"Now, Melissa would want me to take care of this. She'll understand."
"You going to take care of me like you took care of Alison? Is that why you killed her? Because she found your home movies?" Fear raced through Spencer like she had never felt before. There was a look in Ian's eyes that she had never seen in anyone's before. There was no good in them, just evil. Anything that kept him looking human before was gone.
"Want some popcorn to go with that?"
Spencer threw the flash drive as hard as she could in the opposite direction. She remembered reading somewhere that people would rather go after the valuable thing rather than chase after the victim. Her hope that it would work on Ian came true. It gave her valuable seconds to run in the opposite direction of the flash drive. Her bag was long forgotten on the floor. In fact, everything besides getting away from Ian was forgotten. She found herself running without a real way to go. If she had thinking clear and not filled with absolute fear, she would have realized she was doing everything that she hated in horror movies. IT was easy to be the 'stupid' girl when you were running for your life. Spencer was running up the stairs and still in the church, the exact opposite of what she should have done. She fumbled around for a moment in the pastor's office before opening the door in the back. Everything was dark and she had no choice to go up. Maybe Ian wouldn't find her. All Spencer knew was that she had to get away and fast.
Nothing good would come if Ian found her.
There was never a question of which of the girls she would call while she was running up the stairs. It had to be Emily. She knew that the other girl would answer. All she knew was that she couldn't look back. She had to keep going until she couldn't run anymore. It wasn't until she reached the top that she realized her mistake. She was trapped and she couldn't risk going back down the stairs. No, that would be the way he followed her up. "Come on, come on," she whispered as she pulled against the elevators door.
A screech came out of her mouth as she opened the door and there was her worst fear facing her dead on. The grin on Ian's face… it only terrified her further. She turned to run as quickly as she could, but he grabbed ahold of her from behind. Terrified, Spencer stop struggling for a moment. Her body was frozen as she breathed heavily against the tight grip Ian had over her.
"I gave you the videos," she begged as she started to be able to move again. She struggled against the grip, but the fear was still too much that she couldn't fight much harder. She wished she could fight harder. Instead, she did the only thing she knew how to do. She could talk and try to reason with him. He wouldn't kill her if he knew he couldn't get away with it. He couldn't do anything with people knowing where she was. "My mom knows I'm here. She knows I'm in the church." The words came out angry at the end, almost threatening. Ian couldn't do anything to her. Her mom knew she was there. Someone would find her. Maybe her biggest fear wasn't dying; maybe it was having nobody ever know what happened to her, just like with Alison.
"You picked the perfect place for your suicide."
The words chilled her to the bone and she begun to fight stronger. There it was. She had no doubt that Ian meant to kill her. She couldn't die. Not now. She struggled against his grip. Her fingers dug into his jacket. All she wanted was to get free. That was all she could think about and all she could focus on doing. She broke free of his embrace and for a moment there was a glimpse of hope, but just as soon as she was free, she was pushed to the ground. She collided with a loud thud and whimpers of pain begun to escape her mouth. The wind had been knocked out of her lungs, but she had to get up. She had to keep fighting. She wouldn't let him win. He couldn't win.
But he was on top of her as soon as she could think about getting up. His hands were balled into fists against her jacket. His grip held her down.
"You didn't mean to hurt Alison. It was an accident. You pushed her and she fell." His words were said with such passion and it was clear that he had convinced himself that was true.
"Is that what happened?" Her curiosity over ruled out anything else. Maybe this was a way for her to get him to admit that he had killed Alison. Someone would come and she would be safe. It had to happen. She wouldn't die here. She couldn't die here.
Spencer was lifted off the floor and shoved back against the elevator door. Whimpers of pain escaped her mouth at the push she had taken. The way Ian looked at her. He was the wolf and she was his prey. There was no mercy in his eyes. She knew that her words weren't doing any good, but she wouldn't go down without a fight.
"She just, she hit her head and she never woke up." His words sounded convinced and like he truly believed that it was what happened. But Spencer had to be right; it was one of her biggest faults. Even in truly life or death situations, things like that wouldn't slip by her.
"Alison died of suffocation." Ian grabbed her again before he pushed her hard against the railing of the bell tower. The fear lit in Spencer's eyes as her back braced against the already giving piece of wood. Her eyes were wide and she tried to grab on as tightly as she could to Ian. She didn't want to die.
"The letter I wrote on your computer won't answer all the questions. It'll answer enough. The guilt was just too much for you." Ian pushed her again and the wood broke away. All Ian needed to do was push her hard enough and she would be dead. There was no containing herself anymore. The fear came out in every way possible.
"Please, if you love my sister, you won't do this." Spencer had to keep him from pushing her off the tower. If they kept talking, then he couldn't push her. Her heels were off the floor and pressed against just air as she tried to keep herself balanced against Ian.
