A/N: First off, thanks for the reviews so far, I love reading them and seeing that people are enjoying my writing. Anyway, here's chapter 4. Pretty sure it's a bit shorter than my other chapters but I wanted to get something out before the new episode and I didn't really have a lot to work with because I want to see what happens in the finale just so I can keep it pretty close to what's happening in the show for as long as possible. It's obviously going to go way off track once the season ends and I have nothing to go on but my own imagination. I just really wanted to put another chapter out using some of the sneak peeks...which reminds me, spoilers for the finale, took some scenes directly from the sneak peeks with just some minor tweaks to fit what I'd already done with the story. Please read, review and enjoy.
In reality it had probably only been a minute or two that Emma sat there holding Gold as they cried but it had felt like a lifetime to the both of them. It was Emma who spoke first.
"Gold, we need to get out of here. We have to see if Mary Margaret and David got Regina and people are going to start worrying about us."
"Oh I doubt they'll be worrying about me." Gold said quietly.
Emma couldn't think of anything to say to that. He was kind of right; nobody was ever really concerned about Gold, except for maybe her. Everyone thought he was evil. If any of them had seen Gold the way he was two minutes ago, they would know that they were dead wrong.
"Henry will." Emma said and knew it to be true. Emma cared about Gold too, regardless of the bad things he'd done. Gold just scoffed at her. "Come on." She said as she patted his back and began to stand up. She began to try and pull him up using the hand he was still clutching for dear life.
Slowly but surely Gold stood up. He grabbed his cane from the ground and dusted off his suit and looked at Emma. An immediate change came over him and it stopped Emma in her tracks. It wasn't a look she had expected to see from him after what had just happened. She had expected anger and a thirst for vengeance and that she could have handled but this, this wasn't right.
He looked broken. It wasn't in his facial expression or his posture but his eyes. His eyes had taken on this resigned look deep within them. It wasn't exactly like he had looked ready to give up so to speak but that he just no longer cared what was going to happen. It was like nothing else mattered any more. It alarmed Emma significantly.
"Let's go." Emma said tentatively as she held out her hand to him. She was actually surprised when he took it again firmly. She was glad he did though. He needed it, she could tell and she needed it as well. They'd both lost someone dear to them. This was just one more thing linking them together, one more common ground for the two of them to stand on.
Neither of them spoke the entire way back to Emma's apartment. They had only released each other's hand as they got into Gold's car. And as soon as they took off in the car their hands had managed to find their way back to each other again. It hadn't been a conscious decision by either party. They had both just needed it so badly, that connection, that comfort.
As soon as they walked into Emma's apartment everyone turned to look at her and Gold. Mary Margaret was giving her a very peculiar and almost frightened look.
"Emma, what happened." Mary Margaret said as she glanced quickly at Gold, the frightened look in her eyes escalating a bit. "Where's Neal?"
"Tamara shot him. He's gone. He fell through the portal." Emma stated as if she herself still couldn't believe the words coming from her own mouth.
Mary Margaret shot another glance at Gold as if she were expecting him to explode in a fit of rage. Then her and David crowded around Emma muttering sympathetic coos of "I'm sorry" and "it's going to be okay". Emma didn't believe a word of it but was happy they were trying to make her feel better. It's what parents were supposed to do. Unfortunately it wasn't helping.
The whole time they crowded around her and patter her on the back and hugged her she tried to keep her eyes on Gold over their shoulders. He was just sitting at the table in the seat farthest from them all. His cane was propped on the table next to him and he just sat staring straight ahead. Then suddenly Emma realized there was someone else missing from the scene. Henry.
"How am I going to tell Henry?" She asked quietly with a dead look in her eyes. Gold's gaze shifted to her as she said it. The same dead look overcame his own eyes. They'd both been so distracted by their own pain they had momentarily forgotten that it was Henry's father that was gone; the father he had just started to get to know.
"It'll be okay, Emma. We'll get through this." Mary Margaret reassured her. Emma wished she could believe that.
"So did you find Regina?" Emma asked trying to just ignore everything else for a moment before she lost control and broke down again.
"Yeah, she's through there." David said as he got up and him and Mary Margaret walked over to Regina. Emma didn't follow them. She just sat on the steps watching Gold. She was having an internal battle about whether to stay where she was or go and join him at the table. She was still craving the comforting feeling she had when holding his hand.
There was just something about it that she needed. Maybe it was just because they both had cared for Neal and therefore were suffering the same pain or maybe it was something else. Maybe she just wanted to be near him, to hold him. The way he had held her hand had spoke volumes for such a silent gesture. He may still not have said anything about his feelings or lack thereof for her but the way he held her said there was definitely something there.
However, she stayed put. She didn't want anyone else to witness her holding onto Gold. And it wasn't because she was embarrassed or anything about her feelings for Gold and not wanting people to know about it, but just because it wasn't some sideshow for everyone else to watch. She didn't need people questioning her and criticizing her for wanting to hold Gold. She didn't want anyone to see them sharing in each other's pain and comforting one another. That was their business and something everyone else wouldn't understand. Sure everyone there had lost someone before but every loss is different. That's just how it is. This was Gold and Emma's loss. The only other person who she wouldn't have minded being around was Henry for this had certainly been his loss as well.
After Regina had told everyone about the trigger Emma decided it was time to leave the apartment again. She needed to go find Henry and tell him what had happened. It was going to kill her to have to tell him, but he needed to know. And then, then they all needed to go find Tamara and Greg. They needed to stop them.
