Spiritual Misadventures
By: Evan McNeely
Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my ideas and myself, take them and die.
"Speech" Thoughts Emphasis
(My notes)
Chapter Ten: Exit Chamber.
Vegeta grinned as he flexed in front of a dressing mirror, a habit he had started a short time ago, but was catching with him. "I'm, too sexy for my tail!! Too sexy for my tail!! Too sexy that I don't believe it!!" He sang as loudly as his raspy voice allowed. I really am one sexy beast! If I looked anything like this back when I was human I'd be like... a movie star or something... Like Bruce Lee!! With that he did his best high pitched Bruce Lee scream followed by a series of kicks and punches. He then turned away from the mirror and started walking out of the room, only to be drawn, almost magnetically, back to the mirror where he flexed for himself once more. I'm a conceited fuck. He mentally stated before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
He smiled as he walked by a confused looking Shira who had apparently just been running. "Hey." He said as he walked towards the kitchen. I'll let her wonder. He thought to himself, happy to have a secret after sharing so much with Shira over the time they had been in the Time Chamber.
Shira just watched him go. What was that about? She wondered as she started out to the lovingly dubbed 'White Stuff' to hone her skills further. There was a week left before the door to the Chamber opened and she wanted to be as prepared for the upcoming challenges she expected to face. Vegeta on the other hand apparently thought himself above training and spent his time alone in the kitchen cooking or drinking coffee, occasionally jotting things down or drawing whatever caught his attention. Shira shrugged thoughts of Vegeta's strange behavior off as part of his new personality and stepped into the white stuff to begin to do some warm ups.
Vegeta was in the kitchen, drinking a large cup of coffee and thinking. I've completely snubbed Shira for the whole time I've been in here... actually.. I've snubbed her the whole time I've known her! He thought as he downed some java. But I've gotten to know her a bit better... and she does seem to be more mature than her five year old counter part... a bit of a nympho, but none the less... I suppose I should start to 'encourage' our relationship... I mean... who else in the world would date a sexy guy with a tail?.... But then again, I am considering dating a sexy girl with a tail... But I have a tail, and accept and love my tail... so that makes me a tail guy... which means I can date a tail girl! Which means she can date me, cause I have a tail... and the fact that we're engaged might come into it too... but I'll work on that later... right now I have a craving to fight her... must be the saiyan blood. Vegeta thought with a smile as he drained the rest of his coffee and started off towards the white stuff.
Slick grinned as he set two dragonballs on his bed. "Marky mark didn't stand a chance." He said.
Greasy wiped some blood off his baseball bat and nodded. "Yeah... but did we really have to beat him up that bad? I mean.. He's in intensive care."
Slick nodded vigorously. "Part of the plan Greasy... all part of the plan. If we hadn't stopped Marky mark violently he mighta kept after the dragonbail... how he got this one I'll never know."
Greasy smirked and sucked on an invisible cock.
Slick nodded his agreement. "Gotta be... Marky mark is a gay name... so he musta loved the seven balled cock."
"Just like your grandma!" Greasy chipped in enthusiastically.
"Yup... now then.. Where is this next dragon nut?" He asked himself as he produced the dragonradar from a pocket in his leather jacket. He studied the device for a solid minute with Greasy hovering over his shoulder. "Looks like it's out in the desert." He finally said as he slipped the radar back into the pocket he produced it from.
Greasy smiled. "Let's go jack a car and find it!"
"I like your thinking Greasy." Slick said as he patted his buddy on the shoulder and guided him out of their secret hideout in his mom's basement.
"So I've been thinking." Vegeta said as he got into a fighting stance. "Maybe I've been an asshole about you and me."
Shira smiled as she got into a similar pose. "Maybe?" She asked, scanning Vegeta for any signs of weakness in his current stance.
"Funny... but I agree... I've been stupid to ignore what could have been a good relationship." Vegeta said, shifting slightly.
