Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own Castle.

[No Spoilers in reviews please...]

A/N: Only the one note! I guess chapter 6 really stressed me out. This is transition; and was really quite hard to put together, hopefully you'll understand why after reading it. Enjoy. Or don't. [Was seriously distracted while writing this by one of those critical, important questions: Where is Castle; see '226 Miles' chapter 19. Seriously distracting, thanks a lot Fashpoint33.]

Beta Note: Thanks once again to my beta (elizabeth . bynog) for all the corrections & comments; she survived chapter 6: round of applause everyone.

EDITED: Had to fix a couple of time line issues, 7 years is a long time!

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Lanie had taken stock of the situation as soon as she entered the apartment, a hanging smell of tequila and the bloody towel wrapped around Kate's hand. She promptly moved to the kitchen table, pulling assorted items out of her bag; when she apparently had everything organized to her liking, she turned to face Kate who had trailed slowly along behind her.

Lanie's question was not asked gently, but barked out, almost a tone of fear in her voice, "Kate! What did you do to yourself?"

Kate shook her head briskly, "Nothing like that! No Lanie! It was an accident, I broke a bottle."

Clearly that had calmed the situation some, with her friend looking a little more relaxed now, "Smells like you were doing tequila shots in here at 5am, Kate. You should know better than that."

"Just cleaning up from last night."

"Interesting night I take it? Speaking of cleaning up, let me look at your hand."

Lanie set about the process, taking an initial look then looking up to glare hard into Kate's eyes, "You should get real stitches for this. Butterfly stitches will be ok, but not ideal."

"Just do what you can, okay? Please?"

"Okay Kate, but while I'm doing this, you're talking! What happened?"

Kate couldn't help but laugh; too much to drink, a nightmare, and a revelation, "Nothing much."

Lanie was poking her hard in the shoulder, so hard it would probably leave a bruise, "Do! Not! Lie! To! Me! Not again."

Rubbing her now sore shoulder with her uninjured hand, Kate mouthed an exaggerated 'Ouch' before reaching for her phone and responding, "Can I just do it once? I'm going to call the guys."

Lanie did her little head-tilt-with-accompanying-frown then. Kate knew she'd been made, knew that Lanie now knew something was up, something beyond a gash on her hand.

"Really? At 6am on Sunday? What's the big news Kate?"

Kate pressed her speed dial for Esposito, "Can you start some coffee Lanie?"

Esposito answered with a snappish tone, clearly unhappy about something, she hoped it was just about being woken up early on a day off, "What? It's 6am Agent Beckett."

She was going to have to apologize, no matter what else happened there was no doubt in her mind now that she owed them that much, she would rather do it once to all of them though, it'd be hard enough as it was, her voice was soft as she asked, "Can you come over to my place? Ryan too?"

He clearly recognized the change from her normal tone, not one of command, but of hesitant request, and his own softened in response, "What's going Beckett?"

"I need to talk to you, Lanie's already here ok? I...have some things to clear up. Can you come over? Please?"

"I'll call Ryan. We'll be over as soon as we can."

Kate had a moment to sit back, to contemplate things; she couldn't help but wonder, when had things gone so wrong? Was it when she'd spoken to Meredith instead of Castle about how things had ended between them; a lack of faith in his willingness to be honest with her? She'd been shaken when he'd run off to Paris without her, not trusting her to have his back when it came to his family; but then she'd left him behind when she'd run after Bracken again too, not fully trusting him with her mother's case. She'd been trying to protect him, at least that's what she told herself at the time; and he'd probably been trying to protect her too. They each strove to protect the other so much they ended up hurting them instead?

Her moment was interrupted by the arrival of a full, steaming mug of life preserver, "Coffee is ready Kate."

Time enough for self contemplation later, "Thanks Lanie."

Her friend had been sitting, relaxed on the sofa sipping coffee, now she was perched on the edge waiting expectantly, "So?"

"The guys are coming over, can we save it until then? Just drink coffee, watch some morning infomercials?"

"Kate, I'm gonna cut you slack here, I'll wait, but you're on a short leash okay?"

It was about 40 minutes later before there was knock at her door; she pulled the guys in, seating them all on the couch and taking a seat herself, on her coffee table, facing them.

Espo barely waited until she'd seated herself before growling at her, "We're here. Talk."

"Guys..."

"No. You don't get to treat us like friends. Former colleagues, that's all. Talk."

