Hello. Sorry if the update was a bit long but I got a bit stuck for ideas before it finally flowed. A word of thanks to both So-Sings-Nightingales and OMGyou8mynwet (cool name by the way) who were sort of the inspiration for this chapter (whether they knew it or not). My ideas seem to be on track now so the rest of the story should hopefully flow smoother now and the updates faster. Bit no promises. Hope you like it.

Chapter 4: Now and hereafter

Dis took a breath. It had happened here; Thorin had been the one to tell her. She then had decided not to set foot there ever again. And now here she was, breaking the decision she had made almost two months back. But she could not let Thorin or another dwarf buy their food and other material needs from the market forever. Mind you, she had point blank refused to allow her two small sons to come for it was just as crowded as ever with horses and carts still strewn throughout the throng. Pausing in her meaningful strides Dis stopped to inhale deeply.

"I haven't seen you around here for a while, Lady Dis," a kind voice said beside her. The dwarfish princess turned to see the kindly face of an acquaintance, if that, giving her a small smile. Dis did not smile back.

"Yes, it has been a while," she agreed, fingering the hem of her sleeve and fighting an overwhelming urge to run at the same time. Durin, it happened here. Right here where I'm standing.

"My Lady?" the woman asked again. Reeha her name was, Dis remembered, pulled from her state of anguish and forcing her to focus.

"You come here a lot?" she asked and the other dwarfish woman nodded in response, "Then you will be able to tell me where the best place to buy several toys. Not pricey but not lacking in quality either." It wasn't a demand, more like a request, and it was one that Reeha did not hesitate to answer.

"That caravan over there has been making its way through several towns and I have heard talk that the toys are fairly priced and are of an excellent quality," Reeha informed her pointing a little distance over the square. Dis smiled inwardly to herself briefly, catching a glimpse of a few wares and knowing that as gifts for her boys they would do very well. Maybe she could even get something for Thorin if her budget allowed her; something fun and that would entice laughter from him, if not poke fun at him for her own amusement.

The dwarfish princess began to make her way over to the makeshift store, avoiding drawing unwanted attention to herself and mind rebelling as she ventured further and further into the marketplace yet rejoicing as she moved away from the still faintly bloodstained spot she had been standing on previously.

It was a wonder that she hadn't had a panic attack. But then again, she had been raised around enough lose to be stronger than at least that.

"Can I help you, Ms?" asked a cheery voice so out of place among the usually dreary dwarves of this village. Dis forced a polite smile as she looked upon the droopy-moustached dwarf in front of her.

"I take it you are the owner of this shop?" she asked. The dwarf nodded.

"Yep, that would be me and my cousin, Bifur. Name's Bofur by the way." The storeowner's informal sort of talk and strange accent seemed to relax the unknown tension that had been building up inside of Dis and she smiled again, a genuine one this time.

"Well then, I would like to purchase a few items from you if you would be so kind as to allow me to view your wares." She could see the dwarf raise his eyebrows slightly at her own formal talk but he did not lose his ear-splitting grin and complied with her wishes, pulling out a few trays of toys. They were works of art in their own tiny right and Dis gave several complements to Bofur. He just grinned wider and shook his head.

"Most are not my work, Ms," he told her, "But my cousin, Bifur's. He gestured through the material flap of the caravan and Dis could see a large silhouette inside as she peered in. "I'll tell him you appreciate his works. He should find that pleasing."

The dwarfish woman went back to inspecting the objects that had been presented to her, trying to determine which ones her two energetic and overly imaginative boys would like the best. She hadn't put herself in a child's shoes for a while and she was admittedly a bit rusty with the whole thing. It was then that a certain toy caught her eye.

The widowed dwarf scooped up the carved dwarfish miner in shaky hands and silently took an equally shaky breath, holding back tears. Give the small figurine blonde hair, brown eyes, and Fili's nose and then he would have been a perfect doll sized image of Rhorin. Her barely, if at all healed heart slowly cracked in a million fragile pieces.

"Ms?" she could hear Bofur asking, but his voice sounded somewhat faded, drowned out by the noise created by the rushing blood in her ears. Oh, Mahal…

A shout behind her drew her somewhat dazed gaze towards the source of the yelling and she started as she saw a horse stampeding towards her; a proper, massive horse. Her face blanched faster than she, or anyone else for that matter, could blink. Oh, Durin. No. I can't go. Not now, not like this. The faces of her two boys flashed before her eyes.

