Cause of Death-Facebook Edition
Chapter 5- Zero Hour
Herman Hartnell checks in at San Francisco General Hospital
Herman Hartnell sits up on his bed at the San Francisco General Hospital, patiently waiting for his doctor while focusing his mind on a crossword puzzle.
Herman Hartnell: ….
Suddenly, an interesting topic comes on the news: the 40th anniversary of the "California Code Killer".
Jennifer Bale logs in
Jennifer Bale: Mr. Hartnell? I just wanted to let you knowthe doctor is running late, but he'll be in to see you as soon as he can…
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Herman Hartnell: Of course. Thank you. : )
Jennifer Bale: Oh and also, I don't mean to pry, but I saw you filling out a crossword puzzle in the reception area.
Herman Hartnell: Oh yes. I must confess my weakness for puzzles. Why do you ask, dear?
Jennifer Bale: :D Well, I do them on my break time and I'm stuck on a word… Something about 'the windy digit is used to keep the rows'. It's a four letter word. Any idea what it could be?
Herman Hartnell: See? There goes! Why does everyone want to cheat off of me?! It's a simple answer, simply think! What have teachers been teaching these days?!
Jennifer Bale: I don't know, but it's not teaching us about crossword puzzles, that's for damn sure!
Herman Hartnell: … I refuse to be cared for by a cheater! Get me another nurse! Now, you brainless woman!
Jennifer Bale logs out
Herman Hartnell: Imbecile...
Within moments, Dr. Earl Fassbinder walks into the room.
Dr. Fassbinder: Hello, Mr. Hartnell, how are you feeling today?
Herman Hartnell: I was feeling skiddelydoo until that nurse of yours came in asking about helping her with a crossword puzzle…::trails off talking nonsense::
Dr. Fassbinder: … If you could just lift up your shirt, Mr. Hartnell?
The elderly man does as he is told. He then feels as if a dozen bags of ice cubes were being poured down his shirt as the circular metallic part of the stethoscope comes in contact with his liver-spotted skin.
Herman Hartnell: FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Dr. Fassbinder: Relax, Mr. Hartnell, I'm sure you've felt worse…Now cough for me, please.
Herman Hartnell: COUGH!
Dr. Fassbinder: Again.
Herman Hartnell: Is this necessary? I feel like I'm retaking my prostate exam…
Dr. Fassbinder: Again, Mr. Hartnell.
Herman Hartnell: -.- COUGH!
Dr. Fassbinder jots down a few notes and loosely wraps the stethoscope around his neck.
Dr. Fassbinder: Alright, old man, tell me if this hurts.
What came next was nothing short of amazing: Dr, Fassbinder quickly drives two
fingers into Hartnell's stomach and with his amazing reflexes, Hartnell strikes Fassbinder in the face knocking him out cold.
Herman Hartnell: Yes, that hurt you son of a bitch! ::dresses himself while mumbling about the bad service this hospital gives and leaves the room. Dr. Fassbinder still out cold.
Ken Greene is chasing down some wanna-be cowboy with a rope!
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Natara Williams: Get him, Ken! I'l be there in 30 seconds!
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Ken Greene: Can you make it any faster?
Natara Williams: HA! Didn't I tell you not to eat so many dang doughnuts before we got out of the precinct? Hmm?
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Ken Greene: ….
Maria Yeong: So glad I'm not in the field as much as I used to be…::scarfs down two doughnuts:: :D
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Ken Greene: BOOYAHH! Caught his sorry ass!
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Natara Williams: Nice collar, Ken. How does it feel to nab your first serial killer? :D
Ken Greene: Not as hard as ignoring the dumbs quip he made about dancing on his grim gallows. But other than that, feels damn good!
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Shawn Mallory checks in to Genevieve's Estate- with Phil Morris
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Phil Morris: Agent Mallory, what about this jar of molars? Where does it go?
Shawn Mallory: Oh, just tag each tooth and put them with the other items. We'll ship them to the forensic dentist at Quantico.
Phil Morris: …You expect me to tag each and every one of these nasty teeth? Ain't nobody got time fo dat!
Shawn Mallory: You'll definitely "have time fo dat" when I decide to sh-
Mallory's rant was cut off as he gets a phone call.
Shawn Mallory: Damn, I gotta take this call. Mind giving me some privacy?
Phil Morris: I've heard of "take five", but sure, take your time.
Phil Morris logs out
Genevieve Collins logs in
Shawn Mallory: Genevieve. Can't say it's a pleasure speaking to you again…
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Genevieve Collins: Oh relax and don't get your panties in a bunch. I just wanted to congratulate you. Your friends seem to have found the Haight- Ashbury killer. Ehh, he was not a very bright or creative child. Although he did make me a cat's cradle once…fiendish little thing.
Shawn Mallory: I know. I found it in your lair of darkness. Next time one of your children make you a present, maybe he shouldn't be buying his materials at traceable stores.
Genevieve Collins: Ahh, I knew I should've been careful about my choice in these children…
Jennifer Bales: Finally out of work. Now for some good rest.
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Going through the back alley, Jennifer takes out her car keys. Suddenly, there is a dark shadow darkening her field of view.
Jennifer Bale: Huh, who are- Mr. Hartnell? What are you doing out here? Do you need me to take you back to your room?
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Herman Hartnell: No, no, my dear. I just simply need you to…care for me in my after life as my vassal…
Jennifer Bale: Vassal? What the hell…Mr. Hartnell, here take my arm, I'm bringing you back to your room.
Herman Hartnell: No! I don't need to go back to my- ahh what the hell am I doing?!
Nothing is seen but a black screen and pain filled screams and sounds of… is- is that carving?!
Herman Hartnell: That should do… not a very bright girl but a great asset in the afterlife.
Herman Hartnell logs out
A/N: i'M SO SORRY for taking so long to update this. Laziness, writer's block and not being a huge fan of this volume did that to me!
I'm also sorry for how bad this turned out to be. ::sigh:: I really need to get back on the game xD
Anyway, thanks for reading and being patient with me. And if you'd like, there's a beautiful button just below this note that allows you to review this chapter! It's a splendid button, please, do review :)