A/N: Koji never did give me the impression of being particularly good at hiding his feelings. A mask that never changes is only good when you can control it after all…

And I get the feeling I should have mentioned that earlier. Like in some other fic that's buried in my to-do list. ^^

And sorry for not posting. I totally forgot about these chapters sitting in my harddrive.

Blank Note

31. Patience

'Well, what are you waiting for then?'

Like Kousei, Aizawa could not bring himself to fully agree with L's – both the old and the new – methods. But he wasn't in a much better position to argue against it, particularly because of all he had experienced with the case against the original Kira.

L – the original L – had been right after all. About Light. About what none of them could own up to.

And it was different this time. The only one involved personally was Kousei Minamoto, and he was silently staring at the live video feed, of the side of his family he barely got to see.

Aizawa wasn't sure if he had even heard Near. Or L as he went by nowadays.

'Patience,' Near replied. 'I'm curious about something.'

He didn't say what though.

32. Impulse

Kousei stood abruptly. From the looks he had been receiving the past few minutes, he was sure the rest of the team were curious to his reaction. But while he may not have the experience of L, he had raised a child on his own for nine years and knew how to hide turmoil behind stoic masks.

And he had wondered where Koji had learnt it from.

Part of him was in denial. That was one of his children Near was talking about, and while both of them had their faults surely none of them would even think to kill someone else…

But when L said an "ordinary child", the rest of the team had come to understand what that meant. Someone who had innocently picked up the Death Note, unbelieving of its powers, and used it under the impression of freeing their minds from a hoax. The result was trying to hide, like a child that broke the vase and wrapped up its pieces before burying it at the back of the cupboard. An adult should have known better, but a young teen was probably still at that stage where hiding their mistakes was the first instinctual reaction.

And after watching the video feed, he also saw what L had seen. Maybe it was because he was their father, or maybe it was because of L's reputation, the almost surreal presence of knowing everything and never being wrong.

He felt, in that moment, that he had to get home. What he would do once he got there, he didn't know. But he had to leave; he had to see his family.

To see what had been right in front of his eyes, but he had been too caught up in his work to notice.

33. Miles

Kousei had left his keys in the drawer in his haste, but the walk was good for him. He wasn't whose actions would normally be considered rash, but he rarely found himself in situations where his own emotions as well as the lives of those around him were spiralling away from his control.

Sometimes, he seemed to forget his children were fourteen and not two years old, one talking far too eloquently for his age and the other barely managing full sentences at all. It was funny how that changed as they grew older; when he saw Koichi for the first time in nine years he found the other barely talked at all, and even less to him. Speaking to Tomoko later told him it was something that had started around the time of their divorce and continued as he tried and failed to fit into his new surroundings.

Later, when they'd worked out a joint custody where Koichi could happily attend the school of his dreams – and do the only thing he seemed to enjoy doing – Kousei thought their fragile relationship had grown even more distant. The truth was though, he, Kousei, simply didn't know how to talk to someone who didn't really answer back; he was a lawyer, asking questions and expecting answers.

34. Link

Koji wondered if he would be lucky enough to drown himself in the shower, then discarded the idea. It wasn't particularly morbid – hardly, with how his life had turned out the past few months – but the idea of dying somehow seemed…dead.

It was that damn thirteen day rule; it was seriously messing with his head. Why did Koichi have to go and tell him that?

Better yet, why couldn't he have mentioned it sooner? Or best, why didn't he tell him the Death Note was real and deadly before he picked up the stupid thing? Or why couldn't he have just gotten rid of it before writing a name in a half-assed –

He bent down, emptying bile and yesterday's measly dinner (on his own head, as Satomi's cooking was as good as it always was) into the drain. The smell persisted for a few minutes later, even if the yellowy substance swirled down the drain.

And as the water fell painfully upon the back of his skull, he wondered if he was man enough to do something to fix things now.

Although no-one could bring back the dead, maybe if the Death Note was gone another Kira wouldn't rise again. It was the Note, after all, that was the tool.

35. Remain

The Death Note was gone!

So was Ryuk, but that was more a relief than anything else. Frustrated, Koji screamed from his throat and slammed his fists on the desk. His drawers were a mess, so it was obvious that Ryuk had nothing to do with it, but –

He sank into his desk chair, head in his hands. The want had been instinctual – he wondered if he could have actually gone through with it. And what would have happened anyway? After the Death Note was destroyed? Would he drop dead because Ryuk was pissed with him? Would he forget everything and be free? Would he be convicted anyway? Would he admit to everything he'd done and give himself up?

It didn't matter anyway; the Death Note was gone, and he didn't know how he should feel about it.

'Koji?' His stepmother; he ignored her.

She seemed to understand he couldn't talk though, and just gave him a firm hug.