring out of the window again after a while of me just looking at him, trying to figure him out. And we didn't talk to each other again for the rest of that day. But ever since the smile until I was finally able to sleep, I kept on wondering what that smile meant. And I kept on wondering why I kept wondering about it.
When I woke up the next morning though, it wasn't much of a big deal for me anymore. The memory was getting pretty hazy and so I shrugged that maybe I only imagined the smile. Or maybe that he did smile but that it didn't really have to mean anything and that I was just overthinking. So I went on with my daily routine.
I was late for class. I hate to admit it but I'm the type of person who is always late. It's a bad habit I can't get myself to quit and I gave up trying years ago. So it wasn't a surprise to see almost no one outside the classrooms, just a few fellow late-comers. I entered the classroom and was surprised that the teacher wasn't in yet which was weird because I heard that he was never late. I made my way to my seat. Everyone else was doing their own thing so nobody really noticed me. Nobody needed a new friend before graduation; they were all busy enough with their own circle. Ryoma was leaning sideways on the wall, his elbow on the windowsill, his hand supporting his head. His eyes were closed and I figured he was taking a nap but when I sat down beside him, his eyes opened up.
"Sorry." I mumbled because I thought I woke him up.
He yawned and stretched and then went back to his initial pose.
"You're awfully late." He pointed out.
"Yep, but Sensei's awfully and fortunately later than I am." I smiled at him.
"He won't be coming. Family member's sick or something."
"Aww. That's awful."
He shrugged. I noted how he seemed to shrug a lot.
"So we can just do anything we want now? He didn't assign an activity? Tell me he didn't."
"He didn't."
"Hurrah!" I beamed and he smirked again but by then, I was used to it so it didn't bug me anymore.
"I have a theory." He suddenly said.
"Hm?"
"I have a theory that you always start off cheerful every morning and you get crankier as the day goes by."
This was a surprise. But I guess I did give him that impression yesterday. So I took it lightly and said,
"It depends."
"Hm?"
"On who I'm sitting next to and if he's irritating me or not. If he's nice, I'm cheerful throughout the day!"
With that, he laughed. "So your mood for the whole year would depend on my attitude towards you?"
Oops, that wasn't what I meant. Well, not really. Don't think like I have a crush on you! Even if I sort of do now.
"Too bad you're not nice." I deadpanned, trailing away from his question.
"Too bad."
I elbowed his side. "I'm kidding okay? Don't take it seriously."
"I wasn't."
"Taking it seriously?"
"No, kidding…" and then he gave me this sly look that came off to me as really sexy. What was wrong with my hormones?
"I wasn't kidding." He finished with a smile and I laughed awkwardly, still recovering from the feeling of my stomach doing back flips.
I would love to be able to say that from then on, our relationship progressed easily but sadly, it didn't. Days similar to that one have passed and nothing really happened – only that the little crush I had for him seemed to grow a bit bigger each day. Other than that, all we did was small talk. We weren't friends or anything. He still mysteriously disappears during lunch hour and sometimes, he doesn't come back for afternoon classes.
Every lunch hour though, Sakuno and Tomoka would sit with me - a testament to how nice and friendly they were. I was always grateful for their company. They were funny and full of stories. A few weeks of sitting with them at lunch and I've almost known the basics about our other schoolmates and the most exciting stories that had happened around campus throughout their years of stay. Thus said, I've learned a lot about Ryoma too (with Tomo-chan still being the president of Ryoma fanclub and all). I've also learned that Tomoka was dating this Horio guy. He was from another class but they've known each other since middleschool.
"What about you, Sakuno-chan? Who's the lucky guy?" I asked one happy noon.
Sakuno was a shy person and almost always blushed (which I envied because it looked so cute and girly).
Tomo-chan answered for her. "She's dating the ex-captain of the tennis club. He's already a graduate. He graduated last year and was now off to, where was it, Sakuno-chan?"
"New York. He has a tennis scholarship." Sakuno answered quietly.
