so...its been a long time since I've updated so...hopefully I've gotten better with writing (: tell me if its alright I will be updating this at least every two weeks so I'm gonna start what I finished anyway enjoy ;D
I walk into my room and lie on my bed. Slowly I process what I just did and realized what I'm doing, I'm pushing them away. Im slowly losing them both... Gale, Cinna. I know I can't pick both. I know I have to let one go but I just can't bear to. I can't fathom the thought of letting them go. Words can't even explain how much I need my bestfriend, the one I came to for help. The one who saw me weak. Cinna never saw me weak and I knew that. What would he think of me? What would I be to him? Would I be a joke? Cinna isn't like the Capital and I know it. Deep down I know that Cinna would be alright if I was scared for once, if I was weak for once, but I just couldnt admit it to myself. I know that he's better than the Capital he's too good for them.
I had to admit I did feel some sort of affection for Gale, but Cinna didn't treat me like a colleague, he treated me like a lady. He treated me like a girl...and as much as I hated to admit it I did like being treated like that. I didn't have to be the one that everyone relied on.
Sometimes I wish I never met them... I wish I was selfish, I wish that I wouldn't have even volunteered for Prim. If I would have never even volunteered for Prim, if I would have just killed Peeta there wouldn't have been a rebellion. Then I realize... Peeta isn't the problem he saved me.. I would be nothing without him...without that bread. I chastise myself for even thinking about not volunteering for Prim. Prim had so much to live for. She could heal people she had the urge to help. I couldn't do anything I was just as useless as a bag of rocks. The only thing I learned how to do was hunt, eat, sleep repeat.
I kept thinking thoughts like these until finally I drifted off to sleep and the world around me faded.
************************************************** **********************************
LATER ON
I woke up to the sound of knocking on my door. As much as I would rather stay in bed all day with so little cares in the world I knew that sadly, that wouldn't happen. I sigh and make my way over toward the door. When I open the door my heart melts. Its Cinna and as much as I hate to admit it, I did have to admit that Cinna was a pretty attractive man.
Cinna was much older than I was probably in his early 30s maybe late 20s but he had the most perfect brown eyes. His eyes just pierced my soul. They were always so full of thought... If only I knew what he were thinking. His hair was so coily almost like little ringlets and his face...oh! his face was just MMMM! It looked like it was carved from a god. I wonder if it was just his face that looked like that...maybe below his...
My eye fucking was cut short by Cinna clearing his throat and his eyes shifting uncomfortably
I just came here to clear things up I know that you think I'm too good for you but...you're perfect. You're everything I've ever wanted. Beauty. He leans in to kiss me and I don't stop him. Brains. There Comes another kiss. strong and independent. Last Kiss. I know I'll regret it but I just can't stop myself. I grab him by his collar and kiss him. I knew I told myself that I should let go. That I should let them drift away, but I can't Cinna was mine...and I was his and as my lips melted into his I knew that this was true.
I knew it was wrong but how could something be so wrong if it just felt so right. When I was kissing Cinna it felt so right the whole world just stopped. When I kiss him its like the puzzle piece is complete.
Before things could get to far Cinna pulls apart and whispers in my ear
"Too soon, we okay now?"
"We're great...just great" I say with a faint smile.
I give him a chaste kiss and hurry back into my room to start my day. This morning has been amazing but deep down I know it was a mistake. Something bad is in store for us..what will Gale think? I clear my thoughts put on a shirt, shoes, and a pair of pants, then walk out the door to face thw world.
So...you like it? I'm not sure if I improved or not but its a new year so I figured why not start out fresh right? anyway tell me if you like it review my loveliessss 3