Spiritual Misadventures

By: Evan McNeely

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my own ideas... and sometimes I don't even own them... they own me...

Note: Being the honest man that I am I am admitting to one of my mistakes. Puar is actually a female and I had been referring to her as a he... I guess it's one of those Frieza things. I'm not fixing it right now as other things draw my attention away. But eventually... say... chapter 15-20ish I'll be going back and correcting errors. If you spot any that may be too small or potentially too minor in detail that I might not catch them by all means e-mail me and explain the error so I can fix it up Thanks for your co-operation and enjoy the newest chapter of Spiritual Misadventures.

P.S Note: again my method of showing breaks has failed... if anyone knows why this is for the love of cheeses please tell me!

Chapter 13

Vegeta grinned as he hovered high in the air above where he and Shira felt the massive power level. "I didn't think Piccolo would hang out in cities... unless he's rampaging."

Shira smiled at the prospect of having to subdue the obviously powerful foe. "We can only hope."

Vegeta's grin turned into his classic smirk. "I have been itching for a fight."

Shira regarded Vegeta curiously for a second. He actually craves the fight now? Perhaps his saiyan blood is finally showing through. She thought to herself as Vegeta stopped channeling chi towards the effort of flying and plummeted towards the unsuspecting city. "VEGETA!" She called out, not expecting him to just drop like that. She quickly forced as much of her chi as possible into the effort of catching up to the former Saiyan prince.

Vegeta laughed hysterically as the earth rushed up to greet him. Seconds before the fatal impact he swung himself about so he was now falling feet first instead of face first as he had been previously. His hair flickered swiftly and chi flared about him as he attained the Super Saiyan level. Using the fresh expanse of power he now controlled he formed a semi-sphere of energy around his feet, still not slowing in his descent.

The city rumbled as Vegeta impacted in the middle of a crossroad shattering glass and sending cement raining through the air. The immediate vehicles about him were flung madly into the air by the tremor the Saiyan had created. Two of the nearest buildings toppled forcing Vegeta to extend the semi-sphere to a full sphere about him effectively shielding out the rubble and support beams that crashed about him till he was fully covered.

Above him Shira looked aghast. "VEGETA!" She cried out as the last of the dust settled revealing that the area Vegeta had previously occupied was now fully covered by the destruction the Saiyan had wrought. She rushed down to the street as fast as she could propel herself. As soon as she reached the ground she began to haul the rubble off of where Vegeta had been and tossing it haphazardly about the area causing further destruction and sowing just as much confusion as Vegeta's entrance.

After she had dug around a foot down she felt a rumbling beneath her and she instinctively kicked off the mount and hovered a few meters from the pile looking hopefully as the debris and dust was kicked up as a bright blue sphere launched itself out of the ruin. As soon as it was clear the sphere disintegrated revealing a smiling Vegeta.

"THAT WAS EXHILARATING!" He cried out to whoever cared to hear. Still smiling he launched a swift volley of chi blasts at some of the remaining nearby buildings.

Shira looked on in awe. Does he plan to destroy this city on a whim? she asked herself as Vegeta turned from the buildings and began to lob energy at deserted vehicles.

Vegeta threw his head back and laughed loudly, scaring away the few civilians that remained in the area. "THIS IS GREAT!" He exclaimed as he flew away through the city, leaving Shira behind.

"Vegeta!" Shira called out, getting the man's attention. "Wait up!"

Vegeta spun about and looked Shira in the eyes. "Come and join in the fun Shira. Through this we should draw out Piccolo."

Shira looked skeptical. "From what you told me of Piccolo I doubt that it was his chi we sensed. He wouldn't be here... He's a solitude kinda guy right?"

Vegeta shrugged. "Whoever is here seems to be approaching." he said as he felt the other power drawing closer.

Shira nodded, feeling it as well. "Your plan did seem to work, but I still think that it's not Piccolo."

The dark haired Saiyan smirked. "If it isn't I'll still get the fight I want." He paused for a second as a ball of deep blue energy screamed past both Shira and himself. "Speaking of which." He said as he turned around.