Lanie put a hand on his arm, "Javi, let her talk."

Maybe this was going to be harder than she thought, "Guys, Lanie, I'm sorry okay? I should have told you what was going on before, not kept everything a secret; I owed your loyalty more than that. I get that now, I don't know how I can make it up to you but I'm willing to try if you'll let me."

Ryan shook his head while Esposito held his tongue, "It doesn't matter Beckett, you'll be in DC anyway."

She looked at each of them sequentially, slowly and deliberately making eye contact, "No. I'm not taking the job. I'm staying here, staying in New York."

That caused a bit of a stir, lots of talking over each other, "But you took it.." "You told us.." "Is this a joke?"

Lanie was the first to snap, yelling at the others, "Quiet! Explain!"

"I got the written offer from the AG's office yesterday morning, and the more I though about it the more I realized that I couldn't do it. I shouldn't do it. I have family here now, but more than that, Castle needs me and I don't run out on family when they need me."

"So I take it you haven't signed the AG contract? I said I'd support your decision Kate, and I meant it then, mean it now; but is this what you want? What's best for you? Or are you going to regret it later?" There was an implied meaning there, regret it later and take out her frustration and anger on someone else.

"No Lanie, I need to do this for me as much as anything; this is who I am, who I want to be at least."

Esposito broke in, his irritation not fully alleviated by the explanation so far, "Gonna change you mind tomorrow? Sign the forms then? We get another call then, saying you changed you mind again?"

"No! No. I'm not going to change my mind. I'm sure about this."

"You seemed pretty sure you were taking it Friday, the offer's probably still over there, sitting on your desk isn't it? It ain't signed, but you haven't even thrown it out; have you even called the Feds to tell them? Or still keeping all your options open?"

Understanding their need for something more tangible than her words to believe in Kate stood and quickly moved to collect the papers: NYPD resignation and AG offer. With only the briefest of hesitations, she tore the papers in half and dropped the fragments into her desk wastebasket. "That's over, I'm not leaving. I'm staying. I'll call first thing tomorrow, it's Sunday guys! Trust me please!"

Lanie was trying to be gentle with her, she could tell more stress was not something needed right now, but her friend was still being a bit obtuse, "Kate honey, you can't cry trust me after something like this.."

Ryan hasn't said much so far, but trust in the past had sometimes worked out, sometimes not, other rope had run out in his mind, "We did trust you, look where that got us, got Castle; blindsided and left behind."

"But I'm not leaving any of you behind. None. You're all too important to me. I know I messed up, but I'm trying to fix it. I want to stay, I want to stay as your friend."

Lanie held up a hand to stop the discussion before it turned into a full blown argument, "Okay, everyone is a bit irritable right now, it's early, Kate here has a hangover, and trust is worn a little thin. We've all been friends a long time, I suspect it's all be worked out, so long as we're working together."

She gave Kate a pointed look, "You didn't take the job, but will you still be with the NYPD?"

"Well I think so. No resignation, so there shouldn't be a problem; I'll have to talk to Captain Gates first thing Monday, but I assume she didn't replace me over the weekend." Kate was actually smiling when she finished speaking, it sinking in that she'd be back, the team would be fine eventually. She'd have to make it up to the guys but was confident they'd at least give her the chance.

Ryan and Esposito shared a look, shared a shrug, Ryan spoke for them, "Sure, ok, later; we don't hate you Beckett, we're not even angry you wanted the job, it's just.. well and Castle, we just had a hard time believing you'd walk away when he needed you."

"I get it, now I get it guys; I made a mess, I'm going to fix it, with you, with him."

Kate was starting to feel time constrained, she need to get going, do want she needed to do, "Guys? Can you go check on Castle for me?"

"What? You don't want to go?"

"It's not like that, I just have some things to take care of first."

Ryan and Esposito shared a glance, before Espo finally spoke up, "Beckett? You tell us he's why you're staying, not the only why, but why, because he needs you; then you don't want to go see him?"

"I know it sounds weird guys, and I know you have no reason to trust me; but it's for the best, for the right reasons ok? I need to do a couple of things, then I'll be by to see him this afternoon."

"Other things more important?"

"Other things. Different."

Ryan and Esposito shared a glance then both tired to face her, Ryan giving their response, "No."

"What?"

