Spiritual Misadventures
By: Agasaki Ishano
Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my ideas and myself, take them and die.
"Speech" *Thoughts * _Emphasis _
(My notes)
Chapter Three: The Tournament
Vegeta walked up to the sign up booth a week later. "Name and age please." The burly man behind the desk demanded.
"Vegeta, 5 years old." The Saiyan casually responded.
"Last name son?"
*Last name. Uhhhh. Mind numbing. * The young warrior thought as he scratched the back of his head pensively. "Kakorotte."
"Vegeta Kakorotte?" Vegeta nodded. "Alright then boy. Please go to the punch-testing machine to see what level you will fight in." The burly man said as he motioned for the next fighter to step forward.
Vegeta walked up to the punch-testing machine, looking bored with the display of fighters around him, when suddenly one of the youths shoved the Saiyan to the side.
"Hey punk!! Watch where you're going!" Vegeta yelled, getting the boy's attention.
"Or what?" He asked savagely.
"I never said or else retard." Vegeta retorted.
"A wise guy eh?"
"I suppose that's correct. My wisdom does far surpass your's."
"Wha. We'll settle this in the arena!" The boy said, unable to come up with a witty remark to match Vegeta's last one.
"That went well." The Saiyan thought out loud as he approached the punch- tester machine.
"Alright son. Now you just go on an punch this here thing." The man at the punch-tester said in a stereotypical hick voice. "An this here do-hicky is gonna tell ya'll what yer strength be."
"In English perhaps?" Vegeta said, as he gave off a look of total confusion.
"Does ya'll want for me to repeat myself?"
"No. I'll just hit the button and attempt to forget what you said." The hick nodded. *How do carny's get to work in a fighting tournament. Maybe it's the aspect of the punch-tester. I mean it does bear resemblance to the hammer game at fairs. * Vegeta thought as he pictured the hammer game being played by chibi people. *Odd. And disturbing. *
Vegeta tapped the machine, still not thinking about anything but the disturbing pictures of chibi people playing the hammer game.
"200!! That there score ain't not possible!!" The carny person screamed, clutching his cranium in disbelief.
"Double negative. Therefore it is possible. What isn't possible is that carny's can get work. At all, fairs or fighting tournaments." Vegeta stated, still imagining chibi people playing the hammer game.
The young Saiyan shook the disturbing mental pictures from his mind "So, am I in?"
The carny nodded, seeming afraid of the young boy. "Yes sir ya'll is in. Now just you go over to that their booth and get a blood sample." Vegeta shivered.
*Ehh. I despise of needles! But I suppose it's for the tournament so they can tell if I'm not on drug, and that's good cause I don't want to be fighting a crack head! Crack heads freak me out. * Vegeta shivered again and made his way over to the booth.
************
Thirty minutes and two orderlies later. "Well that wasn't so bad." Vegeta smiled as he surveyed the chaos he had caused while the blood test guy was attempting to get a sample. Tables were overturned, two men lay unconscious at his feet and the blood test guy's left arm was broken in two. "Not bad at all." He mused as he walked out into the fray, the other fighters backing slowly away creating a full circle around the Saiyan prince.
Vegeta waved and half the crowd flinched. *Cool. I am a God to these under developed people. *
"Excuse me? Does anyone know who I fight first?" Vegeta asked, raising his voice just enough to be heard by all around.
The young fighters all looked nervous. Mutterings of, 'Oh man, I hope I'm out of the tournament before I fight that guy' and prayers of 'Please not me!' rang throughout the gathering area. Finally the burly man from the sign in desk walked into the circle.
"FIRST FIGHT! VEGETA KAKOROTTE V.S LIN SHONG!! FIGHTERS ENTER THE RING!!"
Vegeta shrugged. *This guy should be easy. Who names their kid Lin, must have hippie parents, and I have been waiting to kick some hippie ass. why did I want to kick hippie ass again? * He attempted to remember as he entered the ring.
The crowd cheered as Lin stepped onto the stone fighting arena. "You." Vegeta growled as he recognized the boy as the one he had bumped into earlier.
"IN THIS CORNER!! WEIGHING 80 POUNDS, CHAMPION FOR THREE YEARS STRAIGHT!! LIN SHONG !!!" The crowd cheered like there was no tomorrow and this guy could give them that extra day Vegeta raised an eyebrow.
*Three years? He must be decent then. I'll try him without ki blasts or flying and maybe I'll cut back on the speed. * Vegeta thought, trying to make the fight a little more even.
"AND IN THIS CORNER!!!. VEG. E. TA. KACEROOT!!!! WEIGHING 85 POUNDS!!!"
*Note to self, kill announcer in the heat of battle. No one expects a stray ki blast. Hehe. *
"WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT!?!!" Lin screamed from the other side of the arena.
"FIGHT!!!" The announcer screamed as a gong went off.
Lin rushed at the smiling Saiyan and planted his hardest punch against the boy's chest. An auditable crack rang throughout the arena.
Both boy's stood there for a second that seemed to drag on for hours. Vegeta smiling and Lin's face turning blue and his eyes expanding in pain and surprise.
"OOOOUUCCCHHHIIIIEEEEEE!!!!" Lin screamed. "I BROKE MY HAND!!!! I SURRENDER!!!!" Vegeta gazed off into space smiling then he muttered.
"he, stray ki blast will do just fine. huh. have we started?" Vegeta looked down at Lin, who was holding his hand in agony, then he looked to the side of the arena and noticed some paramedics rushing up the steps towards Lin. "Wow, I guess I won. I hope someone videotaped that, cause I want to see what I did. Maybe King Kai would know."
