This is a parody of the story Fictional by Xx-Mizz.Maniac-xX, but what the hell is a kind of a name is that?Fictional?? So I renamed this story ELMO THE CHILD MOLESTOR. Yaaay, Elmo.
I do not own this story. I am a moron. Thank you, and goodnight.
Johnny had seen some pretty horrible stuff in his days... like ass rape... ass rape... and ass rape... but he had never seen a cow fart in his face. Oh, how he wanted to see that cow fart. Johnny suspected that this was one of the reasons he got landed in a mental institution.
After few years of sitting on that cell, he eventually gave up on the whole cow fart thing. Instead, he started thinking about... Devi. Cuz he likes BIG BUTTS that cannot lie. No, I kid. Actully, I think he's the small-butt kind of guy... oh, nevermind. But after a while he stopped thinking about her. Beause this story isn't really about her.
He was safe. He was Safe. Safe from ELMO. Damn him. Fucking child molestor. He leaned against the padded wall of the insane asylum's cell and whispered to himself, "I'm Free..."
Meanwhile Devi D. looked at the clock on the wall in her apartment. 5:00 pm. She continued with her painting. It was of the nightmare she had had the night before. It was the reoccurring nightmare of the night she had almost died. It replayed over and over in her mind.
The doorbell rang. Devi awoke from her thoughts and went over to the door. She looked through the Peephole. She saw Tenna waving insanely. Devi sighed. It was the same thing everyday. She rolled her eyes and opened the door. Tenna smiled politely.
"What is it this time Tenna?" Devi asked impatiently.
"I brought cha some... SALTEEEEEEEEED NUTS!!! " Tenna replied, opening her head like a cap and showering Devi in salted nuts.
"GIR!! Come here!" said a little green alien-man.
"YES MASTA!! NYAAAAH!!" Tenna screamed, chasing after the alien like she was high. They ran off into the sunset together.
And then another Tenna came up to Devi, dressed in a Powerpuff Girls outfit. "Don't ask," she warned. "Anyways, I brought you some movies! HORROR! To remind you what WOULD'VE happened if you hadn't kicked Johnny's arse! Yaaay, I'm evil!"
Devi frowned. "Tenna... what's wrong with you?! I told you any horror film involving serial killers will give me a freaking heart attack. Do you want me to die? And anyways, I'm in the middle of a painting. And I want to get it done tonight."
"Ooooooooooooooooh Let's see!" Tenna said joyfully as she pushed through and went into the apartment. Somewhere, far, far away, pigs danced to On a Hymnsong of Robert Lowry.
"It's not finished though!!" Devi said as she slammed the door shut and locked it up.
"I don't care! I LOVE your paintings finished or not!" Tenna grinned.
"Well it's a kind of personal one. Almost like Sickness yet it's based on a dream... a dream thats based on
the past reality..." Devi said shyly.
"Don't be silly. I've seen sickness!! I can SOOO see this one! Whaddya call it?" Tenna asked Trying to take a peek at the canvas.
"I-I don't really have a name for it yet." Devi looked frantically around the room for something to distract Tenna with. And she found it. A... DILDO!! What the hell was a dildo doing in Devi's house?! Oh God, I don't wanna know...
Meanwhile on the other side of town... Todd poked his fork at his breathing casserole. Yes, it was breathing. Shut up. He hated casserole especially if it looked like it was going to walk off his plate and eat everyone. And then it did. Yes, the cassarole walked off Todd's plate and ate everyone. It was pretty freaky.
And then Shmee walkd in, sipping a soda. Yes, he can walk now, in MY magical land! "OH MY GOD!" Squee screamed, dropping his soda. "I WILL DESTROY WHO EVER DID THIIS TO YOU, MY LOVEEEEEEEEEER!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" Then he ran out of the house, screaming something about fried, spicy pigskins.
Back at the insane asylum, sitting in the padded for walled cell in a straightjacket splattered in chocolate BUNNIES (oh no!) was Johnny himself. Cackling and laughing hysterically.
"IM FREE!!! IM FREE!! FINALLY HEEHEEHEEEHHEEEEE!! FROM THAT FUDGING CHILD MOLESTOR, ELMOOOOOOOOOO!!!" He smiled insanely.
Assistants and people walking by the cell looked in curiously then started to quickly walk as far from the cell as possible. You see Johnny was probably more insane than everyone else in the asylum COMBINED! Years of insanity built up into this creepily insane killing machine we know as Johnny.
