The drive back to Sue Ellen's house felt like a long journey. Neither spoke both were deep in their own thoughts trying to work out what had happened that afternoon. As he drove into her driveway JR spoke.

"Well we're here"

Sue Ellen looked up "Didn't think I'd be spending another night in this house"

"Do you regret not leaving with Don?"

"JR…I'm scared, scared of what I'm feeling right now."

"You think I'm not…what happened today…I can't explain it; I never thought I could feel like that about you. I've never felt like that about any other woman"

"Come on let's go inside…we need to talk"

After going inside Sue Ellen went into the kitchen to make a drink; JR went and sat down in the living room. Looking around he wondered what it would be like to live here with Sue Ellen and his son; as a family without the other Ewings around. Five minutes later Sue Ellen walked in and placed two coffee cups on the table.

"Are you hungry…I'm sorry there isn't much I can offer you"

"No I'm fine…"

Sue Ellen sat down and looked at JR; she knew he was nervous the way his eyes were darting from place to place.

"Tell me what you're thinking JR…open your heart"

JR laughed "Where do we begin?"

"I'm not sure…what worries me most is what this will do to Cally, John Ross and the rest of the family, which is why we both need to work out what we want"

"I think this afternoon made me realized what I want"

"JR…we've been here before so many times. Our life has been one big rollercoaster; on minute we're happy and a couple, the next minute we're fighting and sleeping in separate bedrooms…it has to stop"

"The movie…I never realized how badly the things I did affected you."

"I remember one afternoon, there was a massive storm…two men turned up at Southfork claiming their vehicle had broken down, finding help was not the only thing on their mind"

"Luther Frick and Peyton Allen. Ray and I had been out of town; we picked up two women took them back to the hotel for a bit of fun, that's all it was….only problem was I left my business card in the hotel room after we left. They must have found it with my address on it."

"That was your idea of fun; picking women up sleeping with them and then dumping them. JR for crying out loud you had a wife at home who loved you so much. Do you realize how humiliated I was that afternoon not to mentioned scared. They forced me to dress in the bathing costume with that stupid 'Miss Texas' banner and then I had to sing in front of the whole family, it was degrading not to mention the fear that they may rape me. And what did my loving husband do; did he go after them'; no he let them get away. I think I it was then I realized that you didn't love me, I was just a possession"

"No Sue Ellen; I loved you but you loved me too much I felt suffocated. You weren't perfect you had an affair with the man I hated most"

"Yes but don't you see how lonely I was; all I wanted was for you to love me but you couldn't do that. I accepted the fact that you had Ewing Oil to run and that took up so much of your time; but once Pam and Bobby got married I realized that I wanted what they had and I also wanted a chance to get back at you…so when Cliff offered me both I took it"

"Did you ever fall in love with him?"

"For a moment, I thought I was. I was so tired of the humiliation I suffered because of you. I remember I was out with some girlfriends having lunch, as we walked out of the hotel we saw you coming out of the elevator with one of your many girlfriends; and from the look on both of your faces you hadn't been in a business meeting. I remember leaving Southfork shortly afterwards and going to momma's; her and Kristin were horrified that I had left you…they told me that I should put up with the lies and cheating just to hold on to the name 'Mrs JR Ewing' and all the wealth is would give me. I went to Cliff and told him that I was prepared to walk away from you and everything if he wanted me"

"I couldn't let him have you Sue Ellen; after I found out that it was him you cheated on me with and that the baby you were carrying was his I was devastated. I decided that I didn't want you but I sure as hell wouldn't let him have you"

Sue Ellen closed her eyes. His words stung her he didn't want her, she remembered the day she told JR about the baby; she had been so happy, she loved him and she desperately wanted this baby. It was only afterwards that she realized that it was possible that the baby could have been Cliff's.

"You didn't want me!"

JR looked at her, the colour drained from his face. He'd opened his mouth without thinking. He thought back to the days of her pregnancy…If only they could turn back time.