"I'm doing it because I love her."
It only took a little push and Spencer felt herself begin to fall backwards. All that kept her from falling to her death was her grip against Ian's shirt. Her arms banged hard against the floor as the rest of her body hung over the ledge.
There was so much more that Spencer had to do. She had to go to graduate high school; she had to go to college. She had all her life ahead of her. All she had done was follow the rules and try to make her family proud. It seemed like a waste as she dangled from the edge. There was so much to live for. She had to live. All the mistakes she had made came rushing back into her memory. The biggest one was how much she screwed up with Emily. All her inhibitions about being with the other girl seemed pointless now,
"Let go of me." Spencer could hear the fear in Ian's voice. Her grip was still tight against his shirt. She wouldn't let go, even if it meant taking him down with her.
"Please. Please don't." The whimpers came out of her mouth. One hand stayed gripped on Ian and the other arm tried to wrap around one of the beams. But if Ian was able to push her, she knew she'd loose her balance and fall. Spencer had to beg for mercy. Spencer needed to live so that she could see everyone one last time. She had to live to kiss Emily again. To tell her how she felt. Her life felt so vain. She had never allowed herself to be free or do the things she wanted to do. Now it was too late. Nothing up to this could compare to this fear. "Don't, please."
It was funny how the want to live was never more than when you were about to die.
Then all of a sudden, there was someone else there. A spark of hope lit in Spencer.
"What are you doing here?" Ian was obviously confused, but Spencer couldn't think of anything but holding on for dear life. The shadow figure pushed Ian and Spencer released her hand from his shirt as fast as she could. She could hear him collide against the church bell. Her mind was still racing and her survival instinct still overpowered anything else. Her other hand reached to the beam and she slowly was able to pull herself back onto the floor. Her legs shook as she tried to push herself back up. IF she could just get up, then she would be safe.
As soon as she was on the floor, Spencer wrapped her arms and body against the post. She wouldn't let anyone else push her down. She felt frozen and the fear of knowing that Ian had di—she couldn't handle it. It was like her brain had shut off and all that was left was fear. She clung to the post for dear life. She wheezed in and out. The oxygen wasn't enough. It was like she was suffocating. Her heart was still racing and she trembled uncontrollably.
There were no words that could describe the fear in Emily as she raced to the church. The entire world stopped for her once she heard Spencer struggling at the other end of the phone call. They had to get to the church. If anything was to happen to Spencer… no. She couldn't even think about that Emily felt helpless as she listened to her best friend whimpering and begging for life. Her eyes welled with tears, but she knew she couldn't cry. There was no time for crying. She had to get to the church and Spencer had to be alive when she was there.
The last she had heard from the phone was begging and then the bell ringing. Her breath had caught and Emily couldn't get the ringing of the bells out of her head. Spencer couldn't be dead.
Emily rushed out of the car as soon as they were at the church. The car was still running, but Emily couldn't have cared less about the car. She had to get to Spencer. It was the only thought in her mind. It consumed her.
"Spencer!" her calls were mixed in with Aria's and Hanna's as they entered the church. Emily's heart sank as she saw Spencer's bag tossed on the floor. It wasn't a joke. This was real and it was terrifying.
The church bell was still ringing.
There was no reply at their calls. Nothing.
Emily could only breathe again when she saw Spencer clinging to the beam.
Spencer clung to Emily through the rest of the night. It hadn't mattered to Emily in the least, because she wouldn't have let Spencer out of her sight anyways.
Even through the police business and the strange talk with Garret, Spencer hadn't let her emotions get the best of her. She felt exhausted and completely drained. She just flowed with what was happening. Spencer knew that if she really thought about what had happened, all the emotion and fear would just come back up to the surface.
For the remainder of the night, Spencer felt numb. It was almost as if nothing was really happening to her. It was like she was an outsider looking into the entire situation. She didn't let herself feel the sting of what had happened that night. She had to push away the emotions. Luckily, that was something that Spencer was good at.
It wasn't until after their parents had agreed that they had talked enough for the night that Emily and Spencer got a chance to be alone. The other two girls had seen the looks exchanged between the two and made their way off to another bedroom to relax for a while Emily and Spencer had a moment to themselves.
The door wasn't fully shut before Spencer was in Emily's arms. Even though she had cried with the other two girls when they had found her in the church, this was different. This was after she had tried to brave. It was after her parents didn't seemed to believe her. This was private and intimate. Spencer could trust Emily and she could be honest about the evening without feeling any judgment or doubt.
"Spencer," Emily whispered as she felt her own emotions start to rise to the surface. Spencer just clung to Emily harder at the whisper. Spencer still felt stoic, even with Emily's arms around her neck.
"I almost died."