The paramedics and Lin looked at the boy in wonder and shook their head simultaneously then rushed Lin to the medic.
King Kai's voice rang clearly through Vegeta's head a short second later.
King Kai seemed to ponder this for a minute.
Vegeta enthusiastically thought.
Kai warned.
Vegeta began walking calmly off the arena floor,
Kai thought as he closed the link.
**************
Four hours later Vegeta stood atop a podium with a gold metal around his neck and a bouquet under his right arm.
*I feel like a figure skater. this is bad. I want to fly now, but I can't or they might not give to me their money!! * He thought, the last part in a bad Italian accent
A buff looking man approached Vegeta and extended a hand. Vegeta shook it firmly. Some cameras flashed and the man motioned for a scrawny little man with thick glasses to come forward form the crowd around the podium. The little man came up in front of Vegeta and extended his hand which Vegeta shook lightly, so as not to injure the fellow.
The man smiled. "On behalf of the president of Chubba Chunkies Chicken noodle soup, I present you with this." Man said as two scantily clad women came dancing out of a van with a large piece of cardboard.
Vegeta looked a bit shooked. "Doesn't the president of Chunka crackfiends chacka nuddle soup know that strippers are not for kids? I honestly don't mind, but if I had lost, would one of these poor boys be exposed to the hardships of our sex and greed driven world at such a ripe age. The thought of this almost makes me want to turn down a night with the two lovely dancing chicks and their oversized cardboard bed. Note that I did say almost."
The scrawny man just stared at the boy and the two scantily clad dancing girls ceased their dancing and became normal scantily clad girls. "What are you talking about?" The man asked.
"I know this is an Asian land and pornography is allowed in any form, but public and child don't mix my friend! No!! I say NO!! NO to your scantily clad women who I hope will be screaming yes later but not now! No to your cardboard bed though it is probably more comfortable than a steel one that has been rubbed with dry ice and pissed on by a thousand cats! No to your public nudity!! Just plain NO on that last one because NO! And No explains it all!!! And then some." Vegeta stopped and breathed for a second as the man and two girls just stared.
"Actually, we were just going to give you a life time supply of Chubba Chunkies Chicken noodle soup. Not any of the other stuff you just finished raving about."
"Oh. Well then. thanks. And when do I get my money?" Vegeta asked, kind of dazed after figuring out what in God's sweet name was going on.
"Um. we didn't think that money was an appropriate choice of a prize for this tournament. The adult division gets a house and the youth get a life time supply of Chubba Chunkies." As though on cue the two scantily clad girls resumed their title of scantily clad dancing girls and began to sing the Chubba Chunkies theme song.
"Some Chicken soups are bad. But Chubba Chunkies isn't. Oh no!! Not bad at all! Some might even go as far as saying it is half decent or even good! But it generally leans more towards the half decent mark!"
Vegeta slapped his forehead. "_That_ is supposed to be a theme song?" The dancing girls nodded. "That was the biggest piece of crap I have ever heard in my life!! I don't think a country singer could put out worse crap than that! And trust me there are some bad country songs!! But this, _this_ takes the cake. Perfect ten on the this song is a piece of crap scale. I hope you ladies didn't write this crap. I mean the person who wrote it must be the _hugest_ crack fiend slash dumbass this side of the moon!! He deserves death in so many forms it would be next year before I finished listing them!!! I loathe you!!! I LOATHE YOU ALL!!!!" Vegeta breathed deeply for a second.
The scrawny man opened his mouth to speak but Vegeta held up a hand. "I'M NOT DONE YET!!! You are the definition of evil!!! Satan cannot compare to the purity of your evil!!! Your hearts are made of OBSIDION!!!!"
***********
The next day. "Man this Chubba Chunkies crap ain't half bad." Vegeta commented as he put down his spoon. "But their advertising is all wrong!" He said as his eyes squinted "So very _very_ wrong." He said evilly as he slurped another spoonful. "Chubba Chunkies should burn in hell. But they make decent soup. I'M AT A PARADOX!!! Must kill Chubba Chunkies!! Must eat Chubba Chunkies!!! WHAT TO DO!!!!" Vegeta screamed as he waved his arms madly in the air, knocking over his bowl of soup.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!! MY SOUP IS GONE!!! MY WORLD IS ENDING!!!!!" Vegeta screamed louder. "MUST HAVE MORE!!!!" Vegeta then stopped himself. "wait a tick. Chubba Chunkies is addictive. they must be lacing it with something!!! Must uncover their crappy drug scandal!!!"
With that Vegeta shot a hole in the roof of the abandoned warehouse he had inhabited since leaving Shira. "TO INFINITY!!! AND BEYOND!!!!" He screamed as he launched himself up and out of the building with a box of Chubba Chunkies in one hand and a cup of the addictive soup in the other. He stopped at about 500 feet in the air before taking a long sip. "Ahhhh. Chubba Chunkies.." He then flew towards the Chubba Chunkies headquarters, which was pointed out conveniently, on the back of the box. "Die Chubba Chunkies. die." He said in a low voice just before taking another long sip. "ahhh.."
************
Three and a half hours later Vegeta found himself floating above the Chubba Chunkies factory and main distributing center which was built into the side of a mountain with spiralling towers like a medieval castle's. "Ook." He said, taken aback by the over elaborate fortifications on a chicken noodle soup factory. "Just a wee bit paranoid that somebody is going to ruin their drug operations."
