CH5
Sword-fighting a man, who resembled a mountain more than a person, was more fun than any Princess would've believed.
The Chief was all muscle: every inch from nose to toe. Though it took few muscles in his face to smile.
"Boy! When did you and the sword get so chummy?" Stoic asked as he and whom people were now calling "New Hiccup" were having a fun little tussle.
"Around the time ye were getting a team together to brush that wild mane of yours, Da!" New Hiccup said over the clanks of iron.
The Chief looked so happy it scared people. Well, it scared his best friend the most.
"Next the rats will grow long beaks and rainbow wings. Mark my words…." The peg-legged blacksmith told the sad-faced Toothless before he hobbled away to scream in the woods.
A mature dragon would enjoy seeing his rider having a good time with the Heavy-Hairy one. Toothless was a mature dragon; he was so mature he didn't grab New Hiccup but the arm and drag him away so they could fly together all by themselves like they use to. Nope, he just sat on the side and gave a gummy smile whenever New Hiccup looked back at him.
New Hiccup liked Toothless, but didn't know all his needs. "Da, the dragon keeps staring at me (this is said between slashes and rebuffs)- for what? I fed him, rubbed him, played with him-"
"How would I know about the beast begging like a Sméagol!" Stoic told New Hiccup; inside hoping he wouldn't hop on the dragon and away from this good time.
"A sad little what?" New Hiccup squeezed his nose.
Stoick would've explained but their sword fight was over when Tuffnut fell from the sky. He landed in a smooth roll, and then pounced onto New Hiccup. New Hiccup was not mad, laying on his back and looking up at Tuffnut.
"I knew I'd get the jump on you eventually!" Tuffnut said, pushing New Hiccup's arms down in the dirt.
"One day it'll happen." New Hiccup said as he brought an arm up and punched Tuffnut's chin.
As they wrestled, New Hiccup noticed he liked the way Tuffnut smelled; he reeked of sweat and something sour.
It made him think of exercising and fun. And New Hiccup did like Ruffnut too, but deep down wished the twins weren't always together.
Ruffnut threw a pail of something sticky on them; it was purple.
New Hiccup was smiling but tried to seemed outraged, "Now what in Zeus's name was that?!"
"Don't diss our Almightys like that, stick with Thor or Odin and they'll protect you from the others setting you on fire." Ruffnut told New Hiccup.
New Hiccup got up to punch her, she happily accepted by kicking him in the tibia.
By the time the others got there, Ruffnut had the boys in headlocks.
"Hey, if you girls are done playing pretend, we have work to get done." Astrid told them; she was so far from amusement, it was bordering the land of disgust.
The twins sighed. They let go of New Hiccup but the three continued to hit each other on their way towards the Dragon Academy. The kids had been putting this off, waiting for New Hiccup to regain all his wisdom. Their rationality was if New Hiccup remembered how to speak, walk, talk and function in every other way he'd remember his dragon skills.
Two days had passed and absolutely zero dragon-knowledge shined from him.
The one person who saw this as a problem was also the person who benefited from New Hiccup's stupidity; whether she liked it or not.
Astrid had everyone get in a straight line, their dragons to their rights and no slouching.
"Now then, with Hiccup being out of commission," Astrid watched New Hiccup play with Toothless (he just learned the dragon had retractable teeth, New Hiccup was amazed), "I take on full responsibility as Head Dragon Trainer."
Fishleggs clapped, but stopped when no one else looked excited. New Hiccup didn't know what was going on.
"Aye, Queen Bee, what do we do now?" New Hiccup asked, not noticing the other teens' frowns.
Astrid smiled and said, while looking beautiful and benign, "Survive."
Now Astrid respected and agreed with old Hiccup's philosophies of 'friendship is magical' and all that gooey stuff. What she didn't like, and used a lot a restraint from kicking Hiccup in the leg, was how it took so many mistakes before he got to his point.
"Put your faith in your dragon, trust your hearts and GODS HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T LEARN THIS BEFORE I'M DONE TALKING!" Astrid was on Stormfly, leading the others through an obstacle course that was the towering rock shoreline of Berk.
