This chapter is another M rated chapter: Drug abuse, self-harm, and just a bunch of not good stuff ahead. If that stuff bugs you, you may want to skip this chapter. Note: none of those things are show positively. Things will get better for Prussia… eventually… Also…review?

Chapter 8:

Blood and Drugs

No one was watching me. I snatched some of that gorgeous liquid to use later and shoved the small vial in my pocket. It was the only thing keeping me alive now… I looked down at my wrists and sighed, tugging my long sleeves over them, biting my lip. No one had noticed. That was exactly how I wanted it. No one could know. I finished working for Russia that day and he shoved me back in my little cell. It was starting to be comforting to be in there… it somehow felt like I was safe there… away from Russia. Even though in the back of my mind I knew I wasn't, and never would be, away from Russia. I pulled out my syringe and shot the analgesic into my arm. I sighed, smiling. It felt good… I never could get my hands on enough to overdose, but then… I was trying to use it to keep me alive, I didn't want to die. West was waiting for be back home… I had to come home… I let the entire little vial flow into my arms and laid back on my bed. I sighed, smiling faintly. Slowly, slowly the pain started to fade. My body…my mind… I could finally sleep. The dreams were odd sometimes… but usually I didn't dream at all. I just slept…

I woke up with a start when I felt a sharp pain in my arm. I looked up to see Russia gripping my arm, slowly, slowly pulling out the needle, which it'd been stupid enough to leave in my arm when I fell asleep. My skin was badly bruised and I could see where the needle had dug in as I'd slept. The hole around it was big, raw… blood trickled down my arm. I looked up at Russia. He didn't look at me. He was looking at my arm.

He clicked his tongue like he was scolding me. That made me mad. "Oh Gilbert… did you really think this would help? It doesn't help…" The way he said that made me shiver.

I said nothing, only gave him a 'humph' and tried to turn my back to him, but he kept his grip tight on my arm.

"You need to have this mess attended to." He smiled at me gently, sweetly almost.

I shivered again. "N…nein… I can take care of it myself!" I tried to yank my arm away, but with his hold on it it was too painful.

"This will get infected. I should clean it."

Was this was latvia was talking about? Was he sane now? He didn't look sane… I asked.

"Sane? I'm always sane." He smiled.

I took that as a 'no' and just nodded.

He smiled again, his sickening smile. "Come." He said simply, pulling me up by my lip arm.

I growled and stood up, I was already dressed… even my shoes were on. I hadn't bothered to change last night… "W…Where are we going?"

"My house."

"NEIN!" I screamed, trying to tear my arm away from him again.

"What's wrong with you? I can't fix you up here."

"Why do you even care!?"

"I care about all the little countries under me."

I growled. "I AM NOT LITTLE AND I AM NOT UNDER YOU!" I snarled.

He stopped, pushing me against the hallway wall and gripping my throat. "Nyet. You are."

I bit my lip. Something in his tone, something in his eyes, something that scared me made me decide not to say anything back. Either that or I'd gotten smarter in the past year and a half, but that was unlikely.

He smiled, letting go of my neck, but keeping his iron grip on my arm and practically dragged me to his house.

"Let. Me. Go." I bit my lip.

"Nyet." He replied simply. He forced me into his house and pushed me down in a chair in his kitchen.

"There's no way you want to help me…" I thought about running when he let go of my arm, but his grip had been so tight that all the blood suddenly rushed back to my arm and I squeaked in pain. More blood flowed down my arm and it hurt… "R…Russia?" I looked up at him. He got out a small basket of what looked like first aid supplies and sat down in front of me, grabbing my arm again.

"I've always wanted to try treating wounds." He smiled sweetly.

I wanted to throw up. I did NOT like the sound of that. "I… I'm not your toy Russia…"

"Oh?" He smiled up at me. "Nyet. You're not. I know that." He smiled innocently. "I just want to help."