Vegeta shrugged, "Well I guess I'll just have to destroy the whole factory. but I can't!! Then there won't be anyone to give me Chubba Chunkies!!!" He formed a ki blast in one hand and shakily aimed towards the factory. "Must kill Chubba Chunkies.. Must. kill.. The ki blast dissipated in his hand as he admitted defeat. He took a swig of his Chubba Chunkies and hung his head in shame. "Can't even destroy the factory. How am I going to kill the president?" He shook his head in disappointment with himself and hovered slowly to the ground. "At least I could figure out what's in it."
As Vegeta touched the ground a large amount of bluish green ki began to form around himself and his hair turned from black to golden yellow. His now green eyes glared at the two guards who were guarding the door. They both attempted to back away but an invisible force caught them both in the gut as Vegeta powered up slightly, pushing the door off it's hinges and flinging it into the courtyard instantly killing three more guards.
"What the hell is going on out there Dabura!!!?!" The president of Chubba Chunkies screamed at his most trusted advisor.
The pink skinned demon grinned. "It appears that a little boy has gotten through your defences."
The president pulled at his hair, which appeared to be a normal thing, as he was balding quite quickly. "Don't get smug with me Dabura! You know your job!" Dabura nodded.
"I'll take care of the boy." He grinned as he shot out through the window that faced the courtyard.
"Oh I wish he would stop doing that." The president fumed as he called up his secretary. "Mrs.Kinshen, please inform everyone to return inside the building. Dabura will handle the boy."
"Yes sir." Came the response.
***********
Vegeta punched a guard across the face and took a small amount of satisfaction when he felt the man's neck snap with the power of his punch. *Too easy. * He thought just as a ki blast scorched the Earth in front of him. "Who the. You! I know you! Your Babidi's lackey! Or is it Bibidi due to the current time? You know, I never have gotten my evil sorcerer's right." He chuckled as he ran a hand through his thick golden hair.
Dabura laughed. "I am no one's lackey. And I never will be." Vegeta shook his finger at the demon.
"Wrong sir, you will be possessed by Babidi's magic's. But. If I destroy you now, we'll never know will we. Personally I don't want Babidi to have a demon on his side, no that just wouldn't do." Vegeta joked.
Dabura's smile widened, "You believe you can beat me? That is laughable." Vegeta laughed.
"Then take my hardest attack, if you die. well I win, if you live I will allow you to use your most powerful attack on me. If I live after that then we keep the cycle going till one of us is dead. Deal?" Dabura nodded.
"Deal." He smirked. *This kid doesn't know who he is up against. I could kill him no sweat. But just to humour the boy I'll play his little game. *
Vegeta laughed. *One Galic Gun and this guy is so dead. If it can scare Cell than it will scare this guy, course I might blow up the Earth, but that is a risk I'm willing to take, I mean then I'll go back to Kai or get stuck on a big . catapult. oh this guy is sooo dead. *
Vegeta smiled broadly. And began drawing off the broken catapult of endless energy. "GALIC!!!!" He cried out, both hands pointed to Dabura.
*WHAT THE HELL!?! NO WAY CAN A KID HAVE THA MUCH POWER!!! * Dabura thought frantically. *I AM GOING TO DIE IF I DON'T GET OUT OF THE WAY OF THIS BLAST!! AND IT'S NOT EVEN HALF DONE YET!!! * He waved his hands in front of himself frantically to get Vegeta's attention. "NO DON'T SHOOT!! HOW ABOUT WE HAVE A NORMAL FIGHT?!! FIST TO FIST!!"
But Vegeta was choosing not to listen. "GUN!!!" He launched the massive beam which quickly engulfed Dabura and half of the Chubba Chunkies factory.
Vegeta breathed deeply and surveyed the destruction. "That'll do for now." He smiled as Dabura's ashes floated off with the wind down the Vegeta made canyon through the mountain range. "That'll have to do. I'll leave the president for later, I think it's about rest time." Vegeta said as he flew off through the air towards his abandoned warehouse that he called home.
**********
The president of Chubba Chunkies looked mournfully through his window, out into the courtyard that was now a blackened pile of rubble. "This is not my day." He muttered as he pushed the secretary button on his phone.
"Yes sir?" Mrs.Kinshen answered in a happy voice.
"Cancel all my appointments for the next month. I'm going on vacation." He said in a deeply depressed voice.
"Yes sir. may I inquire as to why?"
"Well, the factory was half destroyed in case you didn't notice."
"Oh. well. Ok."
"Yeah."
*********
Vegeta flew through the air a short distance away from the half destroyed factory. *I completely forgot to find out what's in this addictive soup. * He thought as he took a long swig of said soup.
Vegeta rubbed his chin pensively as he hovered a few hundred feet above the ground. *I should probably go back. but what would I find out? Half the place is destroyed!! I won't even find anything but ashes!!! Hehehe, stupid demon. * He thought as the topic in his mind changed to the fond memory of Dabura's ashes floating down the freshly made canyon. *Good times had by all but Dabura and who ever was not there or in the castle factory thingy. * Vegeta sighed and hovered away. *I'll figure out what's in it later, for now I'll just trust that it is addictive and eat it. Yup, sounds like a plan. * Vegeta thought as he floated towards his abandoned warehouse home.
**************
Some time in the late afternoon the next day Vegeta woke up in a daze. He shook his head to wake up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. "I have a weird feeling about today." He muttered as a chill went up his spine. Vegeta scratched his head sleepily and wandered down the street, neglecting to put clothes on. He groggily walked into a convenience store and received odd stares from everyone inside.