Stormfly was fast and aimed clean with Astrid's 'encouragement'. They were smooth as polished glass. This kind of partnership could only be done when a dragon and rider had a close, genuine bond.
The others did care for their dragons as much as she did. However, love didn't help Snotlout and Hookfang go through the narrow space between the two rocky pillars. The width of the Nightmare's wings wasn't the problem, if he'd angle himself right. The real problem was Snotlout didn't think ahead when it came to steering.
Their failure didn't shock Astrid in the slightest. She told Stormfly to soar above the other's view range. This made the others think Astrid was even further ahead.
Looking above the new leader saw that the twins flew against the edges and turns fine. But Astrid took points off for them purposely-smashing rocks around them. That method could either be great for dodging practice but she refused to give credit to the kids who didn't mind rocks falling on their empty heads.
The there was Meatlug and Fishlegs floating along with the speed of a two-legged turtle. With that tiny wingspan it was cool they even bothered to get out of bed, so Astrid gave brownie points for effort.
New Hiccup and Toothless hadn't even left the ground yet. Astrid's nose flexed in annoyance as she and Stormfly flew down to the new losers.
With his fake foot, New Hiccup played with the tail control. He'd done this forty times in the last half hour but still felt they weren't ready to fly. Toothless was very eager to fly but New Hiccup ignored his growls.
"Just getting my balance, lad. We don't want to crash and burn and die." New Hiccup smiled like he was joking, but inside he was praying they'd never have to find out.
"Need help with anything?" New Hiccup had hoped she wouldn't notice, but there she was.
Back straight, chin high, New Hiccup wouldn't show weakness around Astrid.
"Nope, just adjusting the seat. (New Hiccup wiggled around in his seat) Mhh-Hm, this is good."
Astrid folded her arms, her eyes half opened as she asked. "Okay then, safe to go. Right?"
"Yeah, everything hooked in place, it's just…I don't think Toothy is ready." The boy said, hands gesturing to the dragon that loudly disagreed.
Astrid pouted her lip. "This isn't the expert New Hiccup afraid of flying is it?"
New Hiccup shook his head in friendly disagreement. "Don't be a daff- I mean, silly, Astrid. I'm reeved to go."
"Really?" the blonde challenged.
"Yes, really." The New Hiccup said, full of pride.
Stormfly started stomping in the boys' direction.
"I think you are too. (Astrid says as her dragon starts to push Toothless to the edge.) But you might need a little push for lift-off."
"Toothy stay! Stay!" New Hiccup demanded, but Toothless didn't fight back. "Astrid! Get back or I'll-"
The threat turned into a scream as the boys went off the edge. New Hiccup was in horror, but he rammed his weird foot in the way the previous Hiccup's notes told him to. It wasn't as smooth of an save-dive as the pair normally did but they didn't crash so they were happy.
New Hiccup inhaled a big gulp of air, then glowered at Astrid.
"I've seen Snotlout react faster!" The girl yelled at them, her blue dragon laughed.
"Ye're gonna get it, me bonnie lass!" New Hiccup yelled. He wasn't mad at her so much as he had the adrenaline to chase after and try to ram into her for fun.
The lingo was still weird- but as Astrid and Stormfly flew, the young Viking had a tiny seed of hope grow in her chest. New Hiccup was flying on Toothless- something the old Hiccup did, something she missed seeing.
She couldn't watch Toothless fly and keep her dragon straight at the same time so Astrid listened for the sounds of a beginning rider crash into rocks. She heard the whishing and whooshing of a Nighyfury flying; common sense told her to never hope too high or too fast. But New Hiccup was still a Hiccup…
The twins' Zippleback's neck got in a knot, again. Fishlegs was kindly trying to ease the heads out while their owners were kicking each other. They didn't know whose fault it was for their poor dragon's predicament, or maybe they did and just thought it'd be fair to kick one another. Meatlug didn't choose an answer; the gronckle just rolled on her side in boredom.
Snotlout was punching a spot behind his dragon's left head horns. Hookfang liked that, but didn't like when Stormfly landed. The Nighmare knew he'd lose his dumb rider's attention.
"Well look who decided to take their good old time getting here, anyone think we need a new leader?" Snotlout left the decision up to the (uncaring) group.