"Wow." I blurted.
"And she also dated Ryoma-kun, freshman year!" Tomoka, suddenly and very proudly announced. As if it had been her who dated him.
This almost knocked me off my seat. So he likes girly girls, huh? Quiet, shy types.
Sakuno blushed furiously and looked apologetic to me, as if talking about her lovelife might offend me.
"So why did it end?" I asked (which is an acceptable question during girl talk).
"Uhh.."
Tomo raised her eyebrows at Sakuno.
I suddenly got a flashback of Tomo-chan saying Oh, come on Sakuno! We'll ask her about that later. We have all the time to get to know her. I know this is what you truly want to know.
So that was why. They had a past, huh?
"It's kind of… complicated." Sakuno smiled shyly.
"I still think they're meant to be, Alice-chan. I mean, you should have seen them together!" Tomo exclaimed while taking a bite off her apple.
"So are you still friends?" I asked casually.
"Uhm."
"They don't even talk anymore!" Tomo answered with so much enthusiasm it made me wonder if she was also the president of the Ryo-Saku fanclub. "I mean, it might have been a bad breakup but still! All of us have been together since middleschool. You can't just throw away the friendship!"
Sakuno was still just smiling awkwardly.
"Maybe they'll make up and be friends again before graduation." I smiled at Sakuno.
"Maybe." She smiled back but her eyes, I swear, were sad. "I hope so."
After eating, I told Sakuno and Tomoka that I'd just buy a drink downstairs. Truth was, I actually wanted time alone to sort out all of the information I just learned. I went to the vending machine at the back of the school, near the gym because no one ever uses it during lunch hour (it was petty far away from the classrooms) and was therefore still stacked with different kinds of drink. I chose a Ponta Grapes because it was the only kind which, mysteriously, only had one can left and it kind of stood out because of that. Who'd been buying all the Ponta Grapes? I wondered.
"You stole my Ponta." Someone suddenly said behind me. I turned around and there he was – Ryoma Echizen. He was smiling slightly, a little slanted to the left, which was just so damn cute I hated it. I hated this stupid crush I had on him. It made me just like everyone else. Just like every other girl. And he believed I was different. Sigh.
"I bought this. I didn't steal anything." I waved the Ponta at him.
"I'll buy it off you." And he gave me this sweet, pretty-please smile. That's when I realized,
"Have you been buying all the Ponta?" I raised my right brow.
He laughed lightly and said, "You caught me."
My heart was beating a bit faster than usual. Did he have this effect on other girls too?
"Is this your kind of addiction?" I asked, trying to be funny.
He shrugged (again!)
"Okay." I said.
"Okay what? As in, okay Ican buy it off you?"
"As in okay, you can have it." I stretched my hand to give him the can but he shook his head.
"No. I'll buy it." And then, he started taking out money from his wallet.
"Don't be silly. It's not worth much, just take it"
"No, I'll buy it. Money is money."
"I don't need money." Not now, atleast.
"Fine, how can I repay you?"
"It's just a drink, Ryoma." I rolled my eyes at him.
"Should I pay you with my body, then?" he smiled slyly, obviously amused, and I turned as red as a tomato all over.
"N-no!" I stammered. Though my inner little devil really wanted to accept the offer and say 'okay'.
"Then, what? Make up your mind. The bell's about to ring and I want my Ponta." He sighed.
So cute, this childish Ryoma.
I didn't know what triggered it that time, but I suddenly got the giggles. I couldn't stop laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" he asked, and he was kind of laughing at the sight of me laughing, too.
I tried to compose myself but couldn't, so in between laughs, I managed to tell him,
"Nothing."
"You're pretty weird." He said, but atleast he had a smile on his face.
"Atleast, you admit that I'm pretty." I exhaled loudly which shook the laughter off of me. "Why won't you just take it?" I stretched the can out at him again.
"Why won't you just let me buy it?" He countered.
"You sure you don't want to take it? This is your last chance. It's now or never!"