"What?" He asked the small crowd. When the crowd shied away from answering he looked at himself. "Oh right. Clothes. You don't have a no shoes no shirt no service policy do you?" He asked of the cashier who shook his head no. "Good. Then I'll just buy these camping cereal boxes and this little jug of milk." He said, still not awake enough to care about his public nudity.
Vegeta put the small boxes of cereal and the one litre of two percent milk on the counter and realized he didn't have any money on him. "Crap. Nakedness doesn't allow for pockets." He stated as he formed a small ki ball and aimed it at the cashier's head. "Nothing personal." He stated as he launched the small attack, vaporising the man's head and the cigarette cartons behind him. "Smoking is bad for you anyways." He said before grabbing the milk and cereal and walking out of the store, leaving the horrified customers with the decapitated cashier.
"Yup. It's going to be a weird day." He said just as the local law enforcement arrived at the scene along with an ambulance.
A few minutes later Vegeta stepped into his little shelter. No sooner did he throw on some clothing than a knock on the door rang through the old warehouse. Vegeta solemnly trudged to the door and opened it, revealing a familiar face. "Hey Ian!! How's it going my man!?" Vegeta said, instantly waking up and getting a bit hyped up.
"All right boyo. How about you? I don't want my meal ticket getting hurt." The large Scot joked.
"I'm doing good. A bit of a run in with a cashier this morning, and a major corporation that was in league with a demon yesterday. But other than that, I'd say everything is as normal as any other day." Vegeta said as he motioned toward a pair of half upholstered chairs he had found in a dump just before he found the warehouse.
Ian sat down in one of the two plaid chairs. "Your little place is holding up. How much more till you get that house you were talking about?"
Vegeta smiled and shrugged. "I haven't actually picked out a specific house yet. But I think a few million should cut it."
Ian laughed. "Your set on living it up little man. Which brings me to a point. I found a little tourney you might be interested in."
Vegeta cracked open a box of cereal and poured some milk into it. "You know I'm into any tournament you can find Ian." He stated before taking a spoonful of corn pops.
Ian laughed. "I know. I know. All for the money. Yeah, well this little tourney is a wee bit different."
Vegeta looked intrigued and set the box down on the arm of his chair. "How so?"
Ian smiled. "It's a bit of a gamble, but I figure you have the strength to do it lad."
Vegeta charged up a small ki blast that illuminated the room. "Course I've got the strength. I'm not of this world. You know that." He said as he squinted and launched the small blast, which impacted with a fly, flash frying it.
Ian smiled. "Your place will always be fly free boyo." He said before getting to the point. "Well, it's a bit of a Scottish tradition."
"Am I golfing?" Vegeta said before picking up his box of corn pops again.
"No lad. It's the timber toss." Ian said shaking his head and smiling broadly.
Vegeta put his hand up to his forehead. "I throw big trees? This had better get me some big cash Ian."
Ian put his hands up. "one mil, flat out, upfront, in cash."
Vegeta snapped to alertness. "I'm in! So why such a big reward for tossing trees?"
Ian looked at the boy oddly. "It's a tough thing. Besides as a bonus you can play any of the other lumberjack games for cash as well."
It was Vegeta's turn to look at the other man oddly. "You want _me_ to chop trees without ki? Your nuts."
Ian looked downtrodden. "Come on lad. For a friend?" He said.
"NO PUPPY EYES!!" Vegeta screamed.
"Only if you compete. It's been a dream of mine to compete in the tourney for years, but I was banned for holding bets." Ian said reflectively.
Vegeta raised an eyebrow. "That's why it pays out big. You already had bets on each of the events, but you didn't ok it with me! I'm right aren't I?"
Ian nodded. "And you're in. Come on lad. For the money. Each event gets close to a million. Three events have been bet on. Timber toss, Tree chop and log rolling. Easy stuff for your powers."
Vegeta ran his hands through his long black hair and nodded while looking at the floor. "Alright then. What is the total pay out?"
Ian held out a wad of cash, which Vegeta took into his hands. Flipping through it he said. "There is only three thousand here. I thought you said the payouts would be in millions. Your not holding back on me are you?"
Ian waved his hands in front of him to defuse the situation. "Nah. That there is just the money you earned for signing up."
Vegeta's jaw dropped to the floor. "You. placed a bet on if I signed up or not?"
Ian nodded nervously. "Yeah. And the big payout in total is 2, 800,001.21 dollars. In cash. With the payouts from the individual events you get another 75,000, but that is in check format."
Vegeta nodded. "3,550,001.21 all together. Big payout for us. You already calculate your cut out of it?" Ian nodded. "Yeah, I didn't think someone would put in a buck twenty one." Vegeta said as he took another spoonful of his now semi soggy corn pops. "Gotta have my pops."
************ End
Author's notes: (Well, thus concludes the third installation of Spiritual Misadventures. This is by far my personal favourite of the fics I am picking through at the moment. As it is the only one I have completed chapters of. For everyone's info, my other fics are called Wielder, and the other one is involving Blue seed but is at the moment, untitled. These fics will probably appear on Morden's site, as my own site is dedicated to my message board rpg, which will probably spurn on some fan fics of it's own. Yeah, well. This was an interesting chapter. Me doing Scottish games, addicted to soup and killing Dabura. What else should I do. hmm. Shira? Well, perhaps I have said to much. See you next chapter! Ciao!!)