"Sue Ellen I was hurting; I always put you on pedestal but you proved that you were no better than the girls I was sleeping with; the baby that you were carrying was not mine I wanted to make you life hell"

"That pregnancy was a nightmare…no wonder I turned to alcohol. I felt rejected and alone. You didn't want me; Cliff wouldn't take my calls and then you threw me in the Sanitarium"

"For your own good…it's what momma and daddy wanted. That baby was so important to them and they knew if things continued the way they were you'd lose it. I remember one night Bobby and Pam found you on the Braddock road, passed out drunk in the car, apparently you had been to the office to wait for me; I didn't turn up and you drank your way through my drinks cabinet. When I did arrive home momma spoke to me alone. She told me I was exactly like my father, but his redeeming quality was his love for his sons. She asked me did I love anyone I told her I loved you. She reminded me of the fact that I had cheated on you from day one. I told her it was too late for us and to be honest I thought it was until that car crash. John Ross was born two months early and was in a critical condition but all I cared about was you. I remember sitting by your bed thinking about all the good times we had before we were married; all the secrets we shared, I don't think anyone knows me better than you do, Bobby came in and told me it was time to go…I told him that you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen; that you still were…I told him you had to live I didn't want to lose you; for the first time ever I cried. The only other time I have experienced that feeling was today when you walked out of that theatre"

Sue Ellen stood up and turned her back on JR. That period of her life had been so painful. She thought about the tiny baby lying in the cot; the baby she so desparately wanted to love but couldn't. She still carried the guilt of rejecting her own baby, how could she ever have thought of leaving him now. Tears formed in her eyes but she tried to force them away; she couldn't allow herself to cry. She thought about JR; he had put her through hell but she always hung on for the good times; the times when he came back to her after he got fed up with his 'other' women. She didn't know why but she loved this man and she knew that she would love him until her dying day possibly through eternity as well. She turned and faced him.

"I remember those early days after I came out of hospital, you couldn't do enough for me; you were loving and gentle everything I wanted you to be; but I just felt numb; I was incapable of loving anyone including my own baby. Those fake headaches because I didn't want to go to the hospital to see him. Then…when we got to the hospital..he was gone…I felt so numb as though I was living someone else's life. I remember the doctors sedated me and we went home; I went to bed, when I woke up I was dazed; couldn't remember where I was or what had happened; I walked into the empty nursery and the tears started to flow. I swore from that day on noone would ever hurt me again including the baby. I put this brick wall up..wrapped myself in a safe cocoon. It took me five months to pick up my son. God, I feel so guilty about that…I love my son more than anything in this world and I wish I could have shown him during his early days"

"I know you do Sue Ellen; I love him too. The day I found out he was mine was the best day of my life. He will never know of the early days. You know I would have done anything for you when you came home from the hospital. Almost losing you made me realized what you meant to me. I was even prepared to accept John Ross as mine; he had my name, the one thing I remember about that time was how unresponsive you were to both me and the family…then the rodeo and the cowboy rode into town. For the first time in ages I saw your eyes light up…I wanted it to be me that caused that; I felt so jealous"

Sue Ellen smiled, Dusty still held a place in her heart, she knew part of her would always love him maybe her feelings for him weren't as deep as they were for JR but he was the only other man she had ever loved.

"He wasn't just a cowboy darlin'. His family were just as rich and as powerful as the Ewings. At that time I had been so hurt that I had built a cocoon around me; I built up so many walls to protect myself that I couldn't express any feelings to anyone. Bit by bit Dusty broke those walls…he was patience, kind, gentle and loving. He taught me how to love and trust again and in a way he helped me be a mother to John Ross. JR there are only two men I have ever loved, one is you the other is Dusty…noone else comes close"

The room was silent for a moment; JR considered what she had just said, hearing her say that she loved Dusty had upset him.

"What's wrong?"

"You said you loved him; of all the other women I slept with I never loved any of them, but you…you actually admitted you loved him"

"We're being truthful; but Dusty was a long time ago…and the only man I've ever kept coming back to is you…even now when I thought I was completely over you"

"We had some good times didn't we?"

Sue Ellen smiled "Of course we did; especially after you were shot the first time"

"Yes I remember that well; I think we were closer than we ever had been before. We did things that I never dreamt of doing with you; things I thought you would find degrading if I asked you, I think we made love on every part of Southfork including our favourite place – the treehouse"

"Is that why you need other women….to do things with that you couldn't ask your wife to do?"

