Disclaimer: I own nothing.

This story is based on the fanfic November Rain by PhantomVarg. It is seriously one of the best Nny/Devi fics out there and I suggest you to read it. RIGHT NOW. It honors me to know that I am given the privelige of fucking it up. To read the story, click link below.

you just wanna read my version, be warned. LOOK BELOW YOUR ASS. It's there isn't it? HA! Bet That was pretty freaky, huh?

November Rain

Shit. Today was pretty fuckin' dark. Like, the EMO kind. OH GOD RUN AWAAAY!! YAAAH! Not only THAT, but there were rainclouds overhead. If this didn't add to the ultima emo effect, then I'm a prep. I mean, come on, search "emo" on deviantart and I swear you'll get like 60 pictures of rainclouds.The rest of the pictures are just dudes cutting themselves. Oh--oh! but not only THAT, but there was all this cold wind. It was so cold it killed this hobo. Poor hobo... Dead leaves covered his dead body. In his will of dead-hobo-y-ness, I believe he said he wanted to be burried in Rhode Island. I've never been to Rhode Island... ehem. Getting off topic. Well, after all the park visitors saw that hobo die, they all got seriously creeped out and left. No one was in the park of hoboish death.

OR SO IT SEEMED. DUN DUN DUUUUUUH!!! Plot development!

There was this one dude. Slowly and silently, he trekked along the deserted paths. He accidentally stepped on the hobo.

"Oh crap," he said, "I stepped on a hobo." Because we all know NOBODY likes to do that.

He looked around a bit to see if anyone had noticed he had commited the horrible crime of stepping on a hobo. No one had. With every step he took you could hear this clanging metal sound like... some kind of guy... who... carries around metal. Wow, I'm just amazing with my similies, aren't I? OH WAIT A SEC!! I sounded like weapons. Escecially since a occational wepon would whisper, "Hey you... I'm a weapon."

Wait a second... WTF?

And oh my God, this guy was so friggin' thin and tall... it was creepy. He had sullen eyes and...why am I doing this? Any respectable JTHM fan knows who this is alredy. I mean, come on.

Johnny C. (Duh) shivered bitterly, pulling his coat closer to his thin body. The rain had made him cold and breifly made him emo. Rain tends to do that to people. Damn brainwashing rain. His head hurt, and his breathing sounded uneven as he walked. I have this sudden urge to hug him. Don't you? I mean, wow. He's just so cuddly.

He had just come beck from his "vacation". It sucked. He went all that way to get cold and it was all for nothing-- look, he was cold now. He was fucking freezing. He could have just stood in the rain to get cold--or stick his head in the freezer. Why hadn't he thought of it before?

Well, his house didn't have a fridge, so he decided to leave and get cold outside instead. The coldness of the whole outside thing got him a bit drugged, thus having no idea where he was going. All he could see were the emo clouds. OF DOOM!!

He was free from a bunch of crap, but his toenails were still trying to posses him. Damn them.

Reverend Meat's words whispered in his brain…

"There is no choice. You're always a slave to something…"

Those words and when he said he'd gotten laid before. That was just gross.

Then Nny suddenlly got ATHSMA!!! and coughed a bit. Uh... yah.

He then remebered about a certain girl who wanted to kick his ass, She was sexy, and it was quite unfortunante that she wanted to kick his ass.

"Devi…"

Of all the memories of his past, the thought of Devi hurt him the most. They had met at a bookstore, where she worked. They had shared many conversations, talking about everything they could think of.

Like, Devi would say, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

And Nny would say, "Because he was gunna get KILLED!!! NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

From books to art, they found that they saw eye to eye in nearly every subject. Except disembowelment. That was Johnny's thing. Johnny missed her terribly. Her image was engraved in his mind(literally, he got a tatoo of her on the back of his head.

Johnny's eyes began to sting with tears as he recalled their date. There are many differnt, more poetic ways to describe it, but we're just gunna go with: he tried to kill her and she kicked his ass.

He had tried to apologize to her over the phone. He had wanted to make things right again. He had wanted to start over. But she had refused his apology. Devi had refused him... She refused his sexy manliness... How could this be?!

"Devi…" he choked. "I miss you… so much… OH LOOK A SQUIRREL!" God that was an awesome squirrel. It was beautiful. Perfect in every way. Squirrel... Ehem.

For the first time in a long time, Johnny was crying. Because damn that squirrel was SO beautiful. And so he killed it and walked off. What did you expect? Same senario with Devi. 'Cept Devi wasn't a squirrel. Nny wished she was though, he loved squirrels.