Agasaki Ishano: agasaki@crystal-tokyo.com Web site:
By: Agasaki Ishano
Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my ideas and myself, take them and die.
"Speech" *Thoughts * _Emphasis _
(My notes)
Chapter Three: The Tournament
Vegeta walked up to the sign up booth a week later. "Name and age please." The burly man behind the desk demanded.
"Vegeta, 5 years old." The Saiyan casually responded.
"Last name son?"
*Last name. Uhhhh. Mind numbing. * The young warrior thought as he scratched the back of his head pensively. "Kakorotte."
"Vegeta Kakorotte?" Vegeta nodded. "Alright then boy. Please go to the punch-testing machine to see what level you will fight in." The burly man said as he motioned for the next fighter to step forward.
Vegeta walked up to the punch-testing machine, looking bored with the display of fighters around him, when suddenly one of the youths shoved the Saiyan to the side.
"Hey punk!! Watch where you're going!" Vegeta yelled, getting the boy's attention.
"Or what?" He asked savagely.
"I never said or else retard." Vegeta retorted.
"A wise guy eh?"
"I suppose that's correct. My wisdom does far surpass your's."
"Wha. We'll settle this in the arena!" The boy said, unable to come up with a witty remark to match Vegeta's last one.
"That went well." The Saiyan thought out loud as he approached the punch- tester machine.
"Alright son. Now you just go on an punch this here thing." The man at the punch-tester said in a stereotypical hick voice. "An this here do-hicky is gonna tell ya'll what yer strength be."
"In English perhaps?" Vegeta said, as he gave off a look of total confusion.
"Does ya'll want for me to repeat myself?"
"No. I'll just hit the button and attempt to forget what you said." The hick nodded. *How do carny's get to work in a fighting tournament. Maybe it's the aspect of the punch-tester. I mean it does bear resemblance to the hammer game at fairs. * Vegeta thought as he pictured the hammer game being played by chibi people. *Odd. And disturbing. *
Vegeta tapped the machine, still not thinking about anything but the disturbing pictures of chibi people playing the hammer game.
"200!! That there score ain't not possible!!" The carny person screamed, clutching his cranium in disbelief.
"Double negative. Therefore it is possible. What isn't possible is that carny's can get work. At all, fairs or fighting tournaments." Vegeta stated, still imagining chibi people playing the hammer game.
The young Saiyan shook the disturbing mental pictures from his mind "So, am I in?"
The carny nodded, seeming afraid of the young boy. "Yes sir ya'll is in. Now just you go over to that their booth and get a blood sample." Vegeta shivered.
*Ehh. I despise of needles! But I suppose it's for the tournament so they can tell if I'm not on drug, and that's good cause I don't want to be fighting a crack head! Crack heads freak me out. * Vegeta shivered again and made his way over to the booth.
************
Thirty minutes and two orderlies later. "Well that wasn't so bad." Vegeta smiled as he surveyed the chaos he had caused while the blood test guy was attempting to get a sample. Tables were overturned, two men lay unconscious at his feet and the blood test guy's left arm was broken in two. "Not bad at all." He mused as he walked out into the fray, the other fighters backing slowly away creating a full circle around the Saiyan prince.
Vegeta waved and half the crowd flinched. *Cool. I am a God to these under developed people. *
"Excuse me? Does anyone know who I fight first?" Vegeta asked, raising his voice just enough to be heard by all around.
The young fighters all looked nervous. Mutterings of, 'Oh man, I hope I'm out of the tournament before I fight that guy' and prayers of 'Please not me!' rang throughout the gathering area. Finally the burly man from the sign in desk walked into the circle.
"FIRST FIGHT! VEGETA KAKOROTTE V.S LIN SHONG!! FIGHTERS ENTER THE RING!!"
Vegeta shrugged. *This guy should be easy. Who names their kid Lin, must have hippie parents, and I have been waiting to kick some hippie ass. why did I want to kick hippie ass again? * He attempted to remember as he entered the ring.
The crowd cheered as Lin stepped onto the stone fighting arena. "You." Vegeta growled as he recognized the boy as the one he had bumped into earlier.
"IN THIS CORNER!! WEIGHING 80 POUNDS, CHAMPION FOR THREE YEARS STRAIGHT!! LIN SHONG !!!" The crowd cheered like there was no tomorrow and this guy could give them that extra day Vegeta raised an eyebrow.
*Three years? He must be decent then. I'll try him without ki blasts or flying and maybe I'll cut back on the speed. * Vegeta thought, trying to make the fight a little more even.
"AND IN THIS CORNER!!!. VEG. E. TA. KACEROOT!!!! WEIGHING 85 POUNDS!!!"
*Note to self, kill announcer in the heat of battle. No one expects a stray ki blast. Hehe. *
"WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT!?!!" Lin screamed from the other side of the arena.
"FIGHT!!!" The announcer screamed as a gong went off.
Lin rushed at the smiling Saiyan and planted his hardest punch against the boy's chest. An auditable crack rang throughout the arena.
Both boy's stood there for a second that seemed to drag on for hours. Vegeta smiling and Lin's face turning blue and his eyes expanding in pain and surprise.
"OOOOUUCCCHHHIIIIEEEEEE!!!!" Lin screamed. "I BROKE MY HAND!!!! I SURRENDER!!!!" Vegeta gazed off into space smiling then he muttered.
"he, stray ki blast will do just fine. huh. have we started?" Vegeta looked down at Lin, who was holding his hand in agony, then he looked to the side of the arena and noticed some paramedics rushing up the steps towards Lin. "Wow, I guess I won. I hope someone videotaped that, cause I want to see what I did. Maybe King Kai would know."
