Ch4

This was the most plush and cottony bed Hiccup had ever felt before; his back was aching.

With his eyes still closed, he stretched his arms and yawned. Trying to remember what had happened before and why everything felt like it was covered in feathers.

Hiccup was bending his legs to sit up better, when he felt more than one foot touch the too-soft surface.

Eye completely open, Hiccup saw the bed pole with nixes in them, the open closest full of dresses and the target sheet with arrows on it.

With a queasy stomach, Hiccup took the hands he could control and put them on his chest. Merida's breasts were lovely and squishy and Hiccup's mind and soul was still stuck in her girl-body.

"Oh Gods." Hiccup dropped Merida's fluffy head back to the pillows he didn't like. His way of dealing with the panic was by idly observing the room, trying to find humor in the mundane. From the shiny dresses and the craftsmanship of everything in there Hiccup gathered that Merida was wealthy. It made sense with her 'do-what-ever-she-wants' attitude.

Queen Elinor didn't bother to knock because 1) she was Merida's mother, 2) she was the queen and asked permission from no one.

"Oh thank heaven. You were sleeping like the dead! We were considering putting the young McGuffin on trial." The Queen said as she stroked her daughter's head.

Merida said nothing; her large eyes just stared at the tiara on Elinor's head.

Noticing the confusion, Elinor smiled and said, "Just a jest, my darlin, goodness you look pale."

She put a hand under Merida's chin and Elinor watched her swallow.

"Merida, is something wrong with you?" The concerned mother asked.

Perking up, Merida smiled and said "No, Mother, everything is just dandy!"

This did not comfort Elinor in the slightest. "Dandy?"

After a little cough, the princess straightened up, "Is that out of character? I think I'm a little whoozy from before so I might not make a lot of sense today."

There was something off about Merida's voice, it was like she was trying to speak normally but trying at it so hard it made it more fake.

"Is that a fact, Merida?" Elinor's top eyelids dropped and her face became a little cool.

With a very innocent-looking face, Merida softly said, "Yes, mother, I promise. "

Why lie to the Queen? Because the truth was unbelievable and would probably lead to being tied on a boat and being shipped off to the unknown.

Elinor stared at what looked like her daughter for a few moments then said. "Very well. Would you like your meals to be brought here or can you make it to the dinning hall?"

"Oh, um, I'm not hungry." Not something the real Merida would ever say, but this imposter still tried to imitate her by saying, in an assertive tone, "I would just like to start my day as normal as possible, what would you recommend doing first?"

The real Merida would be able to see past Elinor's coolness to the furious suspicion inside. " After you dress, we can start the lessons of the day; arithmetic, classic literature, geometry- "

"Golly, I don't know how out of the ordinary this is, but I would love to start with geometry today!" Looking at maps would be a great way to start a way out of this mess.

Elinor put her hands together and said, "As you wish; let us go to the map room."

It wasn't until they were walking down dark stairs towards what looked like a dungeon did Merida ask,

"Is this really where we keep the maps, mom?"

Hiccup had just about figured he'd failed at thespianism, but maybe there was a chance the Queen was stupid and she really did have a quirky castle of confusing rooms.

With light in one hand, Elinor turned around and her unhappy face obvious against it's glow.

"Don't you remember this is always where we keep the maps, Merida. Why would you question me? Do you think I'd lie to you? " Elinor's eyes were like glaciers on a path to crush whatever was in her way.

Okay, the Queen wasn't stupid. Merida didn't say anything.

The princess was three steps behind Elinor, they were equal in height just then.

"You're not a fey because the first words out of your mouth were untruths. I am giving you one last chance to be honest with me or spend the rest of your years in a cell."

Over cakes and tea, Hiccup told the Queen all that had happened since he'd meet Merida. Since the potato to the head, Elinor explained to him that Merida's friends were in a brawl against some Viking youths and it ended with both parties taking their respective parties home. Or they thought they did.

"Vikings?" Elinor asked in worry.

"Yes, where's she now being treated as a beloved member of ruffians, ne'er-do-wells and vagabonds." Hiccup drily explained, annoyed with the prejudice against his village.

"Oh Heavens, I hope not…she'd enjoy that too much." The Queen rubbed the space between her eyes and told a long sip of tea.

Hiccup looked to the side and nodded his head, "I have to say you're taking this all in extremely well, your highness."

After she finished her sip the Queen told whom-looked-like-her-daughter, "You have a sincere face, child. I have reason, from just listening to how you speak, to believe you are no more a criminal than you are a victim of magical circumstance."

Meeting someone so down-to-earth and sympathetic was a miracle thing to Hiccup. He smiled at his good fortune and asked, "Thank you, your highness. Really, I can't imagine how anyone else in the world would be as understanding about something as insane as this."

The sides of the Queen's mouth angled upward a bit. "I have personal experience in mystical inconvenience, and what made it manageable was I had at least one person who knew the truth. "

Making a tiny smile with Merida's lips, Hiccup took that in and asked for nothing more.

The Queen put her cup on the table between them and put on her business-face.

"Right then, as I put crew together you may use our maps to pin-point where we shall navigate to find your isle and my daughter" Before she's elected their leader.

There were a few facts Hiccup kept to himself about the isle of Berk and his life. One fact unmentioned was Merida had a different gender now.

