Chapter Thirty Seven

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! I appreciate them. I hope you guys enjoy this one too! As always, if you have any questions, comments or concerns, drop me a line! Thanks! LAJ

It was damp outside. The clouds had been very grey earlier in the day. The sky opened up and it seemed as if it was crying. The rain had stopped just in time for the burial. Buffy stared at the coffin that rested above the hole. Dawn was next to her, holding Buffy's hand. Faith stood behind them with Amy. None of them had tears to shed. They did, however, make Hank's final wish come true. They had made peace with him before he passed on. Buffy, however, did feel bad. After Rupert had called her and made her plane reservations she rushed back to Los Angeles. She was too late. She did not make it to Hank before he died.

The minister finished the sermon and hugged Michele and her children as the coffin was lowered into the wet earth. Michele walked passed the hole first, holding both of her children's hands. They all placed roses down the hole which then rested upon the casket. She then made her way to the limousine that would take her home with her children.

Buffy and Dawn drove together as Faith and Amy followed them. They were heading for Hank and Michele's house. Buffy and Dawn were silent at first. Surprisingly Dawn was the one who broke the silence.

"We're spending the night, right?"

Buffy didn't really want to. Honestly, she hadn't really liked Hank that much. Even at his death she couldn't forgive him for what he did years before. She and Dawn had talked about spending the night at the house. Even though Buffy wasn't too crazy about Hank, she did like her stepmother and her siblings. Dawn felt the same way.

"Yeah, I think so. Why?"

"Faith isn't staying. She and Amy are going to head back tonight."

"Well, they have to go back for Conor."

Dawn nodded as they pulled into the driveway. They felt very uncomfortable about being there. Joyce had wanted to go and be with her daughters but Buffy talked her out of it. She had never met Michele and Buffy thought that might have been a little awkward for both women, as well as the younger children involved.

The four stayed together for most of the evening. They didn't want to mingle or let anyone know who they were. It was no one's business how they knew Hank. To their surprise, a lot of people showed up. It definitely seemed that Hank was well-liked and cared for.

About an hour and a half into the after funeral greeting, people began to leave. Faith looked at that as her opportunity to leave as well.

"Michele, we have to get going. Traffic is going to be heavy and I have to get my nephew."

Michele started to get tear eyed. "Okay honey. Thank you for so much for coming. Your father would have been so happy to know that you came." Michele stated as she hugged Faith. She hugged Amy too. "It was nice to meet you. Please, don't be strangers. Come back when ever you want to."

Faith nodded and thanked her. If truth had to be told, Faith was thinking of introducing the kids to Conor, just so Conor could meet someone else in his family that was a child.

After Faith and Amy exited, the rest of the guests dwindled one by one. Finally, Michele and the kids were upstairs getting changed when Buffy and Dawn began to clean up. The house wasn't that much of a mess but they wanted to organize the casseroles and other food that was left by guests. They also wrapped up left over food and did the dishes.

"It's been kind of quiet up there," Dawn had said after they were done cleaning.

"Yeah, do you think we should go up and check on them?"

"Maybe, but I bet they are all sleeping. I mean, they have been through a lot the past few days. What should we do?" Dawn asked.

Buffy looked around and then rubbed her eyes. "I think I will go and rest too." Dawn nodded. She looked kind of sad. Buffy wrapped her arms around her sister. "What's wrong?"

Dawn rested her head on her sister's shoulders. "It's just strange, that's all. It feels weird. We just met him and now he's gone."

Buffy nodded. Dawn removed her head. Buffy didn't know what to say. Dawn looked at her with big eyes. For that moment, Dawn seemed like she was a child again. She looked scared. "Can I rest with you too?"

Buffy offered her sister a smile. "Of course you can!"

The evening of hank's burial was quiet. No one really slept. Everyone was restless.

Dawn was resting in her bed in one of the guest rooms when there was a knock at the door. "Dawn?" Madeleine called.

Dawn sat up. "Come in."

Madeleine pranced into the room and sat on Dawn's bed. "What are you doing?"

I was trying to sleep, she thought. "Not much. It's late, little girls should be sleeping."