The paramedics and Lin looked at the boy in wonder and shook their head simultaneously then rushed Lin to the medic.
King Kai's voice rang clearly through Vegeta's head a short second later.
King Kai seemed to ponder this for a minute.
Vegeta enthusiastically thought.
Kai warned.
Vegeta began walking calmly off the arena floor,
Kai thought as he closed the link.
**************
Four hours later Vegeta stood atop a podium with a gold metal around his neck and a bouquet under his right arm.
*I feel like a figure skater. this is bad. I want to fly now, but I can't or they might not give to me their money!! * He thought, the last part in a bad Italian accent
A buff looking man approached Vegeta and extended a hand. Vegeta shook it firmly. Some cameras flashed and the man motioned for a scrawny little man with thick glasses to come forward form the crowd around the podium. The little man came up in front of Vegeta and extended his hand which Vegeta shook lightly, so as not to injure the fellow.
The man smiled. "On behalf of the president of Chubba Chunkies Chicken noodle soup, I present you with this." Man said as two scantily clad women came dancing out of a van with a large piece of cardboard.
Vegeta looked a bit shooked. "Doesn't the president of Chunka crackfiends chacka nuddle soup know that strippers are not for kids? I honestly don't mind, but if I had lost, would one of these poor boys be exposed to the hardships of our sex and greed driven world at such a ripe age. The thought of this almost makes me want to turn down a night with the two lovely dancing chicks and their oversized cardboard bed. Note that I did say almost."
The scrawny man just stared at the boy and the two scantily clad dancing girls ceased their dancing and became normal scantily clad girls. "What are you talking about?" The man asked.
"I know this is an Asian land and pornography is allowed in any form, but public and child don't mix my friend! No!! I say NO!! NO to your scantily clad women who I hope will be screaming yes later but not now! No to your cardboard bed though it is probably more comfortable than a steel one that has been rubbed with dry ice and pissed on by a thousand cats! No to your public nudity!! Just plain NO on that last one because NO! And No explains it all!!! And then some." Vegeta stopped and breathed for a second as the man and two girls just stared.
"Actually, we were just going to give you a life time supply of Chubba Chunkies Chicken noodle soup. Not any of the other stuff you just finished raving about."
"Oh. Well then. thanks. And when do I get my money?" Vegeta asked, kind of dazed after figuring out what in God's sweet name was going on.
"Um. we didn't think that money was an appropriate choice of a prize for this tournament. The adult division gets a house and the youth get a life time supply of Chubba Chunkies." As though on cue the two scantily clad girls resumed their title of scantily clad dancing girls and began to sing the Chubba Chunkies theme song.
"Some Chicken soups are bad. But Chubba Chunkies isn't. Oh no!! Not bad at all! Some might even go as far as saying it is half decent or even good! But it generally leans more towards the half decent mark!"
Vegeta slapped his forehead. "_That_ is supposed to be a theme song?" The dancing girls nodded. "That was the biggest piece of crap I have ever heard in my life!! I don't think a country singer could put out worse crap than that! And trust me there are some bad country songs!! But this, _this_ takes the cake. Perfect ten on the this song is a piece of crap scale. I hope you ladies didn't write this crap. I mean the person who wrote it must be the _hugest_ crack fiend slash dumbass this side of the moon!! He deserves death in so many forms it would be next year before I finished listing them!!! I loathe you!!! I LOATHE YOU ALL!!!!" Vegeta breathed deeply for a second.
The scrawny man opened his mouth to speak but Vegeta held up a hand. "I'M NOT DONE YET!!! You are the definition of evil!!! Satan cannot compare to the purity of your evil!!! Your hearts are made of OBSIDION!!!!"
***********
The next day. "Man this Chubba Chunkies crap ain't half bad." Vegeta commented as he put down his spoon. "But their advertising is all wrong!" He said as his eyes squinted "So very _very_ wrong." He said evilly as he slurped another spoonful. "Chubba Chunkies should burn in hell. But they make decent soup. I'M AT A PARADOX!!! Must kill Chubba Chunkies!! Must eat Chubba Chunkies!!! WHAT TO DO!!!!" Vegeta screamed as he waved his arms madly in the air, knocking over his bowl of soup.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!! MY SOUP IS GONE!!! MY WORLD IS ENDING!!!!!" Vegeta screamed louder. "MUST HAVE MORE!!!!" Vegeta then stopped himself. "wait a tick. Chubba Chunkies is addictive. they must be lacing it with something!!! Must uncover their crappy drug scandal!!!"
With that Vegeta shot a hole in the roof of the abandoned warehouse he had inhabited since leaving Shira. "TO INFINITY!!! AND BEYOND!!!!" He screamed as he launched himself up and out of the building with a box of Chubba Chunkies in one hand and a cup of the addictive soup in the other. He stopped at about 500 feet in the air before taking a long sip. "Ahhhh. Chubba Chunkies.." He then flew towards the Chubba Chunkies headquarters, which was pointed out conveniently, on the back of the box. "Die Chubba Chunkies. die." He said in a low voice just before taking another long sip. "ahhh.."
************
Three and a half hours later Vegeta found himself floating above the Chubba Chunkies factory and main distributing center which was built into the side of a mountain with spiralling towers like a medieval castle's. "Ook." He said, taken aback by the over elaborate fortifications on a chicken noodle soup factory. "Just a wee bit paranoid that somebody is going to ruin their drug operations."
