a/n: I know, I know! Five months late. I'm really sorry, you guys. I've been dealing with writers block for quite a while, and now that my uni finals are here, ofcourse this would be the perfect time for inspiration to hit me and nag me and make me procrastinate. I should really be studying, fml. So please enjoy this freshly, written within two days, chapter.

chapter four: Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong

Connecticut is inimitably crowded during this time of the year. With Christmas only two weeks away, the raucous youth who were all born in New York Presbyterian, who sunned in the Hamptons and skied together in Aspen; fly home and chronicle their adventures from various European boarding schools. The older brothers and sisters drive down from their prestigious Ivy League colleges; jaded and blazed.

She had quietly left Manhattan a week ago, running straight to Grand Central with a ticket to Vermont. A few days of searching with no signs of Matt anywhere, she's now headed to Greenwich. The train zooms past the state, blurring the scenery into horizontal lines of blue, brown, and green. Two hours in, the seat across her is finally being occupied.

Presumably a few years older than her human age of seventeen, the blue eyes of the blond college student stare at her unashamedly. She takes in his dark jeans, grey cashmere vest and beige Burberry trench coat.

'I'm Mitchell.' He says. Smiling, he shrugs out of his coat and scarf. 'We've met before.' He hesitates, 'I think.' His baby blue eyes, and brown mop of hair allow him to easily pass off as innocent. His looks are similar to that of a younger Peter Orlovsky.

'Trust me when I say, we haven't.' She scoffs. The old her would have jumped at the opportunity of grabbing herself an Ivy League frat boy, but the seventy seven year old in her decides to lay low for now. She won't be the Stefan in this story, no way.

'I'm Ca-… Kayla.' She says in response to his raised eyebrows. There is a slight look of disbelief in his face, as if he's genuinely convinced that they've met before. However, he shrugs it off, he doesn't have time for mysterious girls and their hard to get attitude.

'Where're you headed?' She figures it's her turn to ask, to which he gladly replies.

'Connecticut. Christmas with the family. Haven't been home in six months.' He laughs dryly, 'How about you?'

'I'm surprising a childhood best friend of mine.' Caroline smiles. 'Actually, come to think of it, you might know her. Nina Ayers?' She's grinning now.

But the boy across her sits quietly still, his skin pales and his breathing quickens. 'Brunette, freakishly thin, - well, at least she was the last time I saw her.'

'Huh…, and when would that have been?' he asks. Caroline pauses, as if she's digging around her memory of the girl and their time together in search for their last goodbye.

'Five years ago, possibly. Oh I can't be too sure. Could be longer. It's just,'- she looks out the window dreamily and then back to Mitchell. 'Time isn't an issue for us. We always manage to pick up where we left off.

I met her at summer camp you know-'

'-Nina Ayers is dead,' Mitchell interrupts forcefully. As if he could not bear her being mentioned, her time as a girl being remembered so happily by another, her memory being validated and cherished. 'Two years ago, she dies in a house fire.'

Caroline looks at him blankly, trying hard to portray shock. She has him right in the palm of her hands. This boy of wealth and privilege is nothing compared to the angry vampire inside her.

After weeks of snooping through Kol's various cells, she had noticed there was a 'Mitch', to whom he was texting almost on a daily basis, whom he was being overtly brotherly towards. And that was saying a lot, since Kol was nice without motive to only less than a handful people.

After doing more research of her own, finding nothing of interest on him, she came across a very exotic looking Nina Ayers. Daughter to Moroccan jewellery maker and single mother, Seline Ayers. Both dead in a house fire. Their white pillared home in the 14 acre land burned to black ashes on a summer evening.

The Millers along with their eldest son, Mitchell – boyfriend to Nina – were not present at the funeral.

She had realised two things then:

1. There was something not right about the boy.

2. He would almost definitely lead her to Matt.

Mitchell watches on in sadness as she bawls her eyes out. Caroline's face is flushed, her breathing uneven and heavy, she's sniffling into the handkerchief he gave her moments ago.

'It's just, we were so close you know? She was like a sister!' She continues to sob, while Mitchell shifts in his seat uncomfortably.

