*eleven*

I stare at the wall for a minute, tracing patterns on it. That blob looks like Milluki, and that one almost like one of his computer things. I see little images of Kikyou's visor and my skateboard.

I don't know how long I looked, or how I got halfway up the wall, but I fall off when I hear Alluka's footsteps.

Of course, I land on my feet. Alluka runs over and asks me if I'm all right, and I tell her I'm fine. She doesn't know how to fall, but she wouldn't be climbing a wall in the first place, so it doesn't really matter.

"Let's play deathtouch," she says, with a smile. I'm about to agree when Silva comes down the hall.

"It's time for shock training, Killu," he says.

"Isn't deathtouch training too?" I know it isn't, not when it's with Alluka, but maybe...

Then I see Illumi coming toward us from the other side of the hall. I lower my shoulders, trying to hide my disappointment. "Sorry, Alluka. Maybe tomorrow." If he doesn't decide to lock her up all day tomorrow.

Illumi takes my hand and leads me away down the hall. I wonder what my punishment will be for wanting to play deathtouch instead of the shock training. Maybe he'll decide the electricity is enough.

Our silence isn't strained, not really. He takes me to the main stairs, like always. There are other ways to get to the room with the electrocution equipment, but this one is the shortest.

We walk down the hall, to the first right, the second, past the third. That's where we would turn if we were taking the normal route.

Illumi keeps walking, and I follow him.

I'm deeper into the maze under the house than I can ever remember being. We pass the last torch on the wall. I reach for Illumi's hand, and he lets me take it. He knows his way, even where neither of us can see. I find myself respecting his abilities more than ever.

Eventually, when I have no idea how far we've gone in the lightless passages, he finally stops, and I hear a door open.

I can't see anything, but by the way the stale smell diffuses into the air, I can tell that the room is small. He directs me against a wall and binds my arms with ropes. I won't break Illumi's ropes, though I know I could.

I wait for him to begin, but all I feel is a last cool breeze on my cheek, all I hear is the sound of the door closing.

I tell myself that I am not afraid of the dark.

There is no noise, no light, nothing but the absolute blackness and the air that feels heavy on my body. I consider trying to worm out of my bonds, as Illumi tied them just loosely enough that it would be easy, but there's no point in doing so when I don't know my way back. I don't want to wander through Kukuruu Mountain until I starve to death, so I stay still, resisting the urge to try to return to the world of the light.

It's surprisingly comfortable to be tied against the wall. I expected something sharper, more painful, less boring. Nothing is happening; nothing will happen until Illumi returns.

I can't track time blind, and I have no reference at all in this underground room, but by the tightening of the hunger in my chest, it must be nearing dinnertime. I wonder if I'll be fed tonight.

I open my eyes, close them tightly and open them again, knowing I can't see but unable to stop my body from trying. Spectral blue doors seem to unfold in front of me, followed by green and purple fireworks. I hear music, and see dead people all around me, laid out in perfect rows like soldiers. Most of them look like they have been murdered by amateurs. I close my eyes reflexively, but it changes nothing; the ghostly choir continues to play, and the dead begin to stand.

"Go away."

The ones who once were people turn and walk away from me, all of them as one motion.

"You aren't real."

The illusion fades away as the fireworks flash once more. Then the silent blackness returns and I can feel the bonds around my wrists again.

At least, surrounded by the dead, I wasn't alone.

"Come back," I say. No movement.

"Please."

I open my eyes.

The blackness in front of me starts to form surface images like the patterns on the walls: I see Kikyou's disapproving mouth, just her mouth, not the rest of her face, then images of food, every kind of food, and I can tell that it isn't poisoned, none of it is. I'm sitting at a table with Alluka next to me, watching the family pass dish after dish down, and I have to keep passing them to Alluka, but it's getting harder and harder not to just start eating right now. When Silva hands me a chocolate robot, I can't help it anymore. I take a handful of little chocolate balls from inside the robot's head.

Just as I put them inside my mouth, the hallucination vanishes, leaving me tugging desperately on the left rope. I'm so hungry that I want to eat the fibers of the ropes, but Illumi wouldn't like it, so I force myself to picture something else, anything else.

I think of being outside, the way the chill forces all thought from my mind and leaves me with nothing, the way I had to learn to think differently just to avoid being crushed by its instinctive significance. I have to think of myself as a part of the mountain, a part of the storm, one with the predator, to avoid becoming its prey. Another vision pulls me in, and I know it isn't real, but I can still see the blackness swirling in front of me around the eye of the storm, can suffer the cold as though I am outside and shiver at a phantom gust of wind.

I feel Illumi's hands at my wrists, untying the restraints, and realize that the wind was caused by the door opening. I brace myself between the floor and the wall, trying to stay upright. It almost works. I slide down the wall and resist the temptation to curl up into a ball, staying perfectly still on the ground.

If I can't be strong, at least I can avoid being weak in this one way.

Warm arms pick me up like I'm still three, not almost eleven, and I give in to my brother's firm hold. He leaves the little room, closing the door behind him, and brings me all the way up to our room.

I don't realize that I'm crying until I'm laid on our bed, sprawled like a dropped doll. Illumi sits next to me, rubbing my back in slow circles. I forgot how much I missed the way he used to do that when I was little.

I never want it to end, the gentle touches so reassuring after the nothingness of the room downstairs, but I'm already drifting in and out of sleep. "I love you, aniki," I say into the bed.

Illumi doesn't reply, except to put one long finger on my arm. I feel soothing warmth spread all over my body.

My tear-stained eyes slip shut.