Here you go my dear Sabby your monthly gift... hope you enjoy this one as much as the other months... I am so glad to have you in my life.
And a huge(!) thank you to steffi for betaing this thank you! also for the help I needed with the troubles of this chapter, the same goes for Jule thank you for the advices and talk, and Jodes for a bit of ass kicking to ge me writing...
I don't own The Good Wife
This is the clock upon the wall
This is the story of us all
February: This Is the Story of Us All
Finding time for a date, a real one, where she allowed him to take her to dinner and wear a dress and heels were anything but easy when you had a newborn. A newborn you felt bad for leaving, even when you had a nanny you liked and trusted. Even when everyone said it was alright to have time for yourself. And even more when you also had a teenage daughter to check up on and to make sure she wouldn't felt left alone or pushed aside because of the newest addition to the family. So that meant that the last month ever since the kiss she had shared with Will in Catherine's nursery had been spent trying to navigate them as well as Catherine, something that hadn't gone too well as she really hadn't felt right in leaving her daughter for a night of going out.
So seeing Will had consisted in him coming over to her place. And romance wasn't easily handled when they were interrupted, at the worst of times by Catherine waking up and needing her. More than one kiss had been interrupted that way because the baby alarm had gone off and she had rushed to her daughter's side. She was actually surprised how well Will took it, how understanding he was being and how much he tried to help out. How he cooked for her and Grace more than once, how helped look after Cat if she had a shower or something and it wasn't at a time of the week or day where Rachel was taking care of her or Grace was out or had homework.
It had shocked her how much he willingly involved himself in their daily life even now when they were back home and he worked and she had a living and breathing baby to take care of. And most impressive was how he did it on instinct. Of course it was different now that they seemed to have started something again even though more unspoken than anything and mostly consisting of a few kisses and shared meals where she usually had to fight to keep awake. And more than once hadn't been able to remember finishing or how she went from the table to the couch.
Apparently now that she was home Cat had decided that it was better to turn day into night and night into day. And she hadn't slept a full night the last month. She also knew it was Will that had ended up carrying her to those more comfortable places and had more than once looked after Cat until she wouldn't just take comfort in his arms or her pacifier or being changed... another thing that had shocked her Will willingly helped her out with, not even mentioning it. All of these things were what had made her make sure that tonight at least should be made to be perfect for them, but especially for him.
She had Rachel looking after Cat a few days before while she went shopping for a dress. She hadn't really felt like her old prettier clothes fitted her well or looked good on her post pregnancy. Some of them, a lot actually she didn't even seem to fit into anymore but her maternity clothes were not exactly fitting anymore now, either. She had needed something she felt well in and thought made her look attractive, too. She also got matching underwear before she went to get a beauty treatment. She had made sure to make a dinner reservation ahead of time, knowing the day might create more trouble than good was if she didn't do that.
She had wanted to give them this, to give him this because with whatever they were starting again she knew he had longed for the freedom to actually go out like a normal couple, and that had not exactly been an option until now. The last month though had convinced her they could maybe really make this work, something she had given up hope on, but where the month while Cat was still in the hospital had given her hints of hope, this month had convinced her. How he took that kisses sometimes were ended before they were started, that candle light dinners were not the best of ideas when she ended up falling asleep over the pasta. How he wasn't assuming he was invited to stay through the night or if he did that it meant sex. She knew she couldn't have found a more loving and tender boyfriend or whatever she could call him now at this point.
He had been surprised but happy when she told him, though he had also insisted it wasn't necessary. Yet when he had showed up that night and taken in the sight of her in the sleek green dress that made her eyes stand out even more, and she saw the appreciation on his face she once more knew she had done the right thing. He had been amazing, showing up with a red rose for her and before leaving her apartment as she put on her jewelry, the pearls she had gotten from him and the bracelet, he shyly handed her another velvet box she nervously opened, only to find another charm for the bracelet. This one a silver locket heart with a tiny diamond on the front. He smiled at her and told her she could use it for a picture of Cat.
Alicia had turned to him, tears in her eyes and she kissed him softly as a thank you while she asked if it meant he was her valentine, something he had nodded at grinningly. Their tender moment might have been longer if her mother hadn't interrupted them, more or less pushing them out of the apartment. Making Alicia regret a little that she had gotten her mother to look after Catherine instead of Rachel, but it had been smarter as she had made sure her Mom was okay with staying the whole night and had it covered with everything there could possibly be needed except in emergencies.
And when she managed to kiss Will on the way down in the elevator she was pretty sure it was a smart move, not to risk the night getting interrupted, she owed him that, their first night actually spent together where she wasn't either walking with her daughter, singing every single nursery rhythm she had ever heard or dead asleep. This night deserved to be special. Even if it meant her daughter being bottle feed through the night and her mother babysitting.