Ryan shook his head, "We said no. Sorry. You want us to go check on him, you're going to have to tell us what's going on. I for one am not willing to be your proxy while I'm in the blind. Not anymore."

"Girlfriend! Give us something, what's so important?"

"I need to go see my mom and dad. Partly I think I wanted the job to make my mom proud, to keep working on the case.."

Esposito stood up, he knew what her mother meant to her, how central she had been to her life, and now she was telling them she'd decided to do something other than put her first in everything, it'd do for now, "Bro, let's go see Castle, we'll call you."

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Rick was just finishing up a heart healthy breakfast of gruel when Detective Ryan walked into his room. At least he thought it was what gruel should taste and feel like on the tongue, look like too; unappetizing, mushy, taupe. Food should never be taupe, walls should never be taupe; and while his mother occasionally chewed the scenery, he didn't think even she'd do it if it were taupe.

"Hey Castle!"

"Err, morning detective. A little early isn't it?"

"Ryan, Castle, it's Ryan. Yeah it's early, no Mrs R this morning? No Alexis?"

Rick felt a little defensive at that, just because they weren't there yet, early on a Sunday, didn't mean they weren't coming; they'd been there every day to check on him, not everybody bothered to make that effort. "No partner? They'll be here soon enough I guess, have to work around Meredith, not an easy task."

Ryan blinked at him a few times, hesitant to speak again it seemed, "Your ex Meredith?"

"Yeah. You've met?"

"Know of her more by reputation. Alexis have to go pick her up?"

"Nah. She's staying at the loft."

"Oh. Oh. Okay... So, how you doing today?"

"Good, slept a long time; woke up in the middle of the night though. So where's the other one?"

"Other one? You mean Esposito?"

"Yeah, your partner right?"

"Well... He got chatting to one of the nurses when you were first brought in, he's trying to track her down."

"He's trying to pick up a nurse? At 7am on a Sunday? Really?"

"Well...Yeah."

"One that was on shift Wednesday afternoon? It's Sunday morning now right?"

Ryan chuckled and bobbed his head, "He lives in hope."

"Why aren't you out doing the same?"

Ryan held up his let hand, waggling his wedding ring, "Married Castle. You were at the wedding."

He went to a wedding? That meant a plus one; potential to find out more about his missing years, "Who was my date?"

Rick could clearly tell something was up, Ryan hesitated again, "Umm...I think you were going to bring Alexis but she had a conflict?"

Ricks's face fell, he couldn't help it, "No date?"

Ryan just couldn't do it, couldn't leave him confused with a now downcast face, "You spent a bunch of the night with Beckett."

"Beckett? Were we together? No, not if she wasn't my date, we weren't together then."

"Then? You know you're together now?"

"I guess, I don't remember, Alexis and my mother told me some stuff. We're not any more obviously."

Ryan twitched a look at Rick then, one that didn't go unnoticed, then started wandering around the room, peering into corners; generally nosing about, and showing no particular signs of saying or doing anything of any particular importance.

Rick was honestly confused, "Ryan? Why are you here?"

"Just came to check on you dude. Been working with you for five years Castle. Don't think we don't care about you."

"Well you maybe. Esposito more interested in picking up a nurse, right? Setting up a date?"

Ryan just have him a look and a shrug, before he took a seat, communicating nothing verbally, but an uncomfortable expression in his face. They settled into a companionable silence for a while.

The visit last night had been eating at Rick, another hole in his story to wonder about and worry over, "Ryan? You know any doctors?"

"I guess. Medical examiners for sure, other we run into pretty often with injuries and all."

"Any of them I know? That call me Castle? I mean, nobody but you guy's call me Castle right?"

"A woman? Lanie?"

Definitely not a woman, "No, no, not a woman; a guy."

"Well, there's one I know called you Castle; but I think he's out of the country."

"Who? What's his name?"

The door to Rick's room swung wide the and the other detective entered, "Yo Castle! How you doing?"

"Hello Detective Esposito."

"Woah! What's with the formal bro?"

"You were so busy working on your social calendar, I thought it best."

Esposito glared over at Ryan, "You told him?"

"What was I supposed to do? You weren't here."

Esposito turned of look at Castle again, "Look.."

"No, I get it, you had other priorities."

"It ain't like that Castle. Beckett..."

Ryan hissed at him, or at least Rick presumed he was hissing at Esposito rather than just hissing in general. Everyone stopped talking, glancing back and forth between each other, nobody seemingly sure about precisely what was going on.

