A/N: The third in a series of insanity from Inferno!
'Zoro kissed WHO?'
It was inevitable that she face off with this woman. No better chance than this to prove, once and for all, who was more worthy of Luffy's affections.
"LUFFY! MY DARLING! I'M GOING TO WIN AND MAKE YOU PROUD!" Hancock yelled from up on stage, waving adorably as her competition looked on jealously.
They wished Luffy was their fiancee.
"YEAH! GO NAMI! GO HANCOCK!" he screamed in between bites of food. The rest of his crew cheered wildly from their designated spots in front of the stage.
And what a stage! Never in her life would Hancock have imagined herself taking part in the annual Kaizoku Babe Beauty Contest, the world's sexiest and most desired bad girls gathering on one stage to do battle for 500 million beri.
But she didn't care about that. She was just happy Luffy was finally getting to see the glory of her beauty in an environment where it was desired so much by others. Maybe he'd get jealous?
"Hancock-nee~" Nami drawled craftily. Hancock glared at her.
"What do you want?"
"I'll drop out if you want. You want Luffy to pay more attention to you, right?"
"Hmph. I suppose you're going to propose I give you the prize money when I win?"
She smiled. So predictable.
"Deal."
The faster this is over with, the more time I have to smother Luffy with my presence.
"Contender number six can no longer compete due to cramps! What a shame!" the announcer said dramatically, Sanji bounding up the stairs to retrieve the horribly obvious faker of a navigator. She gave Hancock a wink as she was whisked off stage.
Very subtle.
"Hey, bro," a random stranger said walking up to Zoro as he chugged from his tankard. "You got a ticket for the contest yet?"
Zoro raised an eyebrow.
"They're givin' away a bottle of that fancy brand of sake they've been pushin' all day and I won't be there to retrieve it even if I win. I'm takin' my chances to see if I can win the Kiss The Beauty raffle instead."
He handed the ticket to an awe-struck swordsman.
"You look like an alcohol enthusiast anyway. Best of luck, man." And then he walked away.
Zoro stared at it, not believing his luck. He hadn't been able to afford a ticket for this contest and he was now holding what he knew was the one. It had to be.
The stranger strolled away and casually dug in his pocket for the other ticket. The Kaizoku Babe funders offered the opportunity to kiss the winner of the contest if you got the winning ticket.
Thing was, Boa Hancock was in it this year. They had run out of tickets within an hour of offering them. He'd been lucky to get one.
Heh heh, I'm gonna win, and then we'll get our picture in the pap-
He stared at the ticket in his hand, paling.
Aw, fuck.
"BOA HANCOCK IS THIS YEAR'S KAIZOKU BABE!" the announcer screamed, blood dripping from his nose.
Luffy and the rest of the crew cheered wildly, tears of unsurprised joy dripping down Hancock's face as the flowers and crown were placed on her person.
"LUFFY! DEAR! I LOVE-"
"AND NOW! THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!" a different announcer screamed, the first one having passed out from blood loss and now being dragged away. "WHO GETS TO KISS OUR SEXY SNAKE PRINCESS?"
"What," Hancock said flatly, paling. The Straw Hat crew looked at each other confusedly.
A number was called out. An outburst of joy rang out from the crowd.
Zoro jumped onto the stage, laughing.
"Sucks for you bastards," he said smugly. "The alcohol is MINE."
"I AM NOT," Hancock screamed, pointing at him and attempting to tromp off stage, "KISSING THIS."
Zoro frowned. "Who the fuck wants to kiss you anyway. Where's my alcohol?"
"HANCOCK," Luffy screamed, "WHATS'A MATTER? WHY AREN'T YOU KISSING ZORO?"
Hancock paled. Was he upset with her? Did he think less of her because she was making a scene? UNACCEPTABLE.
"Come 'ere you stupid bastard," she growled, shoving the flowers in one of the loser's hands and stalking over to a now throughly confused Zoro.
"Oi! What're you-"
She lifted him up by his shirt and leaned into his face.
"Pucker up, dumbass."
The crowd roared in approval as Zoro's face was smothered with her lips, his face turning ten different shades of red. And then blue. Because he couldn't really breathe after awhile.
"They're just…goin' at it aren't they," Franky mused, holding back an infuriated Sanji. Everyone nodded.
"So that's a kiss," Luffy said, not interested anymore. Everyone fell over.
"YOU JUST WANTED A DEMONSTRATION?"
Next day's headlines:
August 2nd, 2XXX
SEXY SMOOCH BETWEEN SNAKE PRINCESS AND SWORDSMAN
SNAKE PRINCESS WORKS MAGIC AT CONTEST: RORONOA CHARMED?
SUPERNOVA BIG MAN WINS BIG AT BEAUTY BASH
"I think my personal favorite is 'SWORDSMAN GETS SNAKE PRINCESS BOOTY: IS HE SACKING HER TREASURE TROVE?" Nami said, face contorting with laughter. Everyone fell on the floor, Zoro unamused and blushing furiously.
"SCREW EVERYONE HERE."
"I prefer to keep my 'treasure trove' out of the 'sacked' category," Usopp screeched gleefully.
Hancock's soul floated above her for the rest of her visit with the Straw Hat crew.
Meanwhile, in Zoro's old dojo…
"It's good to see you're healthy," Sensei mused, sipping his tea and smiling at the photo's splashed on the front of the newspaper.
"As long as you let me see any potential grandchildren…"