Johnny was happier now. He felt so much more relived but just as he was enjoying this happiness it all came crashing down and he remembered the one person who could make him happier... that farting cow. Damn.
Devi pushed Tenna out into the hallways of the apartment building. "PLEASE TENNA I WANT TO BE ALONE TONIGHT!" she yelled and slammed the door in her best friends face.
After she had locked the door up again she leaned against it and sighed. She didn't feel like painting anymore. She was tired. She looked at the clock, only 7:45 pm. She had been trying to get Tenna to leave for over an hour and now Devi was finally alone. It turns out Tenna wasn't a big dildo person, soo... EW. DILDO.
She walked over to the window that faced the other side of the city. Where she presumed Johnny still lived. She hadn't come out of her apartment in what seemed like years. She remembered that Johnny never really liked to sleep. He had thought of it as a waste of time. He had called many times after the incident to apologize and say "he's changed (his diaper... heehee.)" but Devi couldn't believe that. Some people can never change like a homicidal maniac bent on killing everyone in his path. Yet some people like her do change. She was once a fun loving young woman who liked coming out of the house but after her date with Nny... After he had almost killed her! She was just too afraid. (to change her diaper. Heehee!)
She looked out over all the lights of the city and wondered... is he thinking about me? Am I thinking about him? Oh wait... yah I am. No freaking duh. God, I'm stupid. I think I'll go dance to Mexican music now.
Meanwhile... Nny sat repeating one name over and over, "Elmo...Elmo...Elmo...ELMO."
Then The Burger King Man came in. He walked over to Nny and held out a burger to him.
"I'm not hungry," Nny replied.
The Burger King Man nudged him with the burger.
"NO, Mr. Burger King Man, I'm obsessing over Elmo for no apparent reason. Go away."
The Burger King Man bitch slapped him for not eating the delicious burgery goodness and walked away.
There's only on thing to do now... Nny thought. SING KARAOKE!
Nny jumped up and slapped his butt. "I'm furgalicious... BUT I'm not permiscuos, and if you are suspicious, all that shit is fictious. I blow kisses, (muah muah) and bring those boys to rock-rock, and they're lining down the block, just to watch what I got. It's so delicious. (those boys think I'm hott hott!) I'm fergalicious. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" he sang/said, and sat down.
"NO, NO, NO. That was ALL wrong," said Simon, who had materialized out of nowhere. "You sounded like a fat gorilla during mating season."
"FUCK YOU! I SOUNDED BEAUTIFUL!" screamed Nny angerly. Then he got out some knives, because that's what Nny does. Get out knives.
"No! Don't kill me! My blood is sand and Jello!" pleaded Simon. It turned out, his blood really WAS Jello, which Nny found out when he chopped him up into a million peices. Then Nny ate the jello. It was lime.
Millions of bad singers around the world rejoiced.
Shmee was on his crusade of evil crime-fighting-revenge-thingy. He magically turned into Godzilla and ate Tokoyo. I'm serious. Watch the news tonight.
Meanwhile Devi awoke to the ringing of the phone. She watched it for a while and then the answering machine picked up.
"Hey Devi. It's Tenna. Call me!!" and she hung up.
Devi groaned and stretched. She didn't go to bed until 3 AM, even though she was really tired last night.
'SHIT! The painting!!!' Devi thought to herself.
She ran out of her bedroom and looked at the unfinished painting.
She ran her fingers down the now dry painted canvus and smiled. 'I wanted to finish it last night... but I was too tired..' she said in her mind.
The painting was already beautifully tragic. In it, was a simple painted portrait of Barney. She had a really freaky obbsession with him. You know at the begibbibg where it says she was painting about the night she almost died? Well, it turns out that her Barney obsession had gone a little far one day, and so she ran into the set where they make Barney sreaming like a crazy fangirl and almost getting beaten to death by security. NOW YOU KNOW. She was plagued with the same Insanity that was taking over Nny. Only instead of Elmo, it was Barney. Freaky, huh? Lots of relly interesting things would have continued after this point about how Nny and Devi get together again and how they were so happy and blah blah blah, but just then Godzilla/Shmee came over and stomped her apartment into the ground. Then it went over to the insane assylum and stomped it into the groung too because he wanted this stupid story to finally end. And it did. The end.