"So, how'd New Hiccup do?" Fishlegs asked, and then yelped as Belch snapped at him for tugging too hard.
Astrid smiled (secretly) as she felt the wind of the rising Nightfury behind her. In the air Toothless twirled, zoomed and did all the fun things he liked doing to impress the other riders for Hiccup.
Toothless went vertical in the air then perfectly flipped over and dove for the ground. In a split second, he was horizontal again and landed gracefully.
New Hiccup hopped off, tussled his hair back coolly.
Fishlegs was wide-eyed as he gushed. "Whoa, that's a-"
New Hiccup held up an index finger to hush the speaker. Then his cheeks puffed up and he ran to the side of the cliff the kids and dragons were standing on to up-chuck.
Tuffnut and Ruffnut chuckled at the amateur. Fishlegs was gentler and asked, "You okay?"
New Hiccup whipped his mouth with his sleeve. "That was the most amazing experience of mi life."
Hearing those words was like being buried alive under foul garbage and Snotlout's socks; Astrid was not happy.
"Hardly." Astrid snipped, "It took you forever to get here- you were going like 30 miles on Toothless."
New Hiccup was still wobbly but asked with a noticeable amount of sarcasm, "Gee, queenie, what were ye expecting?"
The twins and Snotlout smelled a fight about to start.
"That dragon can go over a hundred miles an hour without even trying but he was dragging in the air for your little comfort."
After losing his lunch, New Hiccup didn't have the strength to fight her, but he thought he could handle talking. "Well we can't all be dare-devils the first try, so can the four of ye can hold back the critiques?"
"Ya know, I'm going to forgive your stupidity cause even though you conveniently remembered how to sword-fight, you've become an idiot." And what I'm missing, Astrid thought.
New Hiccup wobbled to glare at Astrid. The blonde would hit Hiccup when he was bad, but she wasn't sure if she could punish New Hiccup. She could, but would he live through it?
New Hiccup sat down with his head between his legs, trying to lose the dizziness he felt. "Let's end this before ye get hurt."
Astrid made an arrogant sound, "I wonder if smacking you in the head will bring back your memory. How bout I give it a shot?"
Snotlout whistled in encouragement. Fishlegs got in between his friends and said, "How bout we take a little breather? Meatlug could use one, and we could get Barf and Belch untangled?"
Astrid turned her back on the twerp she wished Toothless would eat.
"Oh yeah, that." Tuffnut remembered his dragon couldn't fly tangled. He snapped his fingers and the Zippleback got right again by its self.
Fishlegs dropped his jaw, and then rubbed his bitten arm. "You could've done that at anytime?"
"Yeah, but now it's funny." He said, and his sister chuckled- she shared his twisted taste.
Astrid rolled her eyes at their immaturity. Then she head New Hiccup giggle at Tuffnut. Her face was stone on the outside while her insides were being riddled with holes.
She looked at Toothless, who was sulking on the side. He was sulking because New Hiccup didn't enjoy flying in the right way as old Hiccup did. Astrid was disappointed too; she turned her face to rub under Stormfly's huge chin.
When Astrid flew it was precise, impeccable, and no one could match her. But when old Hiccup flew new words had to be invented.
….…..
In the castle of DonBraugh, New Merida was trying to fight suffocating boredom. The Princess could live with spending her days trapped inside doing another girl's paper work. She didn't complain about the annoyingly plush living conditions, feeling persecuted by three smarter than average children and having her butt handed to her in her father's training.
All that she could put up with because she had the knowledge it would end eventually. But what caused New Merida's sufferings was her flight-withdrawls.
In her past life, New Merida was privileged to have an incredibly talented best friend. A best friend she missed more than anything else; a friend who also feed an addiction that nothing could compensate.
New Merida tried to ignore the zinging nerves in her muscles. She felt agitated and was seeing the colors drain from the world.
It wasn't in her tendencies to snap or show anger. So New Merida chewed her tongue off and nodded when the Queen expected it.
Getting a ship and a crew ready took little to no time because Eleanor was a good organizer. She was so dignified a ruler no one in the castle saw her anguish.
Every single day since her daughter was born, Eleanor watched was their to watch her. She paid just as close attention to New Merida, but it was more of suspicion now.