Vegeta shrugged, "Well I guess I'll just have to destroy the whole factory. but I can't!! Then there won't be anyone to give me Chubba Chunkies!!!" He formed a ki blast in one hand and shakily aimed towards the factory. "Must kill Chubba Chunkies.. Must. kill.. The ki blast dissipated in his hand as he admitted defeat. He took a swig of his Chubba Chunkies and hung his head in shame. "Can't even destroy the factory. How am I going to kill the president?" He shook his head in disappointment with himself and hovered slowly to the ground. "At least I could figure out what's in it."
As Vegeta touched the ground a large amount of bluish green ki began to form around himself and his hair turned from black to golden yellow. His now green eyes glared at the two guards who were guarding the door. They both attempted to back away but an invisible force caught them both in the gut as Vegeta powered up slightly, pushing the door off it's hinges and flinging it into the courtyard instantly killing three more guards.
"What the hell is going on out there Dabura!!!?!" The president of Chubba Chunkies screamed at his most trusted advisor.
The pink skinned demon grinned. "It appears that a little boy has gotten through your defences."
The president pulled at his hair, which appeared to be a normal thing, as he was balding quite quickly. "Don't get smug with me Dabura! You know your job!" Dabura nodded.
"I'll take care of the boy." He grinned as he shot out through the window that faced the courtyard.
"Oh I wish he would stop doing that." The president fumed as he called up his secretary. "Mrs.Kinshen, please inform everyone to return inside the building. Dabura will handle the boy."
"Yes sir." Came the response.
***********
Vegeta punched a guard across the face and took a small amount of satisfaction when he felt the man's neck snap with the power of his punch. *Too easy. * He thought just as a ki blast scorched the Earth in front of him. "Who the. You! I know you! Your Babidi's lackey! Or is it Bibidi due to the current time? You know, I never have gotten my evil sorcerer's right." He chuckled as he ran a hand through his thick golden hair.
Dabura laughed. "I am no one's lackey. And I never will be." Vegeta shook his finger at the demon.
"Wrong sir, you will be possessed by Babidi's magic's. But. If I destroy you now, we'll never know will we. Personally I don't want Babidi to have a demon on his side, no that just wouldn't do." Vegeta joked.
Dabura's smile widened, "You believe you can beat me? That is laughable." Vegeta laughed.
"Then take my hardest attack, if you die. well I win, if you live I will allow you to use your most powerful attack on me. If I live after that then we keep the cycle going till one of us is dead. Deal?" Dabura nodded.
"Deal." He smirked. *This kid doesn't know who he is up against. I could kill him no sweat. But just to humour the boy I'll play his little game. *
Vegeta laughed. *One Galic Gun and this guy is so dead. If it can scare Cell than it will scare this guy, course I might blow up the Earth, but that is a risk I'm willing to take, I mean then I'll go back to Kai or get stuck on a big . catapult. oh this guy is sooo dead. *
Vegeta smiled broadly. And began drawing off the broken catapult of endless energy. "GALIC!!!!" He cried out, both hands pointed to Dabura.
*WHAT THE HELL!?! NO WAY CAN A KID HAVE THA MUCH POWER!!! * Dabura thought frantically. *I AM GOING TO DIE IF I DON'T GET OUT OF THE WAY OF THIS BLAST!! AND IT'S NOT EVEN HALF DONE YET!!! * He waved his hands in front of himself frantically to get Vegeta's attention. "NO DON'T SHOOT!! HOW ABOUT WE HAVE A NORMAL FIGHT?!! FIST TO FIST!!"
But Vegeta was choosing not to listen. "GUN!!!" He launched the massive beam which quickly engulfed Dabura and half of the Chubba Chunkies factory.
Vegeta breathed deeply and surveyed the destruction. "That'll do for now." He smiled as Dabura's ashes floated off with the wind down the Vegeta made canyon through the mountain range. "That'll have to do. I'll leave the president for later, I think it's about rest time." Vegeta said as he flew off through the air towards his abandoned warehouse that he called home.
**********
The president of Chubba Chunkies looked mournfully through his window, out into the courtyard that was now a blackened pile of rubble. "This is not my day." He muttered as he pushed the secretary button on his phone.
"Yes sir?" Mrs.Kinshen answered in a happy voice.
"Cancel all my appointments for the next month. I'm going on vacation." He said in a deeply depressed voice.
"Yes sir. may I inquire as to why?"
"Well, the factory was half destroyed in case you didn't notice."
"Oh. well. Ok."
"Yeah."
*********
Vegeta flew through the air a short distance away from the half destroyed factory. *I completely forgot to find out what's in this addictive soup. * He thought as he took a long swig of said soup.
Vegeta rubbed his chin pensively as he hovered a few hundred feet above the ground. *I should probably go back. but what would I find out? Half the place is destroyed!! I won't even find anything but ashes!!! Hehehe, stupid demon. * He thought as the topic in his mind changed to the fond memory of Dabura's ashes floating down the freshly made canyon. *Good times had by all but Dabura and who ever was not there or in the castle factory thingy. * Vegeta sighed and hovered away. *I'll figure out what's in it later, for now I'll just trust that it is addictive and eat it. Yup, sounds like a plan. * Vegeta thought as he floated towards his abandoned warehouse home.
**************
Some time in the late afternoon the next day Vegeta woke up in a daze. He shook his head to wake up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. "I have a weird feeling about today." He muttered as a chill went up his spine. Vegeta scratched his head sleepily and wandered down the street, neglecting to put clothes on. He groggily walked into a convenience store and received odd stares from everyone inside.
