Chapter Thirty Three

"So it was really intense?" Willow asked Buffy about her meeting with Hank. Willow's spring break fell a few weeks after Buffy's did. They made time to meet up for coffee and just chat.

"It was so intense. Faith and Dawn weren't speaking to me because I had dinner with him. I was surprised when he sad he wanted to be part of our lives. Dawn, you know, my sister who finally broke down the night after I had diner with him and started to talk to me again? Yes, her, she and I had a very long talk and we laughed and cried, then we cried some more and then we decided that we are going to meet our siblings. And other things have been happening too."

"Other things? Like what?"

"I've been having these dreams, not every night but pretty frequently. It's different each time."

"What are they about?"

Buffy swallowed. "I, well, they start out pretty similar. I'm always by myself in the beginning. I'm either lying in bed or cooking dinner. This man comes in and it's Riley. He is either kisses me and wraps his arms around me is really gentle with me. He flatters me and says he is so glad I have stuck with him through everything and that he is a changed man and that all he needed was someone to help him. The other dreams that I have start out the same way but he either is attacking me or beating me up or he is rapping me. I've had one dream where he actually killed me. I saw my lifeless body in my dream and it felt so real."

"Wow, that's pretty, wow. I wish I could be here for you. You have so much going on right now. I wish I wasn't so far away from you." Willow sadly responded.

"Me too but don't worry about it. I am so much better than I was with the Hank thing. I am so confused and I can't talk about the dreams any more. I haven't told anyone about them. I don't want to think about them. What is going on with you?"

Willow drank her coffee and looked at Buffy on the eyes. "Well, I made the deans list."

"Again? Wil, I asked what's new. You always make the dean's list!" Buffy teased her.

"Right. Well, here's the thing you know how Oz and I broke up a while ago?"

"Yes. You said it was because you guys never saw each other and that it was hard. Wait Wil, do you still have feelings for him? This is so weird because Angel has been popping in and out of my life and I have really weird feelings for him. I am so happy that you are having the same feelings for Oz. Finally, maybe someone knows how I have been feeling!"

Willow looked at Buffy with a confused expression. "What? No, I don't want to get back together with him. We didn't break up because of the distance. He was really great and I still care about him and all but no, it's like, well, Buffy I'm a lesbian."

Buffy nodded. She felt like this was in some ways a flashback. She and Tara had a similar conversation recently, but this was Willow. Willow, one of three of Buffy's best friends. Willow never really shared much of her life in Boston with Buffy and now she knew why. "Did Oz know?"

"Yes. I actually talk to him quite a bit. He is the one who has helped me come out. He has been a really great friend to me."

Nodding again, Buffy spoke again. "Well Wil, I think you are very brave to open up to me. I can't imagine what you are feeling but it must be hard."

"It's really not that hard in Boston. I feel so free and liberated there. I mean, if high school was half as fun as college, I would have loved high school so much more. I have really great friends out there and a great girlfriend."

Buffy was a little surprised. She hadn't expected Willow to tell her that she was a lesbian. She definitely wasn't anticipating Willow having a girlfriend. As with Tara, who Willow had as a lover didn't change her feelings toward her friend. Willow was still one of her oldest and best friends.

"What do you think?" Willow asked nervously.

"It doesn't matter Wil. I still love you. You're Willow. You are still one half of the duo who came and sat with me on my first day of school when I first moved to Sunnydale. You've been a great friend ever since. I am lucky to have you in my life. "

Willow had tears fill her eyes. She was so scared to tell people about the woman who she had become. She was scared to tell her parents and Xander but some how, she knew things would be all right with Buffy. She knew Buffy would accept her for who she was, no questions asked. "Can you come with me to talk to my parents?" Willow smiled.

"Wil, you know if there is anything you need me to do I will do it for you." Buffy smiled.

"I know. I think I'd better tell them alone. I'm not going to think about that so much yet. Maybe I'll tell them at the airport when they drop me off next week. You know who I haven't talked to for a while?"

"Xander?" Buffy guessed.

"I guess you haven't either."

"Not really, and his girlfriend lives with me."

"That's too bad. I really miss him. I don't remember the last time I talked to him."

"I just saw him recently for the first time. He and Anya spend all of their waking hours together, just not around other people."

Both girls sipped their drinks. A familiar silence filled the air between them. "You mentioned something about Angel? Are you seeing him?" Willow asked breaking the silence.

"No. Things are so weird. I saw him the other night when Hank stopped by the first time, when he showed up at my house. I left my parent's house and drove to Angel and William's apartment."

"They live together?" Willow inquired.

"Yes, they have this really great apartment near the beach. I wanted to talk to William. I knew he would say something great to make me feel better. He wasn't home and Angel answered the door."

"Oh boy, what happened?"

"He was there for me. He made me rest on his bed. He made me tea. He listened to me without saying anything. When I felt better and felt like going home, he drove me home. William dropped my car off the next day. When Angel dropped me off he said, 'remember I'll always be there for you, no matter what is going on in our lives, I'll always make time for you.'"

"Wow. Buffy, he sounds like he really has some type of feelings for you. I think he loves you."

"He asked Xander if he thought I would date him again."

"What?"

"Yes. I don't know. We have such a history together but that was so long ago. Between this and Hank I have such a headache."

"I can see why. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I don't even want to talk about it. I get so confused."

Willow smiled. She obeyed her friend's wishes.

Buffy sat and looked at her friend. Willow was looking in her coffee cup. Buffy wanted to know more about Willow's life in Boston, especially her girlfriend.

"Tell me about your girlfriend. What is she like?"