"My mommy said I am a big girl now. Dawn I was laying down and I was just wondering where did daddy go?"

Buffy sighed. She didn't want to have this conversation with Madeleine, at least not in the middle of the night. "What do you mean where did daddy go?"

"I mean he's dead, but is he coming back? What does dead mean?"

Dawn ran her hands through her hair. She was having this conversation with Madeleine. "Well, dad's body stopped working. Remember how he was very sick? He was so sick that his heart stopped working. He stopped breathing. Remember we buried him today?"

Madeleine looked at Dawn with no emotion. "Oh. When is he coming home? When can I play with him again? Will he still have those tubes in his nose when he gets back?"

Dawn took a deep breath. She just wasn't getting it. Very sadly she continued to try and make some type of sense to Madeleine. "Sweetie, daddy isn't coming back. He's-his body his still here on earth. He buried it this morning, but his soul, his spirit is in heaven. You will always have your memories," Dawn said. She was trying not to cry. She knew that Madeleine would have very few memories of Hank. She was too young to remember so many things. Dawn touched Madeleine's heart. "Your memories will always live right here, in your heart."

Madeline looked at Dawn for a moment. She looked like she was trying to understand what she was just told, but she didn't show any emotion. "Oh," she replied, without a sign of emotion. "Hey Dawn, could I sleep with you tonight?"

Dawn pushed over and lifted the covers. Madeleine jumped right in and pulled the covers over herself. Madeleine cuddled with Dawn. Dawn was just starting to fall asleep when she heard whimpering.

"Hey, what's wrong? Madeleine, why are you crying?"

"I don't have a daddy anymore."

Dawn held Madeleine as she cried herself to sleep.

Meanwhile, Buffy woke up. She had the munchies so she went down to the fridge and helped herself to a piece of cake. As she got to the kitchen, she saw that the light was on and Michele was sipping coffee at the table.

"Hi." Michele said softly.

"Hi. How are you doing?"

Michele offered a half smile. "I guess all right. I wasn't able to sleep. I was restless."

"I imagine that it's hard."

Sighing, Michele nodded. "Everything reminds me of him, everything. I was trying to prepare for this for so long but I don't think it worked. It's been a long day, hasn't it?" Michele said wiping her eyes.

"It certainly has," Buffy answered as she sat across from Michele. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Really, it's hard and I am all right now. When you and Dawn go back tomorrow, I will be a mess. I don't know how to handle things by myself. I don't know how I'm going to take care of myself, none the less my children."

"Michele, it's going to be hard at first. It's going to be hard tomorrow, but then the next day is going to be a bit easier, and the next one is going to be a little easier than that. Before you know it, things will start to get back to normal around here."

Michele bursted into tears. "Things will never be normal again. Buffy, your father is dead."

Buffy wasn't fazed by that statement. She wanted to tell her that her father was actually at home with her mother but she decided that would be a bad thing to get into at that present moment in time. Buffy couldn't be fazed. She had been reacquainted with Hank for less than a year before his passing. "Michele, I realize that. I feel and for you and Tommy and Madeleine that he's gone, but that's about it."

That was enough to bring silence. It was silent for several minutes before Michele spoke. She was speaking in a whisper. "You know Buffy; I have to be honest with you. Some times I feel so guilty for having the affair with your father. I mean, he did mess things up for you and Dawn and of course your mother. I never wanted to be the 'other woman' but I really loved him. I loved him more than anything else in this world, at least before our children. In the beginning of us being together, I was jealous. I was jealous of you and Dawn. You two were his pride and joy. All he did was talk about you two. I-right before he left your mother I gave him a choice. I um, I told him that I didn't want to see you or sister. I was green with envy. All I cared about was him. I wanted him all to myself. At first he broke things off and said no way. He wasn't going to leave his girls, Michele stopped as she began to cry some more. Buffy was very quiet. "It is really my fault that you didn't have a father growing up. It was my fault. Your mom used to send little letters to him with things that you guys were doing and, I saw him many times reading those letter alone. Several times he began to cry and he asked himself out loud, 'what have I done?' After we had children, it hit me. It missed out on so many things with you girls. I actually found myself asking, 'what have I done?' Buffy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's because of me you didn't have a father. I'm so, so very sorry," Michele said as she put her hands over her face and sobbed.

