Aoi

I don't remember the last time I felt afraid. If any scars still remain from the time I spent at the Academy, this day, above all other days, would have smoothened them out. I guess I've discovered that elusive secret to happiness. I'm happiest when I'm with my brother and Ruka. I feel like the years haven't passed. I'm as safe and snug as my eight-year-old self who always walked in between my two onii-sans, protecting me on both sides.

'Do you really have to go home, Ruka-nii-san? Can't you just live with us?'

'Papa said that I have to take care of my mum, so I have to go. She'll get worried.'

The sun is high in the sky, and his golden locks light him up like a halo. He swings the wooden bat over his head and brings it down hard. He laughs like a kid when the fruit splits open in a dozen little pieces. When did it start? How did this one-sided affection begin? Watching his face beam, so familiar, so dear, I'm back in time, to when I felt safest. Gentle blue eyes that understood.

I'm snapped out of my reverie when I realize a slice of watermelon is staring right at my face. I blink. Behind the fruit I see Ruka smiling happily, holding it up like a trophy.

"For you, Aoi," he says.

"Thank you!" I say, smiling back. He sits beside me on the porch that overlooks our backyard, another slice of watermelon on his hands. I take a bite from mine and swing my legs back and forth, completely content. Onii-san is still standing beside the sheet of split watermelon, looking at the two of us with pensive eyes. It scares me sometimes how distant my brother is to everyone. And it makes me jealous sometimes that he's oblivious to the number of people who want to be close to him. It's been a long time since I've blamed myself for any flaw in his character - he himself had scolded me for even allowing myself to think that way,- but the feeling creeps up on me once in a while, like a horror movie that you sometimes recall before going to sleep. "Nii-san!" I call out, "Why don't you join us here? It's too hot without the shade!"

He continues to stare for a while longer before picking up two pieces of watermelon and saying nonchalantly, "I'll give some to the cat." I'm assuming he means Bugsy, Sumire's pet. Sumire had checked up on her, snuggly wrapped up in blankets in our living room. We watch nii-san make his way past us and into the house.

"Did something happen?" Ruka asks.

I take another bite and shrug, my thoughts returning to their earlier trail. "I wouldn't bother asking him. When he finally feels like it, Nii-san will tell us eventually. He's always -" I'm stopped by the brush of fingers against my cheek. My eyes widen in alarm, and I look at Ruka, who's focused on something on my face. When our eyes meet, he realizes my reaction to the situation and moves his hand away from my cheek.

"Sorry," he says, smiling sheepishly. "There was a seed on your cheek. It was distracting me." Looking at him full in the face, I feel lost by the brightness of his eyes, deep and blue and beautiful. If everything else about Ruka Nogi could be considered ordinary, his eyes alone would still be able to catch anyone's attention. One long intake of breath. Heartbeat pounding rapidly in my ears. I snap my gaze away from him, knowing that my face is burning up. I'm suddenly aware of the proximity of our bodies and try to hide my embarrassment by eating. I must have look stupid devouring the watermelon like an animal because after a while I hear Ruka chuckle.

I look up at him, my cheeks puffed up, mouth stuffed with watermelon, and he cracks up even more. I flush deeper and force the fruit down, choking a bit as I do. "Hey!" I say in between coughs. "Ruka-nii-san stop laughing!" I frown.

"I'm sorry," he says, wiping a tear from his eye. "Here, take mine. I'll just get another one." He offers me his uneaten watermelon and I take it reluctantly. He doesn't move to get up and grab another piece, however, and I notice him still staring at me.

"Is there another seed on my face?" I ask, wiping my cheeks, mortified.

He shakes his head and looks away. "It must be nice for Natsume to have you around him now. Especially with Mikan overseas with Imai."

I smile. "He misses her, I could tell." I point out the tree atop a hill next to our house. "He usually lies under there and looks up at the sky. That's when I think he thinks about her the most, so I try to smile for the both of us since Nii-san would never admit those kinds of feelings to me."

Ruka looks deeply amused. "That probably just makes him think about her more."

"Huh?" I ask, and he sighs.

"You remind me a lot about her too," he compliments. Or at least I think it's a compliment. He stands up and grabs another watermelon. He takes a bite and comes back to sit beside me. "This is really good. How long have you been growing these?"

The question doesn't register. The topic of Mikan has got me thinking, and before I could lose courage I blurt out, "Do you have a girlfriend too, Ruka-nii-san?"

He chuckles. "Well, I get the occasional confession from a bird or a cat, and there was this one daring, homosexual dog that tried mating with me, but that didn't turn out so well." I laugh, an invisible weight lifting off my shoulders.

"What about Sumire?"

This time he's the one who chokes on the watermelon. "I don't really see that going anywhere… but let's not tell her that, okay?" He smiles, running his hand through the back of his head, feeling awkward.

"She's kind of attractive, very confident too." I don't know where this is coming from, but I can't seem to shut up. It irks me that she gets to spend the night at Ruka's place. "If Ruka-nii does get a girlfriend, I hope she doesn't just have a pretty face though."

'Your mama? I know her. She's the pretty lady who always follows you around.'

A bashful smile. An endearing blush. 'She's not just pretty. She's kind too. Kind and lovely and fun. She's the best mum!'

"Ruka-nii-san's girlfriend should be kind and lovely and fun." I sound pathetic and childish to my ears and instantly regret saying anything.

He laughs. "If I find a girl like that, would you approve of her?" No.

"She has to pass the test first, of course! She can only be your girlfriend if she could split a watermelon perfectly," I say playfully.

"Fair enough," he comments. "And anyone who tries to court you should be able to eat an entire watermelon by himself. Or else he won't be able to keep up with you." He laughs. I look down and realize I've also finished the piece he had given me a while ago.

We're interrupted when the glass sliding door behind us slams opens and Nii-san stands on the entryway. The bubble pops, and I land back to reality. "Ruka," he says, all monotone and Natsume-like. "The cat threw up on the couch." A touch of irritation explains the furrows in between his brows.

"No no no, that's not a good sign." Ruka launches to his feet and is obviously in a panic. He's already reached the doorway when he stops and looks back at me. "Oh. Thank you, by the way, Aoi. I haven't laughed that way in a while. It was lots of fun." He flashes me such a warm smile that I'm transfixed for a long time, even after he's already gone into the house.

'Wow, Ruka-nii! She sounds great. Can I be like her too?'

'Sure you can. You're already fun and really nice.'

A pout. 'But I'm not very pretty. The boys in school get scared of my eyes. They say I look like a freak and that my Alice is scary.'

'They're just stupid! You're great too, Aoi-chan! Really great and beautiful.' Warm blue eyes and a tender tender smile.

I stare at the doorway stupidly, remembering that smile. I realize that Nii-san hasn't moved. He leans against the doorframe and we lock gazes.

For the second time today he stares at me knowingly. This time I don't look away. I can't tell what he's thinking, but I'm sure he knows. I like him, Onii-san.