The heavy doors of the Armstrong mansion were flung open before Buccaneer could even finish knocking. "Ooh, Captain! Please come in!" He grimaced as Catherine yanked him through the huge doors of the mansion. That glint in her eyes was back and he didn't like it. I thought it was the butler's job to answer the door. He bit his lip at the dirt that fell from his shoes, staining the pristine carpets, but Catherine didn't seem to mind.

"Is your sister home yet? I wanted to see how her doctor's appointment went." It wasn't hard to know Olivier hated any form of medical treatment. More soldiers were put on trash and icicle shifts during the week everyone had their annual physical than any other time of the year. And the one time she'd fallen into a freezing lake (it was in the summer when the snow was slushy and ice was thinner), she'd avoided the doctor to the last second, despite her entire body turning blue and her being unable to stop shivering. The doctor had given her a very stern lecture, saying if Miles and Buccaneer hadn't practically shoved her into sickbay when they did, she could have been paralyzed or gotten pneumonia.

Catherine hung on his arm. "Why are you so worried about her? I'm sure it went fine, and no, she's not home yet. But I'd be happy to keep you company until she arrives. And maybe after too." She fluttered her eyelashes. Buccaneer searched for the words to say no. It was getting increasingly hard not to blush. Her tone was so sweet and she was so tiny. If it weren't for her crazy strength and trademark Armstrong curl and sparkles, he would have sworn she was adopted.

"Uh…look kid, I think you've got the wrong idea. I'm not really interested in-"

"Come on, I'll fix you some tea!" Buccaneer was grateful she'd grabbed his left arm; if it had been his right the pulling would have hurt a lot. He muffled a groan as she dragged him through the parlor/living room/whatever the hell it was. Nothing was out of place and portraits of people with huge builds, blonde hair in crazy up-dos, and blue eyes lined the striped walls. He almost squinted from how bright and colorful the mansion was. Maybe the reason they sparkle is because they've got all these chandeliers shining on them all the time. But at least there's plenty of elbowroom.

Catherine snapped her fingers, and instantly a maid materialized out of nowhere. A grin tugged at his lips when he realized the female servants here wore the stereotypical black dresses with white aprons and bonnets. It was demeaning, but rather sexy. If Olivier wore one of those French maid outfits- not that she ever would, but if she did: wow. He doubted he'd have the self-control he normally did. Take away the glare and she'd look just like a doll. A very sexy doll. One he'd want to play with all night long…

"Buccaneer?" Catherine frowned. He broke out of his daze and looked back at her. She was holding out a teacup. "Here you go."

"Oh. Thanks. But I really can't stay, I have to check in with the fort-"

"Oh, just for a little while. We haven't seen you in over two weeks! Pleeeasse?" She bit her lip and her eyes looked watery. Aw jeez don't cry on me. If the Bear of Briggs had one weakness, it was seeing girls cry. They'd had to relieve him of training female recruits because of it.

"Well okay, but-"

"Great! So what do you think of this dress?" She set her own teacup down, stood up from her chair, and pulled at her white frilly dress, adjusting it so that it rested even further down her bosom. He'd noticed upon walking in that it was awfully short; it barely covered the essentials. Do her parents know she's wearing this? The rest of the family dressed so conservatively it was hard to imagine they would be okay with it. The V-neck, lack of sleeves, and tightness turned her B-cups into C-cups, and the material was thin enough that he could see her nipples. Plus it was white.

"Uh…it's a little, uh…" Slutty. Hell, he wouldn't want a girl he was interested in dressing like that. At least not in public. Olivier would never be able to fit into that. Her tits are so much bigger they'd probably tear the fabric wide open. He started to snicker at that thought, but covered it up by pretending to cough.

"Some bread, Miss Catherine?" the maid reappeared behind her. Buccaneer immediately shifted his gaze to the outfit. Now that she could wear.

"Yes please, and let's be quick about it," Catherine said, snapping her fingers and returning her gaze to the man in front of her, who unbeknownst to her was no longer listening. "Now what was I saying? Oh right, this dress. It used to be longer, but I had it altered and I think it looks so much better this way, don't you? I normally wear pink, but I think now I'm starting to grow out of it, it's such a little-girl color. Now I'm thinking I might try red. What do you think? Would you like to see me in red?"

The dress would look just like that, with the short puffy sleeves. Olivier likes gloves, so she could wear the long ones. I bet her hands are so soft under those gloves. And let's see, there could be a drawstring in the back so the dress could be taken off easily. No, not a drawstring, a bow. A great big white bow. That would look HOT. And then maybe instead of the bonnet she'd have a big black bow on her head. Or maybe bunny ears. And she could tap dance very slowly…

"Um, hello? Why do you keep zoning out on me?"

Buccaneer blinked rapidly, trying to shake the pervy vision out of his head. "Uh, I just have a lot on my mind." He shifted nervously and, to his dismay, realized something truly terrible.

He was getting a boner.

"Maybe you're just distracted," Catherine purred, leaning over the table to get closer to his face. She tugged on one of his facial hairs. "I can certainly see why." Buccaneer made a face. He normally wasn't one to complain about having a pretty girl's breasts right under his nose, but Catherine was so young-looking it would have felt like being with a twelve-year-old. Why can't she take a hint?

"But that's enough about me. Tell me about your life, Captain. What was your childhood like?"

Bam! "Unbelievable!" Olivier's voice could be heard clear across the mansion, and so could the sound of the huge door being slammed as she stalked through the house without bothering to remove her shoes. "This is an outrage!"

Crash! Buccaneer didn't have to see her to know the Armstrong family was now short one glass.