"What?" He asked the small crowd. When the crowd shied away from answering he looked at himself. "Oh right. Clothes. You don't have a no shoes no shirt no service policy do you?" He asked of the cashier who shook his head no. "Good. Then I'll just buy these camping cereal boxes and this little jug of milk." He said, still not awake enough to care about his public nudity.
Vegeta put the small boxes of cereal and the one litre of two percent milk on the counter and realized he didn't have any money on him. "Crap. Nakedness doesn't allow for pockets." He stated as he formed a small ki ball and aimed it at the cashier's head. "Nothing personal." He stated as he launched the small attack, vaporising the man's head and the cigarette cartons behind him. "Smoking is bad for you anyways." He said before grabbing the milk and cereal and walking out of the store, leaving the horrified customers with the decapitated cashier.
"Yup. It's going to be a weird day." He said just as the local law enforcement arrived at the scene along with an ambulance.
A few minutes later Vegeta stepped into his little shelter. No sooner did he throw on some clothing than a knock on the door rang through the old warehouse. Vegeta solemnly trudged to the door and opened it, revealing a familiar face. "Hey Ian!! How's it going my man!?" Vegeta said, instantly waking up and getting a bit hyped up.
"All right boyo. How about you? I don't want my meal ticket getting hurt." The large Scot joked.
"I'm doing good. A bit of a run in with a cashier this morning, and a major corporation that was in league with a demon yesterday. But other than that, I'd say everything is as normal as any other day." Vegeta said as he motioned toward a pair of half upholstered chairs he had found in a dump just before he found the warehouse.
Ian sat down in one of the two plaid chairs. "Your little place is holding up. How much more till you get that house you were talking about?"
Vegeta smiled and shrugged. "I haven't actually picked out a specific house yet. But I think a few million should cut it."
Ian laughed. "Your set on living it up little man. Which brings me to a point. I found a little tourney you might be interested in."
Vegeta cracked open a box of cereal and poured some milk into it. "You know I'm into any tournament you can find Ian." He stated before taking a spoonful of corn pops.
Ian laughed. "I know. I know. All for the money. Yeah, well this little tourney is a wee bit different."
Vegeta looked intrigued and set the box down on the arm of his chair. "How so?"
Ian smiled. "It's a bit of a gamble, but I figure you have the strength to do it lad."
Vegeta charged up a small ki blast that illuminated the room. "Course I've got the strength. I'm not of this world. You know that." He said as he squinted and launched the small blast, which impacted with a fly, flash frying it.
Ian smiled. "Your place will always be fly free boyo." He said before getting to the point. "Well, it's a bit of a Scottish tradition."
"Am I golfing?" Vegeta said before picking up his box of corn pops again.
"No lad. It's the timber toss." Ian said shaking his head and smiling broadly.
Vegeta put his hand up to his forehead. "I throw big trees? This had better get me some big cash Ian."
Ian put his hands up. "one mil, flat out, upfront, in cash."
Vegeta snapped to alertness. "I'm in! So why such a big reward for tossing trees?"
Ian looked at the boy oddly. "It's a tough thing. Besides as a bonus you can play any of the other lumberjack games for cash as well."
It was Vegeta's turn to look at the other man oddly. "You want _me_ to chop trees without ki? Your nuts."
Ian looked downtrodden. "Come on lad. For a friend?" He said.
"NO PUPPY EYES!!" Vegeta screamed.
"Only if you compete. It's been a dream of mine to compete in the tourney for years, but I was banned for holding bets." Ian said reflectively.
Vegeta raised an eyebrow. "That's why it pays out big. You already had bets on each of the events, but you didn't ok it with me! I'm right aren't I?"
Ian nodded. "And you're in. Come on lad. For the money. Each event gets close to a million. Three events have been bet on. Timber toss, Tree chop and log rolling. Easy stuff for your powers."
Vegeta ran his hands through his long black hair and nodded while looking at the floor. "Alright then. What is the total pay out?"
Ian held out a wad of cash, which Vegeta took into his hands. Flipping through it he said. "There is only three thousand here. I thought you said the payouts would be in millions. Your not holding back on me are you?"
Ian waved his hands in front of him to defuse the situation. "Nah. That there is just the money you earned for signing up."
Vegeta's jaw dropped to the floor. "You. placed a bet on if I signed up or not?"
Ian nodded nervously. "Yeah. And the big payout in total is 2, 800,001.21 dollars. In cash. With the payouts from the individual events you get another 75,000, but that is in check format."
Vegeta nodded. "3,550,001.21 all together. Big payout for us. You already calculate your cut out of it?" Ian nodded. "Yeah, I didn't think someone would put in a buck twenty one." Vegeta said as he took another spoonful of his now semi soggy corn pops. "Gotta have my pops."
************ End
Author's notes: (Well, thus concludes the third installation of Spiritual Misadventures. This is by far my personal favourite of the fics I am picking through at the moment. As it is the only one I have completed chapters of. For everyone's info, my other fics are called Wielder, and the other one is involving Blue seed but is at the moment, untitled. These fics will probably appear on Morden's site, as my own site is dedicated to my message board rpg, which will probably spurn on some fan fics of it's own. Yeah, well. This was an interesting chapter. Me doing Scottish games, addicted to soup and killing Dabura. What else should I do. hmm. Shira? Well, perhaps I have said to much. See you next chapter! Ciao!!)
Agasaki Ishano: agasaki@crystal-tokyo.com Web site: