Hey guys, sorry for the wait again but the exams are almost over. Anyways i was writing this and i made it extra long so you guys migth forgive me? About this disease she has, i don't know shit about it so i use what i find on the internet. I hope I don't offend anyone or y'know just let me know if I get things wrong. Anyways, yes Faith is going to be a bit oblivious to what is going with her and Buffy. A bit drama too, warnign you it's a little angsty.

Last time:

Dawn looked at me with apologetic eyes before she closed the door. I sighed heavily and turned to get dressed. A shower would certainly do some good I figured as I sniffed under my arms. God and you let Buffy lie close to you stinking like you do? Ugh. I grabbed the clothes and stalked towards the ensuite bathroom, humming an old tune under my breath unaware that it was a melody I hadn't ever remembered learning – or not consciously at least.

I washed up and regarded myself in the mirror. I looked tired, a lot more tired than before I came here but that could most certainly be the fault of the spells. If only I hadn't known already that it came with stage four of chronic kidney disease. The fatigue was one thing; it was easier to handle being a slayer. My body taking longer than it should have to actually degenerate. It gave me a few more years but it also made recognizing the symptoms a lot harder. It also meant that I was stuck in ta more dangerous phase where I was to be prepared for renal replacement therapy. It's the same reason why I was here. I needed that donor.

It should've been discovered in stage two really, when signs of the kidney damage would have been obvious. Abnormalities in my blood, in my urine, the fatigue and the swelling. It should have shown a lot sooner but my body rebelling against the natural events had caused the symptoms to be lessened, which made them else visible to the normal eye. It didn't expand time in the same extensive manner though, it didn't really give me that much more of it but it was something. And that something was the possible chance of finding my father. At least if the dirt bag was still alive. God knows what could have happened to him. He could be out there laying in a ditch somewhere the fucker. It bugged me not knowing which side of the family this disease had come from of course. At first I thought it might have been due to the drinking but then I quickly realized that yeah, I knew how to move the drinks but I was a slayer. My body could deal with the alcohol well enough. Besides partying had been long over and done with ever since I turned to LA for help. I grew up and stopped all of my immature behavior. Jail certainly had helped in kicking old habits if only because I wasn't able to do them anymore.

I leaned over the sink and splashed some water on my face again, feeling my heart pound in my chest. It had gotten worse these last weeks. My body was telling me lots of things and for one my heart wasn't all that happy. It came with CKD, the doctor had said. There was the actual failure of my kidney and then the risk of heart diseases or abnormalities. He'd already established I had too little red blood cells in my blood and even though the swelling in my ankles wasn't really that obvious most days, sometimes you really couldn't miss it. And it was gross, I tell ya.

I pulled my red, silk shirt on and buttoned it up. I'd lost weight too, probably from all the stress and being unconscious. I pulled on my jeans, jumping from one foot to another trying to catch my balance before pulling on my socks and sneakers. I stepped out of the bathroom to look at my bag and sigh before I pulled out the orange container and popped the pills the doc gave me. They tasted bitter but I swallowed them dry. It's how I always swallowed them.

Deciding to make the bed later I turned and opened the door to the hallway, ready to step down the stairs when a worried Xander caught me by the elbow.

"Hey."

I looked at him in surprise and tried to offer him a small smile to hide the fact that I wasn't all that comfortable with him grabbing me like that. He looked down at his hand, curled around my arm before sighing and stepping back as he released my hand. My shoulders sagged in response and I felt a breath leave my lips. I wasn't comfortable being touched unless I initiated it. Or if it was someone I trusted well enough. And gotten used to enough as well like C or the kid. Or Buffy.

"Hi Xander."

He looked at me confused before frowning.

"Are you okay Faith?"

His words were loaded with a depth I didn't understand. He knew I was sick didn't he?

"Well apart from a bit more of symptoms today I'd say I am about as good as can get. Why'd you ask?"

He just smiled sadly.

"I'm worried I guess. You were out for a while there."

I smiled at him and patted him on the shoulder.

"I'm fine Xander. Stop worrying about that and focus on making me breakfast. I heard from Dawn you made waffles?"

He didn't laugh nor did he even attempt to joke with me as I'd known him to do all along, in fact he looked even sadder and just hung his head low.

"Do you hate me Faith?"

Well that question threw me. Shit man what brought this up?

"Uhm – What – Why?"

I cleared my throat and tried again.

"Why'd you think that man?"

He just bowed his head again and leaned against the wall.

"You've been calling me 'Xander' ever since you first arrived here."

I threw him a questioning glance and motioned with my hand for him to continue.

"You did that to Willow first too and Giles and well, everyone but now you don't anymore. Well not really. I've heard you call Willow by 'Red' again. And I just – I wondered – well why not me? Why am I still Xander? When Buffy is back to being B, when Giles is back to G-man and you never even stopped calling Dawn, Kid either so why me?"