"What happened?" he yelled. He started to get up, but immediately sat back down as he remembered the tightness in his pants. "Is everything okay?"

"No everything is not okay. This is the worst news I could possibly have gotten." Catherine frowned and Buccaneer cringed as the double doors to the room they were in were flung open and Olivier stood there with her D&D (deadly and dangerous, as the Briggs Bears had so affectionately dubbed it) face on.

"Olivier! What on earth happened? You don't mean-"

Buccaneer swore there had to be some kind of Armstrong sixth sense. Just like that, the rest of the family had burst through the other set of doors. First Josephine, then Amue and Alex, followed by Strongine and Philip. Soon the major general was surrounded. Upon seeing her parents, Buccaneer turned so that the tablecloth hid his lower body. The last thing he needed was them getting the wrong idea, and he was really starting to wish Catherine would move.

"Please tell me it's not true!" Amue cried, clutching a handkerchief, which was almost buried in her enormous hands.

"Worst news? That's just awful!" Strongine said.

"How tragic!" Alex sobbed, sparkles and tears catching the light of the many chandeliers.

"Poor Lieutenant Hawkeye, she and the Colonel must be heartbroken," Josephine said, shaking her head.

"Oh, there's nothing worse than a dead baby," Philip rumbled sadly.

"Dead? Who said anyone died?" Olivier raised an eyebrow.

The room was silent for a moment. "Well, what news could be worse than the baby dying?" Buccaneer asked.

Olivier rolled her eyes. "Tch. That's hardly the case. In fact, just the opposite happened. Riza started bawling and I imagine Mustang must be pissing himself with happiness." Olivier growled, crossing her arms and scowling.

"Happiness? I thought you said the news was bad," Buccaneer reminded her.

Olivier cracked her knuckles. "It is bad for me. I swear, it's just like Mustang's DNA to go and multiply on me!"

"Multiply?" everyone repeated in unison. There was silence for a moment, then a collective gasp.

"You don't mean…there's more than one?!" Alex asked, eyes bulging.

Olivier rolled her eyes. "What gave it away, idiot? Turns out I'm having twins."

"Oh, how marvelous!" everyone cried. Buccaneer chuckled as ten beefy hands encircled Olivier and her entire body was buried under her family, who ignored her shouts for them to get off.

"Twins? Oh Olivier, that's so amazing!"

"I love twins! They're so cute!"

"Colonel Mustang and his wife must be so happy! What a blessing for them."

"Let go before I tear you all apart limb from limb!" Olivier scrambled to her feet and brushed herself off. She turned, finally acknowledging Buccaneer. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Just wanted to see how it went. What kind of twins are they?"

"It's far too early to know that yet. But the doctor thinks they're fraternal."

"Aw, that's a shame," Amue said. "Identical twins are the cutest. But at least this way people can tell them apart. You're so lucky, Olivier."

"Lucky?" Olivier whipped around. "Quit acting like this is a good thing. I signed up for one baby, not two."

"Olivier, having twins isn't that different from having a single baby," Josephine told her calmly. From what Buccaneer could tell she seemed to be the sanest of the bunch. "And you'll be happy to know that they generally come earlier than single babies, so you won't be pregnant as long."

"God I hope not," Olivier muttered. Maybe the tiny bump she'd discovered really hadn't been her imagination. But there was nothing to be done about it now. At least Riza was happy. "Ecstatic" might be a better word. She'd nearly broke down right there in the office, something Olivier wouldn't have thought the lieutenant capable of.

"Wait! We almost forgot to tell her the other news," Philip bellowed.

"What other news?" Olivier was instantly on high alert. This couldn't be good. Especially not with that twinkle in her father's eye.

He spread his arms grandly. "We've managed to acquire an orchestra, a decorating committee, and have hundreds of invitations all ready to go. In other words, all the arrangements have been made and the Armstrong Five benefit concert is definitely a go!"

"Hurray!" Even Buccaneer raised an arm at that, though he refrained from shouting the goofy phrase.

Olivier was steaming, feeling exhausted. "Not that nonsense again."

"But I thought you said you were going to do it," Buccaneer pointed out. She shot him a glare. He was one of her soldiers; he was supposed to be on her side.

"Oh please don't say no, dear." Josephine begged. "Your brother and sisters are so excited and your father has worked very hard to get everything ready. It wasn't easy trying to get all of this done before you get too far into your second trimester."

"That's only a month away, Mother." She paused. Wow. It really was only a month away. Great. "We'll never be able to do it in time. Especially not with twins."

"Of course we can," Alex assured her. "The art of quick efficiency has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

"Come on general," Buccaneer taunted. He had an idea. He gave her the best sneer he could muster. "You're so talented and strong this should be a piece of cake for you. Unless of course you're afraid."

"Why would I be afraid of singing and dancing?" Her cheeks puffed out and her eyes narrowed, just as he'd planned. Just like clockwork.

"Well…" He drummed his fingers on the table, pretending to think and trying not to notice how good she looked in pants. "It is a lot of pressure. All those people staring at you. You're probably afraid you'll mess up. But it's okay. It's perfectly natural to be afraid. Although I wouldn't expect that of our Ice Queen-"

"Shut up! I am not afraid. I could sing and dance better than half the population with my eyes closed and my hands tied. I'll perform at this concert and show you just how not afraid I am."

"Hurray!" Olivier grit her teeth as her family cheered again.

First she'd become pregnant with Mustang's twins, and now she was going to sing and dance with her siblings onstage in front of the entire country.

I don't think I'll be taking another vacation anytime soon.