A grin found its way to Willow's face. "Her name is Natalie. She's our age. She's in my program and concentration. And she's so beautiful. She has this long light brown hair and these great big brown eyes. She's into the gym and is kind of a health nut but I don't know that part is so not like me at all! I really like her. She really makes me happy." Willow ended with a smile.

"How long have you been a couple?"

"For almost a year."

"You didn't tell anyone here for almost a year? Wil, that's crazy."

"Oz knew."

"Oz has been out of the area for almost a year and a half! You were filled with all of this happiness that you couldn't share?"

"Well, yes and no. Yes in the since that I really liked her and I didn't feel comfortable talking about that new part of my life with anyone, other than Oz. Buffy, he helped me out so much with my feelings and he was so supportive. I don't know how many guys would have been that supportive. I will never be able to pay him back for all that he has done for me."

Buffy nodded. Oz was a great person. She missed him so much. She hadn't seen him all that much since him and Willow broke up.

"Hey Buffy?"

"Yea-uh."

"Do you want to go shopping?"

Buffy smiled. "Sure, let's go. Where do you want to go?" Buffy asked as she gathered her keys and talked to her friend while leaving the coffee shop.

The sun was just about to set. The sky was filled with vibrant pinks and oranges. The water hit the white sand before emptying back into the ocean. Buffy's feet touched the water. She was so mixed with feelings and emotions, the only thing she could do was walk. After she dropped Willow off at her house, she drove to the nearest beach and walked. She just walked and thought looking up at the sky.

She thought of Faith. Faith hadn't talked to her since she made the decision to go meet Hank for dinner. Faith was beyond angry and pissed. Buffy couldn't blame her. Hank never had a relationship with Faith or Heather. Buffy just worried how she was handling her feelings. She thought of calling Amy to check up on Faith.

Then her thoughts shifted to Dawn. The only thing she remembered about Hank was the telephone call Buffy made to Hank. Dawn heard Hank call both Giles' girls children that he never wanted. Buffy wished with all of her heart and soul that Dawn had the same memories as Faith, none. The conversation between Buffy and Hank on the phone was hurtful and it did haunt Buffy all these years but she had some good memories of Hank. She was a definite daddy's girl back in the day.

Her poor parents. Her mother just found out that her ex-husband who cheated on her while they were married lied to her and had children with another woman. It was so unfair. Buffy felt so bad for her mother. And her father. He always tried to stay calm and rational, but this had to kill him. He was watching his closest family members emotionally being ripped apart by the seams. She was never so thankful to have Rupert Giles as her father.

Then Buffy trembled and began to think about her dreams or nightmares that had been keeping her awake at night. Buffy didn't know why Riley was visiting her in her dreams. She didn't know what the dreams meant but she wanted them to end. The dreams scared her.

After wiping her eyes she thought of Willow. Willow was so nervous about telling her family about her sexuality. Buffy thought that both Willow and Tara were very brave. She couldn't imagine how it felt to come out and tell someone that she was gay. She gave both women so much credit for accepting themselves and loving themselves for who they are. They were both very strong women and she admired their strength.

After wondering down the beach she found herself at Angel's spot, the rock on the beach. She sat there and let her heart cry. She allowed her tears to flow freely.

Thoughts of Hank entered her mind and she cried so hard. He could never make the previous years better. He had done wrong with his actions and words, but Buffy still felt a great deal of sadness towards him. In all of his life, he didn't know what he wanted and he made terrible decisions because of it. He was trying to do right by his older children. His heart and feelings were there, even if he was dying.

After taking a couple of deep breaths, she played with the keys she held in her hands. She held a key chain picture of her, Willow and Xander from high school. Xander. She missed him. Their lunch the other day seemed so distant and so different. She wondered what was going through his head. What was happening that made him act so strange? What was going on that made him loose touch with his friends who knew him best? Was it Anya? Buffy had no idea what was going on.

Thinking about lunch with Xander the days before automatically made Buffy think of Xander's brother. Angel was sending some pretty strong signals but was she misreading them? He always showed that he cared for Buffy. She had remembered a promise he had made to her several times years before back when they were both in high school. One of the times that he promised her was on that very same rock. He had always repeated that he would always be there for her and he has kept his promise. She didn't know how or why but Angel always seemed to pop up when she needed him. The first time was with Riley. Buffy would have gone crazy without someone with her at the hospital and police station that night. He went above and beyond during that time and thought nothing of it. Then the other night with Hank. He dropped his school work and midterms to make sure Buffy was all right. Both times she had never called out to him but he still showed. Angel had also been with her way back in high school when Stacy died. He stood by her in the hospital while she was unconscious after the accident. Then he drove her back to say her final good-bye to Stacy at her grave and drove her past Hank's house. She thought hat Angel had been there for her more so than any of her best friends. Xander had his life with Anya which seemed to monopolize most of his time. Willow started a new life in Boston. Oz was starting to venture out and enjoy his dream. His band was touring and playing huge gigs opening up for huge named bands. They were about to record their first CD. Oz was constantly on the go.

Buffy began to cry again once she realized she was growing up. She and her best friends were growing apart in some ways because they too were becoming adults. Each person had their own life to live. This made her extremely sad. Buffy finally lost it. All of her emotions came pouring out. She held her head in her hands and sobbed like an infant.

After a few seconds, Buffy began to wipe her eyes and tried to put herself back together. As she is tried to do so, she can felt a presence. She had no idea who was near her but she could feel it. Then she heard the voice say, "Please don't cry. I can't stand to see you cry."

Buffy gasped and saw a man in front of her. The man in front of her ran to her and they shared a hug as she began to sob again.