'Hey, It's alright, don't cry. I knew her too. It's ok.' He reaches over to console her.

'I, just-.'

'-It's ok. Listen, Christmas is around the corner, and it's too late to head back home.' He wipes her tears. 'Why don't you celebrate with my family? They'll love to have you around.'

Mitch holds onto her shaking hands.

'I don't know… I think I should just go home.'

'No, no it's ok. I'll take care of you. You'll be safe with me, I promise.' He pleads. When Caroline still doesn't look convinced, he goes one further. 'I'll even show you where they buried her.'

Too easy.

Caroline went up to Greenwich as sombrely as she could. Mitch drives them down the quiet pine lined streets, past little antique book stores and Parisian styled cafes and bakeries. Green Rolex clocks stand at every intersection, and on the little pathways people pay no attention to the boisterously black Rolls Royce driving past them, towards a lake as blue as midnight.

'Home sweet home.' Mitch says from behind her, where a stonewalled mansion, twice the size of Tyler's, stood amongst forests of snow covered pine and willow trees. Not a minute later a teenage girl with eyes blue just like her brother bounds out of the main door and into his arms.

'Mitch!' she squeals. 'I didn't know you'd be coming home.' Walking into the large home they are instantly enveloped into warmth. The maids bring in luggage from the car and help them out of their jackets.

'Mitchell!' exclaims a blonde woman, descending briskly down the slightly curved grand white stairway. Her hair is neatly parted in the middle and tied in a chignon. A giant Tiffany diamond glitters on her finger as she reaches out to hug her eldest son.

Behind her, a younger boy pushes in and claims his older brother's attention.

'Who's that, Mitch?' the teenage girl points to the third blonde female in the room.

Caroline had stood behind Mitchell watching on as they reunited.

'This is my friend, from College.' He winks for only her to see.

'Kayla, this is my family.'

It is the first time in a long while she is surrounded by a family. Mitch spends as much time as he can with his brother and sister. His father joins them from Chicago three days before the big day.

It's strange, celebrating what she imagines to be her first Christmas in years with people she doesn't know. In the days leading up to the festivities, they all eat together, wake together and they even invite her to hang up the decorations on the tree with them. When it feels a bit too much, she insists on just filling the stockings.

Thankfully they don't ask her many questions, which she imagines will come in handy when they are compelled to forget her.

That night as the whole family decide on a movie, she excuses herself. "Not wanting to intrude in their family time."

When she's out of earshot Caroline searches the house. She climbs up to the attic, where years and centuries of family history lies in the form of photographs and VHS videos. She goes through Mitch's birthdays and his younger brother's first spelling bee, his newly born sister in his hands at the hospital. There are sleeves upon sleeves of plastic which protect their captured memories. Of Aunts and uncles and Grandma's and-

-then she sees it. What she may have been looking for all this time. Why Kol had kept in contact with this boy, the reason there was a pull within her reaching out to him. Why he was a nostalgia she couldn't quite remember. Before she could take another look, the blaring car horn outside makes her jump. A forest green Aston Martin pulls up in the driveway outside, she can hear the commotion downstairs and Mitch's brother excitedly shouting.

'Grandpa!'

Quickly she puts the photos back in their place, blows out the dim candle and walks down stairs. Out of sight she had a clear view of the main entrance where everybody hugged the new addition to the house and let him inside into the warmth.

'Did you get anything for me, Grandpa?'

'-course buddy, when have I never gotten you anything?'

'You've always been Gramp's favourite,' Mitch adds, bringing in the only bag his Grandpa brought back from his travels. 'He comes back for you.'

'Now now, you're all my favourites,' the oldest blonde shares a secret wink with the youngest. '-Who's this.'

Suddenly blue eyes meet blue. And thunder claps outside in surprise.

Caroline's dead heart works for the tiniest second and then collapses in shock.

'Grandpa, this is my friend from college; Kayla.'

'This is my Grandpa-'

'-Kayla, is it?'

'Yes sir.' She speaks to the man in front of her like they've never met, like they were never friends.

Like she isn't Caroline Forbes and he, Matt Donovan.

