Chapter 15
It was the middle of February and true to his promise Jace had kept in touch. Clary got at least one letter, if not two or three, from him every week and she made sure to answer every one of them. From what little Jace wrote about the war in his letters it didn't sound as if there was much fighting going on, especially with the new foot of snow that had just fallen, but they were still strategizing and trying to find the quickest way to end the war. But what Jace wrote the most about was how he missed her and how things were going with him. He also wrote about how he would confront her father once the fighting was over and try to talk things over with him. Jace was dead set on marrying her and he didn't care at all about a dowry, he just wanted to have Valentine's blessing, if that was even possible. Clary didn't think it was, but she wasn't going to tell Jace that.
Much to Clary's dismay, however, Sebastian had also sent her a few letters. Letter's that remained unopened and shoved in the bottom of her desk. She knew she should just burn them, but for some reason she just couldn't throw them into the fire.
Clary touched Jace's ring and smiled a little as she sealed the letter she had just finished writing for Jace. She had also written one for Luke as well, she missed him deeply as well and hadn't heard from him in a while. Satisfied she blew out her candle and went to bed.
….
Clary woke with a start and sighed in disappointment as her dream faded away. She was about to turn over and go back to sleep when something caught her eye. Sitting up in bed, Clary saw a figure standing in the shadows on her balcony, a little bit of moon light shining off of light colored hair. Clary smiled as the figure opened the door to the balcony. Jace.
Clary opened her mouth to call his name, but the word froze in her throat as the figure stepped into a patch of moon light entering her room and Clary saw that the figures fair hair was not golden, but pale.
"What are you doing here?" Clary asked, surprised by how steady and normal her voice sounded even though she was somewhat alarmed.
Sebastian looked at her with questioning eyes. "You haven't been drinking the tea I sent have you?"
"What tea?"
Sebastian's eyes hardened for a second and then softened again. He almost seemed agitated. "I sent you tea." He said finally. "I take it you didn't receive it."
"I haven't received any tea." Clary said, confused by why this seemed to bother him so much.
Sebastian moved closer to her and Clary had to force herself to stay where she was and to not move away. He paused at her writing desk and his face seemed to harden even more. Looking back at Clary, Sebastian's eyes gleamed with hostility. Clary's heart started to pound faster in her chest as his gaze settled back onto her.
"Why have you not written me back?"
"I haven't received any letters from you lately." Clary lied.
"Really. I don't believe you." Sebastian's voice was cold. "I made sure my own men saw personally that the letters I sent you found their way into your hands."
Clary's chest tightened a little. "I couldn't send you any letters back. You should know that."
"Yes, I suppose it would be difficult for you to send one to me. But that doesn't explain why you have been writing Jace, now does it." Sebastian said with scorn as he held up the letter I had just written for Jace a few hours ago.
"He is my friend." Clary replied calmly, her stomach now tying itself into knots. How she wished he would just leave.
"Your friend." He said with his eyes burning with anger as he threw the letter back down onto the desk. "And I suppose it is only natural for a… friend… to send another friend their own family ring."
Clary lifted her chin a little, feigning disdain, and forced her hand to not fly up to touch the ring still hanging around her neck. "He is my friend. He sent it to me as a gift without me knowing."
"Are you senseless enough to honestly think that he sent it to you in friendship?" Sebastian asked in a hard voice, his hands clenched into fists at his side.
Clary somehow managed to stay calm, even though there was a war of feelings inside of her. She had to get Sebastian to leave, somehow, and not on a direct path to kill Jace when he did. Clary didn't know why, but she knew that if she couldn't at least calm Sebastian down a little bit he would find Jace and put an end to his existence.
"Sebbie," Clary said gently, using her pet name for him even though it tasted like sour milk in her mouth. It seemed to calm him down a little because his fists loosened a little and the flame in his eyes died. Sebastian's face was still hard and his body was still rigid, but he wasn't as lethal looking as he had been a few seconds ago. "I'm sorry; I should have tried harder to get letters to you. I was just so surprised when I got the news that you were on the other side."
Clary had slowly gotten out of bed and now stood beside it as she had attempted to mollify Sebastian, the words tasting like acid in her mouth the entire time. Simon had always told Clary she was a bad liar, but that was probably just because he knew her so well. Or at least that was what Clary hoped, because she really couldn't have Sebastian know she was lying right now.
Sebastian's eyes bored into her own, as if he was trying to dig out something that would falsify what she had just said. Clary no longer worried about keeping her true emotions off of her face or making others to fit the situation. She let the concern show in her eyes as if she was pleading with Sebastian. Clary just hoped that Sebastian saw the concern as directed towards him and not Jace and herself. Finally after what seemed like an eternity to Clary, Sebastian's posture relaxed and a smile that was only meant for Clary's eyes spread across his face.
"I'm sorry too," Sebastian said gently as he took a couple steps towards her. "I should have warned you somehow or just told you myself the truth. It must have been a complete shock, learning that I am the one who is leading the rebellion."
Clary forced herself to hold her ground and not retreat. "I will admit I never suspected it of you. You're just so passionate about being a Shadowhunter."
Sebastian sighed, "And that is exactly why I am doing this. Shadowhunters have lost sight of what's important, but right now that isn't important." He took another couple steps so that he was mere inches away from her.
Clary was about to question him when suddenly he bent down and kissed her. Too shocked to move away, Clary just stood there. Sebastian then put one hand in the small of her back and the other behind her head and pulled her closer to him. Clary struggled her hardest to not flinch away as her surprise faded. Much to Clary's disgust, she kissed him back, trying her hardest to imagine he was Jace and not the snake of a man standing in front of her.
Finally he pulled away, but Clary's skin was still crawling. Looking up at Sebastian, Clary forced her mouth to lift up into a smile. Though slightly disgusted, Clary did feel a little relieved as Sebastian looked down at her, his normal admiration of her glowing in his eyes, because him kissing her meant that he was no longer in that dark dangerous mood and that he had believed her.
"I'm sorry, my dear," Sebastian said with his hands resting on her shoulders. "I didn't mean to have such a sour mood with you. I'm afraid I allowed my jealousy and imagination run away from me."
"It's alright." Clary replied.
"I'm sorry about our wedding." He said with a sigh as he ran his fingers through her hair gently. Clary didn't know how to respond so she just looked at him, and resisted the urge she had to remove herself from his touch. "Things weren't supposed to go this way. We were to get married and then after our honeymoon I was going to explain everything to you. And then war was to be started. I'm afraid things got out of hand, much to my displeasure."
"Why… why didn't you tell me sooner?" Clary pondered, though she knew the reason. He hadn't told her because he hadn't trusted her enough or had enough faith in them that she would still go through with the wedding. He had made the right call, she wouldn't have gone through with the wedding, and she would have told her father. Or at least she would like to think she would have, surely she hadn't been so entirely infatuated with him to ignore such a horrible truth.
"I didn't want you to keep such a heavy secret away from your family. " Sebastian eyes almost seemed sad, and then he almost looked ashamed as he continued. "And I'm embarrassed to say that I was too afraid to tell you. I didn't want to lose you."
Clary swallowed the snide remark that almost made it to her lips and cast her eyes down to the floor, not trusting herself enough to completely hide her true emotions.
"Sebastian," Clary started slowly once she felt confident enough to keep up her charade, "how much longer do you think this war will last?"
She forced herself to look up at him and saw him looking down at her with sad eyes. "I'm not sure, darling. My head members and I have been discussing the quickest way to end it with one fellow swoop, but we haven't found a solution that is…. acceptable." Sebastian said the last word as if it wasn't exactly what he was looking for.
Clary brightened a little bit, not at the idea that he too was looking for a way to end it now, but because she realized she could possibly get information from him. Sure, he wouldn't give her anything vital, he was too smart to do that, but even a minor thing was better than nothing.