The child looked so much like her Merida, but New Merida was not her daughter.
A nice child, but so off from the norm it was tragic comedy.
"Yes, mother, that sounds nice." New Merida said while she walked on the docks. She thought about how deep the water was to dive into.
The melancholy child was on Merida's lunar cycle, the Queen assumed.
Maudie, the Queen's lady-in-waiting, came to the docks with a letter in hand. The long-suffering maid was with another letter from The Duke.
Eleanor felt a button pushed when she saw The Duke's emblem.
"What does the letter say, mother?" New Merida asked, checking her nails for dirt. She had a picture book in her hands; the pictures were small and it had few words, prime source for New Merida's doodling.
"None of your concern, dear." The Queen brushing away the Princess was something Maudie was still not use to.
On a whim, New Merida pushed to learn more. "Mother, I've had nothing to think about but fractions and sun-lotion for the last week- please give me something new."
It was on Merida's lesson plan to read the tale of Icarus; the Queen stuck New Merida in the room to do as she pleased. Eleanor hadn't guessed the child would actually complete the work.
In pity, the Queen decided to tell her, "It's a letter from The Duke; a young man close to your age who requests a meeting; even after I've informed him many times before you are not fit for company."
"Have I met him before?"
"No."
"Have you?"
"No, but I've heard pleasant things."
"We should have him over." The New Merida said, thinking it was the best idea.
The Queen chuckled indignantly. "Why would you suggest something so foolish?"
"I don't think he's receiving the message through mail, so we should tell him face to face." New Merida usually tried to avoid confrontational situations. But the total lack of confrontation was making her homesick, so she'd settle with anything at this point.
The two ladies were walking back to the castle. Their ship would be ready to sail by tomorrow night.
"No. We shall deal with him with distance and polite indifference." The Queen was sure that she was right; most every past experience had proven so.
New Merida felt she had a better understand of men; they needed to be told flat out what the deal was. Women were masters at words and complex emotions but New Merida's experience was that men could live off mystery and hope forever.
This was not necessary to say aloud because the first thing the ladies saw when they entered the throne room was a large crate. The crate was so large that it met Fergus' neck in height.
The king examined the crate up and down with his three sons. The boys poked sticks in the holes at the bottom. There was a growling noise.
"Oh ho ho, this is quite the token of affection. Hey lass, ye may have attracted a good one this time!" the King said to his approaching daughter.
His wife was far less excited. She wanted to respect the shining gems in place of nails that kept the beast inside, but Eleanor felt disrespected. She wrote very clearly that her daughter was ineligible to meet a new suitor. This Duke was being stubborn and rude- he didn't win the Queen's favor.
New Merida tried not to sound too smug. "So, I'm thinking of a Sunday brunch. How fast can you send a sheep-gram?"
The Queen could be stubborn too. "We are returning this and sending a more ardent letter in the morning."
While their mother wasn't looking, the triplets broke the lock that kept the beast inside. The open door was not on the side of their family. The triplets saw the tiger's face where no one else could.
With one good roar, it caught the others' attention. The big kitty pounced at the scattered triplets- they were very fast for ones with such tiny legs.
"Aye! Who let the cat out!?" The King had a little exuberance that they did because it'd been forever since he went hunting.
New Merida knew about the king's hunting history, she felt she should step in. it wasn't before she lifted a foot did the Queen grab her and drag her away.
"Don't be bampot! (The Queen didn't mean to say that) I mean to say, stay away from that beast!" Whether this was her child or not, the queen wouldn't allow harm to her.
The King called for some warriors and a weapon to corner the animal.
The New Merida spoke so low it was breathe. "I can help them."
Royal lady's hands covered the stupid child's hands. "Stay beside me or you die."
None of the King's men were able to even scratch the tiger. The cat terrified them, but New Merida saw the men were not the only confused ones.
There was a moment when the Queen's gripe loosened to give more attention to her husband. In the moment, New Meirda took advantage of an opportunity: Your highness, forgive me, she thought.
Pulling her hand away with the rest of her, New Merida ran from the queen- around the circle of men stupidly trying to poke the tiger.
"Get back here or you will be locked in a tower for a month!" The worried mother threatened.
