A/N: I do not own One Piece or any of its affiliated characters.

Hancock couldn't help but smile at the interesting behaviors of men. They were ruthless with each other, yet strived to cover up their grotesque tendencies when put under the scrutiny of a female. Was there no end to the idiocy? Always with the ulterior motives...

But, it would be a lot harder to manipulate them if it weren't like this…

"You're obviously not searching hard enough," she sneered at Sanji, who was crawling around with his nose hovering over the Sunny's grassy deck. He, Franky, Usopp, Chopper and Brooke were all on their hands and knees searching for the Empress' lost earring.

"YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, YOUR SUCCULENCE! I WILL IMMEDIATELY CORRECT THE ERROR OF MY WAYS," he yelled passionately. Never was a man born of this world happier to smash his face into a floor. The blonde smeared blood across the lawn as he propelled himself with his legs and laughed like a loon, his arms collecting grass stains in their useless state.

Usopp raised an eyebrow at how far gone his comrade was. Sure it was an honor to have the privilege of retrieving the earring of the most beautiful woman in the world, but wasn't he getting a little carried awa-

"You. Long nose."

Usopp looked up at Hancock, a blush passing over his cheeks the longer she stared at him with those blue eyes. She narrowed them dangerously as he continued to sit there in his awe struck state.

"Your methods of searching are unsatisfactory. Improve them."

"Yes, your grace," Usopp gushed, immediately turning around and whistling up at the girls. Nami and Robin turned from their individual projects to look at Usopp, a grin of Sanji proportions making them frown in confusion.

"Hey, Nami, can we get some rain down here? If the earring is wet, it will glint in the sun and we'll be able to see it."

"OW! SUPER IDEA!" Franky retracted the magnifying glass he'd been using and gave Usopp a thumbs up. Chopper took a break from unsuccessful sniffing to see if Nami would help out. The navigator gave a skeptical glance at them all, then shrugged and whipped out her climatact.

"This'll cost each of you ten-thousand beri," she warned. "I'm getting wet too, ya know."

Hancock rolled her eyes. It must be torturous to be average. Something like rain could only serve to enhance something truly beautiful. Or, perhaps more accurately, beauty should enhance the rain.

Nami took her time blowing the necessary bubbles to create a small rain cloud above the ship. The men of the crew stared in anticipation. Hancock waited impatiently, plopping down in the seat Salome made for her and glowering at everyone. And Luffy. Where was he? He was, of course, exempt from searching for her jewelry, but that was because he was superior. She tolerated the little worms under his command simply because…well, they were his crew.

Luffy's judgement of character is superb. I will not find a better lot of obedient servants than the ones my future husband has already picked out, she mused, a small blush and shy smile playing on her face. Sanji caught sight of it and his mind practically shattered into pieces. Chopper ran over to him in a panic as the rain started to fall.

Luffy burst out of the kitchen with stars in his eyes, laughing ridiculously as he ran in circles over the deck. Usopp yelled at him to help look for something shiny or leave.

"Luffy!" The snake princess cried, jumping up from Salome and rushing towards him. She wasn't watching where she was going and smashed into a frantic Chopper as he screamed for everyone to 'get out of the way' and spirited Sanji into the sick room for another blood transfusion. Hancock sat in the grass incredulously, her long hair sticking to her face and the sound of Luffy's indiscriminate laughter rolling in the background.

"Hancock, you're so funny!"

He…he thinks I'm funny?

The world was suddenly wonderful. Hancock stood up as the cloud cleared and clasped her hands under her chin, tears of joy spilling down her face. Of course he would be able to look beyond her short comings with the fall and her messy hair. She had made him laugh! He still loved her!

Luffy…you are so…

"Why's everything all wet," Zoro asked flatly, finally making an appearance after spending the majority of the morning in an undisclosed fashion. He made his way over to Luffy and his stalker, apparently on some sort of mission. The guys all turned on him.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE STRESSED HERE," Usopp said accusingly.

"ZORO-SAN, YOU SHOULD NOT BE SLACK WHEN IT COMES TO LOOKING FOR A WOMAN'S POSSESSIONS," Brook added with burning determination, flipping his feather boa over his shoulder. "HARD WORK WILL SURELY BE REWARDED WITH PANTI-"

A sudden flash of lightning and the skeleton was silenced, his bones turning black. Nami gave him a half lidded stare and blew some smoke from the end of her weapon.

"Whoops. Sometimes I can't control this thing very well."

"Doubt it," Franky and Usopp said together, slapping the air.

Hancock couldn't stop the fantastical scenes running through her head, glitter practically shooting out from her eyes. Luffy probably knew her better than anyone here. He was wonderful, clever, wonderful, brave, handsome, wonderful…he would definitely be the one to find her earring if she gave him enough incentive...

"The man who finds my earring," she said airily, staring straight into Luffy's eyes, "I will kiss him."

Immediately, the male members of the crew burst into flaming balls of confidence, each one determined to win this almost unbelievable prize. From Franky's arm emerged a metal detector that was noisy enough to bring Chopper out from the kitchen to shush him incessantly. Usopp pressed his face to the deck, desperately trying to differentiate the glimmer of the now wet grass from something metallic. Brook climbed the tree hoping to find something among the leaves.

I have faith in you, Luffy, Hancock thought to herself, the delusions making roses bloom around her beloved's face. Luffy gave her a weird look, then noticed Zoro still standing behind her. He appeared to be frozen in place, a dusting of cherry red embarrassment visible on his cheeks.

"Hey, Zoro, you don't look so good," the captain said, pointing at his first mate's face. Zoro spluttered something unintelligible and spun on his heels, quickly retreating to the kitchen. When he was safely behind closed doors, he slowly unclasped his hand to stare at the thing he'd been gripping hard enough to leave an indent.

He grunted in annoyance, replaying Hancock's words over and over again in his head. He stuffed the earring, which he'd been fumbling around trying to fix the clasp for all morning, back in his pants pocket and decided to take advantage of the fact that Sanji was going to be out of commission for the rest of the day.

I need a drink. Or five...