3. Lightning & Snow

"Hey…Lightning?" Hope leaned on the bannister from where he stood on the stairs, looking down at her as she pulled the vacuum cleaner from the closet in the foyer.

"What?" Lightning answered, turning to look at him. His face was was uncertain, and his cheeks flushed slightly as she met his gaze.

He'd been weird for the last few days; evasive, staying in his room more often than not. Or maybe that was how he really was, and now that he was comfortable in the house, he was reverting back to his own habits. She didn't really know for sure - she'd only known him for a week at this point - but within the realm of her experience with him, he was acting weird around her.

"The…um, the water isn't working."

"What?" she said again. "What do you mean?"

"No. I was trying to take a shower and nothing's coming out."

Lightning dropped the cord of the vacuum with an unceremonious clatter and went into the downstairs bathroom, twisting both knobs on either side of the faucet. Nothing happened. "Shit," she said.

She racked her brain. When had the water bill been due? She couldn't remember. She left the bathroom and went back into the living room, and Hope followed her. She went through the considerable pile of mail that was sitting on the coffee table, but she saw nothing postmarked by the water company.

"Fuck! Where is it?" she muttered under her breath, shuffling through the stack of envelopes again. With a frustrated groan, she sat on the floor, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes so hard than she saw stars. She felt the panic trying to claw its way out of her chest, but it was a ridiculous thing to feel so terrorized about. It wasn't the first time their water had been turned off, and probably wouldn't be the last.

She'd felt this way for the last week. Panicked, trapped. Anything and everything seemed to set her off. She felt claustrophobic in the house, but if she went outside, she was overwhelmed. She felt like she was relapsing back to the days when she'd just gotten back from her tour in Pulse. She found herself dissociating, something she hadn't done in years. The entire day would pass while she was in her head.

Calm down, she told herself. She snapped the ponytail holder around her wrist against her skin, once, twice, three times. Her skin reddened under the lash. My name is Lightning Farron. It's August fourteenth. I am home. I am safe.

Am I safe?

"I found it," Hope said quietly.

Lightning looked up. Hope had the mail in his hands, and he handed her the envelope with Bodhum Water's emblem printed on it.

"Thank you," she murmured, tearing it open. The bill had been due over a week ago, but it was only thirty dollars, for a mercy…but she knew her wallet was empty. She could donate plasma, but that would only net her fifteen dollars. She debated waiting until Snow got home to see if he could contribute, and that thought panicked her too.

"Are you okay?"

Lightning looked up at Hope. His eyes were a little wide, but his face was genuinely concerned.

"Yeah. Great. Just figuring out where I'm gonna get this money."

"I have some," Hope said.

"I'm not taking the last five bucks you have to your name," Lightning snapped. "I'll donate some plasma, then…" She went to the couch and started pulling up the cushions. "Maybe there's change hidden somewhere…"

Hope dashed upstairs, the floorboards creaking under his feet. She found a dollar and a handful of pennies in the couch, and a torn five on the bookshelf. Still gonna be ten dollars short. Shit, what if there's a late fee? There's absolutely going to be a late fee.

Hope appeared at her side again, pressing a wadded bill into her hands. It was a one hundred dollar bill. "Here," he said.

"Where did you get this?" Lightning asked him, incredulous.

"It's mine."

"I can't take this," she said, trying to give it back to him.

"Yes," he insisted. "You're letting me stay here, it's the least I can do."

"Hope…"

"Take it," he said, his hands behind his back, as if that would really prevent her from giving him back the money if she wanted to.

"I'll give you the rest back, then."

"No. Just keep it. You need it."

She tried to stare him down, but he met her gaze unflinching. After a moment she said, "I guess I'll be back in a little bit. The office is just down the street."

"I'll come with you," he offered.

Once they were settled in the car, Hope asked again, "Are you okay?"

She glanced at him as she shifted the car into drive. "Why?"

Hope toyed with his seatbelt. "I don't know," he mumbled. "You seem…off."

Lightning's grip tightened on the steering wheel. "So do you," she countered.

He smiled a little. "But I asked you first."