The door to his room swung open again, and the red headed mafia flounced in. Rick had to admit that it was only Meredith that flounced, but she did it with enough exaggerated flair to encompass both Martha and Alexis, who entered behind her.

Despite the dramatic entrance from Meredith, it was his mother who spoke first, "Richard, how are you this morning?"

"Fine mother. Fine."

"Detectives? Everything ok?"

"Sure thing Mrs R, we just stopped to check on Castle here, but we were just leaving."

"Katherine couldn't make it I assume?"

"She was otherwise engaged Mrs R, had to take care of some things."

Martha's tone wasn't exactly cold, but there certainly wasn't any warmth there now, "I see."

"Well, we'll be going ok? See ya Castle!"

As they were leaving Rick could swear he heard a muttered conversation, Ryan telling Esposito something like 'Josh came to see him' which didn't make much sense, the guy has said his name was Jerry right? Not Josh. Had he misheard Ryan, or last night? It had been the middle of the night.

"Kitten, how long are you going to be cooped up in here?"

"I don't know Meredith, I guess I should ask; you planning on leaving soon?"

"Oh, No! Of course not, but it is very boring at the loft without you there."

Rick couldn't really miss the way Alexis' eyes narrowed at that, glared at the back of her mother's head. Meredith made everything so easy for him, she opened her mouth and Alexis became more and more a daddy's girl every time, even if she wasn't 13 anymore.

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"Hi Mom."

Kate had two people to see, two others to speak to before she'd be ready to talk to Castle, hopefully to talk to Rick.

"I always wanted to make you proud Mom, to bring the man behind your murder to justice and to solve your case. We know who did it now, but can't touch him yet Mom; but someday he'll slip up. I can wait for that, keep an eye on him. The job in DC, I hadn't told you about it, but I know it would have made you proud of me; Dad agreed, it would make him proud to. I love you Mom, but I can't do it. I can't leave now, not while Rick needs help."

She was crying now, could feel the small tears in her cheek, "I hope you'll be proud of me anyway Mom, proud for staying, for fighting to help him; he's lost, doesn't remember, maybe never will."

"It might be like Dad, I helped him; waited a little too late perhaps, but I was young Mom, a kid really. He came back, but it's never been the same, what happened, what he did is always there hanging over us you know. I don't want it to be like that with Rick, for what happened to be a cloud; I want everything back the way it was. Maybe it can't be, maybe it's too late, the accident, what I almost did, or did and undid; I won't regret staying though, no matter what."

"I want to make you proud for the right reasons, for sticking up for someone who needed my help."

"Thanks for listening Mom, I have to go see Dad now, I'll give him your love."

She had just climbed into her cruiser when her cell rang, glancing at the screen showing [Ryan] she immediately picked up, "How is he?"

"He's ok, or a little better maybe. Still didn't remember my name though."

"Hardly surprising really, we know.."

Ryan butted in, "Yeah, yeah, I know; look I on my way back home to my wife, for Sunday breakfast, so I'll make this quick. Two other things, did you know Meredith was in town?"

"Alexis hinted the other day, but I didn't.."

"Well she is, dressed to kill too. The other thing, Josh dropped by to see him last night."

"That doesn't make sense Ryan, Josh is in the Amazon."

"Yeah well, maybe he made a trip home or something."

"How did he know it was Josh? He wouldn't recognized him, and really why would Josh want to see him?"

"Don't know. But a doctor, said he knew him, called him Castle who else could it be?"

"I don't know Ryan. Thanks for checking up on him for me, I just needed to know he was ok."

"You'll stop by to see him later?"

Not a shadow of doubt in her mind about that, "Absolutely."

It took another 45 minutes to drive from the cemetery to the apartment building where her parents, where her dad lived.

Kate walked slowly along the corridor to her Dad's apartment, she didn't come here often; too many bad memories. Usually preferred to meet in other, less charged locations; but she felt she needed to face it, face the memories that had enabled her to rediscover herself this morning.

Knocking on the door she waited, she remembered she had only two door keys on the ring with her car keys: her apartment and Castle's loft. Her parent's place had ceased being home many years ago; her apartment hasn't really been home in months, and Castle's loft was now seemingly another world, inhabited by a man, when he was released, who would probably want the key back rather than her, a stranger, in his space.

"Katie," her dad greets her with a little bit of a surprised expression, "I wasn't expecting you. Is everything ok?"

