A/N: Prompt from Inferno!

'Sponge Cake Accident'

Okay. So, in hindsight, it was a terrible idea. But in my defense, Luffy started it.

All he does day in and day out is eat all the goddamn food, and you'd think, you'd THINK, that for ONE DAY out of the entire goddamn year, MY BIRTHDAY, he might be able to make an exception.

But no.

Well, you ate the wrong guy's birthday cake, pal.

I looked for the perfect opportunity to execute my plan, thinking the best option would be to just wait until his birthday rolled around.

But, one that only looks for doors when there's windows available wastes his life away. And besides. This window was too damn perfect to pass up.

Above all things held sacred by our cook on this ship, is the visit of our good friend Boa Hancock. And for a woman supposed to be back home doing empressy type things, she apparently has a lot of time on her hands.

For her birthday, Sanji prepared a total of five different cakes to suit her taste and the rest of the crew's. Because she praised him highly on the sponge cake she'd had on her last visit, it was decided that her personal cake, the one that nobody else was allowed to touch, was that one.

So, that was the cake I would definitely not be putting my specially made plant extract super glue into. Everything else was fair game.

Unfortunately, I am not proficient in the art of cooking, and couldn't tell which batter was the sponge cake. In one last defiant throw-caution-to-the-wind move, I put the glue in all of the cakes. It wasn't really that big of a deal. I knew nobody would be eating much if Luffy was present anyway, and the glue is designed to only work if large amounts of it are consumed. I'd be fine.

Apparently none of my plans can just fall through.

One comment. One stupid, moronic comment about her weight was all it took.

"Oh, you afraid you're gonna get fat and that's why you have to give all your food to Luffy?" he says.

And she's all like, "I can eat as much as I want and still remain this way. My beauty makes it so blah blah blah…"

And before we know it, we've got cake flying through the air, and she and Zoro are trying to shove each other out of the way so one or the other can get to each cake faster, and even Luffy's had enough so he just kind of sits there like, 'Why is this happening…'

Yeah. I get that.

And JUST when we think things can't get any more exciting, Sanji's gotta butt his stupid self in and tries to kill Zoro, in the process slipping on some stray frosting and pushing them into each other.

See, the thing about the chemical in the glue is that it holds itself in the mouth where saliva is leaked. The build up from eating it in large amounts causes it to cement together. And Luffy with his mouth shut for a couple days sounded like an excellent idea at the time.

But now Zoro's trying to scream and it's not going anywhere, and she's crying like a baby because neither of them can get their mouths detached, and I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING, because WHY WOULD I KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING…

Three days. That's how long it took for the glue to dissolve. I can only imagine having to sleep in the same bed, take a piss, and try to do other various every day activities with the most beautiful woman in the world in a constant lip lock with you. If you look at it that way, I kind of did him a favor.

People just don't know how to appreciate my genius.