Bren's dream world
The party was on, everyone dancing and laughing. There were at Hodgins' mansion. He had offered them to have their party there when they learned of the engagement, and of course, after they had made certain Brennan was truly ok with the news. It had stung to realize her family had accepted Hannah like she was one of them, but she couldn't blame them for truly believing her charade. There were several tents placed around the garden, and being the maid of honor, she had to stay with the wedding party until all her duties were fulfilled. Everyone was there: the big bosses of the FBI, Booth's FBI and Army buddies, Hannah's family, the entire squint squad.
After all the pleasantries were over and toasts and photos were done (luckily, Booth hadn't pushed her to be the one to make a toast, and right before the wedding, when they were getting ready, Hannah's mother had begged her to let her be the one to give the mandatory speech, something she gladly accepted, relieved at the thought that no more lies would have to slip from her mouth), she slipped silently from the party while Booth and Hannah had their first dance as husband and wife.
She was leaning over the railing that bordered the small lake that was right next to the gardens, giving it a dreamy look. It was filled with swans, ducks… a couple of peacocks were on the other side, and looking at them closely, she recognized their motions as courting. Everything and everyone was talking about love, and the irony didn't get pass her when she noticed she was the only one alone, the only one who would end up the rest of her life without knowing what love would be like, not feel like, because she was sure the love she carried inside would die with her.
Even Sweets and Daisy had reconciled, and would be married in 6 months, right after Daisy presented her doctorate dissertation. Cam and Paul had moved in together and had agreed that if they were still together in 1 year, they would marry as well. Angela had told her that as soon as Michael reached 2, they would try for a second baby. She loved big families, and so did Jack, being only children themselves.
She took a sip of her champagne, and lost track of time until she felt a warm, large hand touch the small of her back.
She jumped, but didn't even tilt her heard to check who it was. Only he elicited that reaction from her body without even trying.
"Hey, Bones. I missed you. I danced with all the ladies, even with Caroline, and you weren't there", he chided playfully.
Not raising her eyes from the lake, she replied, "I'm sorry, but I was tired and I needed a breather. These events are a little…"
"Overwhelming?", he supplied and she nodded.
"Bones, are you ok?", he said, concerned at seeing her so silent, "I would hate to know that you feel this uncomfortable by being here. We're here to celebrate", he tried to tease, but she just shook her head and closed her eyes, inhaling the night air.
"Booth, I know perhaps this is not the appropriate moment, and you know I'm never good with timing but… You're leaving in 2 hours, and I want… I need to ask you something", she said.
"So serious", he teased, but seeing her frown, and serious posture, he sobered up quickly, knowing that when she was like this, she meant business, and said, "Shoot".
"Booth, you told me, right after you and Hannah got engaged that… the day she got pregnant, you would quit the field", he nodded, "She is pregnant now, so, in the light of recent events, I guess the decision stands".
He felt a wave of dread pass over him as he replied, "I don't want to subject her to that. I mean, a baby… It's all I ever wanted, and… I can't keep risking my life. I'm good at what I do, and I've always loved it, but I don't want to tempt my good luck, and… my family is more important", he said.
"It's not luck, Booth", she said sternly, "It's never been. It's you. You're highly skilled, perhaps the best agent the DC office has right now", he looked pleasantly surprised at her heartfelt appraisal.
"Thanks for the compliment, Bones", he said, and she shook her head.
"Not a compliment, Booth. A fact. I… Cullen called me ask me how we would handle things now that he had offered you the Assistant Director post?", Booth nodded, his eyes unable to leave the figure of the woman he had loved for so many years, lost momentarily in this little moment between them, "Considering my past history with other agents, he was rightfully concerned, but I set his mind at ease. However, I would have liked it very much if you had extended me the courtesy of hearing this from you. We're supposedly partners", she said, thankful that at least any hurt he saw in her he would assume was because she was upset at this change of tide.
"Sorry for not telling you, Bones… but yes, he's stepping down. Hacker… Hacker will take his place, but he already told me it will only be for a year. He'll go to Cali, and then I'll be… Deputy director, imagine that", he said, "I didn't want to hide it, but with the wedding, everything's been so crazy, and we truly haven't had the chance to truly sit and speak", she nodded.