Before him was a oddly dressed man. Slightly taller than Vegeta and slightly more muscular, the man grinned as Vegeta faced him. "PREPARE TO MEET JUSTICE WRONG DOER!" He called out from the ground.

Vegeta repressed a chuckle. The man was wearing what seemed to be a poorly replicated power Rangers uniform, which was almost completely orange and consisted of tight spandex that seemed to have greenish outlines of scales covering the man's entire body and a motorcycle helmet with a dragon face decal. "And you are?" Vegeta asked, motioning for the man to speed up the introduction.

"The Dragon Guardian." The man exclaimed simply as he dropped into a strange stance that seemed to have more appearance benefits than combat.

As the man said that a glint coming from behind the man's head caught Vegeta's attention. "A dragonball? Socketed in his helmet?"

The Dragon Guardian grinned behind his helmet as he noticed Vegeta's shocked expression. "So you know of the dragonballs then." He said to the saiyan prince.

Vegeta nodded. "I have... and I'm about to take that one off you hands... I have some more wishes I want granted."

The Dragon Guardian got into a more combat ready position. "Then come and take it. I think you'll find that to be difficult."

Vegeta, still Super Saiyan smirked and ran his hand through his spiky blonde hair. "We shall see. Shira... I'm going to take this one by myself."

Shira shrugged. "Fine by me." She then smiled. Hopefully this fight will awake more of the Saiyan in you.

Unbeknownst to the combatants below there was another watching the events play out. "There," he said to himself. "The final piece of Dragonbail is in that guy's head." The watcher produced a steel baseball bat. He stroked the thing lovingly. "The time to act is now." He then hopped swiftly towards the trio down the street.

Vegeta grunted as Dragon Guardian deftly knocked aside a kicked aimed at the helmeted man's head. This guy has some skill. The pair traded dozens of attacks within the span of a few seconds neither of them gaining any visible ground.

Suddenly there was a loud 'thunk'. The sound echoed for a few seconds and both fighters were staring at each other, The Dragon Guardian seemed completely dazed. Just as suddenly as the sound Dragon Guardian lurched forward and landed stiffly face first on the cement revealing a stranger looking man. Vegeta stumbled backwards a few steps in horror. HIS CHIN IS THE SIZE OF MY HEAD! He thought to himself in panic, the sight of the leather clad, big chinned man scaring him beyond wits.

"Slick Grease strikes with passion and fury." Said the man said, the sound seeming to come more from his enormous chin than his mouth. "He hunts his prey with stealth and grace." He continued the chin bobbing up and down rhythmically as he talked, lulling Vegeta into a half-stupor half-hypnotized state. "And most important, his hunt is over. The dragonbail gathered, Slick Grease vanishes."

At that exact moment the form of Slick Grease shimmered and vibrated. It continued to vibrate until finally it split into two equal halves and expelled both of them at high speed into nearby walls. Two equal size plumes of dust arose from where the forms landed.

"What happened?" The form on the left asked, not really directing the question at anyone in particular.

At that Vegeta snapped out of his trance and looked around, his opponent was down and the dragonball had been removed from the indentation on the back of his helmet. "The hell? Did I do the aura thingy again?" He asked himself.

"HEY YOU! YOU LOOK FAMILIAR!" A voice called out, the sound of it reminding Vegeta of Elvis and John Travolta simultaneously.

Vegeta turned quickly to face where the voice had come from. "Oh my fuck... it's them." He muttered as he turned around and pinched the bridge of his nose to fight off the inevitable headache the pair would cause.

"Doesn't he look familiar?" Greasy asked his compatriot.

Slick dusted himself off and ran his hand through his hair slicking back strand that had gone astray. "Yeah... he sorta does... cept the guy we knew had black hair... less o'course the guy died it."

Greasy looked confused. "You can change hair colours by killing your hair?" He asked.

Slick nodded sagely. "Yeah, grandma constantly kills her hair... maybe that's why she gets them gray ones alla the time."

Greasy, having forgotten completely about Vegeta, looked frustrated. "So by killing your hair a lot ya get greys and some times other colours?"