"But you have ideas. Ideas about how you could win and what the outcome would be."
"Yes. There are many ideas that would result in us easily winning, but the likely hood of many enemy survivors isn't the best. I do not wish to kill off my enemy, only to have them under my rule and show them that my way is right. It is the last part that is a little bit tricky."
Clary's blood ran cold at the idea of her family and friends being killed and was a little relieved that Sebastian wasn't entirely set on killing off everyone who didn't see things his way. "When do you think that you'll finally have a plan? I'm so sick of this war, I just want it to be over as soon as possible."
Sebastian looked at Clary carefully, considering just how much he could tell her. "I'm hoping we have a plan by the time spring is here. Well, actually, I know we will have a plan by then. I made it clear to my subordinates that they had a deadline."
"Really?" Clary said excited. It wasn't much, much it was at least something.
"If I can help it." Sebastian said slowly, as if not sure how to take her excitement.
"I can't wait to see my parents and Luke again." Clary said wishfully. "I just want things to go back to normal, or as close to normal as possible."
Sebastian seemed to like this response because he smiled a little and kissed Clary lightly on her forehead. "I promise you it will. I'll end this war and you will be able to see your family again. And, we can finally get married."
The clock from downstairs chimed three o'clock and Sebastian let out a sigh. "I have to get going, I need to be back before the sun rises and I don't want to ride my horse too hard. He may be the fastest horse around, but even he can't win a race against the sun." He squeezed her hand gently and walked back towards the balcony. Clary followed and started to close the doors behind him. "I'll try to keep in touch better." Sebastian said with a wink before dropping over the edge of the balcony.
Clary closed the doors tight and made sure to lock them. She then pulled the heavy curtains over them and sank to the ground. She hadn't allowed herself to really analyze just what was happening while Sebastian was so close to her, but now she couldn't stop all of the thoughts swimming around her head. Nor could she hold onto the faux calm she had managed to pull off, because now that he was gone her heart was racing and her blood ran cold with fear and hatred.
Clary leaned back against the cold glass and closed her eyes. She forced herself to take a deep breath and tried to calm herself so she could straighten out everything in her mind. She opened her eyes once she her heart had slowed some and began to untangle the facts. Sebastian had come to her house, had snuck into her room. He had been mad about her not writing back and had sent her tea she hadn't received, and this had upset him greatly. He had seen the letter she had written to Jace and his ring around her neck. She had managed to calm him down. He still loved her and wanted to marry her. He had no intentions of killing everyone. He wanted the war done by spring. He would be back to camp by sunup.
Clary's eyes grew wide at the last thought. The sun would start to rise around a little before seven. This meant that his camp was only about four hours of hard riding away. Clary quickly got up and wrote Jace another letter, telling him about Sebastian's deadline, his approximate location, and his unwillingness to kill everyone. At the end of the letter, she once again warned him to be careful because Sebastian knew they were in contact with one another and even though Clary had managed to calm him down she didn't completely trust Sebastian to not act out on his jealousy.
Sealing the letter, Clary added it to the other two and went back to bed where she tossed and turned until the sun started its ascent into the sky, chasing away the moon and stars. Too worried about the letters, Clary decided to get up and get dressed, she wouldn't be getting anymore sleep until the moon and stars came back out. Once dressed Clary made her way downstairs with the letters in her possession and made a beeline to Marcus and made sure that he understood that they were to be sent that morning and to get to their destinations as quickly as possible. Marcus nodded and went on with his duties and Clary went about her day, trying to not worry too much and feeling a little better that what little information she had managed to get might possible help not only Jace and her family, but all of the Shadowhunters.
I am very sorry that it took me this long to post this chapter. I never had a chance to just sit down and write it and only had a few minutes here and there to work on it. I hope you like it. Please don't be too angry with me. And I know there are errors that I was too impatient to find and correct and I am sorry for not catching them. I'm just so excited to get this chapter done with and posted that I don't really want to take extra time to find all the little details that need fixed. Please don't hate me.