"Perhaps…but it was also the thrill of the chase, the feeling of power I had over them, once I got bored I got rid of them and went back to you"

Sue Ellen laughed

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing really…it just you make it sound as though it's okay for you to cheat and then when you were fed up crawl back to me. In the same way you got bored with me; even though things had been so good between us after the shooting I knew the minute you set eyes on Afton Cooper that she would be your next conquest and I was right…only JR did you really have to have her in our bed on her brother's wedding day"

JR looked at the floor knowing that she was right, unable to meet her eyes due to his feelings of guilt. Why had it taken him this long to realize what he had, he knew he didn't want to be without her, he couldn't be without her. Thinking back over their lives he couldn't count how many times he left her alone to run into the arms of another woman; how many times he had ridiculed her; tried to push her back onto the bottle, and yet not one of those women; Julie, Afton, Holly or Mandy could hold a candle to Sue Ellen, even his new wife didn't make him feel the way the woman he was standing opposite made him feel.

"I can't explain why I behaved the way I did; maybe it's because I never really understood what love really meant. From the age of five my life has been Ewing Oil…nothing else matters but gaining power and being the best"

"Yes and that is why you married me…you wanted the best and in your eyes Miss Texas was the best"

"No, I did love you or loved you as best that I could, I loved the way your eyes lit up when you looked at me, the way I could tell you anything and talk about how I felt without you looking bored"

"Do you know that we've spent so much time fighting over the years that we've missed out on so much. We could have been so happy; there's a chemistry between us that is so powerful, I loved you with every beat of my heart. We've missed out on so much with John Ross too, he needn't have been an only child. We could have been a great team working side by side to make Ewing Oil the greatest company ever to have been built and at the same time building a family of our own."

"Is it too late?"

Sue Ellen thought for a moment. The truth was it could never be too late for them; even through the bad times she had always loved JR. Wasn't that why she had taken him back so many times? Wasn't that why she had set up Mandy as a Valentine girl knowing full well that JR wouldn't stand for his woman being a model; Wasn't that why every time JR was vulnerable she melted.

"I honestly don't know what to say JR? What about Cally….the rest of the family; even John Ross I don't want to put him through any more pain."

"I can't stay married to Cally…I should never have married her in the first place. I'll make sure she's okay and has everything she needs for the rest of her life. As for the family…maybe I'm being crazy but we can move away from here..even go as far as Europe and start a life over there"

Sue Ellen thought for a moment; the truth was that she wanted to be with him just as much as he did but for her it was for eternity she didn't know how long it would last for him.

"How long JR…how long before some other woman catches your eye and you forget all the promises you made to me; I won't live my life like that anymore…if you still have the need for other women then there's no point in us"

"I promise; no more women, no more lies this time I will make everything perfect. Tonight I realized how much I need you in my life and there is nothing I would do to risk losing you again. Seeing that movie I understand things from your point of view and I know I put you through hell but I'm asking for one more chance; one chance to put things right..please"

She knew she should send him home back to Cally but she couldn't; the bond between them was still there as strong as ever; like it or not she knew they belonged together. She moved closer to him and touched his face, wanting desperately to kiss him but knowing that she wouldn't let him cheat on Cally with her; she knew how that felt.

"I love you JR"

He made a move to kiss her but she pulled away; for a moment he was confused.

"This time we do things right…start a new life somewhere else away from the rest of the family, maybe not even tell them we're back together. Our main concern will be for our son and each other; nothing else matters. I want the man I first fell in love with, not he one he turned into after our marriage. However before anything can happen you have to talk to Cally…which is why I'm telling you to go home, to your wife"

"Sue Ellen I love you"

She smiled "You will have a lifetime to prove that I promise but first talk to Cally. Now go please"

JR sighed and turned to go towards the door, Sue Ellen followed him out, on opening the door he turned and kissed her gently on the cheek, wanting to stay there and hold her all through the night but also realizing that he had to do the right thing for once in his life.

"Promise me you won't leave"

Sue Ellen looked at him "I'm not going anywhere…I love you so much"

JR held onto her hand for a moment before walking to his car. She watched him go still not fully understanding what had happened. Just maybe the movie hadn't been a bad idea, something had changed between them but the thing that was still there was the bond and she knew it would last forever. They were two parts of the same heart neither would survive without the other. She watched JR's car drive into the distance before she turned and closed the door.