Matt has aged charmingly, hair slicked back, all Santa Claus-white. A strong, creamy 5o'clock shadow graces his jaw. His face tanned and rough, just like a sailor's should be. His soft hands which grew calloused when serving at the grille, are even more hardened from the struggles at sea.

'Tell me what it's like, the world,' it's just past twelve, everybody sleeps soundly as she and Matt nurse a bottle of bourbon. 'Is it just like how we imagined?' She smiles at him, misty eyed at the thought of a life outside.

'It's big, and blue and green all over.' Matt says in that way of his, when he tries to sound magical and wise.

Great cities and art and music…

'It's genuine-'

'-beauty.' The man looks at her sadly, as if she were a cruel memory being taunted in front of him.

'You're so young, Care.'

'Funny, Bonnie said the same thing.' At the mention of his only living (in the literal sense) friend, he freezes.

'She swore to me she wouldn't tell you where I was.' Caroline flinches.

'She didn't, nobody did. I followed Mitch here, Kol was keeping in contact with him-'

'-Kol?!'

'Aren't you happy that I'm here? This is all for you!' Matt shook his head, his body showing signs of distraught.

'Care,' he pinches the bridge of his nose. 'I built all this from scratch. My life in Connecticut, my children, my grandchildren. I've kept them away from Mystic Falls and death at every corner every day for the last fifty years. I've created something for myself here'

'What are you saying Matt? I don't understand.'

'Look at me, I've aged happily. I'm happy. There's not one part of my life I regret.'

'Matt-'

'-This is my life now,' he pauses before saying 'There's no room for you in it.'

The glass she holds in her hand starts shaking. There, he had said it. The one thing that was on his mind all along. She was sure now that he was not as pleased as she was with this reunion.

'You're my best friend, Matty.' She whispers.

She'd have to come to accept they'd grown apart, and him grown old. That the course of their journeys were not meant to run together anymore, he did not need another blonde teenager in his life.

'Let me get you fix you a drink.' He takes the empty glass from her hands and retreats into the kitchen.

Silently, she sits by herself. Letting the dark thoughts consume her. She had come all this way to find out only what she had expected. That the sacrifice she made had backfired on her. Everybody moved on. They had created families, futures, legacies.

She became the one who had nothing to show for the last sixty years.

A dull, painful headache makes its way to the side of her forehead; in a houseful of humans, the years old bloodlust in her surges. Kol had kept her at bay with blood bags from Lennox Hill. She hadn't thought to stock up on blood for her travels. She hadn't thought she would need to travel after this. Off course, naïve Caroline. Always expecting the best in people. Expecting life to go back to normal, expecting Matt to welcome her home again.

Suddenly, a warm hand clasps softly around her mouth.

'Shhh, I got you.' Before she can sink her fangs in, she recognises the voice of Mitch. He indicates her to listen closely to the noises coming from beyond the kitchen, where Matt had left to quite a while ago.

In the distance she hears the sharp slice of two metals being rubbed together. Like a blacksmith sharpening a sword.

Her eyes widen in horror as the sound stops.

'Let's go.' Mitch says, quickly grabbing her arm and dragging her quietly but swiftly through the parlour and towards the main doors.

'Where do you think you're going, Mitchell?'

They come to a standstill as a deep voice booms from behind them. Slowly she lets go of Mitch's hand and turns around to see Matt holding a silver stake.

'Did you know I was a hunter back in my day?' He says, more to Mitch than Caroline. 'Your Gramps, hunted vampires and hybrids way before he started sailing the oceans,'

'I was a good hunter. The best actually. It was me who cleaned out all of the eastern seaboard. Massacred colonies of those vermin, extinguished every abomination that was never meant to be,' He pauses for affect.

'The ripper himself ran from me.' He sniggers, walking towards them.

'That was you,' Mitch spoke up from beside her. 'You burned that house down. You killed Nina.'

Matt had just given up his biggest and best kept secret. For the first time ever Matt had spoken of his past; his ties to the supernatural world and the foundation of his success. All due to the killing of vampires.

Mitch launches himself at his grandfather, his fists curled into a ball, face red. Within seconds he was delivering blows to Matt's face. Each stronger than the one before.