He laughed and shrugged (again!).
"I still want to buy it."
I made the sound of a buzzer and then said,
"Wrong answer! Missed your chance. I'm drinking this, if you want to buy Ponta, buy it somewhere else." I poked my tongue out at him. Very mature.
"Fine." He smiled, stretched out his arm, and patted my head. I froze.
He touched me!, I thought. He freaking touched me!
I knew it meant nothing, just a friendly, innocent gesture. (Geez, it was just his hand on my head, we've brushed shoulders before as seatmates!) But I still froze and my insides turned to jelly and I think all of my blood went to my face. Why does he have this effect on me? Stupid, little Ponta lover.
He didn't seem to notice all that was happening to me though (thank goodness, he was dense and oblivious) because he gave me one wave as he turned and said,
"Gotta go buy a can somewhere else before the bell rings."
And he jogged away.
I looked at the Ponta Grapes in my hand and one part of my brain thought, 'this stupid crush is just so stupid' while the other part of my brain said, 'well, if you can't beat it, give in to it'.
I sighed.
Have I mentioned that I'm a Gemini?
Days passed routinely and peacefully that I hadn't noticed the arrival of October until Tomo-chan informed me of SeiGaku's Halloween tradition – the Senior Dance.
"So, who would you take to the dance?" she asked on the very first day of October and explained to me that seniors have to wear costumes and that girls get to ask which guy they want to go to the dance with. Usually, the couple would dress in complimentary costumes.
"No idea yet." I answered but my eyes automatically searched the room for Ryoma. I didn't find him. "What about you, Sakuno?"
"She's coming to the dance with her boyfriend!" Tomoka answered for her.
"Really? But I thought he was in New York?"
"He's coming home for a month." Sakuno replied cheerily, she looked so cute.
"Wow. I'm happy for ya, Sakuno-chan. So I'd finally get to meet him, huh?"
"You'll like him" Tomo butt in.
"Looks like I should find my own date, I don't want to be the fifth wheel." I realized.
Tomoka, ofcourse, was going with her boyfriend, Horio, who I met a month ago.
"I could fix you up with Mizuno-kun." Tomo offered. Mizuno was their friend since middleschool too, along with Horio, some other guy, and Ryoma – that is, before Ryoma drifted away from them. I shook my head.
"Nah," I said, "I can manage. If I can't find a date, I just won't go."
"No! Don't be like that, Alice-chan! If you don't find a date, you could still come with us!" Tomo exclaimed.
"She's right. You can't miss this dance." Sakuno agreed.
Their enthusiasm was infectious. It made me not want to miss the dance too.
"Well, I guess I should just find my date real quick."
And my eyes focused on the sliding door, hoping pathetically to see if Ryoma would walk in.
More days passed with me wondering how – if it were even possible- to ask Ryoma to the dance. I have always believed that we should always do the things our hearts tell us to do, and that was what my heart was wanting: to go to the dance with Ryoma. But in this strange world, knowing what you want doesn't guarantee getting it, which means I was nervous and fearful and fickle-minded about it. I also had this nagging thought that I should tell Sakuno that I wanted to go to the dance with Ryoma because Sakuno and I were friends and the two of them had a past, but I also can't get myself to do it. Sometimes, what I wish for most in this world is courage.
By the middle of the month, I gave up. It's impossible! Over the couple of days, a lot of girls had already been asking Ryoma to go to the dance with them. He may already have a date!
And because I gave up on what my heart was telling me to do, I decided not to go to the dance at all instead of just asking another guy to go with me. You shouldn't do something just for the sake of doing it! You should want to do it! So that was that.
One Thursday of late October though, I was part of the assigned cleaners of our classroom and so had to stay after classes. We finished cleaning in no time and soon enough, all the other cleaners waved me goodbye and headed home. I was waiting for Sakuno that day because she wanted me to help her buy accessories for her costume. So I sat on my desk all alone in the room, too lazy to wander around, and just waited. Fifteen minutes passed and I got tired of just staring into space, so I took out a book from my bag (I always carry a novel with me) and started reading. That day, the novel was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I was getting into the story when Ryoma came in and saw me.
"Hey." He said, which always sounded so cool coming from him.
"Hey." Was my reply, which didn't sound as cool. It didn't even sound cool at all.
He went over to his seat beside mine and grabbed his bag.
"Good book," he said, pointing at The Alchemist.
I looked at the page I was on, the sentence I was reading said:
'Listen to your heart. It knows all things,'
And my heart, back then, was beating faster than usual - which was a reaction I always seemed to get when Ryoma was anywhere near me.
So I decide to take a leap of faith - to clear my mind and just say what I wanted to say. A stupid and dangerous decision.
"Do you want to go to the dance with me?"
There I said it! There's no turning back! God, what if he turns me down? It'd be so awkward and humiliating! I'd die! I'd die! I'd die! I'd die!
"Sure." He said nonchalantly.
I'd die! I'd surely die! I'd – what?
"Huh?" I asked dumbly.
He was putting some books inside his bag. He looked at me and casually said,
"Sure, let's go to the dance together."
"But why?" My brain wasn't working right; I know I should just say 'okay'. He shrugged, slung his bag to his shoulders and started walking towards the door. When he got to the door, he stopped, turned to look at me, and said,
"Because you asked me to, didn't you?"
"Yeah." I answered breathlessly.
"So there." He waved. "Bye!"
And then, he was gone, leaving me with so many questions in my head. Does that mean he might like me too? A lot of girls asked him, I saw it! But he declined everyone and accepted mine – what does that mean? What costume should I wear? Should we dress in complimentary costumes? Would he pick me up or should we just meet at the gym?
I looked at my trembling (from nervousness) hands, saw the book, and smiled.
'Oh, to hell with the questions! I can figure that out later. Right now, I should be happy! Ryoma's my date to the dance! Yes! I did it!' I thought with glee.
I kissed the book and proclaimed out loud - "Paulo Coelho, you're a genius!"
That's when Sakuno came in, smiling. "You really do love your novels." She giggled.
"Um, yeah." I faked laughter.
The moment of triumph has passed and another, more pressing question popped in my head. This one I couldn't just push away.
How should I inform Sakuno?
That afternoon, while looking around for fake fangs and contact lenses (Sakuno and her boyfriend would be dressing up as vampire lovers), I planned ways to tell her. I wondered if it was okay. Or since they weren't on speaking terms, maybe it wasn't. I sighed.
I should just say it, I thought, that worked for Ryoma.
She was trying out some bunny ears for fun when, once more, I took a deep breath and plunged in.
"Sakuno, I found a date. I'm going to the dance."
"That's great!" she exclaimed cheerfully. "I was worried that you'd already decided to stay at home. That's why I asked you to come shopping with me. I thought I might get you in the mood to go to the party and change your mind." Sakuno, always the good friend, always trying to think of everybody's feelings - so unlike me.
Oh well, I'm already in this. There's no turning back. I closed my eyes and said really quick,
"It's Ryoma-kun!" And then, I waited for the blow! But there was no blow. She just stared at me for a while, her mouth hanging open. When she recovered, she just said,
"Oh." She didn't look angry (yet!), just surprised, so I took the chance. I blurted,
"And I know you two aren't okay, and I know you two used to go out. And I really, really want to stay friends with you and to not upset you, so that's why I'm asking if you mind?"
"Oh." She said again, which only made me more nervous.
This is what guys don't usually know – that we, girls, have a lot of unwritten rules. And one of them is never to go out with a friend's ex. N-E-V-E-R-! Never! But I'm breaking the rule now.
"Do you like him?" she asked and the sad tone in her voice was like a slap to my face. No, it was worse. But I guess I deserved it.
"I think so. I think I always have. Even before I knew you used to date him, I swear!" I heard myself pleading.
"Then, it's fine." She smiled.
"Huh?" Once again, I didn't get the reaction I expected.
"It's fine Alice-chan. You'd be great for him." The way she said it, she really meant it. And I loved her. I would always, always be a good friend to Sakuno from now on!
"Uh. Thanks." A weight was lifted and I finally was able to smile back.
She hugged me and I felt her warmth. She was just so nice. She should dress as an angel.
"I really think you could do it. I really think you could make him happy." She said softly and genuinely.
We continued to shop and then went home after. We didn't talk about Ryoma anymore than that but I got myself wondering what she meant by making Ryoma happy. Sure, sometimes he gives off the feeling like he doesn't care about anything in the world. And sure, sometimes he looks a little passive. But he's rich and popular and talented, he should be pretty happy. "So what did Sakuno mean?" I asked myself. Why on earth would Ryoma be unhappy? This started an argument with my Gemini brain.
Twin One: He looks pretty happy to me.
Twin Two: Did he really look happy? Did you look closely? You only know him by sitting beside him. What do you know?
Twin One: I guess I don't know for sure. I just assumed that he was happy.
Twin Two: Ha! Assumptions are often entirely wrong.
Twin One: But why would he be unhappy?
Twin Two: Yeah, why would he be unhappy?
Twin One: Hmm.
Twin Two: Hmm.
Before I went to bed that day, I played back in my mind everything that had happened throughout the day. First, Ryoma. And then, Sakuno. They always never seemed to be the way I expected them to be. They always seemed to take me by surprise.
Those two. I wonderedhow they used to be back when they were together. I sighed.
Odd couple.
The next morning, I was already in my seat when Ryoma arrived, yawning. His hair was sticking in different directions which I found adorable. As he sat, I asked, "So what costume should we wear to the party?" hoping he hadn't forgotten about it. He stared at me for a while, smiled slowly, and said,
"Well, good morning to you too, Toru-chan."
"Yeah, yeah, good morning. So, what do you think?" I pressed on.
He chuckled then shrugged. "I have no idea."
"It's too late to sew our own costumes. Or ask someone to make our costumes." I realized. It was two days before the party.
"We could just buy pre-made costumes." He suggested nonchalantly.
"Went to the shops yesterday with-" I was about to say Sakuno-chan but caught myself. "Anyway, the pre-made costumes suck." And it was true. He laughed at that.
"Then, I guess we should just dress casually."
"But it's a costume party." I whined.
"It's just a party."
"A costume party." I repeated. He sighed.
"Not everyone's going to be in costumes, trust me. I've known a lot of seniors who didn't dress in costumes during their time."
I figured he was right, but I still scowled and said, "I still want to dress in a costume."
He smirked and then said, "With a scowl like that, you could easily pass as The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." I slapped his arm, laughing as Sensei asked everyone to settle down and be quiet.
In the end we agreed to just dress casually and meet at the gym at six o'clock.
At the day of the party, I couldn't help feeling both nervous and excited at the same time. I knew it wasn't really a date but still. I wore my silver heels and dressed up in a short white dress which my mom said was too short for my age but I ignored. Tomo-chan still didn't know about Ryoma being my date but had been happy about the fact that I would come to the party. She assumed I'd be coming alone and said I could hang around him and Horio and their other friends. I felt bad not telling her the entire truth but knowing Tomoka, she'd make a big fuss about it which I'd rather face just at the day of the party rather than the day of the party and all of the days leading to the party. Whenever I thought about it, I just had to smile a nervous smile. Everyone will surely be surprised when I walk in with Ryoma and a lot of girls (including the Echizen fanclub) would probably be pissed and asking "Why is Ryoma-kun with that new girl? Who does she think she is?" But this was what I wanted so I should be able to handle it. Sigh. Why did he have to be so popular? Why can't he just be a regular guy who, preferably, nobody else notices but me?
