Spiritual Misadventures
By:Evan McNeely
Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my ideas and myself, take them and die.
"Speech" Thoughts Emphasis
(My notes)
Chapter Five: The search began
(Note: There is 100 more blowup doll action in this chapter than any other chapter to date!!)
"Well this sucks." Vegeta stated as he and Shira walked away from the smoldering ruins of the Red Ribbon Army headquarters. "We've been at this for weeks and we've only got five dragonballs! I would've thought that with our combined powers those two floaters wouldn't even be an issue."
"But Vegeta, the other two are shrouded from the radar, it's not like we're sensitive to the dragonballs, we have to rely on the radar." Shira as she focused her chi around herself and began to lift off the ground.
Vegeta shrugged. "I know... but I'm just agitated... in the series the dragonballs were never shrouded... it's just really weird."
There he goes with that series thing again. Shira mentally grumbled. "Don't worry about it Vegeta. I'm sure the dragonballs will turn up somewhere."
Slick grinned as he polished the golden orb in his lap. "Who woulda known my grandma would have a piece of dragonbail?"
Greasy nodded as he stared deep into the orb. "Yeah, that was way to coincidental, and what was that spray she put on it?"
"She said it'd keep the magic sealed in the bail so that it'd stay good... like preservative or something..." Slick said as he set the ball aside on a hand knit cushion that his grandma made for the dragonball.
"Huh... that's cool... but what does the seven twinklies in the middle mean?" Greasy asked as he poked the ball cautiously.
Slick glared at him. "I don't know, but don't poke the dragonbail!..... maybe that it's number seven of the dragonbail... like if the keeper needs like... four dragonbail for the dragon or whatever."
Greasy nodded. "So... if the dragon did something real bad then we'd pay more dragonbail than normal... sorta like when our buddy Toeless Tate attacked that chubba chunkies stand with all his friends and we had to bail him out, but it cost way more than any a those times when we got jailed for little stuff."
Slick smiled. "Yeah! That's gotta be it!!..." A devious grin spread across his face and he leaned closer to Greasy. "But what happens when you give too much bail?"
"......I dunno.... you get change?" Greasy responded, dumbfounded.
"That's right Greasy, that's exactly right... you get change..... and we have what grandma said was the highest number in the dragonbail series!" Slick said, waiting for his buddy to fill in the blanks.
"So...... we.. Could.... give the dragonbail... to the keeper... and he'd... give us.... CHANGE!!!! SLICK!! WE COULD GIVE THE DRAGONBAIL TO THE KEEPER AND HE'D GIVE US CHANGE!!!" Greasy screamed as he got excited and jumped into the air barely missing the low ceiling in Slick's basement apartment.
Slick nodded, the devious grin still plastered on his face. "Let's go find that kid Greasy, let's free the dragon."
Greasy nodded and then stopped. "Why do we call Toeless Tate Toeless Tate?"
"Cause he ain't got no toes."
"Ah."
With that the pair rushed out of Slick's mom's basement and into the streets of Orange Star
Master Roshi grinned as he uncovered the five star dragon ball from under a stack of porno and Sear's catalogue panty sections. "Six more of these and I can have anything I've ever wanted." Roshi's grin turned malicious as he continued. "Soon... a bevy of beautiful babes will be mine to command.. Nay! TWO BEVIES!!!!" Roshi then chuckled evilly and covered up the dragonball hastily with the smutty magazines. "After that I'll work on getting that kid to be my student." With that he picked up a choice jack mag and went into the bathroom.
"HOLY SHIT!! There was a blip!!" Vegeta yelled as he stopped in mid air.
Shira stopped abruptly, just barely running into Vegeta. "Really? Where is it?"
"Well.. In Master Roshi's house." Vegeta responded, sounding awestruck.
"The old pervert has a dragonball? I really don't want to know where he keeps a giant ball like that..." Shira grimaced.
Vegeta shrugged. "Probably in a dead hooker." He said nonchalantly.
Shira stared at Vegeta in utter horror. "What!?! AND YOU WERE OFFERING ME OVER TO THAT MURDEROUS LECHER!?!?" She screamed as she started to pummel Vegeta who attempted to both block and hold on to the two dragonballs that wouldn't fit into the backpack he had picked up before they started to search.