Shira lunged at him, swinging a seemingly wild punch at his mid-section. Vegeta moved to counter it and was caught off guard when she spun and kicked high at his head. He narrowly ducked and threw a flurry of punches at he exposed side. She caught the first one hard and moved to avoid the others. She stopped a few feet away from him. "And there would've been lots of sex." She said cheerily, wincing slightly from the pain in her side.
Vegeta waved it off. "Sex isn't a good base for a relationship... especially one that has been predetermined to end in marriage."
"So you are going to marry me?" Shira asked, genuinely surprised.
"I suppose so... but I'd like to get to you better before I join you in saiyanly matrimony, and I mean out of the sack." Vegeta said, as he prepared to strike.
"Probably for the best." Shira responded with a smirk that mimicked Vegeta's.
"Yup." He grunted as he hopped into the air and launched a volley of chi blasts, which Shira deftly avoided responding with a chi beam.
Vegeta smirked and knocked the beam away with the back of his hand. Shira frowned. "Well... we only have a week left here, then we have to find a place in the outside world."
Vegeta nodded as he floated to the ground. "We're going to need money... you spent all of my earnings on furniture. Children's Aid must have given it to charity, or whatever crazy thing they do with missing kid's stuff.... or it might be at Roshi's."
Shira shivered. "I'm never going back there."
"Well like it or not, he has probably got some nice drapes and I'd like to get those back... course I'd sell em and all that other stuff you bought and settle down somewhere decent while we plan out our next move... aka jobs." Vegeta said as he touched down and started inside.
Shira followed him towards the palace. "We could fight in tournaments like you used to." She suggested.
Vegeta shook his head. "You don't know what it's like in those things. Nobody is a challenge and they give you soup for prizes." He said blandly as he headed towards the bedroom Shira still in tow.
"Didn't you say that the adult division won a house?" She asked, catching Vegeta's attention.
"You're damn right I did!! We could win a freaken house!!" He yelled, pumping his fists in the air.
"And we could furnish our house with my tasteful purchases!" Shira offered.
"No... you blew my money on that stuff.. I'd like to spend some of it on what I want... The table, and chairs and essentials we'll keep cause they were kinda nice... but everything else goes towards whatever I want to recklessly spend money on... like cheese wheels... and alcohol."
Shira stared blankly at Vegeta. "What?"
"You heard me... cheese wheels and alcohol.... a mighty combination." Vegeta responded, putting his hands on his hips and looking self-important.
Shira just shook her head. "Whatever Vegeta." She said, sounding exasperated.
Vegeta smiled and watched as Shira made her way inside the palace. I'd say that went well.
"That guy's got it." Slick said, motioning for Greasy to look over the rock that the pair were hiding behind.
Greasy stood up quickly and noticed a man asleep on the ground not five feet away. Greasy ducked back behind the rock and huddled up near Slick. "So whatcha wanna do about him?" The shiny chinned hoodlum asked his friend.
Slick motioned to the car they had stolen earlier in the day. "Let's run him over."
Greasy smiled. "Sounds fun!"
With that the pair ran back to their car and turned it on. "Ready?" Slick asked.
"Engines to power... Turbines to speed..." Greasy said with a smile.
"LET'S GO!!!" The pair then began their best rendition of the Batman theme song as Slick avoided a few boulders and finally lined up their prey.
"WHAT THE HECK!?!" Yamcha yelled as he awoke abruptly from a deep sleep to find a car hurdling towards him at 'ramming speed'. The desert wolf snapped to his feet and stood his ground against the oncoming car. As the vehicle approached he leapt into the air, narrowly avoiding the front bumper. He landed deftly on top of the car and clung to either side of it as he pressed his body flat to the roof.
"HE'S ON THE ROOF SLICK!!!" A voice yelled from inside the car.
"I KNOW!!! I'MA SHAKE HIM!!!" The voice that Yamcha assumed was 'Slick's' replied frantically.