'You. Killed. The. Only. Person. I. Ever. Loved.' He splutters each word after every single hit. Caroline pulls him back and throws him across the room.

'Stop it!' She shouts. For a second she looks back to where Mitch landed, he crawls up onto all fours and looks at her in surprise as well as disdain. But when his expression turns into one of fear, and her senses tell her something's wrong, she manages to turn around just in time to avoid a strike to her heart.

Caroline jumps back and is glad to see that the stake aimed at her is still clean.

'Seriously?!' she shrieks in disbelief.

'You shouldn't be here Caroline. You're a walking disease on this earth. A foul mistake.'

'Matt please.'

'And it's my job to get rid of you.' He walks slowly towards her, backing her up against one of the large white pillars.

With one swipe, he misses his aim to decapitate her head. He does, however, manage to leave a scar on her face. Starting from her jaw and running deeply up her lips.

He aims again and this time the large ring on his finger leaves a severe gash on her forehead.

Caroline's not even half as strong as she should be without blood. Six decades ago, this fight would have not even occurred. She would have won and fled the scene within minutes.

Here, Matt drags her by her hair across the hallway to one of the locked rooms and down into the darkness.

'Let me go!' She cries.

He throws her onto a chair and ties her up against it with vervain laced belts and ropes. This far under the house her screams of torture aren't heard. He makes her drink water spiked with vervain. Then he proceeds to continuously strike a metal rake through her torso, wanting to bleed her dry, her insides burning in agony.

This spectacular show of power and hate tires Caroline, she's been in this position way too many times before. Even at the hands of guardians and lovers. But the man in front of her was the childhood romance she'd always dreamed of. Sure they never worked out in the end but he still had a special place in her heart.

'Let me go, Matt,' she cries tiresomely. 'Just let me go, please.' She's given up the struggle, she now only begs with words.

Matt stops whatever he had planned for her next and considers her request

'I'll let you go,' he declares. 'But with one condition.' Caroline nods her head in acceptance.

'You give me your daylight ring. And only then are you free to walk away.' She wants to laugh, but the look of seriousness on his face makes her think twice.

And when he begins to slowly approach her, his eyes steady on the ring on her finger, she accepts that this is a different man. Not her Matt from Thursday gym period or the quarterback of Mystic falls.

'Don't you dare come any closer.' She warns him. At her threat he swoops in instantaneously, leading with one last blow to the face, he manages to pry the lapis lazuli away from her finger.

'You disgust me.' She spits out the blood accumulating in her mouth. For the first time in her life, Matt sneers at her. It makes her blood boil, and dries her burning throat.

'I'll let you in on a secret, Caroline,' Whispering, he kneels down in front of her. Caroline wants to look anywhere but at him, but the ties binding her to the chair burn at every movement of struggle. So she looks at the floor away from her knees where his bloody hands lay.

'I know how you like to gossip,' He smiles, tilting her chin towards him. 'I promise, even though it's quite old news, you're the first to know.'

Matt moves the stray hairs away from her face and tucks the curls in behind her ear. The look of disgust still present in his face.

'Have you ever wondered whatever happened to Tyler?'

His eyes come to meet hers. Her body suddenly rigid at the mention of the name.

'Don't.' She warns, her eyes now teary, petrified at the ideas clouding her head.

'Why didn't Tyler ever call Caroline? After we all left, why didn't he contact you?' He looks mockingly at her.

'Don't do this to me, I beg of you.' She pleads, her body quaking in violent tremors. She can't handle whatever it is he's about to tell her. She's not strong enough for this.

Matt holds onto her for a while before finally saying, slowly,

'I killed him.'

Caroline's body finally gives in. Eyes closed, tears falling freely.

Matt was pacing around the room now, running his hands through his hair.

'You wanna know how I did it?'A maniacal laugh emits around the room. 'I found him in the Alberta forests. An Alpha, to the largest pack in the continent. The bastard travelled for weeks with them. Then when I finally got him alone, I finished him,

I killed the first successful hybrid, me,

I slaughtered him.'