Risking her freedom and pretty face, New Merida walked towards the face of the tiger. No weapons on her, just one hand full of skirt and the other open palm.
"Lass, get back!" The king knew his daughter wasn't right in the head, but this was just plain stupid weird.
"I can take it- trust me, please." New Merida told them- with more sureness than she'd felt all week.
The tiger had fangs, muscles and pretty amber eyes. The pupils were needle thin, and the creature was ready to pounce.
New Merida only stood with the open hand to the animal; the animal pounced.
"No!" her parents screamed: the king raised his sword to stab the tiger in the back.
With a mighty call, he ran to the thing he thought was mauling his only daughter, but he heard laughter. That stopped the four hundred pound man piercing the beast like a turkey dinner.
From the angels the king didn't see, the king's men saw the tiger licking the princesses' face. The redheaded girl thought the tongue-bristles felt weird but she was so relived not being eaten she laughed.
"Lass?" Fergus asked, all the sense in the world getting knocked out of him.
The New Merida still hand a hand on the tiger's nose, she kept it there as the tiger helped her up.
Everyone in the room was flabbergasted; New Merida enjoyed the purring from her new friend under her girly hands.
"As long as no one pokes him with a sword or spear, I think he'll be chill (New Merida coughed) tranquil." The princess told her surrounding admirers.
The Queen calmed her heart and put her brain back on. This look-a-like child had secret talents and Eleanor wondered how deep that foxhole went.
With Sniffles the tiger chilled out, it was easy to put him in a new cage. New Merida thought this was harsh but she knew she'd pushed a boundary that day. From the depths of her rebellious heart it felt good and she knew she helped people. She also knew that the queen might be suspicious of what else she was capable of doing. New Merida would've gladly explained how and why she did the things she could, but the queen acted distant to her.
Telling her the truth was right the first time around, so New Merida thought she'd do it this time.
New Merida had left Sniffles and was walking to her room, where the Queen was waiting for her to choose a new dress. Tomorrow Princess New Merida of Dunbrouch would meet the Duke.
She thought she was alone, but then heard a Terrible Terror yelping for help.
Knowing dragon sounds by heart, New Merida ran to the door she heard the crying. It was not locked, and she opened it to see the poor creature being tugged from the front left leg, tail and right wing by the twins.
Since gaining the triplets respect, New Merida could say, "Let him go." And the princes would listen.
Of course their suspicion of the one they knew not to be their sister doubled but Hamish held them back from attack. He wanted to see what would come next.
The poor little dragon flapped into the girl's hands.
"Good night, boys." The 'princess' said as she closed the door to one of the castles many unnecessary rooms.
Hubert gestured to the closed door, his brother Hamish just held up and hand and nodded. Being the oldest and wisest of the three, Hamish ordered his brothers to spy on the imposter but not to bug her because they didn't know if she'd hurt them or not. Harris was the softest, in the heart and head; he just wanted to see more animal tricks.
In Merida's room, New Merida sat on the dresses laid out and took the rolled scroll on the Terrible Terror's leg. It was a roll of three small rectangles with writing on them. The script was very curly but sharp.
"This is for Princess Merida of Donbraugh" the words written on the roll said. The girl unrolled it to read the letter.
"If you are truly reading this, then let me say Hello Hiccup! "
In the letter the real Merida wrote saying she was safe and having fun in Berk, but she didn't tell anyone about their situation because she feared their disbelief.
Also she was having so much, she loved Hiccup's friends and dragons. She asked Hiccup to tell her how he family was doing, if he knew, and what the situation was like with him. Merida said she'd readily get Toothy and run to help if he needed them. She had lots of questions, and Hiccup noticed none was in tones like she was homesick or eager to leave soon.
In his woeful homesickness, Hiccup hugged the little dragon so hard it yelped in panic. He put it around his girl shoulders and rubbed its horn to make it feel safe and comfortable.
Hiccup/ New Merida knew it took the Terrible Terror three days to get to this castle. So much could change so Hiccup knew to tell her just to come as soon as possible to the castle for their Switching Back ritual.
The third page of roll was a last thought and had a smiling face on it. "Oh, I've seen your privates (big smile) Go away with mine!"