Slick nodded. "That's the basics of it yeah. So let's check this guy for greys and maybe he's our man."

"Sounds like a great idea Slick." Greasy said, picking up the baseball bat that Slick Grease had dropped during his transformation.

Vegeta turned back around. "Look. You don't have to check for grey hairs." He said, as he willingly dropped from Super Saiyan much to the surprise of the advancing pair.

Greasy shrieked. "HAIR KILLER!"

Slick stumbled back a step. "HOW THE HELL!"

Vegeta groaned. "OK... look.. I'm the kid that jumped higher than you in the bet to win my money ages ago... By the way... how is it that you guys still look the same?" Vegeta asked, straying from the topic.

Slick smirked. "That's our little secret... and it involves something my grandma did for me and Greasy... and it's secret... so we can't tell you." He said, sounding as though he was holding it above Vegeta's head.

Vegeta shrugged. "Ok... That's fine."

Figurative gears inside of Slick's head then clicked figuratively into place. "YOU'RE THAT KID! YOU'RE THE REASON GRANDMA HAD US DRINK THEM NASTY POTIONS OF YOUTH!"

Greasy's head snapped to attention. "GET IM!" He called out as he charged at Vegeta, steel bat held at the ready.

Vegeta took a deep breath and exhaled as Greasy rushed his way towards the Saiyan. As the bat wielding, big chinned man began to bring the bat down on Vegeta's head Vegeta shot out a fist in a vicious sucker punch, winding Greasy and driving him to his knees where Vegeta promptly booted him in the rib cage sending him flying back to impact with the approaching Slick.

Vegeta smirked, he had felt a few bones give way as he had kicked into Greasy. "Stay down." He warned. "Or I'll make sure you will never get up again."

Shira smirked. The threat Vegeta had just uttered had reminded her of one that his father had once told an upstart Saiyan so long ago. Perhaps he has come back to his senses... that 'Evan' mentality was just the result of a head injury.

Slick and Greasy seemed to be responsive to Vegeta's threat and remained on the ground. "Let's go find Piccolo... this is starting to wear thin on my patience." Vegeta said, irritated.

Shira nodded and followed as Vegeta took off into the air.

Once the pair had left Greasy rolled off of Slick. "I think my ribs are borked."

"It's broked Greasy... you can't bork something...cept a soccer ball." Slick said, sounding quite sure of himself.

Greasy nodded and wheezed some breath into his battered lungs. "I think I need a hospital." Greasy commented.

Slick nodded and ignored his friend, focusing instead on gathering together the seven dragonballs and setting them out in the open. "Now we need the keeper."

Just after he had said that a golden light shone through each of the balls blinding Slick for an instant. When his vision cleared he found himself staring at the base of what seemed to be a long, thick snake.

"Who disturbs my slumber?"

Slick looked confused, still staring about the base of the thing. "This thing is huge.. And it can talk..." He said as he bean to look up the winding tail of Shenron, dragon of Earth.

"What is your wish?"

"Hmm... wait a minute...where is the Dragonjail?" Slick asked as Greasy started to lose consciousness, his hands dramatically clutching at the fading light.

"There is no Dragonjail." Shenron replied in his booming voice.

"Then why did I need all this dragonbail?" Slick asked as Greasy's hands went limp and he passed out.

"Those are not what you call 'dragonbail' they are dragonballs."

"EWW!"

Shenron looked confused, never had he seen a humanoid quite this strange.

"I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR DRAGON TESTICLES!"

Shenron was taken aback. "No... those are not the testicles of dragons. Those are crystal orbs that can be gathered together as you did to make one wish."

Slick pondered that for a minute, still not over the fact that he had touched dragon testicles, fondled dragon testicles and that his grandma had made a nice quilted pillow for a dragon testicle. "So why only one then? Can't I get more?"

Shenron paused. "No... I am only able to grant one wish, my counterpart, Porunga is able to grant more than that."

Slick nodded thoughtfully, his mind now deeply considering the sexual implications of his actions with the dragonballs. "Then I wish to get wishes from Porunga." He said.