As Emma talked with Henry and told him what happened to his father, Gold waited with Mary Margaret and David.
"Look Gold, I know this is hard, but we need your help to stop them from activating that trigger." David said.
"No." Gold said shaking his head, that same dead, resigned look still present in his eyes.
"They killed your son in cold blood and you don't want to help stop them?" David asked surprised that Gold had said no. The Gold he knew would've never turned down an opportunity to seek revenge on his enemies, especially if that someone had killed his son. After all, he'd spent his entire life trying to find his son again only to lose him so soon. David couldn't even fathom why Gold was refusing to help.
"They didn't kill my son." Gold said his voice beginning to tremble once more and his eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. "I did. I brought magic here to help me find Bae and now he's dead. I've always said 'Magic always comes with a price' and this, this is it…but I'm prepared to pay it." He said almost whispering and shooting a quick glance toward Henry and Emma.
"But we'll die, you'll die." Mary Margaret pleaded.
"Yeah, I've made my peace with that." Gold replied simply. David and Mary Margaret were shocked. Gold was just accepting his fate as if there were nothing that he could do to fix anything and that just wasn't like him.
Gold then turned around without another word and walked away. He knew that he had surprised Mary Margaret and David with his lack of fight but he just didn't care anymore. He'd lost everything. He'd lost his wife, he'd lost Belle and now he'd lost his son, the person he cared about the most. He couldn't bring himself to fight anymore. He'd been fighting for centuries to find his son and now he was gone, again. He couldn't keep putting himself through all this pain. He didn't have it left in him. He was done. He couldn't handle anymore of this pain.
As soon as Emma finished talking to Henry, Mary Margaret and David rushed over to her.
"You have to talk to Gold, Emma. He's saying he won't help us go after Greg and Tamara." Mary Margaret said hurriedly.
Emma looked over at Gold. She wasn't really surprised that Gold had said no. He'd lost everything now, what difference did it make to him if everyone in Storybrooke died? In her opinion there was still a whole hell of a lot to loose and she was going to make him see that if it was the last damn thing she did. He wasn't the only one suffering here and it seemed as though he had forgotten and Emma had a bone to pick with that. He may have lost his son but his grandson and the rest of his "family" were still here and she'd be damned if she was going to let Gold give up.
"I'll go talk to him, you guys head back to the car, we'll be along in a few minutes." Emma stated firmly. "I promise." She added as she saw Mary Margaret and David's skeptical looks.
"All right." David said, grabbing Mary Margaret's hand and walking back to the car, picking up Henry along the way.
Emma turned around, took a deep breath and walked over to Gold.
"Gold?" Emma said tentatively.
"Don't..." Gold began, but Emma abruptly cut him off.
"No, you don't." Emma said harshly. "You don't get to give up, Gold. You think you've lost everything and I get that, I do, but you're wrong." She said firmly shaking her head.
"NO! I have lost everything, my son is everything and I've lost him! You don't understand!" Gold shouted as he turned around to face her.
"I don't understand?!" Emma shouted back. "Where the hell do you get off saying that?! You don't think I know what it feels like to lose everything. Screw you, Gold. I spent my whole life alone!"
"You chose to give up Henry." He retorted.
"And you chose to let Neal go through that portal without you. We both made stupid decisions that we've regretted our whole life!" Emma shouted as her eyes began to water once more. "You don't get to give up now. We need to make absolutely certain that he didn't die in vain and so help me God, Gold, you're going to help us."
"Why should I help, not one of you cares if I die, you just want me to save your sorry arses!"
"Don't you dare!" Emma shouted back at him, pointing her finger at him angrily. "Henry is your grandson for Christ's sake! He cares about you, he doesn't want you to die! He needs you! Damn it, I need you!"
She hadn't intended to say that last bit but it was true. Even if he didn't feel anything for her, it didn't matter she needed him; he understood what she was going through like nobody else could. And she knew he needed her too. They way he clung to her hand earlier proved that. Even if it wasn't a romantic need, she didn't care, he needed her and she was going to be there for him, the least he could do was return the favor.
Gold's head whipped around to look at Emma again. His eyes locked with hers and it was a deep penetrating stare. It was as if he was looking deep into her soul, searching for the truth in her words.
His lip twitched as he stared at her. As far as he could tell, she was telling the truth.
She needed him. Those few words lit a fire within him that hadn't been aflame in quite some time. He needed her too, if he was being honest with himself. Whatever their differences had been in the past, whatever disagreements they've had all seemed to be irrelevant now. They had been through so much together in the past few hours and now that he thought about it, it didn't seem fair to abandon her now. She would never abandon him the way he had been about to abandon her.
Plus, she had a point, Henry was his grandson; that was a little piece of Neal walking around, living and breathing and he wanted to make sure it stayed that way. Whatever he had said about killing the one who was to be his undoing wasn't the case any more. He may have done terrible and unspeakable things in the past but he wasn't going to hurt his only grandson, the only tie he had left to his son now. He rationalized that if it meant his grandson got to live, his own undoing didn't matter so much anymore.
Gold stood up straight, tough and proud like the Mr. Gold everyone knew and loved to hate. The resigned, dead look in his eyes disappeared and a new, strong, determined look overcame him. Emma sensed the change immediately and looked relieved. The same determined look beginning to form in her own eyes as well. He returned his gaze to her eyes once more.
"Let me know what you need me to do."