Dinner was a perfect affair of friendly banter, flirting, stories of work, catching up and what else they could cover, as well as much hand holding across the table when they could get away with it. She was amazed with how words didn't need to be spoken between them, that Will's eyes told her all she needed to know most of the time. He didn't order for her and she was grateful that he knew her well enough to know she hated someone not letting her decide what she would like to eat herself. They didn't even get the same thing and it made her feel relieved, they were both comfortable enough with each other to let that up. The only issue came when they were to pay and he wouldn't let her even though as she said it was she that had invited him for dinner. However he wouldn't let her, insisted he would pay for the meal, his male pride getting in the way.
Dinner had been amazing, even perfect, he had been on cloud nine when she had first mentioned it to him, until he realized what it would mean to her regarding Catherine. He had tried to talk her out of it, also when he considered how it would feel to leave the little girl for what? Adult fun? Because they couldn't really make it work around a baby? And he didn't like that at all. He loved Catherine more and more each day that passed, and he loved seeing the softer side of Alicia, the side only her close family and children saw, he loved being able to see mother Alicia. He had never until now considered how huge a turn on that could be, but more so how it could make his heart burst with joy and love every time he witnessed it. Yet dinner had been agreed on as Alicia wasn't backing down. They were going to go for a real date night on Valentine's day. He had been a little surprised by her romantic choice of date, until she admitted it was so close to month after their kiss that had officially begun them again that she found it fitting.
As they got into the car after leaving the restaurant he drove them down to the pier. It was cold, freezing actually and he knew she might be cold but he also knew she loved the place. They strolled along the pier together, talking while moving closer for each step they took until he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, protecting her from the cold as they continued to slender along the water side. Her head finding a place against him, as she leaned into his body, accepting the warmth he was trying to offer her.
Their talking subsided while they walked, falling into comfortable silence, he didn't know many people he felt comfortable being with and not having to spent every moment talking like he did in Alicia's company. And it was amazing. Yet he worried, because he wasn't sure on what the next move should be, what he could expect or allow it to be. He knew it would be hard for her being away from Cat through the night, it had to be hard to be away right now. And he didn't expect more, having her in his arms like he did right now was amazing itself, and even if they waited longer he didn't mind it being at her place where they could go to Catherine should she need them.
They hadn't slept together yet since they started this up again and he wasn't about to assume anything. He knew women couldn't have sex many weeks after giving birth normally and he wasn't sure if it was the same with a c-section. And he hadn't wanted to ask. To assume any such thing, especially when Alicia was spending most of her time now with Cat on her arm sleeping or half sleeping. It would come, once it had been all he was allowed from her now it wasn't. And no matter how much he desired her and always had, being able to spent time with her and be allowed to care for her and have it welcomed, be allowed to stay for dinner, to hold her hand and to kiss her as he wanted, all of that was wonderful having the freedom to do.
That was why he was surprised when she stopped them and kissed him softly as she asked him to take her home, first he thought he meant back to her apartment, but she kissed him again mumbling against his lips to take her to his place.
He pulled back pressing their foreheads together while breathlessly asking if she was sure, that they could go to her place. They could go home to check on Cat. However she kissed him again and again, convincing him with her lips and hands and kisses that she was sure. On the ride their hands were clasped between them, fingers laced together. And the moment they were inside the safety of his apartment they kissed, kisses that were less chaste than most of those they had recently been sharing. Their hands were pulling at clothes, leaving him in no doubt she needed this as much as he did. As he undressed her and took in the sight of her in a black silk under-dress, he teased her if they hadn't gone out of style many years ago, making her laugh in response as she let him pull it off her along with the rest of the black lace covering her milky white skin from his burning eyes. It wasn't until she was lying under him and he kissed down her collarbone placing soft kisses on both her tender breasts, larger than usually due to her newborn still nursing daughter. As he finally got to her abdomen she seemed to grow self conscious, hiding her body from his gaze with her hands, not letting him see her.
"Alicia what is wrong... do you want me to stop?" He reached up and kissed her lips gently, as she shook her head.
"No... please make love to me..." She whispered against his lips as he stole another kiss her breathless voice arousing him further.
"I am Alicia... but what is wrong, sweetheart?" he asked her again, still unsure why she had suddenly hidden herself from him, until he saw the small traces of tears glimmering in her eyes.
"Don't cry, please don't cry..." He whispered as he wiped them away.
She smiled softly up at him and nodded.