At that moment both doors opened and two leather clad men hopped out of either side, the car still moving at full speed. Yamcha looked forward. He screamed.
Slick and Greasy watched as the car hurdled off the side of a steep cliff, the strange man still grasping the car for dear life. They brushed themselves off, then brushed each other off. The pari then walked, perfectly in sync, to the cliff. They shielded their eyes as the car impacted with the ground, sending the man flying a few feet away face first along the jagged ground. Slick and Greasy smiled broadly as the car's gas tank then ruptured, causing a massive explosion and sending shards of metal flying everywhere. The man got caught up in the blast wave of the explosion and was tossed further, flame and metal at his heels. He landed sharply against a jutting boulder and it seemed as though he popped. Slick and Greasy noted the spray of red ushering forth from the man's chest, mouth and just about everywhere else on his person.
"I guess we best check if he had the dragon's nut on him." Greasy said, turning to his friend.
Slick nodded and checked his dragonradar. He grinned as he pointed back to where the man had been sleeping. "He left it back where we tried to hit him."
Greasy smiled. "He made it so easy for us."
Slick nodded as the pair went back to Yamcha's makeshift camp and retrieved not one, but two golden orbs from a backpack nearby. They put them back in the pack and started back towards Orange Star City, but not before raiding any supplies they thought they'd need for the long trek back. "Well... time for a lovely jog home." Slick said as he patted his friend on the back and led him in the direction of his mom's house.
Vegeta grinned as he stepped out of the hyperbolic time chamber and into the high rise that was Kame's Lookout. The week had past with few events, he and Shira were still not have sex, due solely to his abstinence, and had developed a decent relationship. "AHH!!! Real air!" Vegeta breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly seeming to deflate completely.
Shira stepped out of the time chamber to find Vegeta almost bent completely over and breathing out heavily. "What are you doing Vegeta?" She asked as she scratched the back of her head.
Vegeta took in a breath and snapped upright. He turned around and smiled. "Taking my first breath of real air in 15 years!" He exclaimed as he abruptly turned back around and started wandering about the lookout.
"What an odd man Vegeta has become." Shira muttered to herself as she started to follow Vegeta, not knowing of any other alternatives.
Vegeta suddenly stopped when he noticed a coal black man in Arabian garb tailing a green skinned man dressed in layers of what seemed to be sheets covering jutting shoulder pads. Vegeta swiftly flew up behind the pair, who turned as though they knew he was there the whole time. "Popo!!... Kame!! How's it going!?!"
The green skinned man looked at his Arabian companion quizzically. "How does he know our names?" He whispered as the Arabian drew closer.
"I don't know." The Arabian responded in a jolly sort of deep voice.
"Hmm..." The green skinned man responded before he motioned for the Arabian to step back. "How do you know our names?" He asked, directing his question at Vegeta.
"Simple Kame... I'm not of this world." Vegeta responded smiling broadly.
"Yes yes, I can tell by the tail. But that adds more intrigue as to how you procured the knowledge of our names." The green man said.
"Ask King Kai." Vegeta said simply.
"Fine... I'll do just that." The green man stated. King Kai? He mentally asked, probing into the area where King Kai's planet was.
Yes, what is it Kame? King Kai responded after a brief moment.
There is a young man here who told me to ask you how he knows my name. Any idea who he is and how he knows my name? Kame telepathically queried.
Ask him his name. King Kai responded.
"What is your name?" Kame asked of Vegeta.
"Vegeta... or Evan... either is acceptable." Evan/Vegeta said.
He says 'Evan or Vegeta'. Kame told King Kai.
Oh... him... I was wondering what happened to him... he never contacts me anymore... Oh well... he knows your name because in his universe we are all cartoon characters... He knew all my tests before I said them... and I keep my tests secret. King Kai said, sounding slightly bitter over the test knowing incident.