It was just a fact. There was no emotion behind her voice, just disbelief at everything that had happened in the night. Spencer was just moments from dying tonight and it wasn't something that someone could get over easily. It wasn't something that Emily could get over either. Spencer could feel the tension in the other girl and the absolute desperation in Emily's grip around her neck.
"You almost died tonight," Emily repeated in a whimper against Spencer's neck as she clung to the other girl. She had wanted to be the strong one for Spencer tonight, but the emotions were hitting her hard in the moment. "I almost lost you." It was a terrifying thought. Even though she had said she had given up on her feelings for Spencer, Emily hadn't and it only became painfully obvious earlier that night. "I almost lost you."
They were both broken. The braveness of Spencer was falling away as she was held for longer. The tears stayed away as the emotions slowly began to flow through her again. It wasn't as important to Spencer to accept it as it was for her to be the one to comfort Emily. Even though she had been the one who almost died, Spencer knew the enormous weight it had put on Emily. She could only imagine herself in Emily's shoes. She'd be terrified and absolutely shaken to her core if anything like this happened to the other girl.
Emily was hit hard again with the realization of what could have happened that night. She only pulled back from the embrace when she felt Spencer tense after she tried to wrap her arms around the girl's back.
"What's wrong?" She asked with a concerned face.
Spencer tried to shake off the question and turned to face the other way.
"Spencer, please."
"It's just my back," Spencer mumbled as she looked towards the ground. She didn't want to acknowledge in how much pain she was from the amount she had been tossed around in the night. "My back and neck are just sore."
There's a moment of silence while Emily tried to decide what to say. "Can I see?" The question was probably not the best to ask, but Spencer took a moment before nodding her head. After everything that had happened tonight, she remembered how important it was to let Emily into her life. The good and the bad. And this was definitely the latter.
"I haven't even looked yet," Spencer answered honestly. "It can't be too bad." She raised her arms slowly before pulling off her shirt. She had been almost nude in from of Emily many times, but this wasn't even about being naked. She was literally opening herself up to Emily seeing her battle scars. Spencer took a breath before she turned slightly and saw her back in the reflection of the mirror. She winced noticeably. Spencer could feel the emotions start to come to the surface the more that she looked at the mirror. She looked away. Her fists were clenched tightly as she sat down on the bed. Even though she knew there wasn't anything to be ashamed of, Spencer didn't want to acknowledge what had happened. She didn't want Emily have to carry the weight of seeing the bruises. "I'm sorry, I should just—"
"Spence," she interrupted after the other girl started to speak. Emily slowly sat down. She crossed a leg underneath herself as she sat next to Spencer. Her fingers moved slowly and trailed down the bruises that had already begun to form on Spencer's pale back. She could clearly see where the railing had hit her back when it broke. Emily tried to trail her fingers as gently as possible over the bruises, feeling the heat that radiated from them. Her eyes were watering. The bruises just reminded her of the real possibility of her losing Spencer.
Emily had dealt with death before. They all had. When Alison disappeared, it had completely unraveled all of their friendship. But this was different. This was Spencer. If Spencer would have died, Emily knew that she would have never been able to get over it. Spencer had played such a pivotal role in her life for so long. Spencer was the first person that Emily really loved in a not friendship way. Spencer was the friend that she could rely on and knew would protect her. Emily could remember all the instances where she had been so angry at Spencer for how protective she was, but Emily only wished that she would have been more protective of Spencer.
Emily's throat closed slightly as the tears rose. The strong wall that was shielding Spencer's emotions began to crack. Emily could feel the girl's breathing begin to deepen. The air in the room had changed. It wasn't only her that was crying.
The moment was so quiet and she knew that it meant a lot for Spencer to let her see the bruises. Emily's hand rose to push away Spencer's long hair to expose the right side of her neck. All she wanted to do was take away Spencer's pain, but she knew that it wasn't possible.
So she did the only thing she could think of. Her lips pressed lightly against the soft skin of Spencer's shoulder. Emily made sure to kiss above where the bruise was beginning to form. Spencer's entire body seemed to gravitate towards her kiss. Emily couldn't imagine not being able to kiss Spencer again. It wasn't worth the fight to stay away from Spencer. It didn't matter if Spencer didn't want to be seen in public or wanted to acknowledge their relationship outside of the two of them. Emily couldn't think of any of that. This was Spencer. This was the girl she loved and she had almost died. It put everything in a different perspective. She needed to be able to kiss Spencer. Everything else seemed so trivial after the night. Her lips continued to press kisses against Spencer's shoulder and she only stopped when she reached Spencer's neck.
There was a moment of silence. Emily's hands were lightly resting on Spencer's hips. The moment was interrupted as Spencer's entire body began to shake slightly.
