Chapter 3 / Letters
Kim's POV

Tommy had gone home now and he hadn't come to say goodbye. I was a little heartbroken I'm not going to lie but I had to forget Tommy now because Ciaran was coming home in a couple of days and I needed to make sure everything was ready for him. Whilst he has been away I have been decorating his room for him, the theme is Finding Nemo his favourite film. The walls were painted an ocean blue colour and I had painted seaweed and some of the characters from the movie (Nemo, Dory, Merlin, Crush, Squirt, Pearl, Tad and Sheldon) and I painted the Finding Nemo logo on one of the walls. I had him finding Nemo bed covers, curtains, rug, lamp, some stuffed toys and beanie bag, the biggest surprise for him I think will be fish tank I put in his room with some clown fish.. He's been wanting some since he first saw the movie but I was just waiting for the rug to be delivered which is supposed to be tomorrow.

I couldn't wait for him to come home I have missed him so much and it seems silly because he hasn't been gone long and I have been speaking to him on the phone everyday since he's been gone but I miss cuddling with him, getting woken up in the morning by him jumping on me, watching Finding Nemo with some popcorn and playing games that we have made up. You never realise how much you miss your children until they go away and even though I knew he was safe and nothing was going to happen to him it doesn't make me panic less.

I was trying my hardest to forget about Tommy but he keeps creeping up into my mind, sneaking up on me. Why didn't he say goodbye? Has he forgotten about me? Did he tell the other rangers about our date? Has he confronted his mum and his friends about Ciaran? There are so many unanswered questions and I needed them to be answered, he probably had some questions that he needed the answers to as well. I had picked up the phone and then put it down at least 30 times since the day Tommy had gone home, I had wanted to speak to him and try to explain to him everything that happened and maybe I could answer some of his questions too. Why couldn't get this man out of my head? Was it because he was my first love? You know what they say about your first love... I have tried countless times to try and forget about Tommy Oliver and push him out of my mind forever but it never seemed to work and then when he came here to Angel Grove and he saved me from the monsters all of those feelings that I have pushed to the back of my mind over all those years has come rushing back to the surface.

Going into the kitchen I got a bottle of wine out and poured myself a large glass and I drunk it in one mouthful, then I made myself another glass, and another, and another and then another then before I knew it I was drunk and I needed to go and lie down and sleep it off. I hate Tommy for having this effect on me. Was there something wrong with me? How could he walk away like it's nothing? All those feelings need to leave again I cannot live like this, I refuse to live like this!

A FEW DAYS LATER

Ciaran came running into me in the kitchen wearing his favourite Finding Nemo pjs and matching slippers, he handed me the post that had just come through the letter box and smiled up at me waiting for a letter from his dad that wasn't here "Sorry buddy not today. How about you go into the living room and watch your favourite cartoon and I'll bring you in some breakfast OK?" He nodded and ran into the living room. I flicked through the letters as I made his breakfast and came across a handwritten one to me, I gave Ciaran his breakfast then went back into the kitchen to open it;

Dear Kim
I feel really bad for leaving the way I did without saying goodbye but you have got to understand how I am feeling right now. I find out that you have a son with the guy you dumped me for all those years ago and that things didn't work out between the two of you and I also find out that everyone knew about him but me... Even my mother knew about him! You cannot just spring something like that one me and expect everything to be OK.

I still have so many questions that need to be answered but I don't know if I want some of them to be answered;
Why didn't you trust me enough to tell me?
Have I done something to make you not trust me?
Where you ever going to tell me about him?
Has it been hard raising him on your own?
Why did you come back to Angel Grove?
When did you come back to Angel Grove?
Do you still love me as much as I love you?
Could I convince you to meet up with me and bring Ciaran?
Am I allowed to meet Ciaran or would it make you and Eric uncomfortable?

Kim I love you so much and you know I always have but I feel like I've done something wrong but I don't know what. Please reply as soon as you can.

All my love always
Tommy

I checked on Ciaran and he was happy watching TV so I went back to the kitchen with a couple of pieces of paper and a pen to write my reply;

Dear Tommy
You don't have to be sorry for leaving the way you did, I don't blame you at all and I completely understand how you must be feeling right now: angry, confused and betrayed. Trust me I didn't expect everything to be perfect when I told you about Ciaran but I felt like if you were taking me out to dinner on a date then you had the right to know.

Hopefully I can answer all of your questions to your satisfaction;

It wasn't that I didn't trust you enough to tell you about Ciaran it was that I didn't want you to think any different about me, I have been on dates since I had him and people seem to look at me like damaged good and my mum doesn't speak to me anymore because I had a baby the 'wrong way' I couldn't bare to lose you too... The only guy that has ever truly understood me and liked me for me. You haven't done anything wrong and I don't want you to think that you have... It was all my fault I should have told you sooner and for that I am really sorry.

I knew that one day you and I would find each other and I would have to tell you about Ciaran but I didn't think that day would come around so quick then there you were in Angel Grove as a power ranger saving me.

When Eric left Ciaran was only two days old so I had to do everything myself, I would be lying if I told tell you I wasn't hard raising him alone but you know me I make the best out of every situation when Eric left I seen it as I didn't have to share Ciaran with him that Ciaran was mine and mine only but now Eric is back in the picture and things have been easier financially and when Ciaran goes to visit his dad its nice to have a break so I can get some things done like decorating.

I moved back to Angel Grove when Ciaran was six months old and I moved back because I was home sick. I needed to feel safe, comfortable and happy and I didn't feel that in Florida on my own so I can home.

Is this one of the questions you didn't want the answer to? Tommy you know how much I love you, I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you and we have been through so much together and I have all of these amazing memories with you and I want to remember them all which means that I have to remember all of the feelings that go with these memories... They never go away.

I would love for you and Ciaran to meet I know that you would get on great together! I defiantly would not be uncomfortable for you two to meet and to be honest it has nothing to do with Eric... You know when Ciaran came back a couple of days ago he was in a right state, apparently Eric had introduced his new girlfriend to him as his new mummy, I didn't even know he had a girlfriend so screw him!

I love you Tommy and I really hope to hear from you soon.

All my love
Kim