Rough hands grabbed her and pulled her away, leaping from the small toy stall as the horse ploughed right into the vehicle. Dis could only stare at the sight before her with wide eyes, the small figurine she had been holding having fallen from her shock slackened hands and crushed under the wild horse's hooves. Beside her Bofur frowned, panting at the exertion it had taken to perform such a large leap. The dwarf that could only be Bifur was beside him, frowning and muttering under his breath in Khuzdul. A familiar figure pushed his way through the gathered crowd, stopping only a few short moments to take in the scene before making his way over to her.

"Are you alright?" Thorin asked her in an almost frantic tone. She broke her gaze away from the fallen horse and half destroyed caravan and looked into his eyes, nodding, still too shaken to speak. The son of Thrain then turned to face her rescuer. "Thank you," he said simply, eyes betraying his now calm demeanour. Bofur looked into the grateful dwarf's eyes and spoke, his expression serious, none of his cheerful mood showing in his features.

"I would do the same for anyone," was his simple answer, "Though," he said with a regretful look, "Have no idea where we can stay while we get this mess fixed." Thorin stared at him for a moment before speaking up again, his expression the same as before, eyes still filled with a mixture of relief, worry, and gratitude.

"Stay in the local inn nearby. I will cover the expenses." Before the dwarf could get over his shock enough to thank the dwarfish royalty, Thorin had already taken his sister by the hand and pulled her away gently. Dis let him.

It did not take long for them to reach the small building they now called home and when they were just inside the door, safe from any prying eyes trying to invade their privacy, Dis sank to the floor, shoulders slumped and tears beginning to stream down her face. Thorin looked at her for a moment, seeming both conflicted and unsure of what to do before finally sinking to his knees beside her.

"Hey, it's alright," he said in the way that only older brothers could. Dis did not heed his words, barely managing to keep her gasping sobs quiet enough so as not to alert her children. Right now she could not bear anymore reminders of him. Maybe she hadn't been as healed as she thought she was.

Thorin stared at her for a while before pulling her into his shoulder, allowing her to muffle her already uncontrollable sobs in his shoulder. His grey-blue eyes swam with sadness and if Dis had been bothered to look, she would have seen him shed a few of his own silent tears. But only a few. Her brother was not one to display his emotions as openly as that, not even in the own company of his family.

"What are we supposed to do?" she cried, her voice sounding broken from the sorrow and grief chocking her throat. The older of the two sighed, thinking the question through thoroughly before answering.

"What he would expect us to do; continue on."

"But how can I do that when he is not here to help me?" Dis argued, sniffing several times as she continued to weep into the comfort that was her brother.

"You have to try," he said softly, "If only for Fili and Kili. They almost lost you today. Cherish the time you have with them for you never know who might lose who in the future." His wise words were met by more sobs, if only for the fact that Dis did not want to think about losing anyone else that day, or any day really. "You have to be strong for them," her brother continued to murmur, stroking her hair a few times to try and stem her flow of tears, "They cannot afford to see you break down like this, so control yourself."

This last part was said sternly and it hit right at home. The grief-ridden widow slowly but surely regained her composure, and soon all that was left of her meltdown were the puffy, red eyes she had given herself. Thorin was right, now and hereafter she could not allow her grief to get the better of her, not if she wanted to take care of her two small miracles and reminders, reminders of what she had lost but also of what she had to look forward to; to live for. She took the hand offered to her and stood, albeit shakily, on her own two feet.

"Will you be fine?" Thorin asked, reluctant to leave her if she answered no, but drop dead tired at the same time. Dis smiled a wan smile and nodded, giving him a brief hug before pulling away and pushing him towards his room.

"You should get some sleep," she told him gently.

"As should you," was his rumbling reply. But the words held all the love and care he felt for her, two emotions that had been repeatedly broken in him, in both of them time after time after time. They could push through though, together like they always had. Yet as Dis watched her brother's back disappear into his poorly lit room, she could not help but feel in her gut a tiny, miniscule feeling that this time something was different, something had changed.

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