The emotions hit Spencer hard while Emily kissed her shoulder. She felt like she was beginning to fall apart. All the strength she had seemed to melt away under Emily's comfort. She didn't even put her shirt back on before she turned around and threw her arms around Emily's neck. Whimpers escaped Spencer's throat as she let the emotions take over. All the fear and terror that Spencer had gone through in the night rose to the surface. Spencer had to accept the emotions for them to go away. If she just pretended that she wasn't terrified, the fear would just stick with her. She had to let it go and Emily would gladly take it. She'd gladly take all the suffering Spencer had gone through if it meant the other girl was okay. Spencer knew that they were both badly shaken. The night had been rough on them both. This was what they needed. Spencer needed to just remember what it meant that she had survived and Emily needed the reassurance of the same thing.
"You're here, Spencer. I'm here. You're here," Emily reminded after each whimper. Everything was over. It was just the two of them in the room and Emily wouldn't let anything happen to Spencer again that night. Emily needed to remind both of them that everything was okay now. They had to move on from that moment of terror. They needed to get to the now instead. And in the now, Emily was incredibly grateful and thankful that Spencer was alive.
"I'm sorry."
It was the first thing Spencer said in a while and it took Emily by surprise. She only shook her head and tried to shush Spencer. There wasn't anything to be sorry for.
"I'm sorry, Em," Spencer repeated as the sobs slowed and she was able to think again. She could remember what she was thinking when she was hanging over the edge. "I've been so stupid. I'm sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry for. We didn't think that Ian would push you," Emily reassured as she rubbed circles against Spencer's lower back, careful to keep away from Spencer's bruises. Spencer's skin was hot and it warmed Emily through her clothes.
"No, Em," Spencer shook her head as she pulled back from the embrace. She suddenly felt very naked, very bare in front of Emily and reached over and grabbed her shirt to tub over her body again. If she was going to say what she was going to say, she had to have some level of security. "I'm sorry about everything I've said. I never should have…"
There was a moment of question as Spencer just stared into Emily's eyes. There was confusion and hurt and Spencer couldn't take it. She needed to tell the other girl.
"I was scared. I was so scared of what I felt for you," Spencer said as she reached down and grabbed Emily's hand. Her gaze dipped for a moment watching as their hands interlinked. "I was so scared of what everyone would think. And you were so brave. You have always been so much braver than I am.
But tonight. Tonight I realized that I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to be scared like I was tonight. I almost… I almost died. I couldn't die without being not scared about us."
"What are you saying?" Emily asked as she tried to keep her hope at bay. If this wasn't what she thought it was, she knew that all the disappointment would come back. All the hurt that she had tried so desperately to forget would come rushing back in. She wouldn't let herself get hopeful when she didn't even know what Spencer was trying to say.
"I want to be with you."
It didn't take Spencer any time to say the words. There was no hesitation right now. After everything, she needed to tell Emily that. She needed to see if anyway they could be together. Spencer had wasted too much time. There was nothing like almost dying to make someone's eyes open to what had been right in front of them. Spencer was nervous as she waited for a response from Emily. There was such a real possibility that Emily had moved on and wouldn't want to be with her. There was no point in living if Spencer wasn't honest about her emotions. She wasn't truly living if she just kept skimming by without investing herself into everything she wanted. It was the first time that Spencer had realized how much all her plans really didn't matter. All that mattered was what you thought of yourself and who was at your side when it all happened.
There weren't any clues in Emily's expression. It was still shocked and Spencer could feel dread start to build up inside of her. All Spencer was left with was silence. It was the bravest that Spencer had ever been. She was finally taking a large risk. It was a risk that Spencer knew she needed to take. If she was going to be honest with herself, she had to be honest with Emily as well.
It seemed like the longest moments in her life as she waited for any sign from Emily. Spencer started to pull away in absolute embarrassment. It had been stupid for her to even say anything. Emily had moved on and Spencer was just going to have to accept it.
"Don't," Emily whispered as her fingers gripped tighter to Spencer's. She wouldn't let the other girl slip away. "I'm not letting you go anywhere."
Spencer looked up confused before she was met with Emily kissing her suddenly. Spencer's hands moved quickly to cup Emily's face. She knew the answer just from Emily's kiss. It wasn't a goodbye kiss. It wasn't meant to say anything about how Emily just liked her as a friend. No, it was a kiss to shut her up. It said 'of course I want to be with you'. It said everything that Spencer was dying to hear. Spencer pulled away for a moment as a smile widened across her face. Spencer laughed slightly in absolute delight before pulling Emily back into the kiss. Everything else could wait. All that mattered was Emily's lips being pressed against her own. Spencer felt safe for the first time that night.
'Looks like the fun's just beginning. Sleep tight, bitches. –A'