Chapter Thirty Four

Author's note: I wanted to thank those who left a review for me. Kristine, naiya-isis, MaLooLa and KaraBella: you all rock! Thanks for the feed back! Thanks for not giving up on me or the story! I hope you enjoy this chapter! It takes place right where the other one ended.

"Shhhhh, it's all right," he told Buffy as he held her a little tighter in his arms. He held her as her tears dried on the shoulder of his t-shirt.

Buffy pulled herself together and pulled herself out of his arms. "What are you doing here? I thought I was alone." Buffy explained.

He took a deep breath. "I saw you outside of the window, over there," he said pointing to the little window in the kitchen. The light was still on.

"Aw, I see now. I knew you could see this spot from there but I- I didn't realize I was at this spot," Buffy said realizing where her walk had led her. She wasn't near her car. She hadn't thought she had walked as far as she had.

"Is this a special spot to you?'

Buffy smiled. "I guess you could say that. It just has lots of memories."

"Funny, it's a special rock to Angel too. Wonder if there is a connection there?"

"Actually it was his place first."

"I see, so you just borrow the spot once in a while, right?"

Buffy chuckled a little. "Yes, I just borrow it once in a while, when I think there is no one around watching me."

The smile soon faded from her face. Xander dared to ask details of what brought him to that spot. "Why were you so sad a little while ago? I saw you crying and when I came back here you were still crying. What's going on with you?"

Sighing, Buffy tried to recap everything that was happening to her. "Well, I met Hank for dinner. Because of that Dawn and Faith weren't speaking to me. Dawn lasted only a day. She is talking to me now. We are actually going to go and meet our siblings soon. The youngest, a girl, looks just like Dawn did, it's kind of frightening." Buffy took a deep breath as her eyes began to swell. "I know I shouldn't, but I feel bad that Hank is dying. I know he did wrong to me and Dawn, but I feel bad for him."

"Buffy, that's understandable. He is after all the man who helped to create you." Xander added.

"I know but he has messed so many things up, but I feel badly. I don't know why. I still feel like he's scum and he isn't fit-I don't know I can't explain it."

"How's Faith doing?"

"Amy says she is all right. She still isn't speaking to me. I can't say I blame her. Hank was worse to her and her sister. They never knew him at all. Dawn and I at least lived with him."

"So have you just been thinking about all of this? Is the whole Hank thing what has upset you?"

"Yes and then some."

"What do you mean? What else is going on with you?"

"I'm having nightmares about Riley. I don't know why, maybe it's just brought on from all this stress, I don't know but I wake up and I can't sleep at night. I've been thinking about my friends. Tara recently told me that she is a lesbian."

"Really?" Xander asked surprised.

"Yes. She is so confident and so strong. And Willow too."

"Will has always been very strong; she just never knew it until recently." Xander explained.

Buffy knew that Willow hadn't spoken to Xander in a while. She knew that he didn't know that Willow was a lesbian. Before she had the chance to continue, Xander interrupted her.

"Is Will gay too?" He asked realizing how Buffy had used her name in her previous statement.

Buffy nodded. She knew it wasn't her place to tell something so personal but she wasn't going to lie either. She just nodded.

"Oh. Is she and Tara?"

Buffy laughed. "Xander, do you think that just because they both came out at the same time that makes them automatically drawn to each other?" Buffy asked with a slight laugh. "They don't even know each other!"

"No, I just didn't know. Is she dating anyone?"

"Yes, someone from Boston. She is very happy."

Xander nodded. "Good for her. I'm glad that she is happy, she deserves it."

"You're right she does."

The tide rolled in and out. The sounds of the waves were the only sound between Buffy and Xander as they started back towards Buffy's car.

"I'm confused about Angel."

"Why?"

"Because, well, I am just confused. You told me that he liked me and he is so sweet to me, I can't even begin to tell you how sweet he has been to me. It gives me such a headache. I don't know Xander."

"You are aware that made no sense what so ever?" Xander asked.

"Yes I do, but he's been on my mind. I have been thinking about all the times that he has been there for me and wonder if he's attracted to me because there is an attraction or if he feels bad because of all of the things that have happened to me."