"STOP IT!! I WAS JOKING!!!" Vegeta protested as he planted his left foot in Shira's gut and pushed away, boosting ahead slightly with chi.
"Well, it wasn't funny." Shira pouted.
Vegeta snickered. "I thought it was." He muttered just loud enough that Shira could hear him.
"Well, let's go get this dragonball." Shira said, glaring menacingly at Vegeta as he held back his laughter.
"Let's" Vegeta said between chuckles.
Ten minutes later Vegeta kicked in the door of the Turtle house. "HAND OVER THE HOOKER ROSHI!!!!" He hollered, earning a shot to the kidney from Shira.
Shira stepped over Vegeta's squirming body and plucked the dragonradar from his grasp. "I'll take care of this."
"Say hi to the hooker for me!" Vegeta called behind her as he regained his feet.
Shira shot him a look that would've killed a normal man and started searching Roshi's house.
Suddenly a long shadow was cast over the female saiyan making her shiver. "Huh?" She exclaimed as she turned around.
Vegeta was searching the living room when he heard a shrill scream. Using chi he shot through the house to find Shira. Vegeta stopped in front of a horrifying scene, Master Roshi had just stepped out of the bathroom holding what appeared to be a limp woman covered in what looked like blood and holding a knife and fork in his other hand. "Oh... my.... God...." Vegeta said, completely shocked.
Roshi dropped the woman and the utensils and raised his hands in protest, but Shira shrieked again. Roshi looked down and pulled up his pants and then brought his hands up again, waving them in front of him in order to diffuse the situation. "It's not what it seems!!" He yelled.
Vegeta just shook his head. "And I was going to be trained by you. Tsk tsk. Killing hookers in your bathroom and then eating their vital organs as a sacrifice to your dark gods to prolong your pitiful existence."
Roshi's left eyebrow shot up. "What? No... that's a blowup doll... and the red is ketchup... I was... Um... doing my thing with the doll... and eating some french fries..... see it's always been my fantasy too...."
"NO MORE!!!" Vegeta cut him off. "NO MORE, YOU SICK FUCK!!!" With that, Shira moved back towards Vegeta, who cradled her in his arms and told her that it would be ok. "Just give us your dragonball and we'll leave and tell no-one of this event."
Roshi blanched. "What!? My dragon ball... what are you talking about?"
"We know you have one... you didn't think we'd bust up your plastic sex party for nothing did you?" Vegeta asked, still rocking Shira back and forth in front of himself as she buried her face in his shoulder and cried tears of a lost innocence.
Roshi pondered this for a minute. "Hmm... but how did you know?"
"We have a dragonradar. It tells us where the dragonballs are... but for some reason yours was hidden from the radar. But I regress.. Give me the dragonball." Vegeta declared, taking one arm off of Shira and aiming it at the old man.
Roshi nodded. "Fine... but once you have made your wish, I want you to return here. I need to speak with you about other things."
Vegeta nodded as Roshi rushed away to dig the dragonball out of it's hiding place. He returned promptly and handed the ball to Vegeta who took with his free hand. "So.. How did you hide it anyway?"
"I didn't.. It was just under a bunch of porno and Sear catalogue panty sections." Roshi said as Vegeta started to lead Shira to the door.
"Huh... that's odd that porno and smuttiness would block a sensitive device like the dragonaradar." Vegeta said as he and Shira reached the door.
"Maybe it doesn't have all the bugs worked out of it?" Roshi offered.
"Perhaps. I'll returned as promised... please be decent when I do." With that Vegeta took off with Shira clutching his torso.
Roshi waved the pair off and returned to the hallway just outside the bathroom. "Now my dear." He said, addressing the blowup doll. "Where were we?"
End of chapter.
Author's notes: (I'll end it there for now. I know it's shorter than normal, but the ending was just too clean to continue... anywho oddness continues in this and the next installation of Spiritual misadventures!! That, and I realized I started this when I was 16 and have only finished 6 chapters in 3 years.... Well.. Them's the breaks.)
Evan McNeely can be reached at and posts all his works on either or He appreciates comments and will take into consideration any ideas offered by fans and fellow authors. If people e-mail him he will continue to work on Spiritual Misadventures and any other stories he comes up with and my create some sort of site... he also loves speaking in third person... and is very lonely....