Chapter Thirty-Two

Author's Note: Thanks to Kristine, naiya-isis and KaraBell once again for the great support with the very slow moving pace of this story. Just for being such great reviewers, I'm going to post two chapters tonight! Thanks again and I hope you enjoy what you read and remember I love and appreciate feedback!! Enjoy! LA

Buffy wiggled in her chair. She had been waiting for him for almost ten minutes. She was going to leave in another five if he hadn't showed up. She continued to fidget with the pink cloth napkin that lay over her lap. She wondered how he managed to get reservations to Nancy's, a new Italian restaurant that had just opened. Her mother knew one of the co-owners and still couldn't manage to get into the place. Buffy's mind continued to drift as he arrived.

"Hi Buffy, I'm glad you could make it. Faith and Dawn didn't change their mind about coming?" Hank asked as he sat down across from his daughter. He thought she was beautiful and resembled his family a lot. He had thought so ever since he held her in his arms as a tiny baby just hours after she was born. Joyce always argued with him about that. She had thought Buffy looked like her.

"No, they didn't change their mind and decided to still not come," she said in a soft voice.

Hank nodded. He didn't expect them to. It would have taken a miracle for them to. He picked up the menu and decided what he wanted. Buffy did the same thing. The waitress came and took their orders and left the table in silence.

"I have pictures of your brother and sister. Tommy is almost eleven and quite athletic. He loves soccer and baseball. He does really well in school too," Hank said painting to pictures in his wallet.

Buffy stared at the blonde haired boy. She thought that they resembled each a lot. She couldn't help but wonder if her brother knew about her. Her brother? It felt weird for her to even think that.

"And this is Madeleine who is almost four. She is the real one that runs our house. She is so dramatic. She will be Hollywood royalty someday, I just know it," Hank chuckled as he stared at his daughter. "She looks just like-"

"Dawnie," Buffy interrupted him. The child looked exactly like Dawn. The resemblance was strange to Buffy. The whole concept of having these siblings that she never knew about until the other night was odd to her. She didn't know how to handle it. She was relived when her salad came. "They are beautiful children, Hank."

"Buffy, please call me-"

"Dad? I can't do that. I told you the other night that I have only one father and that is my father at home, Rupert Giles. I put him through a lot of crap when I was younger with my attitude. Even when I was trying to push him away he was there for me. He was there for me when I didn't deserve him to be. So, with all do respect please don't bring this subject again." Buffy said taking a deep breath and then biting into her cherry tomato. She was relieved that the waitress had brought their salads out seconds before. Her tone remained calm and civil but she believed that she had made her point loud and clear.

After she finished her salad, Hank began to ask her some questions about her life. "Are you in school? I mean college?"

"Yeah. I just declared my major."

"What did you decide on?"

"Art therapy. I love children and wanted to work with really young children. This is one way I can. I don't know if I will be doing it forever but I want to see what it is like."

"You seem like you would be good with children." Hank paused for a second as a smile formed on his face. "You must have a boyfriend. You are so smart and so beautiful, there has to be a special boy in your life."

Buffy smiled for the first time that evening. "Actually there isn't. I'm actually confused about this one guy. We have a long history together and we dated for a while a long time ago and I just found out that he wants to restart our relationship."

"Is he good to you?"

"Yes. He is a great friend and always has been. I just-I just don't know if I want to start things romantically again. That was so long ago."

"He wasn't the boy who hurt you, was he?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. Actually, I don't know what I would have done without him during that whole ordeal."

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened with that whole thing? Did someone hurt you?"

The coloring from Buffy's face left. She wasn't going to share that with Hank. He might have been her birth father, but he was a stranger to her. She wasn't ready to relive those memories with anyone, especially someone who wasn't a constant part of her life. "Hank, I do mind very much. I do not want to talk about that. It was a very stressful time and to be honest with you, I still have nightmares from time to time about that whole experience. I just don't talk about it."

Hank nodded. He watched Buffy, who was coming out of her shell with him, go back in. He quickly changed the subject. "Are Dawn and Faith doing well? I mean, with me being here?"

"They are dealing in their own ways. Faith won't even talk about the whole thing. She is pretty angry. Dawn is very similar. She is very bitter and angry too. Neither one of them were speaking to me before I left to meet you here."