--

Unknown to Johnny, or the dead squirrel, another person wandered the streets that night. It was Devi. WOW. She didn't want to leave the security of her home. But she was out anyway because she was a REBEL, BABY! Anyway... after all, he was still out there. AKA Nny. That psycho killer guy. She was not far from the park. It was cold and rainy weather, with an icy wing gusting every now and then. It felt... emo, somehow. Devi hugged her coat closer to her body, shivering slightly. (DEJAVU'!!!)

She glanced over her shoulder every once in a while. Everywhere she went, it felt like he(JOHNNY, MORONS) was always there, waiting in the shadows. Little did she know that he WAS waiting in the shadows. Devi almost expected him to step out of the shadows, knife in hand and kill her.

Then Johnny stepped out of the shadows, knife in hand, and killed her. Nah, I just kid. That WOULD be funny if that happened though.

But, even though he had tried to kill her, Devi couldn't help but feel like she… missed him.

Damnit Devi, she thought. He tried to fucking kill you! Why are you thinking of him so much! Oh look, a squirrel! Heehee

All the Devi bashers in the audience agreed, becuase they wanted Johnny all to themselves. He is HAAAAAWT!!

And then all the bloody squirel humpers clapped at the reference to squirrels they could hump.

Devi didn't want to admit it, but she did want to hump the squirrels too. Johnny was good too. Yah. How could someone who was that nice turn so violent almost instantly? There must have been something wrong with him, some disorder in his mind. But what?

OH! OH! I KNOW! HE HAS THE CRAZY VIRUS! IT MAKES HIM CRAZY! (all stupid fangirls agree.)

She sighed, trying not to think of the crazy fangirls that were staring obsessivly at her from across the park. They were starting to freak her out a bit.. Lowering her head, (away from the creepy fangirls) Devi glanced at the watch on her wrist.

It was 1:15 in the morning.

Growling to herself, Devi turned around, and began walking back to her apartment building. She was tired and cold, and just wanted to get back inside, where it was safe. She stared at the sidewalk, still thinking of Johnny, and wondering what had become of him. The answer: Crazy virus. But SHE didn't know that. Oh no, not her.

But as she walked, Devi failed to notice the three dark shadows that crept silently behind her, waiting for the right moment to attack…

Wiping the tears from his eyes, (GOD, THAT BEAUTIFUL SQUIRREL...) Johnny walked out of the park entrance gates, and into the downtown area. He didn't want to be seen. BY THE SQUIRRELS!! They read porn, you know.

Okay, now the cold was starting to get to him. It was just so goddamm COLD. He was gunna leave this coldness of coldy cold when a voice in his head said... look behind you. There's some pretty funky crap goin' on.

Three penguins were walking along a wall. They snickered to each other. It looked like they were stalking someone. Johnny vaguely wondered what the hell penguins were doing out of the zoo and why they were stalking people. But this isn't about the penguins. It's about hair. I have hair. Do you?

Curious, Johnny thought. Very curious…The Amazing Parody Authoress thought she had heard this somwhere before, but she couln't remember where. She she just muttered "fuck this," and ran off.

Johnny skulked behind them. Cuz that's just what he does. Sulk. He kept a far distance between them and himself, making sure he was completely undetected. The three penguins came to a stop, whispering to one another. Johnny ducked in a dark alley beside a nearby building, watching from afar. (heehee, Ilike that word. Afar...) His dark eyes narrowed as he tried to catch a glimpse of who these penguins were following. He could see that it was a young woman, and she looked oddly familiar…

Johnny gasped, his eyes becoming huge with shock.

Oh God…Devi…D... Last name unknown... just like mine... we're very mysterious... I used to watch Mysterious Mysteries when I was little... I liked that show... Wait, I'm getting off topic... where was I? Oh yah... Oh God... Devi...

--

Devi sighed as she passed an old, ramshackle building. She was cold and tired, and wanted nothing more than to just go home and sleep. Quickening her pace, she continued to walk down the street.

The she heard a cold, ominous voice call out to her.

"Hey, lady? You got the penguin-filled time? Cuz we're penguins. Heh, get it?"

Devi froze on the instant, turning slowly. Behind her, three shaped emerged from the shadowy alleyway. Three penguins stood before her. One had bleached blonde flippers and a stocky little beak. The other was much taller, with light brown flippers that... flipped alot. But it was the one in the middle that terrified Devi most of all. He was muscular(don't ask), with dirty red flippers and cunning, evil face. Penguins tend to look evil. Damn you penguins. All three penguins had a glitter of cruelty in their eyes. They were pretty gangsta. In her terror, Devi couldn't find her voice.

"I said," the red-flippered hissed, "do you have the time?"

Devi swallowed, and spoke, stuttering in fright. "N-no," she lied, pulling the sleeve of her coat over her watch. "I don't. Sorry." God, penguins are scary. Even if they ARE gangsta.