I shut my mouth and took a deep breath. I hadn't called anyone their respective nicknames to keep them from being reminded of whom I had been when I last saw them. I didn't want them to feel anything from before. If they were going to help I needed them to understand I wasn't that girl any longer. I might still use nicknames but I wasn't out for their blood this time. To know I had spoken the names I had given them at first with joyous intentions with such venom, spit it right back at them like I had never meant for them to mean anything good I just stopped myself from uttering them.

Dawn hadn't ever lost the nickname, I hadn't ever done anything to her and ii had never said the name with anything less than kindness. Or at least that's what we both 'remembered' by the monks. However even with her I had refrained when she contacted me a long time ago. Soon enough though she'd confessed to me that she kind of missed being called that. She felt like it was something that she missed in out rekindling of our friendship. So I had started using the term again, storing the beaming face away each time I called her that until it registered in my mind that it was okay to call her that.

Funnily enough Willow had come up to me and just told me to call her 'Red' since it was frustrating her to hear her birth name fall from my lips in such a poised manner. She didn't like it and she felt as if it restricted our bantering, restricted us from rebuilding that bridge I thought was long burned. So I called her Red again, once in a while though. In my head she'd become Willow and it would take a while to get it to change again.

Giles was G-man simply because he had been Wesley's support in acting as my watcher. It sure didn't click between us right away after our first disastrous meeting but Giles slowly got me to trust him. Angel was still wary of him, after all this time. Maybe he wouldn't ever trust him and that in its own had made me feel safe enough to do so myself. Fangs could lose sleep over it for once instead.

"I didn't know I could."

He just stared at me.

"I needed to know I still could Xan. Last time I said it I wasn't all that nice to you now was I?"

He smiled a bit crookedly at that and shrugged.

"You're plenty nice now though Faithy."

I scrunched my nose and shook my head.

"Yeah we're not doing that."

He just laughed and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder as he pushed himself away from the wall.

"Was worth a try though huh Faith?"

I chuckled at his humor, I missed him. I hadn't realized it but I did miss him even if he could be a sexist jerk sometimes. He could always bring out some stupid jokes to make light of things, he never feared to embarrass himself to make it all just a bit more bearable on us.

"Sure was Xan The Man."

We were climbing down the stairs, the noises of the kitchen becoming more prominent as I reached the bottom.

"No why do I sense some sarcasm in there?"

I shoved him as I jumped off the last two steps.

"Cuz you're a right kitchen princess, Xan The Man."

He just smiled and chased me into the kitchen. I plopped down on one of the barstools, when I realized the kitchen had become iery silent.

"Uhm – Okay what's up you guys?"

I looked at Angel as he sat across from me and lifted an eyebrow.

"We're all just happy to hear you laugh again Faith."

I smiled at him and raised my fist to be bumped. He rolled his eyes but did so none the less before I pointed my fist at Cordelia, apparently I had taken so much time that she was back from dropping Dawn off at school already.

"Bump it gorgeous."

She smirked and winked at me before bumping my fist hard, knowing her rings would sting on my weaker flesh. Fair enough. She passed me the cereals and as I looked to my right I saw a forlorn Buffy staring back at me. Her eyes flickering from Cordelia to me, her gaze sad and filled with longing. Huh, she must've really missed Cordy. I recalled her saying how they were friends long before I met them all and I remembered, vaguely that Cordelia had said she and Buffy once found a time of peace in all of their High School drama. Maybe she'd missed the brunette more than she realized?

I poured the cereal in my bowl and motioned for the milk. Cordelia just sighed and passed it to me without a word though her fingers grazed mine for a second. I understood her actions immediately, she was just checking to see if I was still here. However when I squeezed her hand she just offered me a sly wink instead, not wanting to appear weak I supposed. It was show we worked though. Small little touches here and there, calling each other out on our bullshit and bickering like an old married couple. It was how we showed to each other we cared.

"So what are the plans for today?"

Willow took her cup of coffee from the countertop and walked over to the breakfast bar before plopping down next to Angel. I could see him shift slightly, moving a little away from her and I wondered why he was still so distrusting of all of them. Surely he'd seen them save the world more times than I had? But maybe it was personal, maybe Willow had said or done something to him I wasn't aware of. Sure could be the case.

"I guess we'll just keep checking in New York City and Boston. You sure have a hard track record Faith. I mean I can't find you anywhere with the name Lehane."

I shrugged.

"Wasn't my mom's that's all I know."

Willow nodded and I could see her store away that piece of information in her head.

"Sides, I was a minor back in the days so nothing on my name. Only mother gave up hers."

I could see Willow getting ready to fire another round of questions but Cordy stepped in before she could.

"At least let her devour her breakfast before you start milking her like a cow Willow. She's just out of bed after being unconscious for days; it really is the least you can do. And about her mother, I think I already told you all we know haven't I? She's dead. All we know is that her name was Christine or Christina, not sure about that one, and that Faith must've taken her father's name since it is the only thing she's ever been really sure of when it came to her own identity. That and that her mother is from some small town down in Texas. So if you want to check all the Christines in Texas please do but until then would you just lay off?"