Buffy was silent at first. She had to formulate her sentences. She didn't know why Michele had chose to share all that with her, especially on the night that he was laid to rest, but she was glad she had.

Buffy reached across the table and placed her hands on Michele's'. "Listen to me. I appreciate you telling me this. If you want it to stay between you and me, it will, that's fine. You know what? If you were thought the way you did, that's one thing. Hank knew that it was wrong, everything about the affair was wrong. Yes, some of it was your fault but Michele, Hank was a grown man, he knew what he was doing was wrong, he knew it. It takes two to tango, as you are well aware, but he wasn't a saint. Please don't think it was your entire fault because it wasn't."

Michele moved her hands and wiped her eyes. "Buffy, you're not mad?"

Again, Buffy thought. She was a little angry with Michele and her confession, but that was neither the time nor the place to get into the past. She offered Michele ea smile before she continued. "It's fine. Dawn and I have been blessed to have Rupert in our lives. He is the man that we consider our father. He is a really great dad and I am proud to call him my father."

Michele just nodded. She could try to stick up for Hank all night until she was blue in the face but it wouldn't have gotten anywhere. She wiped her eyes, got up and placed her mug in the sink. "I think I am ready for bed. Thank you Buffy."

Buffy stood up and gave Michele a hug. She herself was tired. She looked at the cake sitting on the counter and forgot about it. It was time for her to get some rest.

"I wish you could stay," Tommy told Buffy as she was putting her bag into the car. Tommy had carried out Dawn's bag.

"I'm sorry Tommy. I have to go to school tomorrow. I have to rest. I still feel a little jet lagged but, someone has a very important soccer next Saturday so I will be coming back. If you need to talk or anything please call me. My number is on the cork board in the kitchen, and I left it by your computer. Even if you just want to talk about silly things, CALL ME, you understand?"

Tommy let go of Dawn's bag and gave Buffy the biggest huge. "I'm so happy that you're my sister."

"Me too," Buffy whispered.

After another round of goodbyes, Buffy and Dawn were heading home. They were both so drained out. They didn't speak to each other the entire ride home. Dawn actually fell asleep.

Once back in Sunnydale, Buffy filled Joyce in on everything that Michele had told her. "Mom, I couldn't be angry with her. I mean, I know it is half of her fault, but I couldn't see any sense in it now."

"I understand honey, I do. I can't believe that he is gone. I mean it feels like we were together another lifetime ago, but wow. I think you were right about me not going. It would have been strange."

"I thought so too." Buffy hugged her mother and then got stuff ready to bring back to school. She just wanted to go home and rest. She wasn't going to classes he next day, she was going to skip. She thought she deserved to rest.

Buffy pulled into the parking space at the dorm and walked into her suite. She placed her bag next to her bed and collapsed onto her bed. She was about to dose off when Tara knocked on her door. They caught up on small talk.

"I'll let you rest, you need it. Good night Buffy."

"Night Tara."

Tara was closing Buffy's door when she remembered something. "Oh Buff."

"Yes."

"There is a message for you on the machine; I'll go play it for you."

Buffy wanted to tell Tara that she would listen to it in the morning but it was too much effort to yell.

"Here it is," Tara said as she turned it up louder.

"Hey Buffy, I now it has been long time no talk," Buffy sat up as she recognized the voice. "It's Xander incase you don't remember. Anyway, I was going to call you to o try and clear some thing sup about our last conversations, I felt I needed to clarify some things, but Will called me and told me that your dad, well, Hank died and I wanted to tell you that I am sorry. I hope you are doing all right and that you will call when you get this. Incase you forget, my number is 555-2426. Take care Buffy. Bye."

Tara talked a little bit but Buffy couldn't hear her, nor did she say anything. Buffy put her pillow over her head and blocked her ears. There was no way she was going to deal with Xander at that moment in time. She just wanted to go to sleep.