A brief silence clouded their conversation until Hank formed a small smile on his face. "I suppose I am a grandfather. Did Faith have a girl or boy? How old is he or she?"

For the first time this meeting Buffy grew irritated. She took two deep breaths before she corrected Hank on several different things. "First of all, the child isn't Faith's. His mother was Heather, Faith's sister, your other daughter. Heather died. Faith couldn't go on to college because she was alone with a baby to raise. She tried finding you and her leads led her to this area but she never found you. She has been raising Connor by herself. Also, you haven't been much of a father to her. Do you think that automatically makes you a grandfather?"

"I know I haven't been the father of the year when it comes to you girls but where was Faith's mother? She could have helped out some." Hank protested.

Buffy was furious. "She was cold and buried in a grave. She died of cancer. After she died Faith moved in with Heather and the rest is history."

Hank had forgotten that Dorothy had died. He was silent and looked uncomfortable. Buffy decided at that moment she would start asking the questions.

"I have to know a few things. It-it will give me a piece of mind. I have to know why you cheated on mom. I mean, she loved you a lot. Then there's Faith's mom. I don't get it. Are you cheating on your current wife?"

Hank was the one taking the deep breaths. He took his third and started explaining to Buffy. "No, I haven't cheated on my current wife ever. About your mom and me, well, we were high school when we met. We dated and got a long great. We got married really too too young, younger than you are now. That was our first big mistake. We should have waited. I honestly didn't want to be settled down and have a wife. I continued to go to college and then law school right after. During law school, I had my first affair and it didn't feel so rotten and bad. The other woman was looking for a fling and then for me, one fling led to another. I remember after I graduated from law school, I was scoping out jobs on the east coast and met Faith's mom. She was so beautiful and gentle, a lot like Joyce. I made several trips back there. Dorothy became pregnant with Heather and I sent her money for her. When it came to bills, your mother always made them out and kept the records. I told her the child support money was some charity. I kept in touch but never really went to visit. The next time I visited she became pregnant with Faith. I made a few trips back after her birth. I told your mother it was for a big job that I never got. When the child support went up because there were two children, I told her that I thought we were in a good place to start giving more to the charity. Your mother never knew until the divorce that I cheated on her. She didn't have any idea about Faith and Heather until the other night. Dorothy certainly had no idea about your mother. She-I led her to believe that we had a future together.

"After Dawn was born, I started loosing more focus on our family. I was cheating on your mother with who ever. The temps at work, the clients, the secretaries, anyone. When she found out I was involved with Michele, my current wife, she didn't want anything to do with me and demanded a divorce. We used to fight horribly while you girls were sleeping. We would go out to the car and fight back and forth. I'm actually surprised that no one ever called the police on us. I was so horrible to her, and you girls, and Faith and Heather. I have messed up so many lives."

Buffy nodded. She agreed with him. He was mean to people she loved the most and who meant the most to her. Buffy then continued to keep the ball rolling.

"I have to know something that has been bothering me for years. This is the only memory of you that Dawn had before the other night. I called you one night when I was babysitting Dawn. Mom and dad had gone out for dinner or something and it was one of my first times being alone with Dawn at night. I went through mom's stuff and found letters that you had written her with child support checks." Tears formed in Buffy's eyes but she was determined not to break down in front of him. She would save that for the drive home when she was alone. "I called you. There was a baby crying in the back ground and a woman answered the phone. I was so happy to talk to you when you finally came on the phone. I had wanted to talk to you for years. When I finally did talk to you, you were very angry. Dawn picked up the phone downstairs and heard you call us children you never wanted. I-I-" Buffy was beginning to loose her self-control. Those words were still very hurtful to her years later. She couldn't continue. Hank sat up and put his hand on top of hers.

"Buffy, there is no excuse for that. At that point, I didn't want to be a grown up any more. Michele is over ten years younger than me and I wanted to act like her. I wanted to live like her. Plus, at that time, I was paying Dorothy child support and then your mother for you and Dawn. I was a lawyer, I could afford it but I didn't want to make the effort. Michele didn't want children; she didn't understand why the payments were so much money. I was very stressed out. It was not an excuse it was how we were both feeling. We wanted to be care-free and childless. Then she became pregnant with Tommy. Ever since Tommy's birth, I realized that I have missed so much of your life, and Dawn's and Faith and Heather's lives. I've wanted to come back and try and form a relationship with all of you but I didn't know how to. My current state of health was just an excuse to come and see you and Dawn and what fascinating young adults you have grown into. Finding out that Faith was actually at your house was an amazing surprise. I had no idea that she was looking for me for a while."