At length, she answered, "I'm okay. It's the same shit as it always is."

"I don't mean to presume…" He shifted in his seat. "But I don't think that's true."

The corner of her mouth twitched. "And thus, you presume."

"Correctly," Hope added.

She braked at a stoplight. "You're a little shit," she told him.

"So I've been told," Hope answered with a smile, but it soon faded. He turned in his seat to face her, propping his elbow against the car door and resting his face on his hand. "Does he hurt you?"

Lightning turned to stare at him, gaping, then snapped her mouth shut with an audible click. "What did you say?"

"Snow," Hope said.

She was gripping the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles were turning white. "What - "

"I saw, the other night," Hope said.

"How much?" Lightning asked between gritted teeth.

Hope shrugged. "All of it?" he replied, clearly embarrassed. "You guys were being really loud?"

"Jesus christ." Lightning turned back to the road. I am Lightning Farron. I am safe. Snap, snap, snap went the rubber band.

"Why are you doing that?"

"Sorry," she mumbled, flicking on her turn signal as they approached their destination.

"For what?"

Lightning pulled the car into the water company's parking lot and turned the car off. She let her forehead fall forward and press against the steering wheel, taking a deep breath. "What do you want me to say?" she asked.

She felt his hand on her shoulder. "I want you to tell me if you're okay or not."

"And what are you gonna do about it?" She turned her face to look at him.

"Lightning," Hope said. "Does he hurt you?"

She faced forward again, staring out of the windshield. Dark clouds had gathered on the horizon, and lightning flashed between them every so heat was stifling in the car.Yes. No. Only in the ways I ask for. "The one thing you never do is betray family, right?"

Hope took off his seatbelt and turned in his seat completely, his back to the door. He remained silent, but his sea-green eyes were imploring.

"I've done a lot of shitty things in my life," Lightning continued. "But I never hurt Serah. And then I did that too."

"Serah is your sister?"

"Yeah."

"I think she would forgive you," Hope said quietly. "Considering the circumstances."

"That's the problem; I know she would. But she really shouldn't."

Hope groped for the crank for the car window and rolled it down. The breeze, though warm, was welcome in the suffocating heat of the car. It ruffled the silvery strands of his hair. "Tell me about her," he said.

"Serah?" A faint smile touched Lightning's lips. "She's the kindest person I've ever met. The smartest, too." She frowned. "In most cases, anyway. Sometimes her judgment could be questionable, but she always saw the good in people. A gift and a curse, I guess."

"Where is she now?" Hope probed gently.

Lightning looked over at him. "She…she joined this overseas teaching program. For the kids who were victims of the war."

"In Pulse?" Hope raised his brows in surprise.

"Yeah. Sounds crazy, right? It is." Lightning shifted her legs; the skin of her thighs were sticking to the hot leather. "Two years ago, she left. That's the last time we saw or heard anything of her. For months after we called the program office, wanting to hear news. All they told us was that the plane was hijacked on landing. They told us they launched an investigation and couldn't find out anything. That's all anyone knew." Her throat was tight. "If I'd…I should've said no. I shouldn't have let her. But she was an adult, it was something she wanted to do, she wanted to save both of us - "

Hope moved across the car's center console, heedless of the gear shift as he banged his leg against it, and suddenly she was in his arms. He hugged her tightly, with a strength she wouldn't have expected of him - for some reason, until this point, she'd considered him fragile. She sat in shock as his arms enfolded her into his chest. She could smell the sweat on his skin, though it wasn't an altogether unpleasant scent, overlaid with the faint fragrance of deodorant.

"I'm sorry," he said.

It was the first time in two years anyone other than Snow had offered any sort of consolation. For Lightning, the world had stopped, but for everyone else, it'd kept turning. Even Snow had been capable of getting over it. Part of her knew that she couldn't balk at moving forward forever, but the rest of her couldn't see the point in it without any sort of closure.

It was nice to know that she was still capable of receiving a measure of human compassion.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He pulled away after a minute, awkward and embarrassed. "It's really hot in here," he mumbled.

