A/N: Happy Halloween…? This correlates to the one where she accidentally ended up in his bed.

"Does anyone know where Sanji went? I'm starving." Luffy's question got several head shakes and curious frowns.

The evening was chilled and ghastly outside the galley doors, the majority of the crew staying inside with snacks and quiet entertainment on their last night at this particular island. Autumny sights like trees with leaves that grew at impossible rates and shed themselves in an array of beautiful colors had made their visit interesting. Usopp seemed more drawn to the local lore…

"The tale of the Leaves Eve Island Witch," he said spookily. "That's the one everyone's talking about."

Chopper's teeth chattered, whimpering, "W-Witch? There's a witch on this island?"

"The story of Hamula Hollow," the sniper whispered to the dimly lit faces of his audience, "is a tragic one of love and betrayal. Her fiancee set out to sea, only to come back married to someone else."

"Wow. A witch with a jealous grudge. How riveting," Nami commented, going back to her chess game with Robin.

"Did she exact her revenge?" Brook asked, strumming a minor chord on his guitar.

"Yes. She supposedly petrified both of them, and then buried them alive."

"I'm shaking in my skin," Brook quivered, moving to squeeze Chopper until his eyes were popping out of his face.

"You don't have any," Franky reminded him, a sudden thundering from in the distance prompting him to hug both friends in his huge arms and cry on them.

"I need food."

"Luffy, shut up."

"The only witches you need to worry about are the ones always trying to swindle us out of our money and our minds," Zoro muttered, pointing an accusatory finger at Nami and Robin. "I'm surprised Robin isn't the one telling that kind of story…"

"I'm the one who told Long Nose-kun," she said calmly, Nami grimacing as she won the game. Everyone turned to Usopp, who shrugged sheepishly.

"In any case, Dart Brow probably just had to take a shit," Zoro said as he got up from his chair. "I'm out of beer so I'm going to bed."

"No class," Nami muttered. "I hope the witch finds you and buries you. One less dirty, lazy mouth to feed."

"I think I can handle some stupid witch," he muttered, pushing the door open.

There was a flash of lightning, and before he could take a step out of the room, he was thrown backwards with the force of something huge and solid being thrown at him. The swordsman fell to the floor, the air crushed out of his lungs with the object pinning him down.

"WHAT THE HELL IS- UWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

He and the rest of the men screamed bloody murder, Zoro recognizing the frozen love struck face of Sanji mere inches from his own.

Another lightning strike, and standing in the doorway was the figure of a woman with her hands on her hips.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! IT'S THE WITCH!" Chopper bawled, Franky and Brook sobbing pitifully and moving to hide behind Robin, who was still seated calmly in her chair. Luffy wrapped his arms around Nami, clinging to her like a boogery, rubber cocoon. Usopp ducked under the table and pleaded for his life.

"That was a most obnoxious greeting," Hancock said harshly, stepping on Zoro's hand as she walked into the room. He howled in agony. She glared down at him from her great height.

"Oh. It's just you."

"WHADDYA MEAN 'JUST ME'? GET THIS SHITTY PERVERT OFF OF ME."

"I simply returned him to you. You should thank me. I brought him out of the rain."

"Hancock! What're you doing here?" Luffy cried, Hancock now narrowing her eyes at the disgusting way he was stuck on his navigator.

"I came to visit."

"DON'T YOU HAVE OTHER SHIT TO DO?!" Zoro roared. "EVERY TIME YOU VISIT IT'S A CATASTROPHE."

"Look at you, Luffy," Hancock choked, tears glistening under her thick lashes, "in the arms of another woman…I'll have to extend my stay so we have more time together…"

"YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE," Zoro hollered, finally pushing Stone-ji off of himself. Hancock kicked him in the face and he was silent in a corner.

The rest of the men aside from Luffy merrily skipped out into the rain to settle her in.

Nami accepted Hancock's unnecessary money bribes to "keep her hands off Luffy".

Robin made coffee.

Zoro dreamed of death, waking suddenly in his own bed in the night to find Sanji's de-petrified body sleeping beside him with a sticky note on his forehead:

That's for last time. Sleep well, Sod Breath

A single tear ghosted down Zoro's cheek, Sanji's arms encircling his waist and muttering about what his bra size was.