A/N: Oh god I haven't updated this in two months. I'm a horrible person.

This chapter is basically just building up to the next major event.

=== Months in the future (two to be exact)

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you feel oddly relaxed

You open your eyes to white sheets and soft light falling across your pillow, and for a moment, you're slightly disoriented. You weren't used to feeling good when you woke up, due to the fact that you barely slept on most nights.

You wake up, wondering how the hell you managed to sleep so well without wearing yourself to the bone beforehand. Your spine cracks slightly as you stretch, releasing sore and taut muscles, and you sigh, slumping back onto your pillow, staring at the ceiling.

Suddenly, you hear laughter from outside your room. The two voices intermingle with eachother, one laugh deep and baritone, and the other high and airy. Doesn't take you long to realize that they belong to your brother and Jane.

A small smile works its way up to your face upon the thought of Jane. Your mind snaps into the realization that she spent the night over, which was most likely the reason you got any sleep whatsoever. There's something about her that just makes you relax and slow down a bit.

The scent of bacon and pancakes hits your nose, and you decide that it's high time that you got up.

You make your way into the kitchen, clad in nothing but your sweatpants and boxers, and do a double take.

Your kitchen is sopping wet.

Dave is standing at the sink, his arms up in surrender, while Jane is pointing the nozzle of the sink hose at him. They're both dripping wet, hair flopping onto faces, laughing like maniacs.

You feel slightly left out.

Your brother looks at you, a rare grin stretching across his face.

"Help me man, she's been holding me captive for the last ten minutes,"

Jane giggles slightly.

"Not a word out of you Mister Strider, or I'll shoot you again,"

You step forward to wrestle the hose from her slender petite hands, cracking a slight smile. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she turns around and sprays you straight in the face, engulfing you in a jet of ice cold water.

You stand there, frozen as the cold water trickles down your body, sending a slight numbing shock down your spine. Your hair is flopping into your face and you're dripping wet and holy hell that water's really fucking cold. Jane keeps the hose trained on you, giggling hysterically, while your brother braces himself against the counter, his body shaking with suppressed laughter.

You try to move towards her, making a valiant attempt to grab the hose, but alas, your attempt is in vain as she manages to back you up all the way to the counter, nozzle pressed against your chest.

"One more move Strider and you're toast,"

"Oh Miss Crocker, I am at the mercy of your ways. Whatever shall you do with me now that I am in a position of utter helplessness?" you deadpan. She grins.

Jane starts to raise herself up on her toes, bringing her face closer to yours. You feel yourself flush slightly, the tips of your ears turning red.

"There are a lot of things I would like to do with you, and not all of them are innocent,"

"I'm gonna need examples Crocker," you manage to squeak out. Jesus fucking Christ your voice hasn't been that high since puberty. Your see your brother snap a picture on his phone. A shit eating grin crosses his face as he slowly creeps out of the room.

That bastard.

A slight tickling sensation races up your body as Jane traces her fingers up your sides, up your neck, to your face. She cups your cheek with her hand and pulls your face closer to her height. You oblige, bending down until your lips are parallel with hers.

She initiates the kiss, crushing her lips to yours, hard and merciless. A muffled groan escapes you as she nibbles on your lips.

Her hands bury themselves into your hair, while your hands a slowly creeping their way under her shirt, up her smooth back. Her hands suddenly sink lower and lower, to the waistband of your pants until…..

"FUCK!"

You yelp as she sprays ice cold water down your sweatpants, drenching your legs and undergarments. She's grinning manically as she races out of the kitchen with you hot on her heels. You cringe slightly at the gross wet feel of your boxers sticking to your ass.

You manage to tackle her near the sofa, pinning her to the ground and tickling her. Her laughs echo through the apartment, a light airy sound intermixed with snorts and guffaws. You hear yourself begin to laugh with her.

You let go of her as she starts to wheeze, and flop down next to her, staring at the ceiling. Her giggles quiet down until she's breathing normally beside you.

Jane was lovely lying there, her hair wet and curlier than usual, her shirt (your shirt) three sizes too big and soaked through. There was a gentle flush to her light brown skin that made her almost glow in the morning light.

You feel yourself relax as your mind wanders off on a tangent

===== Be the kidnapped veterinarian

You cannot be the kidnapped veterinarian because he is currently knocked out, snoring in the corner.

Instead you choose to be the captured Casino Owner

You sit in the corner, curled up next to the empty boxes in your cell. Sporadically, you glance behind them.

Good, the little pull-along wagon and emergency pack are still there.

You keep a constant lookout, every single nerve on your body stretching and aching.

It won't be long now.

Around eight or so days ago, you overheard your captors talking to each other outside your door. They were loud and rowdy, almost as if they were drunk.

"Hey Clubs, you ready for the meetin next week?"

"Of course I am Slick!"

"Good, cause we gotta pack a lot of shit. We're gonna be there for about a week,"

"But what about the prisoners?"

"Prisoners? Eh, they can rot for all I care. The cripple's too weak to move and his whore is too dumb to really do anything. We'll leave em' food and scram,"

Your blood boils at the slur used against you, and you clench you fists, trying to fight the urge to punch something, anything.

"Alright Slick, if you say so,"

Their words get softer and softer as they leave, and you relax, slumping against the wall. A smirk graces your lips.

Perfect.

==== Be the angry police officer.

Oh boy.

Are you sure you want to be this asshole?

===== Yes

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are fucking sick of this thing.

You tug at the brace wrapped around your neck, wincing slightly as it chaffs at the skin on your collarbone. You can't fucking wait to get this thing off.

You check the time and groan.

Fucking great.

"SOLLUX WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DRIVE ME TO THE HOSPITAL NOOKSTAIN, I'M GOING TO BE FUCKING LATE,"

The asshole walks out of the back room, scowling.

"wait a fucking thecond you thithole. I'm getting thome thuff I need to take to Aradia,"

You instantly feel bad for putting yourself before your hospitalized friend.

Instead of throwing back a snarky comment, you choose to stop fanning this fire and go sit in the car. You crank the AC up and wait.

Damn this thing is itchy.

Twenty minutes later you're sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair, waiting for the doctor to call you. A women with a wailing kid is sitting next to you, and you silently curse whatever deity makes you put up with this shit.

Half an hour later, you're walking out, moving your head erratically, getting used to your newfound freedom.

Hell yes.

Hell fucking yes.

You finally got rid of that shit.

You walk down to the patient residency wing to meet Sollux. Locating Aradia's room is easy, since you've done it dozens of times before. You open the door and step into the room.

You're met with the sight of Sollux flipping his shit and for the second time today you wonder what god you pissed off to deserve this.

Oh god two months and you guys get this crappy update. I am so fucking sorry.

I was really busy all of June, with finals and then driving class and stuff. I also took a slight break so that I could improve my drawing skills.

Anyways, I'm back!

I'm still looking for people to illustrate scenes from this, so if you're interested, you can message me at my tumblr. My URL is magnificenthoofbeasts.

Thank you to everyone who patiently waited for me to update. You guys rock!

~Reaper