Chapter 6 - The Doctor
He'd forgotten, in that brief moment at the fireplace, about the time difference. He'd wanted to take Reinette, yes, and show her those stars she'd dreamed of. But he needed to see Rose, show her that he hadn't abandoned her. It was an unconscious choice, he didn't even bother thinking about it, it had just happened. Yet it had cost Reinette her life.
As he walked back into the TARDIS, his frown deepened. Guilt and sorrow swirled through him, slowing his movements. He shut the door behind him, hands buried deep in his pockets. Rose and Mickey were standing at the console, and he silently wished them away. Weary, he made his way up the ramp.
"Why her?" he looked up at Rose's timid voice. "Why did they think they could fix the ship with the head of Madame de Pompadour?" He shrugged and began to busy himself with the TARDIS.
"We'll probably never know. There was massive damage in the computer memory base. Probably got confused." He paused and straightened the screen, staring intently at it. "The TARDIS can close down the time windows now the droids are gone. Should stop it causing anymore trouble." he began shutting the windows down, ignoring the two of them. In the brief moment that he'd seen them standing there, he'd seen the look of disappointment on Mickey's face. It wasn't just Reinette he had let down, he'd also let down Mickey and he was afraid that if he looked up, he'd see the same look on Rose's face as well.
"Are you allright?" Rose asked. That hurt worst of all. That in all this, she was asking how he was. And she knew that he wasn't alright. Knew the decision he'd been forced to make, and knew he didn't want to make it. That comforted him, because in the end she knew him better than anyone.
"I'm always allright." He feigned a smile for her. Mickey caught on to that and tugged on Rose's arm.
"Come on, Rose. It's time you showed me around the rest of this place." Mickey led her out of the console room, leaving him alone. He made sure Rose had left the room and turned around to lean on the console, pulling Reinette's letter out of his breast pocket.
"My Dear Doctor. The path has never seemed more slow, and yet I fear I am nearing it send. Reason tells me that you and I are unlikely to meet again. But I think I shall not listen to reason.I have seen the world inside your head, and know that all things are possible. Hurry though, my love. My days grow shorter now, and I am so very weak. Godspeed, my lonely angel." he sniffed and put the letter back in his pocket. Guilt from his actions weighed heavily on him. Nothing he did was right, and yet he kept trying. Turning around he watched through the screen as the fire in the time window was put out, closing it permanently. He'd have to be careful not to cross into that timeline again, at least until he regenerated.
Reinette had loved him. He didn't know how to react to that, no one had loved him, or spoken of it, in centuries. Had he loved her? He couldn't decide. Admired, respected love? Grief overwhelmed him at the thought of her short life. Forty two years, that had been mere hours for him. The last years of her life, spent waiting for him. Not because she wanted to travel, but because she loved him. She didn't want him to be lonely.
Rose hadn't left him, he thought. She didn't know the depth of his loneliness but she didn't need to. A thought passed through his mind, seizing his hearts. What would he do when she left? For surely she wouldn't stay forever, and then what would he have? Fear gripped at him and he took a deep breath. He knew somewhere in his mind that she would die, just like Reinette, but he chose to ignore it. If he didn't think about it, it couldn't hurt.
He sniffed again and shoved his hands in his pockets. He'd gotten to emotional with this regeneration. Tea, tea was good. A good cuppa was all he needed and they could be off again. Running, always running and never looking back.