Lightning opened the door and got out, and Hope followed suit. The air conditioned office was a welcome change from the sweltering summer heat. The woman behind the desk gave them an appraising look, and thinly veiled her displeasure at their sweaty, rumpled appearance - Lightning realized, as she paid the bill, that it probably looked like they'd been up to something.

She felt that cloistering panic in her stomach again.

As they walked back to the car, Lightning stuffed the remaining bills into the back pocket of Hope's jeans. "Hey," he said, swatting her hand away. "No."

"School is starting soon," Lightning countered. "You're going to need it for supplies."

Hope opened his mouth to protest, but lacking any real argument, he pressed his lips into a thin line instead.

"Yeah," Lightning said. "It's okay, you know?"

"I guess," he mumbled. "I don't really want to go back."

Lightning unlocked the car, and they both got in. "You have to," she told him.

"Okay, mom."

She wrinkled her nose. "Nothing mom about it. School is important."

"I hate it," he said venomously.

"I didn't like it that much, either," she admitted. With a sidelong glance, she asked, "Why do you hate it? Bad at it?"

"Nothing like that," Hope replied. "I…I'm not very popular, I guess."

"You get picked on?" Lightning eased the car into the flow of traffic.

"I guess," he muttered again.

"Fuck them," Lightning said. "Anyone messes with you, tell them you know a crazy bitch who doesn't have a problem with beating up kids."

He laughed. "That should go over well."

"Did you want to go do that now?" Lightning glanced over at him again. "While we're out? Go pick up some paper and pencils or whatever?"

"Not really," Hope said. "Not today, anyway. I just really want a shower." He sniffed his shirt and made a face for emphasis, and she smiled.

Once they pulled up to the house, she turned to him. "Hope…thank you."

He blinked at her, startled. "For what?"

"For…being a friend."

"Oh. Yeah, of course." He titled his head and smiled at her. "It's the least I can do."

"Where's Lightning?"

Hope lifted his head from folding his laundry. His hair was damp, probably from showering, clinging to his ruddy cheeks. He looked at Snow with thinly veiled disgust. "Upstairs," he answered. "Sleeping. She said she wanted to be left alone. She doesn't feel well."

"Cool. Thanks." Disregarding Hope, who made a sound of protest, he bounded up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He was too giddy with the good news to wait. He burst into the bedroom. The room was dark, the curtains on the window drawn. Lightning had the covers pulled over her head.

"Light!" he exclaimed. "I got a job."

Lightning didn't move. Snow sat on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. He gently pulled the sheet down. She grumbled and grabbed it back, pulling it over her face again.

"Did you hear me?" he asked. "I got a job. Nothing fancy, just construction, but the money is decent, and - "

"Great," she interrupted. "I'm trying to sleep."

He frowned. "Hey. Are you okay? I figured you'd be more excited."

"I just want to be left alone."

He sat there for a moment, hurt. "Okay…do you want dinner?" He rubbed her back through the sheet, but she pulled away.

"Stop," she said.

"Okay. Sorry." He got back up, his mood considerably dampened by Lightning's unenthused response. He changed into more comfortable clothes and ran a brush through his hair, glancing over at Lightning as he did. She was silent and still.

"I'm gonna make dinner," he told her. "I'll make you some soup or something. Come down in a little bit?"

"Sure," came the muffled response.

He went back downstairs and into the kitchen. Hope was ironing a shirt now. "I told you," he said.

"I had good news," Snow retorted. "I didn't want to wait to tell her."

"Uh huh." Hope didn't even glance up.

Snow opened the fridge. He was in a foul mood now. He wanted to not take Lightning's mood personally, but he couldn't help it. He was even more annoyed by the fact that Hope was privy to her business. He shut the fridge again, agitated. "Hey. Why do you hate me so much?"

Hope looked up at him, furrowing his fair brows. "What?"

"It's pretty clear you don't like me," Snow said. "So why?"

"I don't hate you."

Snow crossed his arms over his chest. "Just tell me why, kid. I've been trying to be your friend the whole time you've been here."

Hope opened his mouth, maybe to protest, then shut it. He slid the shirt onto a hanger and laid it on the back of the couch, pulling out another one. It looked like a dress shirt, maybe part of his school uniform. "Because you're a dick," he said, matter-of-factly.