'Stop.'

'I staked him in the heart, broke his bones, cut his throat and yanked out his fangs,' Matt was still smiling.

'All in his wolf form.'

Numbness takes over her body, blood gushes out of her mouth and her hearing subsides.

Caroline sits still, her body paralysed.

'How could you,' she asks defeatedly. 'He was your last friend.'

'Wake up, Caroline!' He shouts. 'The world doesn't work like that. It's my responsibility to get rid of filth like you. Your lot killed my sister, ran my mother out of town-'

During his rant, she notices a shadow walking behind Matt. Slowly revealing to be a silhouette of a man holding a baseball bat.

'It's not up to you to play God, Matt.'

The bat is raised slightly above his head, perpendicular to his right temple.

'I'm the hunter!'

Matt's shout is followed by a thunderous clap of wood breaking bones. It's the last time she ever hears him. The tremble and rise of a once angel's voice plagues her for many years to come.

The snow is ankle deep on this side of the state. Her boots have grown tired of immersing into the heavy wetness of it all. Mitchel has no trouble, staying well ahead of her, looking back once in a while; signalling for her to follow him.

'Couldn't she have been buried someplace more convenient?' She shouts at him. But in the depths of the hybrid cemetery/forest, her echo fights and loses against the cold wind. He doesn't even turn around.

For a while afterwards she loses him amongst all the green, his brown jacket doing well to hide with nature.

'Here,' He says from behind the tree she just walked past. Resting in front of him, is a grey marble grave. Like the many other wealthy burials; Nina Ayers rests next to her mother. Their graves modest in decoration and size.

'I really loved her,' she looks up next to her, forgetting that someone was there. 'Still love her. Not a day goes by without the thought of her passing my mind.' He smiles sadly.

'I'll wait in the car.' He leaves her to it. Caroline looks at the grave of the girl and back at the retreating figure of the boy with the blonde hair.

Star crossed lovers meeting only on earth and never again. For God had no place for abominations in paradise. The boy would be lonely both here and in heaven.

Caroline bends down and places a handful of roses on the grave from the bouquet in her hands.

'I'm so sorry.' She says to the tombstone, as if they were actually old friends from years ago. As if she missed the funeral, as if she could have stopped the supposed fire.

The cold wind gets stronger and whispers piercingly in her ears. Impatient with her progress. She has to finally do what she came here for. Her feet take her further into the cemetery, it gets darker and darker with every tree she passes. The hundreds of graves here don't have the marked name she searches for.

A black epitaph maybe, or no name at all. She knows who she's looking for, but not where.

There.

Under the moonlight of the three o'clock morning.

Lies a wolf.

'Oh my God, oh God.' She cries.

Tears stream down her face as she treads up the hill. There's a distinct howl in the distance, it quietens the wind, and it stops time for her. She falls clumsily against the sandstone grave. Her face in her hands, salty tears seeping through her fingers.

'I'm so sorry Tyler. It's all my fault.' She says to him. She's shaking because they're not meant to be here like this. With him six feet under, and her; six feet above.

They were meant to go on for all eternity. Blissful in each other's company, living through their own curses.

'How did we get here? You and I, we're meant to be seeing our kids off to college, creating a shelter for stray dogs, gardening, praying with our last breaths at the Fell Church. This is not how it was meant to be. You weren't meant to kill anybody, I wasn't meant to be killed.'

Her painful sobs break the hearts of the birds in the trees.

'I wish so bad for you to be here. To be here for me the way I was for you. You owe me that much Ty.'

'I am utterly and absolutely alone, don't you understand?'

'It is the most unbearable pain to see all these people find love in one another.'

'They see the light I used to see when I looked at you.'

'Everything is just so dark now, Tyler.'

Her crying ceases, she wishes he was here, his ghost. Maybe kneeling beside here, his hand on hers. Smiling because they were reunited again. After so many years, so far away from home, his Caroline in front of his resting place.

After the passing of many hours, dawn finally descends upon her, and the moon leaves; taking the ghost of Tyler away with it.

'I'll come back, I promise.'

This isn't goodbye. This is: until we find way. We're immortal, remember?