"Everything is going to be fine Dad. Going to be fine."

After each collected an ever-present cup of coffee they settled in the den, much of the decor had changed over the years, old items and furniture replaced by newer things that didn't carry the same burden of memory.

"To what do I owe this visit Katie?"

"When you mess up really huge Dad, how do you fix it?"

"What's this about?"

"What we talked about. I was going to take the job in DC, leave everything behind; but it was a mistake, I changed my mind. But Ryan, Espo are still a bit angry, and I haven't talked to Rick yet. I want to, but I don't know what to say."

"Well, as I told you before; we have to face the consequences of our actions, even if we change our minds, the ripples are still there. It's a hard topic for us obviously, given how things were; I faced the consequences Katie, I hurt you, I know that, you'll never forget it."

"I forgive you.."

"I know you do Katie, but you'll never let the memory go. I understand that about you. Now though, if you feel guilt about your choices, well you can't let that eat you up forever, you need to let it go. Make up for it, make good on new promises; but don't let the guilt drive you. You'll only end up bitter and resentful if you do."

"But my past choices made me who I am Dad, more than metaphorically too."

"Be informed by your past Katie, don't live for it; look forward to your future."

"What if I want a future I can't have anymore, one that's just gone now?"

"Strive for it, it's what you've always done; picked out a future and pursued it wholeheartedly. It's why you became a cop, why you wanted the DC job in part I'm sure. If in the end you can't have it, accept what you can have; but there's no need to give up, no need to stop fighting for what you want most. You've never given up on what you really wanted in the past. Changed direction sure, toward new things; but never given up chasing whatever it was you wanted."

It was really the same advice as she'd already concluded, but it felt good to have someone she trusted confirm it: Go after what you want, if it's out of reach, try to get as close to it as you can and wait, hope for an opportunity to present itself.

"Thanks dad."

"Sure Katie, I just want you to be happy you know?"

"I know Dad," Kate was fiddling with her watch, the one her dad had given her all those years ago, "The watch, Dad? You want it back? I forgive you, I really do, in my heart; I don't need the watch as the reminder anymore."

He shook his head at her, "No Katie, it's yours now; I'm grateful for that forgiveness, that it's in your heart not on your sleeve. The watch is still my gift to you, you pulled me back Kate, I'll never forget that Katie; I'll never forget you again."

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Rick had spent another couple of hours bored out of his mind, thankfully without the company of Meredith, whom he had sent off on a shopping spree to get her out of his hair; designating poor Alexis as the responsible chaperone. Even though he still thought of her at least partly as 13, she was even then, more responsible than her natural disaster of a mother.

That hadn't lasted long, Alexis was back in an hour, having dropped Meredith off on Fifth Avenue with an American Express and a distinct feeling frustration.

He'd been trying to instruct Martha on how to play Angry Birds for the last half hour, it hadn't been going well. There was a whole new world of technology he was only just getting used to, the iPad Alexis has explained to him a few days ago, while teaching him how to play what was apparently his favorite game, was a marked improvement from the Apple Newton he'd once used and long since abandoned. It had taken him a while to realize the device was the same as the decive Doctor Andrews had used during her evaluation; that it wasnt some fancy peice of diagnostic medical electronics, but just a generic tablet. Smartphones were now common place, much more functional than his old Palm Treo too; though last he remembered the iPhone his mother had was just 'Comming Soon'.

He was glad for the eventual interruption when the door to his room swung open. Less glad when his doctors walked in.

"What's up doc?"

His mother was unimpressed with that line, greeting it with a exasperated response, "Richard, really?" He'd been saving it for a special occasion, but this would have to do.

"Mister Castle, we have some good news." No matter how many times he'd asked, Doctor James insisted on addressing him by his last name, but not just his last name like the detectives did. Nope. Mister Castle. Made him feel like his father, well not really since he didn't know who he was, nor his name. Made him feel ancient at least, ancient and decrepit given his current state of health.

He waited, nothing; raised his eyebrows, nothing; finally rolled out a slow response, "Yeeessss."

Maybe the Doctor was actually a voice activated robot, because after that he started speaking again, "Yes, we'll discharging you in a couple of days, Tuesday if everything goes according to plan; obviously you will be on complete bed rest and will need regular checkups. Your mother has informed us she will make arrangements for nursing care and Doctor Andrews will make visits, since she is a family friend, to monitor both general progress and of course your head injury."