Buffy didn't say anything. Tears were falling from her eyes and splashed on her crossed arms. There was a little piece of her that felt sorry for Hank. Hank tugged her hand and then too began to form his own tears.

Buffy wiped her face and breathed. She decided that dwelling time was over and it was time to move onto the next subject. She started softly. "You said the other night that you have cancer?"

Hank took out his handkerchief and wiped his face and nodded. When he regained his composure, he explained. "Yes. I have three tumors in my lungs. My doctors are going to remove them and then I'm going to start chemo right away but the specialists that I have talked with all believe that it is too late."

Absorbing the information was painful. There was no witty come back that Buffy could come up with.

"I do want to tell you that I am so sorry for everything. I know sorry doesn't begin to even cover all of the horrible things that I have put you through, or Dawn or Faith, or Heather or your mothers. I know it isn't enough. I know that there is nothing that I will ever be able to do to even try and make up for all of the last years and I'm not going to insult any of you by trying to make it up. I would like for you girls to do something for me. This isn't technically for me; it'd be for Tommy and Madeleine. I-I would like it if you girls became part of their lives. They know about you. I told them before I came to Sunnydale about you. They were very excited to know about you girls, especially Madeleine. Madeleine hopes that one of you would be willing to play house or dolls with her," Hank laughed.

Buffy returned his laugh. "I will have to think about that. This whole night has been a lot to absorb."

Hank patted Buffy's hand again. "I know honey it is but thank you for trying."

Buffy couldn't find any more words. She just nodded with a smile. Relieved, the waitress brought their entrees out just seconds after their conversation ended.

"So how was it?' Tara asked after Buffy hung up the phone with her mother. She had actually wanted to speak with Dawn but she still wasn't talking to her. Buffy figured she would try talking to Faith in a day or so. Buffy was glad that she decided to go back to her dorm room rather than go back to her parent's house. It would have been harder for her to see Dawn ignoring her to her face.

"Hard, painful yet such a relief. I am feeling so many things and I don't know what to do about the feelings. I want to talk to my sister and hug her and cry with her but she's too pissed at me to even talk to me on the phone. I want to tell her all about our little brother and sister. Madeleine looks so much like Dawn it was frightening. I felt like I was looking at one of her pictures. And-and he's-he's" Buffy had to stop in the middle of her sentence. Tara walked over to her and placed her arms around her friend. Buffy broke down and cried in her arms.

"Shhhhhhhhh, Buffy it's all right. Shhhhhhhhhh," Tara repeated.

"No it isn't Tara. He's dying and you know, after tonight, there is a part of me that feels bad and I know I shouldn't, but I do. I don't know," Buffy said pulling herself out of Tara's arms. She wiped her tears. "I am making myself not thinking about it for the rest of the night. I'll think about it tomorrow. How was your date?"

Tara didn't want to talk about herself. Buffy needed someone to be there for her and Tara wanted to be there. Buffy also needed to talk and think about something else. She was in emotional overload. "It was all right but I don't think I am going to call her back. We didn't really hit it off. We went out for coffee and it was mostly silent. I did most of the talking. I just didn't feel a connection with her."

"That stinks. You were looking forward to that. I'm sorry."

"Thanks but it isn't your fault. By the way, Willow called to confirm your lunch on Wednesday and Angel called."

"What?' Buffy was shocked.

"Willow wants you to call her back and Angel, he said he was thinking of you and wanted to see if you were all right. You didn't have to call him back if you didn't want to."

Buffy fell back onto her bed backwards. "My head ouch just got worse."

"I know what will cure your head ouch."

"What's that?"

"A drive to the ice cream parlor to get a double scoop of cookie dough and sprinkles dipped in chocolate."

"I think my head ouch likes that idea. Do you want me to drive?"

"No, I'll drive. Let's go!"