She turned to leave, but a cold flipper on her shoulder stopped her. Devi's body went ridged.

"Aww, too bad," the blonde-flippered cooed. "Well, miss, maybe you could help us in a different way…"

They began to crowd around her, cornering her in the alley. Devi's eyes widened in pure horror. Fucking penguins. STAY AWAY FROM MY WALLET!

This is it… I'm gonna die…Save me, Spider-man!

--

"Oh, God… no!"

Johnny watched in horror, hate beginning to flow through his veins. At his sides, his hands tightened into fists, his fingernails digging painfully into his palms. He gritted his teeth in a snarl. This would not happen to her, not while he was there. Because... he WAS Spider-man! YAY, SPIDEY!

Breaking into a run, Johnny charged toward the scene as the rain began to pour down once again.

--

Devi gasped as the red-flippered pulled a small knife from his pocket.(Yes, penguins officially have pockets now) He flicked the blade up, smiling at it.

"I love this knife," he said, running his fingers along the blade. "Mmm, yes. Nice and sharp. Tastes like bubblegum. Perfect for what we have to do, eh, boys?" He snickered to his companions, who laughed stupidly in response. Then, to Devi's horror, he held it over his head, preparing to eat it. Penguins like bubblegum.

Devi shut her eyes tightly, because this was getting pretty weird…

Then, out of nowhere, a hoarse voice sounded.

"Don't you dare eat that! God, what's wrong with you?!"

Devi opened her eyes, glancing behind her attackers. A tall, horribly thin man stood there, shivering in the rain. His face was entirely in shadow, sealing his identity. His hair was disheveled, his clothes soaked in rainwater. He was dressed completely in black, with knee-high boots and a black trench coat. She knew who it was. Therre was only one other explanation. It was SPIDER-MAN!!!

"Oh," said the red-flippered. "You mean like this?" He flicked the blade lightly across his tongue, drawing blood. Devi winced in disgust. Just in case you don't goto the zoo much or have no clue what a penguin is, just for your information, penguins don't usually do this.

The stranger stood still for a moment. Then, quick as a flash of lighting, reached into his coat, and pulled out a knife. It's long, silvery blade gleamed dully in the half-light. He held it at his side impatiently, as if restraining himself.

"Do that again… and I'll tear you apart."

The shorter, blonde male scoffed. "Oohh, we're running home to our mothers," he said, sarcasm heavy in his words. (FYI, he lives with his mom. TELL NO ONE.)

"Put the knife back now, and I won't kill you."

The threesome glanced menacingly at Devi, and then turned back to the stranger. INSERT INTERESTING CRAP HERE! I hate fucking penguins. They argue with me. Oh yah, and they argue with Nny. Hey, that rhymes!

--

As the two attackers began to rush toward him, Johnny sprinted forward, knives at the ready. In less than a second, he killed them all. I mean, God, they're penguins. What do you think? That they have magic powers? This isn't Harry Potter.

There was only one penguin left now. That weird one with the knife.

"We'll meet again, SPIDER-MAN!" he shouted, and jumped out a window that had magically appeared out of nowhere.

"Uh, well... fuck," Johnny said, and scratched his nose.

--

Devi and Johnny stared at each other for a moment. Then Johnny grabbed a penguin and cut off his head. Then he ripped out the brain and shoved the skin on his head like a mask. "Lookit me, Devi! I'm a penguin!" Johnny giggled.

"YAAAAAAAAH!!" Devi sreamed.

Then Johnny ripped the flippers off one of the penguins, held them, and started flapping them around like a penguin, giggling madly. God, he's so crazy. Suddenly, he stopped.

"My Spidey-Sense is tingling!" he shouted and started climbing up a nearby alley wall.

"No! Wait! I must know who you are!" Devi cried.

"You know who I am..." Johnny said.

"Who?" Devi asked.

"You're friendly neihborhood Spider-Man! Now let's make-out upside down!" Johnny said. But alas, It was never meant to be. The magical window portal opened again and the penguin that escaped through it through a melon at Johnny's head. Johnny fell down, unconcious.

"THAT'S FOR BEING A BASTARD!" the penguin screamed. Then he ran off.

Devi bent down and took of the penguin's mask to see Spider-Man's secret identity.

What she saw made her reel back in terror.

The unconscious man in front of her was Johnny C.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU KILLED MY FATHER!!" Devi screamed.

Johnny opened one beady eye and hissed, "No, Devi, I AM your father."

"EEEEW! SICK!" Devi screeched and ran off.

Johnny groaned an sat up. Then he muttered, "If this wasn't so fucked up, I bet it'd make a great fanfiction..."

How true that is, Johnny... How true...

Please! Review and tell me how very messed up I am! And tell me if you want me to do your Nny/Devi! PLZ!!