Snow blinked at him. "What? Me? A dick? Are you kidding?"

"No," Hope answered shortly. "I'm not."

"Why the hell am I a dick?" Snow demanded.

"Because," Hope said, "you're a blowhard. All talk. And you…" He trailed off, looking uncertain.

Snow slammed his hand down on the counter. "No. Tell me."

"You treat Lightning like crap."

Snow stared at Hope, whose gaze was averted as he ironed. Treated Lightning bad? Was that a joke?

What did Lightning tell him?

"Hey. What are you guys doing?"

Both him and Hope started at the sound of Lightning's voice as she walked into the kitchen, looking between them. "Hm?" she said.

"Nothing," Snow told her.

She gave him an even look, but he noticed her fingers toying with the hairband around her wrist. The sight of it struck a chord in him. "What are you doing?" he asked her, raising his voice.

Lightning raised her eyebrows. "What?"

He grabbed her hand. "What are you doing with this?"

She tried to snatch it back, but he held onto her. "It's a hair band, you psycho. Let go."

"It's not holding hair," Snow said, turning her arm over. The underside of her wrist was red and bruised. "Are you seriously doing this shit again? Why?"

"Let. Go." Lightning's voice was a low growl.

"Why can't you just talk to me?" Snow asked.

"I swear to god, if you don't let me go, you will regret it."

He dropped her hand, but not before pulling the band off of her arm. Her face was furious. Without a word, she spun on her heel and stormed up the stairs. Snow followed her, leaving behind a bewildered Hope.

Lightning tried to slam the bedroom door in his face but he caught it. "Leave me alone!" she screamed at him.

"No," he said. "What the hell is wrong with you, Lightning?"

"You are," she snapped. "Get out of my room."

"For one, it's our room," Snow said.

"I couldn't give a fuck less. This is my house."

"Let's talk about this," Snow pleaded her. "Please. Why are you hurting yourself again? You haven't done that in years."

Lightning unconsciously touched her wrist where the band was, then dropped her hands. "It helps me," she finally said. "It keeps me grounded."

"Why are you feeling ungrounded?"

"Because. Things are different now."

"What? With us?" Snow raised his eyebrows. "You're doing this because…"

"Yes," she cut him off.

He dropped to his knees in front of her. "I want to help you," he said. "Please don't do this."

She looked down at him, her throat working. "I can't help it."

Snow wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face against her stomach. She stood there, unmoving. "Remember that whole talk about moving on?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"This isn't moving on. This is you relapsing."

Lightning's fingers went through his hair. He kissed her stomach, then stood up. She raised her chin, her face a carefully composed blank. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I can't do this," he said.

"Do what?" she asked suspiciously.

"This. I can't…be here." Snow stepped back from her.

"What? What are you saying?"

"Like I said, Lightning. I can't live in the past like this. I have to move on, with or without you." He felt his heart breaking with every word he said. When he saw the look on her face, he wanted to take them back.

But he couldn't, because they were true. He turned away and went to the closet, pulling out a bag.

"You're leaving?" He heard the springs on the mattress squeal as she sat down hard.

"Yeah. I mean, for now. I'll come back in a few days," he said, shoving a handful of clothing in the bag.

"You're joking, right? You…"

"No. Lightning, how many times have we had this talk?" He turned to look at her. "I'm not kidding. I never was."

"Don't," she murmured.

"I am. Not for good. Not yet. Just a couple days." He zipped the bag up and put it over his shoulder.

"I can't believe you're doing this," she said. "You're just going to up and leave, just like that. You couldn't even…"

"I told you. I'll be back. I need to be alone for a few days." Snow went to her. Taking her chin in his hand, he tilted her face up and kissed her. She did not reciprocate.

"Where are you going to go?" she asked.

"Dunno. But I will be back, okay?"

She scowled at him. "Fine. Just fucking go. Abandon me like you abandoned Serah."

"That's not fair," he said.

"Go away, Snow."

He went.

Her bed was so goddamned lonely.

She slept in the hallway instead.