"It is just the scar... it is not very attractive..." Will wondered for a few seconds what she meant before realizing it was the one from having Cat. He looked at her with tender eyes.
"Not a single part of you is unattractive to me, Alicia, or have ever been... you are the most beautiful woman I ever met." He whispered and kissed her again, before moving carefully down again kissing between her breasts and making a hot path down to her stomach where he carefully removed her hands trying to hide the scar from his eyes. He gently placed a soft kiss on top of it letting his lips drift down over it touching it gently with his lips. Adoring the mark left as a reminder of Cat on her body like he adored every other inch of her body. He touched stroked and caressed her all over. Placing kisses on every part of her until she was whimpering and squirming in pleasure, and only then did he move back up and kissed her lips gently as he reached over and got a condom which he put on before covering her body and entering her gently making her sigh and arch up against him her arms finding their way around him and holding him close. Their movements were slow and unhurried like they had all the time in the world.
Alicia had studied him first as he drifted off to sleep. Her head resting on his chest as she cuddled into his warmth body, her head moving each time he breathed in and out. She had laid there until she drifted off to sleep as well, only to wake up later in the night in the same position - still cuddled up completely into him, his body heat keeping her warm. She had always loved sleeping like this with him, back in Georgetown or later for their 8 months of passion. She studied his face, something she always found fascinating, how his worries over job and life seemed to disappear with sleep and how he seemed to always sleep with a small smile on his lips, making her wonder if it was her that made him smile or if it was just how he was. She wanted to kiss him but at the same time she didn't want to wake him up.
She carefully slipped out of his embrace, missing the warmth right away. She made sure to not make a sound as she slipped through the bedroom finding the silk slip she had on earlier and slipping it on along with his shirt as she couldn't seem to find a robe of his. She sneaked over to the balcony door and carefully opened it and stepped outside, shuddering because of the contrast from the warm bedroom and Will's body heat to the freezing February air outside. Still she stepped outside, knowing it wouldn't be long as it was too cold, but still the air was fresh and breathing it in felt good along with chilling. She had been smart enough to find a pair of Will's socks first before stepping outside which was good. It made sure her feet didn't become ice-cubes like her legs. Yet she was stubborn and didn't want to go back inside just yet. She had always liked his balcony from the first time she spent a night in his apartment to now. It had the most amazing view and she loved it. She knew if she ever moved she wanted to make sure her next place had a balcony, too. It had been one of the things she missed form the house in Highland Park where they did have one not from the master's bedroom but still there was a balcony. She admired the lights of the city as she stood there shuddering lightly from the cold.
Alicia was not sure how long she had been standing there, when she felt a pair of arms being wrapped around her from behind and someone placing a soft kiss on her shoulder before resting his head upon hers. She leaned back against his soft body which was now wrapped around her.
"I missed you." He mumbled into her hair. "The bed was cold without you..." Something that made her laugh softly.
"I am sorry, I woke up and couldn't sleep," she admitted.
"You miss Cat, right? Not able to sleep away from her?" He asked her gently and Alicia nodded, because that was exactly what had made sleep impossible. Missing her daughter.
"We shouldn't have asked your mother to take her tonight. We could just have gone to your place. I wouldn't have minded." Will told her while placing soft kisses on her throat.
"Yeah, but it was our first real date so I didn't want us to worry about her or getting interrupted." Alicia admitted.
"How many times do I have to tell you I do not mind, I like having her around and spending time with her." He smiled against her skin, making Alicia laugh.
"You know I love her right?" Will asked and Alicia nodded, she did know that. "Just like I love her mother." Alicia stiffened, and turned around in his arms so she could look up at him. She smiled at him, her stomach filled with butterflies, basking in nervous excitement. Of course she had known he loved her for a long time, but he had never before really told her so directly.
"You do?" She asked, giving him a soft teasing smile.
"I do... I love you Alicia... I am in love with you and I am pretty sure I have been in love with you ever since Georgetown," he told her as he looked into her eyes and lifted a hand to gently caress her cheek.
"I love you too..." She whispered softly, enjoying the bright smile that grew on his face, at the sound of her words. "And I love you even more for also loving my children... I know how difficult it must be..." She started, but he interrupted her.
"They are a part of you. That is what makes it so very easy to love them. I can't say it was easy when you first told me you were pregnant again and even less so when I learned it was Peter's, and the whole story of keeping it secret. But it has never made it harder to love Cat or care about any of your kids. How could it Alicia... they all have a part of you in them." She smiled at him as she felt a tear slide down her cheek, one he caught and brushed away before he pulled her into a sweet soft kiss. He pulled back a moment after:
"I love you." he told her tenderly once more before he lowered his mouth to hers once more so he could kiss her again. His lips met hers and his tongue swept along her bottom-lip begging for entrance to her hot cavern, she willingly gave him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her fingers starting to pull at his soft hair. His hands ran down her sides over the material of the shirt, down to the hem, and then up under it so he was touching her bare thighs. She moaned into the kiss and pushed herself closer against him, needing him badly all over.