"This offer is not a surprise to me", she began, "You deserve a reward for all of your hard work, Booth, for the sacrifices you've made and for how much you've contributed to truly fight crime in this country. And it's a wise decision to leave the field. While it goes against your alpha-male nature, which loves the thrill of the hunt, the fact that you're willing to take such a different road speaks of how much you love your… family", she finished.
"Thanks, Bones. But I don't really understand why we're discussing this right now. I know it is a huge change, but at least it could have waited after I returned", he said, concerned as he realized she hadn't meet his eyes during their conversation.
"No, Booth. That's what I wanted to tell you. Considering that from the moment you take that post our partnership will be over, I made some decisions of my own", she said, hoping her eyes didn't betray the intense onslaught of emotions she was feeling, she steeled her spine, "I decided to accept a new job", she said, and took a sip of the bubbly liquid, hoping the motion would help her find her feet and hide how she was trembling, along with giving her the so-called liquid courage she needed.
"Bones, are you leaving the Jeffersonian?", he said, his eyes burning with emotion, disbelieving of her words, "It's for a while, isn't it?, You're not leaving for good", he said desperately.
"No, Booth", she said resolutely, "I'm not returning. This time, my leaving will be final. When you return from your honeymoon… I won't be here anymore", she finished, unable to stare into his hurt eyes.
She sighed deeply as she sensed his distress, "Booth, I don't mean to ruin this night for you, I truly don't, but I guess it would have hurt… more if you heard it from someone else", he couldn't argue with her logic, "You deserved to heart this from me, as I respect our partnership too much to hide it, and I would have never subjected you to come back and finding me gone without a proper explanation", and what she was doing wasn't lost on him. While he had kept all the changes he was about to make to himself, knowing they affected her as well, as he removed himself from her life as his partner, she had opened to him and told him the truth.
"When?", he asked weakly, seeing she wouldn't change her mind, no matter what, feeling the pain on his chest like a physical blow.
"Next week", she replied, her eyes lost into the scenery, the moonlight caressing the small waves of the lake with its soft, silvery shine.
"So soon?", he asked, and she simply nodded, still not meeting his eyes, "Where?", he asked, hoping his voice didn't shake at the prospect of a life without her. He knew it was unfair, but the thought of not seeing her brought a pain to his chest he couldn't dismiss.
"Rome", she said.
"As in Italy, Rome?", he replied astounded, and she nodded once more.
"Wow. Bones, I know you think everything through, but… Are you sure? Italy is so… far from here", he said. The pleading quality to his voice wasn't lost on her.
"Yes, it's far, and yes, I'm more than certain", she took another sip of her wine, "This doesn't mean you won't see me again, Booth. I'll visit maybe once a year, even twice. You'll be so caught up in your life you won't even have the chance to miss me", she said, her voice shaking a little. If you still care enough to miss me.
"How can you say that? You're… you're the lynchpin, Bones. Of course we'd miss you. Who's going to teach the squinterns about the real hardcore science? Parker will miss you, and the little one… He won't get to know his aunt Tempe", he said, pleadingly, feeling her slip from his fingertips like water.
"Booth, while I appreciate your efforts to convince me to stay, I'm certain that in time, you'll be working beautifully around the new dynamics these changes will bring. And I need this. I truly do", to be away from you so I don't die each time I see how happy you are with someone else, her mind added, to heal from this so I can keep breathing.
For a second, he read the bitterness and the stiffness of her posture, "Bones… I don't know why, but I feel like… I should be apologizing. I've been so caught up in this maelstrom… I know I haven't been a good friend lately", he pleaded.
"Booth…", she inhaled, while shaking her head, "It's touching that you feel there's a need for you to apologize, but… You all have your lives. You're living your dreams. And I… I need to find… new dreams, for me", she said softly, not wanting to say anything that would give her away.
"Don't… Aren't we enough? We love you, Bones", he said, fighting the urge to shake her and make her see sense, "We're your family".