"So... you're from another universe then?" Kame finally asked of Evan/Vegeta.
"That's right. I know the majority of what has and will happen in this universe." Vegeta responded proudly as Shira walked up to his side.
"And who is she? She has a tail like your's... is she from your universe as well?" Kame asked motioning towards Shira.
"We are the same race, but I am the only one from my universe. I took over this body long ago, hence my dual name." Evan said.
"So what should I call you?" Kame asked.
"Vegeta is fine... I've grown used to being called that." Vegeta replied with a smirk.
" King Kai said you took his tests... that would mean you've died... how is it that you were revived... the dragonballs were used last 15 years ago to age someone."
Vegeta's smirk grew. "I used the dragonballs to age my companion and me. The Namekian dragonballs were used to revive me."
"Interesting.. I assume that you were responsible for the disturbance with the hyperbolic time chamber?" Kame said, more of a statement than a question.
Vegeta nodded. "For some reason Shira and I were held in stasis for fourteen of fifteen years and lived one year in the chamber. Shenron was unclear of his reasoning behind locking us there instead of just aging us."
Kame smiled as the conversation turned to something he knew and his visitor did not. "Shenron is unable to break the time stream for a single person... he could break it for the universe, speeding up or reversing time for the entire galaxy but not for one person. There are rumors that a supreme set of dragonballs are able to break the time stream for one person but that is ancient Namekian lore. I suppose Shenron just deposited you in the hyperbolic time chamber where time is already out of order and used it's magic to preserve your minds but age your bodies. So thinking on this your minds have aged only two weeks and a day while your bodies have aged to about twenty or so." He said, holding his chin as he rationalized for Shenron.
"But why were we in there for the additional year? That's the part that really gets me." Vegeta said tapping his foot as he took in the information Kame was providing.
"I suppose that would be because the time chamber must be used for a year before the door can open." Kame said with a ponderous look on his aged face.
Vegeta nodded. "But even still, we had been in there for 15 years... that's like..."
"5500 years, give or take a couple hundred. I know.. But your mind only inhabited the time chamber for 2 weeks prior to being reunited with your body hence the necessary one year period.. The mind and body must be both present for the time chamber to properly work, it is unable to age just one or the other unless Shenron or a powerful magic like Shenron disrupts it." Kame said pondering the power of Shenron.
"Huh... ok... I guess that makes sense." Vegeta said, dumbfounded by the logic.
"Yes well... we can talk of this later... perhaps you can tell me more of the events that will be happening in this universe." Kame said, leading Vegeta into the main building of the lookout.
Later that same night.
"YAMCHA!! I'M BACK!! I FOUND US SOME FOOD AND SUPPLIES!!!" A cheery voice squeaked from behind a rock as a blue fuzzy creature hovered out from behind that very rock.
"Yamcha? Where are you Yamcha?" It asked as it looked around where it and his best friend had been camping out and planing their next location. Desert thieves like Yamcha and it needed to stay on the move to avoid law enforcement.
"Where'd he go?" The cute blue thing asked it's self as it scanned the area. "Tire tracks? Where'd they come from?" It queried looking around at the tracks and eventually following them to a nearby cliff. Yamcha had liked sleeping near cliffs, that way he could try to lure anyone after them there and knock them off. The blue thing looked over the edge and gasped. It floated down the side of the cliff to the car wreck. "What happened here?" It asked looking around some more. It gasped again and rushed off towards where a very broken Yamcha was plastered to a rock. His face was barely recognizable and he was wearing only shreds of clothing all of it covered in dried crusty blood. The blue thing started to weep as he checked for a pulse and found none. It hung it's head and sobbed for the rest of the night, Yamcha was dead.
End of Chapter.
Author's notes: (HA! Killed off a main character in the original series. Timelines are messed up now... anywho... expect another chapter shortly as Spiritual Misadventures continues it's crazy run!!)
Evan McNeely can be reached at and posts his work at and not so much at