"It is done." Shenron said disappearing, the dragonballs turning to stone and launching off into the air. As soon as Shenron had disappeared a second, larger and more imposing dragon took his place.

The dragon then began to speak in a language that Slick could not understand. Greasy gargled in the background.

The dragon then spoke again.

Greasy then stood up. "Wow... I feel much better."

Slick stared at Greasy, then turned back to the dragon. Finally he turned back to Greasy. "What did you just do?"

Greasy shrugged. "Dunno... who's the lizard?"

Slick shrugged. "Shenmue said his name was Poondunga or something.

Currently Porunga was looking impatient.

Greasy nodded. "Poodigger looks impatient."

Slick shook his head. "It's Poondunga... get it right."

"Poodigger, Poondunga... how ever you say it it's a stupid name." Greasy said running his hand thoughtfully over his bulbous chin. "I wouldn't name my lizard that... I'd name a lizard like that something like Sticky... or Ike."

Slick thought for a second, letting Porunga grow slowly more impatient. "Ike would be a good name for this lizard. Let's call him Ike... but he doesn't speak our language... so he needs a foreign name... like Gefelter."

Greasy nodded. "Ike Gefelter."

Suddenly, Porunga's powerful voice echoed throughout the city.

Slick looked at his compatriot. "Guess he likes it... Ike Gefelter... a nice name."

Porunga began to speak again and then vanished. The Namekian dragonballs trailing only seconds behind him and scattering about the Earth.

"Hmm.. Guess Ike had to go home... to bad we didn't get our wishes." Slick said, looking slightly downtrodden.

Greasy nodded. "Yeah... that is kinda crappy... at least I feel better."

Slick smiled. "And that's what counts."

"Well... I guess we gotta get the dragonbail all over again." Greasy said, sounding as though he was looking forward to traveling with his best friend again.

Slick repressed a shudder. "I don't think so..."

"Why not?"

"Cause they aren't bail... they're balls... like Dragon testicles."

Greasy took a surprised step back. "WE WERE TOUCHING SOME DRAGON'S NUTS!"

Slick nodded somberly. "I'm afraid it's true... we've been scammed."

Greasy hung his head. "By your grandma."

Vegeta and Shira were miles away from the city and heading in the direction of Master Roshi's island.

"Do we have to go back to the old pervert's house... I'm more developed now," She said as she motioned to her breasts. "He might not be able to control himself."

Vegeta smirked. "I haven't had that problem... I don't understand what all the fuss is about."

Shira shot him a deadly look. "You're a guy! He doesn't drool over you! HE DROOLS OVER ME!"

Vegeta continued his smirk. "I dunno... you haven't met Krillen yet... I think Roshi stunted the guys growth so he'd remain at 'the right height' forever."

Shira looked confused for a second. "What?... oh... OH! Really?"

Vegeta shrugged. "Probably...we probably broke that up when we stole the dragonball all those years ago."

Shira sighed in relief. "Well that's a relief."

"Yeah... I guess it is." Vegeta said as the pair touched down on the island. "Time to face up to whatever the hell Roshi wants." Vegeta laughed stiffly. "Old man probably forgot about it after all those years."

Shira smirked. "He is old." She said. "Maybe he died."

Vegeta shrugged and dismissed the possibility with a wave of his hand. He then kicked the door off it's hinges, sending it flying through the tiny building and into the nearest wall. Vegeta then gasped at what he saw inside.

On the floor in front of him, part of the door resting across his back, was a face down Roshi.

End of Chapter.

Author's Notes: (I'll end it there for now. Well, is he dead? I don't know... do you? Anyway, enough of that. So yeah I've received inspiration in the form of Dragonball Z Budokai 3 which hasn't left the trusty PS2 in weeks... but RE4 has definitely cut in on some of that time. Regardless I may or may not speed up the rate that I'm writing due to both games. Oh and work... that's approaching soon. So yeah C&C or R&R or whatever you kids are calling feedback these days.)

Evan McNeely-