"I know you all… love me. But I told you once, change is inevitable. It makes us uncomfortable at first, and our first instinct is to fight against, but eventually, if we don't allow ourselves the chance to evolve, we fade", she said, caressing the rim of her glass with a finger absentmindedly.
He straightened his shoulders, and his voice came out deep, and husky, "I thought you said… You couldn't change", her eyes finally met his, and for a few seconds, she allowed him to see the heartbreak she had been hiding all these months.
"I guess… I was denying the pull change had created in me back then. Something I was able to fully realize when I went to Maluku. Back there, I was able to see I wasn't the same person you met at first, but that the implications of the changes in me were the ones to unsettle me, and make me doubtful. Ever… Ever since my parents left, I don't do well with change. I guess Dr. Temperance Brennan had to be proven wrong, right?", she said.
He took a step closer to her, and longingly said, "Bones…", whatever he had been about to say died on his lips as a cheery voice interrupted him.
"There you are!", Hannah walked quickly to them, "Now, Tempe, don't go stealing my husband", Hannah teased, hooking her arms through Booth's, for once, his posture faltering slightly, hating that their time had literally come to an end, in all senses of the word.
"Would never think of it. Actually, I was informing your husband", she remarked pointedly, "That when you return, and given his new post at the Bureau, you won't find me here".
Hannah gasped, "You're so sneaky. I never knew!", she said, her nomad nature making her curious at the anthropologist's new endeavor, eyes sparkling at the thought of their friend going on an exciting dig.
"I made sure no one did. I informed Cam yesterday. Angela and Jack still don't know. I've already arranged a dinner at my place to let them know", Hannah nodded.
"Where are you going?", she asked excitedly.
"Rome", Temperance replied.
"Beautiful city. Handsome men", Hannah teased, and Booth's grumbled, "Hannah…", made her laugh, oblivious to the scene she had interrupted, and fortunately misreading the real reason behind her new husband's discomfort.
Booth could only think, 2 more minutes…God, what would have happened? What would we have said?, and then another voice, one that sounded very much like Cam's, added, "What did you expect would happen? You cracked the shell open, and you let it to rot".
"Well, the only way we'll forgive you for dishing this news today is…", she said, letting the words hang in the air, teasing them both.
"What, Hannah?", Temperance replied, tiredly.
"That you promise you'll return for our baby's birth. I asked Seeley this, and he agrees. We… would be honored if you were the baby's… godmother", Temperance gasped at the request.
"I'm… flattered", she said shakily, "But I'm not certain I'm fit for that role. I… don't share many of your beliefs", she said, "I wouldn't be the appropriate choice".
"Tempe. There's not a person we trust more than you. And being a godmother… It's about that. About receiving the trust the new parents put on you, and answering when they call for help", Hannah said happily, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
"But I won't even be in DC", she replied, trying to find something to hold on to. She was desperately trying to sever all bonds between them, and they were definitely making it harder to accomplish.
"Doesn't matter. That's why web cams were invited. And I have the nagging suspicion that you will return sooner than you think. You'll miss us too much", Temperance raised glassy eyes to them, which she hoped they saw as simply getting emotional over their request.
"Seeley", Hannah laughed, "You're letting me do all the talking. Convince her!", she pressed, nudging his bicep.
"Bones", he said, swallowing a bit, "It would mean a lot, if you returned for the birth, and… there's no one else I would want for my son or daughter's godmother", his brown eyes were pleading to her, telling her, please, don't punish me like this. I´ll know you've forgiven me if you say yes.
Unable to deny him nothing, and unable to use something as important as this to prove a point, going against her better judgment, she let out a sigh, and relented with a tired, "Ok".
Hannah shrieked, and hugged her, "Oh, Tempe. Thank you!", she returned the hug awkwardly, seeing Booth behind her.
When Hannah released her, he made his way, and just reached out for her hand, squeezing it, knowing that a hug would be more than they would be able to handle at this moment, "Bones, you'll never know how much it means to me", he swallowed, "To us", he amended, "Thank you".
"Don't thank me. Isn't this what partners do?", he nodded.
"Yes, Bones. It is what partners do", he said, unable to let go, until he felt Hannah pulling at his bicep.