I doubted that. I just bit my lip and watched him like a hawk…

He pulled out some gauss first, holding down tight over the mark in my arm… too tight. I bit my lip so I wouldn't cry out. I looked up at him. He was focused on my arm. He pulled the cloth away after and while and took out some kind of medical cleaning fluid and another piece of gauze. It STUNG. I bit my lip and squirmed. "You're hurting me…" I managed to whisper.

"A little pain is ok." He just said.

I sighed. Had I really expected him to be sympathetic?

"Hold still. Stop squirming or I'll have to tie you up." He shook his head.

I bit my lip harder, trying to listen to him. The last thing I wanted was to be tied up with Russia anywhere near me.

"This next I think da?" He took out another salve.

I just nodded. I winced as he spread it around the wound, but didn't make a sound.

"I think I should have been wearing gloves…" He sighed, looking almost comically confused. He wiped the salve off my arm rather roughly. I squeaked in pain, biting my lip. He snapped a glove onto his hand and cleaned the wound again with that same stuff that stung like… just hurt… a LOT. Then he smeared the salve over the wound with his fingers, almost like he was finger-painting, almost like he was playing with my broken skin, blood and the gel… It not only made me sick… it scared me…

"Your blood is beautiful GDR." He whispered.

I shuddered, trying to pull my arm away. "You freak…" I whispered back with another shiver.

"Cold?"

"Nein I fell sick!" I bit my lip.

He looked up at me curious. "It's just blood GDR. Everyone has blood. Why are you scared?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing? Did he not know how twisted he was? "Y… ugh…" that was all I could think to say.

Russia seemed to shrug it off and put a piece of gauze over the wound, then bandaged it.

"You should not have stollen those drugs from me GDR." He said simply.

"I don't care." I snapped back.

"You should. Don't do it again." He stood up, setting the kit aside and grabbed my good arm. He dragged me into my room again, locking the door behind him.

Of course… I didn't listen.

He caught me with them again. The beating was bad. I couldn't move for weeks, or walk well for months… he'd broken both my legs… They ended up healing perfectly, but it took a while. I never was able to find those drugs again…

Long sleeves. Always long sleeves. Always I wore long sleeves now. Especially around Latvia. I didn't want him to see what I'd done to myself… so many times… so. many. times. I watched everything more carefully… looking over my shoulder. I mentally kicked myself daily about it. I was starting to act like the rest of the Baltics, terrified if we heard that step… I even started thinking of us as 'we'. Only I wouldn't turn communist… never. Never ever! Not me! What would West say? Austria? France? What would I say? If I could have looked at myself now a year ago… I don't think I would have believed my eyes. No laughing, no jokes, no awesome, no Gilbird… not even my iron cross… looking over my shoulder, cutting, drugs, suicide… terrified of one man… what had happened to me? What had happened to me? What had Russia done to me…..? Was I even… me… anymore?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ok... so I feel as though I should elaborate on this chapter a little. Obviously Prussia's not doing very well, but this chapter is almost more about Russia than Prussia. Russia, while certainly not as he will appear in future chapters (during what Latvia called his 'sane moments'), he really truly was trying to help Prussia. Russia likes countries to depend on him, so tending to them like this is a good way to get that. Only... he's not very good at it. and Russia is suck a broken country, he's learned to find amusement and beauty in really odd ways and places. When he told Prussia that he had beautiful blood... he meant it! He truly found it beautiful, because he's learned to find blood pretty. Threatening to tie up Prussia, shoving him around... it's because he honestly doesn't know how to act normal. He doesn't know how to do something for someone's good without hurting them in the process, and he certainly doesn't know how to do anything, right or wrong, without giving orders that he means to be obeyed. Blame the tzars for that. Basically, in chis chapter, he was trying to be kind, trying to say the right things, trying to get Prussia to like him, and trying to be gentle, but he just plane failed at it. Prussia's reactions to him surprised him almost as much as he surprised Russia with some of the things he said. So, even though Russia certainly was creepy in this chapter, he meant well. Don't hate him like Prussia does.