A/N:
Enjoy.

Blank Note

16. Hate

Regret was truly a horrible thing, Koji thought. And he thought Fate was pretty horrible too, giving him this particular question to write about. Surely, out of that pool of 15 questions for 40 odd students, there must have been at least one that wouldn't bring that book back to mind.

And that thought immediately made him look to the drawer he had locked it in.

For some reason, Ryuk found it extremely funny, though he refused to tell. Koji had eventually asked his brother, trying to disguise it as interest in the project (which admittedly he was interested in – because who got, of all the famous dead people in the world, Kira as their research topic?). Kira who the police had tried to make the public forget about. Kira who'd changed the world so drastically it had only recently gone back to how it had been before the five year reign had begun.

He hated that Death Note. He hated picking it up, and using it, thinking it was a hoax. He hated how easily he had been trapped, until he had managed to wrench himself away from the never ending cycle and get rid of the Note.

And he hated how weak he was, leaving it where he could reach it all too easily…

But he couldn't destroy it. A part of him wouldn't let.

17. December

His brother would be going back to their mother in the coming holidays, and Koji found himself relieved for the distraction. Winter wasn't hectic by any means, but they could call each other every day, and he would be able to visit ever other weekend – something that was sadly restricted when both twins were living in the same house for weeks on end. It wasn't as though he wouldn't miss his brother – he would – but surely there was nothing stronger than their bond.

And he found he actually had managed to forget about the Death Note, and even Ryuk had slunk of somewhere temporarily – until their father dropped the bombshell on their living room carpet.

'I've been assigned to the Kira case.'

Koji could swear his heart had stopped beating at that moment. The world spun dizzily around – as it sometimes did when he pushed himself too hard at whatever sport he happened to be taking at that time. No-one was looking at him though and he was guiltily glad; he took the opportunity to collect himself before anything could slip from his body language.

He couldn't help but look around quickly. His father didn't look any different, except more stressed. The briefcase looked about the same. So did his step-mother's flower pots and the magazines in a neat pile and dozen or so other ornaments…

But he was sure he remembered Koichi mentioning (thanks to Teruo's information-gathering) something about cameras in the last Kira investigation, over a hundred hidden all over the houses of possible suspects so there wasn't even a moment's peace…

A part of him pointed out that it could very well end this debacle, snatching the situation right out of his hands. Because his silence had already proved he couldn't do that very thing himself.

18. Confess

Kousei wasn't entirely unsurprised by his family's reaction to his confession (it had outdated the period in which it could be considered "news"); practically the whole world was familiar with the first Kira after all, even if the new one seemed to be far more…restrained, for lack of a better term. 'More an ordinary child,' was the way the third L put it. 'More sporadic, but on the whole less dangerous.'

If Kousei didn't know better (and he wasn't sure he did, honestly), he would say L was disappointed. After all, as he had explained to Matsuda's comment at a later stage, sporadic did not mean unpredictable, and the average human was easier to pre-empt and out-play than a genius who always thought at least three steps ahead. Less casualties too, because it seemed the deaths were only taking place ever once per thirteen days…something that baffled those who had been on the investigation team concerning said original Kira. Perhaps it was an inside joke, because he had not been informed as to the punch line, although it had appeared for a moment that Matsuda would take pity on him. He probably would have, if Chief Aizawa hadn't sent forth a glare that could shrivel up a plump tabby cat.

He didn't like the feeling of walking half-blind, but his cases tended to fall to the side of serial murders and psychotic criminals, something his younger son did not sympathise with, his new wife (and ex-) disapproved and worried about, and his elder son…well, Kousei wasn't sure when he transitioned between disturbingly curious, somewhat frightened or pitying. It didn't help that the pair didn't exactly talk, but Koichi talked when he wanted to and evidently he didn't want to talk to him…even if he didn't seem to have a problem listening to him talk.

To be honest, both his sons muddled him up and it always came down to him not being able to spend as much time as he would like with them.

But every time, he found something he just couldn't leave behind.

19. Room

Ryuk was back. Chuckling. That maddening laugh.

'All you have to do is give up ownership of the book and get rid of it,' he pointed out, the famous shark grin snaking across his rotten features.

'And then you'll kill me,' Koji deadpanned, frowning at the desk in his bedroom even as the trains in his mind ran on multiple tracks, tripping themselves up in their haste.

For some reason, that set the Shinigami off again.

'Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk.'

Scowling heavily, he threw himself off his chair. The more time he spent out of his room, the better.

Sad thing was, Ryuk had a habit of following him, begging for apples. And he would steal them from family members if he didn't get them from him.

20. Denial

'Is something the matter, Koji?' Satomi asked gently, cracking open the door

'No,' Koji snapped, more rudely than he meant to, but seemed to always feel like he was holding onto thousands of little scraps of paper that constituted his mind…or his soul.

'You…' The door inched open a little more. 'You've been acting very…distant lately. Even from your friends, and well…'

It was true; he'd been turning down opportunities to invite them over whenever possible and declined almost every opportunity to go to one of their houses, leaving parks and the likes as the only option. Sadly, the weather was drawing dismal, so there were less opportunities to hang out outdoors – and the claustrophobic excuse was knocking out movies and fast food lunches as well.

Though there was something prickly about being shut up in rooms. Funny how he spent so much time in his own one, the worst of them all.

'It's fine.' Koji made an extra effort to make his voice sound softer. His step-mother had sounded a little hurt, but still she was worried about him. 'The weather, and school's cracking down towards the end of semester.'

'That it is.' Prompted by the longer and more amiable sentence, Satomi nudged the door fully open and brought her tray in. 'I just finished baking some apple pie, so I've brought a slice with yesterday's leftover cookies. I'll just leave it here.' She was careful to put it away from the doorframe, though it was the elder twin with a tendency not to notice and accidentally knock it down the stairs.

She paused before pulling the door closed again. She didn't ask 'are you sure you're alright' since she knew she would only get a snappy answer in return. But she did throw in an extra tidbit. 'Your father's worried about you, you know. He'd come up and talk to you himself…but you know how he is.'

Koji did know, having lived alone with his father for six years.

'Though you really should talk to him. And your brother.'

That was more of a surprise.

'I think I might have caught him staring at you…though I doubt he'll admit it.'

Or come out and just say what he's thinking if it's people related, Koji thought to himself, thinking how ironic it was that Koichi had no problem when it was characters instead of humans in real life.