"I don't think he'd want a relationship with you because he feels bad for you, that isn't Angel. He liked you Buffy."

"Grr! This is life stuff is so confusing."

Xander laughed at his friends as they both stopped and watched. They watched the stars dance up in the sky. They saw the reflection of the big silver moon on the water.

"Xan, can I ask you something?'

"Sure, but I'm not guaranteeing that I will answer you."

"Well, we met for lunch the other day."

"Yes, I remember that."

"Well, you seemed a little distant. I'm a little concerned."

"Concerned? About me?"

"Yes. You seemed so distant. You seemed un-Xander like."

Xander knew that she knew something was wrong. Buffy had a way of knowing things before anyone said anything. "Well, yeah, I just had something going on, that's all, no big deal," he said as he put his hands in his pockets and kicked that sand.

"Xander, what is it?"

Xander sighed and looked into the darkness of the sky and he closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about it. It was his problem and no one else's. He didn't feel like sharing his feelings about it with anyone, lest of all Buffy. She had way too much going on in her own life. He didn't need her to be worried about him. "Buff, it was nothing, really."

"Alexander Harris, you have always told me everything since I met you. We have a long history together. If it's nothing then tell me all ready."

Xander sighed again as he still looked into the darkness of the sky. He found a star to focus on and started to speak. "Anya and I broke up."

"Xander, I'm sorry. What happened?"

Xander took a deep breath and looked away from the star. His eyes met Buffy's. Tears escaped his eyes and ran down his cheek. "It was a mutual thing. She –she -we –she was pregnant. We were really excited. She took four home pregnancy tests before she finally called her doctor. Her doctor gave her a test, which was positive. We were both getting ready to tell people. She went in for her sonogram and," Xander took a deep breath and sadly continued. "Miscarried."

Immediately Buffy wrapped her arms around her friend's shoulders. She didn't have words to comfort him. She didn't know what to say so she was silent until Xander was ready to talk.

"The doctor said it is really common for women to miscarry. Sometimes women miscarry who don't even know that they were pregnant. After the appointment we both decided that we had gotten too close and so we broke up. The end."

Buffy held Xander a little closer. She knew he was hurting so much. She wished that he had picked up the phone and called her, but she knew that he needed time to himself.

After a few minutes, Xander had composed himself and pulled away from Buffy. "I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you."

"Xander, you have been going through something that I can't even fathom. You have no reason to apologize."

"I just wish that I was around for you a little more."

Buffy smiled and leaned on her friend. "Don't worry about it, it's in the past and done with. I'm parked right over there. Do you want a lift back to Angel's?"

"That would be great. I didn't think the walk was that far, but it's gotten dark."

"You don't have to come up with an excuse. You're my friend and I'd do anything for you."

Xander smiled. He knew what Buffy said was true. He felt a lot better after he talked with her. He felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of him.

Buffy pulled out of the parking space and drove out of the parking lot. She and Xander talked about small things on the way to Angel's. She turned down the road and pulled in front of Angel and William's apartment. Xander gave her another hug before asking, "Do you want to come in?"

Buffy thought about it. She would have loved to keep on talking to Xander but she didn't what to see Angel. She didn't know how she felt about him. She was so confused about so many different things she didn't want to be any more confused. "No, I think I'm just going back to school. I have some work that should probably get done."

"Are you sure?"

Buffy looked beyond Xander and saw Angel sitting on the couch, watching television. She didn't want to interrupt him. "Yeah, I'm sure but I'll tell you what, how about you and me go out soon just for 'us' time? How does that sound?

Xander nodded. "I think that sounds good. I can hardly wait." Xander stood up and was ready to close the door when he stopped. "Hey Buff?"

"Yes?"

Xander sighed. He had a little speech worked out in his head but he didn't go through with it. It would just complicate everything for everyone. He closed his eyes before saying, "Angel is a good guy and I'm not just saying that because he's my brother. He really does care about you. I just-just wanted to put a plug in for him before we said good-night." Xander finished. That statement wasn't what he wanted to say.

Buffy smiled. "I know he's a good guy. It's just something to think about. Good night Xander."

Xander nodded. "Goodnight Buffy."