Rick glanced between the doctors, "So I can go home the day after tomorrow. Awesome! I will miss the green jello though."

Doctor Andrews smirked slightly, maybe she had a sense of humor at least, didn't sound like it when she started talking though, "You are still seriously injured Richard, though we find people recuperate better in a home environment; so, provided appropriate care is maintained, and Martha has agreed to that, then going home is probably the best thing for you."

"Excellent news, right Richard?"

"Absolutely mother." Absolutely, yes, excellent news. Just a couple more days of this, the green jello; then he could look forward to the comforts of home. It would certainly look different than he remembered. Perhaps he could smooth that over by convicting Alexis to make him a s'morelette, find the familiar in old established experiences rather than places and faces that just seemed to continue piling confusion on him.

"Thank you Doctors, I'll make the arrangements immediately."

Martha escorted the doctors out, chatting a little with Evelyn; and gave him a little wave as the door closed.

"How was your mother?"

"Frustrating Dad, always frustrating, you know that; once we got out of the car and saw the boutiques, it like she forgot I was even there. I gave her the Amex and left her to it; she'll eventually find her way back to the loft I suppose."

"You should probably have stayed with her. You know her, might bring back more than shopping to the loft if she isn't supervised."

"Dad! Gross!"

"Pumpkin, listen, you should probably go back to the loft anyway; relax away from here, not spend all your time trapped in this hospital room with your old dad."

"Feeling a bit stressed Dad? I know you've had a lot happen today."

"It's not that I don't want you here.."

"I know Dad, I'll give you some space ok? Be back later."

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Kate was walking along the corridor to Castle's room, actually looking forward to see him; sure she knew what she wanted now: Castle, Rick, to be okay; to help him get back to his former self.

As she neared the door it opened, Alexis stepping out and then stopping abruptly when she saw Kate approaching, before firmly closing the door behind her.

Kate heard a less than welcoming note to her voice as she spoke, "Detective Beckett? So good to see you after so long."

Not the reaction she'd been expecting, but after not visiting for two days she supposed it was deserved, "Hi Alexis, is your dad awake?"

Alexis could feel anger simmering, between her annoyingly shallow mother who seemed to have no consideration for anyone but herself, and Kate's complete avoidance of her dad, she was feeling increasingly outraged on his behalf, "Yes he is. Why do you care? You haven't come by in days, only talked to him once since he woke up; I think I know what happened now. Go in, talk to him, he doesn't remember what you did, maybe that's the best for him."

Kate quietly entered Rick's room, to find him alone, but not sleeping; he was staring at the television, but didn't really appear to be paying attention.

"Hi Rick."

Rick heard her clear enough, turning to look, recognition there, but nothing more. "Rick now? What changed?"

"Nothing, but everything."

Rick decided that since that statement made no particular sense, he'd get answers instead of more fortune cookie nonsense, "Who's Josh?"

"What?

"Josh. Your partners, Ryan and Esposito, they were here this morning, said something about Josh."

"They said you mentioned Josh. What did they say?"

"Nothing really, forgot I brought it up. You obviously.."

"He's my ex Castle, my ex-boyfriend."

"I don't get it, why would they think your ex would come to see me?"

"What? You aren't making any sense Rick, as far as I know Josh is out of the country."

"You still keep up with him?"

"Facebook Castle. It was an amicable enough breakup; he just wasn't the right guy for me, not then, not ever."

Facebook? The only one he'd heard of vaguely was a Harvard student hookup site, wide Josh go to Harvard? Did Beckett go to Harvard? Not important right now. "Did you ever find the right guy?"

"Yeah Rick I did. You."

"So I heard."

"You know?"

"Not much, my mother told me a little."

"I don't know how much your mother really knows about us to be honest Rick."

"She lives with me now though right?"

"Yes, but it's not like you sit down and have a heart to heart before bedtime anymore Rick. Not that you ever really did, since you were mostly at boarding school."

"You know all about that huh?"

"I know you Castle, Rick, probably better than you think."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I know why you started writing spy novels, about the book."

"Which book?"

"Casino Royale. I know who gave it to you."

"A stranger in the New York Public Library. Funny how my life changes at the whims of strangers."