Going back to the story. I was supposed to meet Ryoma by six but as I've mentioned earlier, I'm a chronic late-comer. By the time I got to the meeting place (which was by the vending machine), it was already half past six and he wasn't there. I worried that he may have had lost patience and already left and I cursed myself for being so stupid when I spotted him walking towards me. Thank God, he was later than me! He was dressed in jeans, sneakers and a gray hoodie and I thought how unfair it was that he looked gorgeous even without trying while I had to wear this short dress and walk in these high heels and wear make up to look even remotely good. He smiled when he saw me, and I smiled back.
"I feel underdressed. I thought we were going casual?" He said as he stopped in front of me.
"This is casual for me." I shrugged, hoping he wouldn't notice me blushing.
"And it is also too short."
"What are you, my dad?" I rolled my eyes and he laughed.
"Don't blame me when you get cold." He started, "But the color of the dress is just right for your costume." His eyebrows were both raised and he had this mischievous grin as he said it.
"What costume?"
And with a swift motion, he produced something from inside his jacket. "Te-den!" he said in a sing-song as he waved the things in front of me. That's when my mind registered that they were headbands. One was a white-and-golden feathery halo. The other was devil's horns (the one which had a light switch for the light bulb inside the red horns). I couldn't believe that he'd even given a thought about it. And I didn't understand how this simple gesture from him could mean a great deal for me.
"Awww," I exclaimed with glee, "We still get to dress up!"
"Yep. You're the angel seeing as you're dressed in white," and he placed the headband carefully on my head as I grinned like an idiot. "Which means I get to be the devil." And he placed his on his head.
"Great idea, I must say."
He scoffed arrogantly and rolled his eyes at me. "Always the tone of surprise." He said with a smile.
"I just thought you didn't care about the costumes." I still had this big, stupid grin on my face.
"I didn't. But you obviously did so when I saw these on my way home yesterday, I thought it's enough to atleast make you happy." He shrugged as if he hadn't said something awfully nice and I felt this calm soothing warmth of pure happiness all over me. It did make me happy. I wanted to tell him. Instead, I said,
"But our costumes don't match. Well, not really. Why didn't you just buy two of those devil's horns or two of this halo? That way, we can be a pair."
He shrugged. "Wouldn't it be more interesting?"
"Wouldn't what be more interesting?"
"This pair. An angel and a devil."
"I guess. Odd couple though. I think I've read a children's story about it once. About an angel and a devil falling in love."
"What happened to them in the story?" he asked, genuinely interested.
"If I remember right, the devil tried to live in heaven for a while but realized it was too boring for him there. So the angel agreed to live with the devil in hell, but when she got there, her angel wings burned, so she couldn't fly. And flying was something she loved to do so she hated the place."
"Pretty tragic for a children's story." He commented.
"Well, it's just a story." I shrugged.
"So what happened then?" I was surprised he was still interested in the story.
"Well, I think they realized that they were never really meant for each other so the devil brought the angel back to heaven where she regained her wings. While the devil went back to the underworld and back to his old life before he met the angel. But even though they were back to their own versions of 'heaven', it was never the same again. Because it never seemed complete anymore without each other. Their heavens were never enough since then." I finished, relieving the sadness I felt when I first heard the story as a child.
"Wow. That was…" and he stopped for a while to search for the right word, "… tragic." He said once more.
"It is. That's why I've always liked it."
"Now I feel like our headbands are more interesting than I thought."
"You find tragedy interesting?"
"No, but the forbidden love part was interesting." He admitted.
I like Ryoma when he's in a good mood, I told myself as we walked towards the gym. More than I'm supposed to, maybe.
There were already a lot of people dressed as different characters while some were, sure enough, not costumed at all. And I was happy to be in the middle – to be casually dressed but still in costume. The music was loud and the noise from the chatter of people was louder. The night sky was just starting to unfold and the air was just starting to get colder. Halfway through the gym, I stopped and asked him,
"So, which one is this, Mr. Devil? Is this your hell or my heaven?"
In which he responded, "Let's go and find out."
I had the feeling that the night would be perfect either way.