I had let my hand sneak over the table to hers as it was wrapped tightly around the fork, her knuckles turning white with anger until I laid my fingers over hers and pried the innocent piece of metal out of her grip.

"Calm down C, it's all good. She's just wanting to help me. They all are, just as you. It's a good thing yeah? Now let that poor thing breathe, you're gonna kill it and it ain't done nothing to ya but serve your pretty mouth this morning."

I met her heated gaze across the table and saw the anger dissipate and mirth take over instead. She looked at my hand that was trying to unwrap her fingers from a fork and shook her head in a silent chuckle. Just as she was to speak up a cold, detached voice rung out from beside me spewing the words I had been dreading ever since the return to the newly rebuilt Sunnydale.

"Oh so you care about a lifeless fork, but you don't mind murdering actual human beings? Yu know things that actually do require breathing?"

The words sent a sharp stab of pain straight through my chest and I froze midway of placing the fork down. Shit that hurt. My head couldn't turn to meet her eyes; I couldn't see the anger and the disappointment in them. I couldn't bear the idea of seeing anything like that again. Especially not after what had only happened moments ago in our room. God, I was really stupid to just think she might've really changed her mind about me. It hurt to think she wanted to try but didn't really feel like it was something she could apparently keep up. How hard must it not have been for her to be by my side if this was how she really felt now that the fear of me dying was a little less visible? I heard the indignant gasp of Cordelia and the booming voice of Angel resounding in my ears but it all seemed so far away as I pulled myself back in my seat. I sat there dazed by the blow she'd just handed me. She might've well slapped me. Would've stung less I think.

"She's right. I killed people, innocent people. I took their lives away and here I am cracking jokes. It's a fucking miracle you even considered helping me to find out who my shit of a father is. Buffy is right. It was a bad call. Now let's just eat and get to work yeah?"

I took the bowl from the table and made my way back to the stairs, eager to get away from her. As I heard footsteps behind me my shoulders sagged even further, knowing it wasn't the pesky blonde coming after me to tell me sorry like she had upstairs. She didn't really think I could change after all. How could a person change their mind so quickly though? Over a stupid joke no less.

"Hey hold up Faye."

I waited and turned around to face my dark haired savior.

"Wassup C?"

She just shrugged at me and pointed to a plate of waffles she was holding.

"You never got to taste the awesomeness that is Xander's cooking. Apparently he's really good though. And I drowned them in maple syrup, just as you like it."

I smiled at her, a little tearfully and just nodded. God how could she just be this perfect? I bit my tongue and shook my head. Why couldn't I just fall in love with her? Why couldn't we have worked out? But being friends with her was already so much more than I ever expected to find for myself in this life.

She seemed to read my thoughts as her hand reached out for mine and intertwined our fingers softly.

"I love you Slayer, don't forget that."

I felt my lips tremble at her words, still no used to being loved or cared for. But I nodded at her again and squeezed her fingers.

"I know C. I love you too."

She pulled me towards her and gave me a gentle kiss, conveying what she couldn't tell me with words. I was glad to revel in her comfort, too feel her lips on mine and being told that I had a true friend here. Cordelia would never leave me, she was her to stay. I pulled away. And used my hand to wipe my tears. Gosh I am such a cry-baby.

"And so does Angel okay? And the rest of the gang, we all love you Faith. The stupid bitch was out of place with what she said no matter how jealous she might have been."

I looked at her questioningly.

"Jealous?"

Cordelia seemed perplexed at my confusion.

"Yeah, but don't worry about it. That's not important. Let's go eat this up in your room."

I smiled and let it go as I nudged her shoulder before climbing up the stairs.

"Too bad ya didn't ask for whipped cream though and strawberries, god I love strawberries."

I heard Cordelia chuckle as her voice dipped lower.

"Oh yeah, I know all about your love for whipped cream and strawberries. You sure have a skilled way of licking them off me."

I let out a heartfelt chuckle at her teasing, not noticing how she had turned her body towards the bottom of the stairs as she spoke, directing her words to someone standing right there. Someone who had seen the kiss and had been listening to our conversation, someone who was sorry and so damn sorry for reacting the way she did. Someone who was staring heartbrokenly at Cordelia as the latter smirked her way with a wicked glint.

"True that C. If we find a cure for me maybe we can try that combination again. Chocolate sauce though this time. Change things up a little."

I pulled on her hand and looked at her smirking face.

"Whatcha looking at C?"

She just turned towards me with a satisfied look and shrugged. I peered beside her seeing nothing.

"Nothing Faye. Absolutely nothing."

I just looked at her with a curious expression before dragging her through my bedroom door.

"Well if next time your fingers stay out of my Gigantic Sundae at Mosey's I won't have to lick your skin."

Cordelia just chuckled as she closed the door.

"Now where's the fun in that Slayer?