"Oh and, young miss, there are a few things we need make clear now while we're alone." The Queen knew that this was all mad and madness wasn't good for the kingdom, so her demands of Hiccup were-

"You must stay out of public sight and silently stay at my side at all time, if not confide yourself to Merida's room until this whole ordeal is done with."

Hiccup nodded, "I was that bad at playing the princess?"

"Horrid is too kind a word. I will tell the castle Merida is ill to avoid suspicion from your polite and agreeable nature." The strange truth is the girl Elinor was starting at had all the grace of character Merida couldn't show on her best day.

"I think that's wise, your highness." Hiccup nodded his head, liking how this was all going.

Elinor knew her daughter to be a bright, kind, very capable young woman who'd succeed in ruling superbly. BUT as a teenager she was too wild and passionate to keep her head on serious matters. She wouldn't want her daughter any other way…though having this obedience child under her wing wasn't so awful for a moment.

As they made their way to the dinning hall and family, Elinor was giving 'Merida' advice on how to fool her husband and sons.

"So I cannot tell new-Dad about his little girl's big adventure?" Merida asked, totally fine with that plan because she wanted to make a good impression on this dad.

Sure it wouldn't change her relationship with her Stoic but what use is it to throw out an alternative fish?

"The King has never had much patience with witchcraft. It would be pragmatic to not disclose this information to him." Her posture was unmatchable and Merida respected that the Queen knew who she was talking about.

"Oh, and try to pronounce you're a in a deep richness, instead of your quick-mouthed Northern tone."

"As you wish, mum." Merida tried to place her tongue in the right settings- she wasn't the worst at vocal imitation.

"Now you don't have to do this every night, this is just to pacify the King whom is worried for his daughter." The Queen told her.

Merida nodded, then had to catch her balance. Did she trip over the dress that dragged on the floor or the extra foot she had gotten use to not having; Merida debated it in her head.

At the table was King Fergus; his mouth full of peasant smiled widely when he saw his daughter was still alive.

Looking at the huge size of new-Dad, Merida held back from rolling her eyes. I could be turned into a rabbit, a cute, fluffy little animal and still get a father who'd be able to crush skulls with his powerful hind legs, she thought.

After a rib-cracking hug, Merida met her little brother Hubert. Elinor wasn't paying attention to her because she was explaining to her husband the reasons (she'd invented) for Merida's unfamiliarity.

"Aww, my favorite little buddy." The princess said as she was about to bend down to the little rugrat but he ran through a door at her right.

Considering he may be shy, Merida turned around to her left to see the same little face at the left door.

Faster than a Nightfury leaving an eel party, Merida thought but said out loud, "Are you playing with me?"

Trying to smile through the confusion, the tall ginger tried to walk up to the short ginger.

Not trusting this imposter to be his real sister, Hamish ran behind the table and out of sight.

Before she had time to think of even trying to follow the small boy, something tugged on the back of her skirt.

Turning around to see Harris with his arms crossed, Merida had come up with the idea that she may be dealing with twins.

She had in mind to take a step back, get on one knee to match his sights and have a nice conversation about how Big Sister was always going to be there for her brothers.

As Merida put on a kindly face, Harris unexpectedly took out a long stick and poking her in the nose.

This didn't hurt as much as it surprised her- though no as much as Hubert and Hamish with a rope that tripped her from behind.

She landed on her bum without saying anything, and with impressive speed the triplets tied her up.

Before she could yell for help, Hamish put a fat cake in her mouth. Merida took a second to appreciate how tight the knots were on her side.

Harris stood on her knees and squinted his eyes at her. The fake princess knew that the little princes knew she wasn't the real deal.

With his index and middle finger, Harris made a gesture from his eyes to fake-Merida's eyes; anyone could translate it as "we're watching you."

Should I be more concerned with them blowing my cover or the fact that I was taken down by dwarves?

These were Merida's thoughts as she swallowed the last of the cake.

As Elinor and Fergus came into the dinning room again, they saw the heartwarming image of the triplets hugging their big sister. She was no longer tied up and it seemed the boys were willing to put with the charade to see her true intentions.

On both her knee, Merida had one brother in her arms, one hugging her side and on top her ecstatic hair.

Behind the hug, Merida whispered to Hamish,

"No one's going to get hurt, I promise."

The little Prince knew he shouldn't believe anything he was told, so he gave the stranger one last stink eye then hopped away from the 'Princess'.

"How ya feelin, my darlin?" Fergus cautiously asked his only daughter.

"Invincible and welcomed by all, Da". Merida said with such grand irony it sounded that much more sincere.

With a meaty hand on her shoulder, Fergus said, "Don't ye worry, we'll get your marbles all together again soon."

From inside of Merida's dress and shoes, Hiccup learned that Fergus was a real nice guy. After a few swords to the throat, he learned that Merida's brash attitude was inherited and her fighting skills were from not joking around.

"You're quick with the mouth but not on foot, darlin!" Fergus yelled as he was battling his little girl mercilessly.

"Hey Da, are you sure we never did anything else for fun? Like bird watching or-" She shut up as she blocked the sword coming at her right leg.

"Keep awake! Ye got my good looks but we don't needa match in every way!" He laughed as he shook his peg-leg.

The Hiccup inside the princess exhaled with extra movement on the bottom lip.