She didn't feel the freezing air on her skin anymore as he had her against him, all she felt was the shivers of anticipation for their next move, for the next kiss ,the next touch. She hadn't realized until now how much she had missed having him like this, too. How much she had missed their insanely passionate sexual chemistry. She loved him with all of her heart and needed him in her life just as much, she hadn't realized how much until now, and that was her mistake. His hands crept up over her bottom squeezing it gently and pulling her further against him until he slid a hand down and lifted her thigh up, making her wrap her leg around him for support and grasp his shoulders tightly. He lifted her further up making her wrap both legs around him as he pressed her lightly against the cold wall of his balcony, while his intentions became clear to her. The air was freezing and he wanted to make love to her out here. She considered protesting, they really should go back inside they would freeze to death from this. Will broke the kiss and rested their foreheads together.
"Trust me Alicia... I will make sure you get warm again after..." He whispered and she could do nothing but nod. It was crazy, and thrilling, and something they sure hadn't done in the past. She trusted him with everything else at this point why shouldn't she trust him here. He pushed his sweatpants down somehow and got his shirt and her slip out of the way before he carefully entered her burning core with one swift move. She hadn't needed foreplay kissing him and hearing his love for her and her children voiced for the first time had been enough to have her soaking wet. She couldn't imagine a greater turn on than hearing that he loved not only her but her kids as well, cared for them and wanted to be a part of their lives.
He moved slowly in and out of her, the chilling air which probably held the first traces of snow, was a sharp contrast to the heat between them. Once during the affair he had spent hours teasing her with ice cubes on her burning skin, this was in some way similar and gave the same intense feeling. As he finally spilled himself inside her while she cried out in pleasure of her own orgasm she knew she had been smart when she had the doctor prescribe the birth control pill for her on her last post pregnancy check up and she had been careful with taking them. Will didn't put her down like she would have expected instead he kept his hold on her and carried her back inside again and into the bathroom. In the bathroom he carefully placed her on the counter while he went and turned on the water for the bathtub and poured soap into it, and found a couple of fluffy warm towels, before he turned to her.
"I promised to warm you up didn't I?" He offered her a hand to help her down from the counter. She took it and moved down and up to him kissing him softly before, pushing his socks off and slipping of his pink shirt and then her own black silk. Standing there naked before him she once more felt self conscious, her body really wasn't what it had been when he had seen her through the affair, stretch marks from pregnancy and the scar we visible on her abdomen.
She was glad she had at least gotten the beauty treatment a few days ago knowing he would appreciate it if they did sleep together, and it was the least when she already felt herself less attractive than normally, making sure she got her nails done as well as her legs and other body parts waxed was the least of it, even the small stinging pain of a Brazilian was worth it as she knew he would have eyes glowing with desire. Just like they were now, gliding over her naked frame making her want to cover up a bit more again as it was almost too much. Yet the love and desire shining in his eyes told her she had nothing to be ashamed of, that when he told her she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met he meant it. She smiled flirtingly at him as she stepped over and up into the bathtub, lowering herself into the warm water before moving a bit forward so he could get in behind her.
The warm water felt amazing while at the same time almost burning, making her skin sting. Her eyes stayed locked with Will's for a few seconds, before he pulled his clothes fully off and moved to join her in the water. Sliding in behind her and pulling her tight against his chest legs on each side of her as she pressed up against him. She rested her head on his bare chest placing a gentle kiss there.
"Is this working for warming you up again?" He asked her as he kissed the crown of her head, and she nodded.
"It is perfect." She closed her eyes and cuddled even more into him.
"Are you okay Alicia? Are you cold or hurt... I know it was a bit stupid and..." She didn't allow him to finish but moved up and placed a finger on his lips silencing and then kissing him before lowering herself back down into the warm water.
"It is perfect Will... all of it is perfect..." She whispered softly into his chest. His hand found hers and squeezed it.
"I love you..." He told her gently once more, making her realize she really couldn't get enough of hearing those words or saying them. It had taken them so many years of bad timing and finally it seemed to be the right timing and to be alright to share those words and feelings, and that made it feel liberating telling him those three words over and over. She looked up at him and returned them once more.
"I love you too..." He reached in and kissed her, this one being a promise of their shared future.