There were so many important things he was missing, so much to tell him; but if she brought up his father now, there would be no telling what direction the conversation would take, but she could offer some small comfort for now at least, "No Rick you have it all wrong, your life changes because of the decisions of people who love you. Some of those people who left you behind and shouldn't; made bad decisions, with consequences they have to face now."

"What are..."

"I know about Jordan."

She could immediately tell she'd completely shocked him, no slow build to the revelation she'd previously spent so much time teasing from him; this time just a shockingly blunt statement that she knew his deepest secret. His whole face, where it was visible around the bandages showed tension, "Nobody knows about Jordan."

"I do. You told me." She let out a light laugh, just a sign of mild amusement at the recollection, how hard it was to get him to talk about topics he remembered, now she faced trying to talk to him of things he had no recollection of at all, "It was like pulling teeth Rick, but you told me. That should tell you something about how much we meant to each other."

Defensive now, raw secrets exposed to an apparent stranger, he snapped, "Enough for you to reject me and walk away? That much?"

From amusement to serious so quickly, like the sudden changing of the seasons she thought, "For two days, yes, a mistake."

"You forget, I've only known you that long. Those two days? That was forever between us; it's as long as I remember you."

Obviously someone had told him about the job offer, she wondered if it was one of the guys this morning; or if he'd told his family and they reminded him. It would certainly go towards explaining Alexis' irritation at her, if she thought she'd been contemplating leaving her injured father for a job; which she had, but things were so different now, even if much still needed to be made up for. "I know, I get it now; the job thing was a huge mistake, I regret how I handled that. Trust me! I really regret how I handled that, it just wasn't me."

Castle was momentarily confused. Job? What job? "I don't think I understand."

"It's alright Rick, it's a lot to take in. We have time, this little chat, it's just the beginning. We'll talk again."

"So what? You feel sorry for me? You were going to leave me, but now you're not?"

"If I feel sorry for anyone it's me Rick. I'm sorry you got hurt, I'm sorry you don't remember me; you obviously have no idea how sorry and sad that makes me Rick. I hope I can help you remember, but maybe not; maybe all we can ever be is friends now, but if that is how it is then I want to be your friend, to help you heal and get back who you were."

She wanted to be his friend, well that explained why he still had the ring, and she didn't. "You want to be my friend?"

"Well, I'd like to be more than a friend; but let's start there."

"Sure, okay. I need friends I guess."

"On a happier note. I brought gifts! You love presents."

"I do."

Kate picked up her bag, put it on the side table, and pulled out four books.

He caught a glance at the title of the first one, "Heat Wave?"

"Yeah Rick, you wrote these; they're based on me. These books, well, just read them when you can ok? They're fiction, page 105 was fiction when you wrote it at least."

Rick could see a slight flush on her cheeks now, something special about that page apparently, "Page 105? That your favorite page Detective?"

"Just read them okay? They aren't just about me, they're about us. Read them and it might help you understand us a little better."

"Not allowed to read right now, too much eye strain. I will read them though, I don't usually read my books after they're finished, but I don't remember them, so..."

"Whenever you can ok? No hurry, there is plenty of time, I'm not going anywhere okay?"

Rick gestured down at his legs, "Neither am I."

"Just one more thing for you Rick," Kate undid the strap for her fathers watch and slipped it from her wrist, reaching for Rick's arm and pulling it up slightly, gently, very careful of his injuries.

"My dad gave me this watch Rick, when I graduated the Police Academy; but it wasn't for that. He gave me this watch as a remembrance of a life saved, I saved his when I forced him into rehab."

"Your dad..."

She reached up and pressed a finger to his lips, begging for silence, for him to let her finish, "We'll talk on that later, about my mom too; but now, I want you to have it. To pass it on to you. You saved me, before you even knew me your books pulled me back from a dark edge. So, I want you to have this, in memory of the life you saved; to remember how important you are to me."

Rick could tell it was an emotional topic as she placed the watch on his wrist and did the strap loosely. The watch, he supposed his watch now, was symbolic of much more now than he understood; Perhaps a discussion for another day, when things weren't so tense.

Trying to lighten the mood he smiled, "You smell like cherries you know."

There was a single tear, tracking down her cheek after that comment, "You don't remember do you?"

Kate watched him shake his head in the negative. It didn't matter though, whatever else was true she had something to hang onto now: underneath all those forgotten memories he was still the same man, the same man who found the smell of cherries so appealing. Underneath everything he was still the same Richard Castle she fell in love with.