"Come on, Seeley, how rude it would be of us if we left our own party?", she said, staring into his eyes with love and tenderness, "Let's go!", she tugged him, and he had no choice but to follow her.
But for one moment, he turned his head, and his heart felt like a part of his happiness had forever stayed locked in a pond of the deepest blue.
B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B
When light engulfed her again, she realized she was crying uncontrollably. She dabbed at her cheeks, and placed a hand against her thundering heart, which was beating painfully.
"I don't want to see anymore", she pleaded to the ether, "Please, don't make me. I… I can't take it. I beg you". She was starting to understand. While she had those peaks into the future, she would forget completely that she was being shown a reality that was being shaped, but still didn't exist, and she would therefore have to embrace the situations, as her conscience of this fact was lost. She could now see that it was the only way to fully grasp the consequences of her choices, and Booth's as well.
"You need to", a voice said, and suddenly, she felt something warm on her forehead, something… sweet and tender.
"What…?", she said, touching it with her fingers.
"Don't you know?", the voice replied, "You already have the answer to that question. Close your eyes and focus, honey", Christine said.
She did, and in a second, she knew. Booth. Her eyes leaked more tears at the thought of knowing he was with her, taking care of her, not letting her be alone, at how hurt he must be seeing her so broken, and blaming himself for it.
"Please, I need to wake. Can't you see how much this is killing him?", at first, somehow she could sense raw pain around her that didn't come from her, like the bond that had stubbornly refused to die was telling her it was his despair, his distress, she was feeling.
But then, when her mind focused on him, she could see him clearly, and her heart broke for him. He was bent over her, kissing her forehead, and dabbing at her cheeks, with an agonized look on his face she had never seen, whispering to her, vowing to be with her, pleading her not to fear anything.
"Please… Don't do this. Let me go back to him", she pleaded.
"Honey, you'll wake when you're ready to wake. Remember, this is your mind, your world. How long it takes you to leave is up to you. But you must realize, this lesson is for him too, Temperance. Let the comfort you feel of knowing he's with you accompany you through the rest of your journey", for a few moments, she let that feeling wash over her, giving her a bit of strength for the ride ahead, for she knew it would be the hardest to witness.
She felt she was being pulled to another place, and again everything was white.
B&B&B&B&B&B
ICU room
In her room, Booth had been tenderly drying her cheeks.
His heart hurt more and more as she saw no signs of her condition changing for the better. He couldn't believe it when he saw her begin to frown, but his pulse shoot through the roof when he saw her skin start to glisten with perspiration and a tear leak from the corner of her eyes.
He instantly went to wipe it, only to realize more and more tears were leaving from behind her closed eyelids. He raised his eyes, and saw her pulse had increased quite a bit.
In that instant, a nurse chose to enter, and noticed the distress on his face, "Mr. Booth, is everything ok?"
He found his voice and replied, "She's… she's crying, and sweating", he said desperately, and the woman smiled indulgently at him.
"It happens sometimes. During comma dreams, people have very vivid dreams", she stated, while she started checking her vitals and IVs, finding nothing wrong, apart from her increased blood pressure.
"But if she's crying, she must be dreaming something awful", he said brokenly, and the woman nodded while she finished.
"She's not running a temperature, and her vitals are as normal as they can be, thankfully. It might be only her agitation. I would advise you to look at the bright side of it. It's painful to see, I know that you feel helpless to realize you can't wake her and make her snap out of it, and stop her pain. But at least, if you see the positive aspect, if she's dreaming, then it is possible that her brain is engaging, and working its way back to us", Booth looked at the nurse, and pondered her words.
It was true. If she was dreaming, her brain was trying to work around the damage, and he sighed deeply before showing the nurse he understood.
She silently exited, and when he was again alone, he bent to kiss her temple, right where the skin was damp with tears. "Bones, whatever you're dreaming on, I'm right there with you. Don't fear, you're not alone. Never again", he whispered against her ear, and he could have sworn that again, the frown had eased the tiniest bit.
Still a long way to go until they all learn their lessons… never forget my motto… Keep the faith!