Chapter 4: Dying

Stephenie Meyer owns all things twilight - but I love to play with them!

Previously

He handed me his phone and asked me to program my number in. Without a word, I entered it and handed the phone back to him. Softly, he kissed me once more and walked out the door.

I locked both locks and slid down the door with tears flowing freely. How I held them in for so long, I don't know. I needed this man and something told me I would never be able to have all of him.

Chapter 4

September 13, 2010

It was my 26th birthday and by far the best one I'd ever had. Edward had made plans to stay with me all night, which was a rare occurrence. As I lay there in Edward's arms, sated, in the afterglow of our lovemaking, I couldn't help but think back over the previous six months.

The first night I spent with Edward both awakened and destroyed me in a way. I could never picture myself as the other woman, but that night changed everything. I cried for hours that night after he left. I was still lying curled up in a ball by the door when Rose came home the next morning. I was so distraught that she thought I'd been attacked the previous night. Finding my ripped panties in the middle of the foyer didn't help that thought any. After I filled her in on everything that happened with Edward and then made her swear that she would never breathe a word to anyone – especially Emmett, she held me as I cried. She didn't like my relationship with Edward, but she kept her promise: no one knew. My friends contributed my over the moon happiness to my first book that was now with the publisher and due to hit the shelves soon. Sure that was exciting, but the ridiculous happiness came wholly from stolen moments with the love of my life. I was sad that I couldn't share this part of my life with anyone, but one day soon, I hoped to shout it from the roof tops.

Edward stirred a little next to me, and I snuggled in closer to him. I didn't need to look at him to know he was still asleep. His breathing was steady and deep, and his body was relaxed. I didn't want to sleep because I knew this night would be too short to satisfy my ever growing need to be with him. The sun would rise, and my perfect little fantasy would come to an end.

Edward promised me we would be together forever, but he had to figure out how to end it with Tanya. In my mind, it should have been simple, but then again, I wasn't the one who was married. I didn't make those vows before God, my family, and friends. I had spent the last six months cherishing the moments we were together and dreading the call that I knew would always come. They were constant reminders that she held a part of him I didn't. He would meet me for lunch, and she would call to remind him to pick up his suits at the cleaners. We would go to dinner, and she'd call to ask how much later he was going to have to work. She was used to his long hours. Edward had been working as an attorney specializing in property law for several years. That is what brought him into the partnership with Emmett and Eclipse. Emmett had been talking about opening a club for the trendy crowd for a long time, and when the foreclosure of this building came across his desk, he knew it could be the perfect location for their endeavor.

His dedication to both of his jobs is what gave us our time together. Tanya never suspected a thing. Of course she didn't – she thought Edward was perfect. Emmett and Alice never spoke harshly of her and frequently invited the two of them on our outings. Of course, on the rare occasion that the invitation was accepted, I would find a reason to miss out the time with my friends. Rose knew why, but we didn't think anyone else ever caught on that I never went when Edward and Tanya went out with our group. At Rose's suggestion, I bagged on them a couple of other times just to be safe.

Tonight was one night I didn't have to worry. He told her he was going out with some old college friends and that they were going to get a room downtown, so they didn't have to worry about getting home after they had been drinking. He had taken me to Franchesco's, a little Italian restaurant in Everett, which is about 30 miles outside of Seattle. Of course Edward attracted attention from the opposite sex everywhere he went, and tonight was no exception. The hostess was practically undressing him with her eyes, and the waitress did the same, but he didn't even notice. When they showed us to our table, Edward asked for something a little more private and then we both sat on the same side of the booth instead of across from each other. It was a wonderful evening.

"Edward, it's beautiful! Here, help me put it on," I said excitedly as I handed him back my gift: a beautiful platinum bracelet with a crystal heart dangling from it.

"I'm glad you like Bella. It's a family heirloom. It belonged to my grandmother." He was giving me that sexy little smile that always melted my heart and made me swoon.

"Oh Edward – are you sure?" I asked shyly, wondering why he never gave it to his wife.

"Bella, I'm sure you have my heart, and I wanted to give you something, so you would always remember that," he whispered, softly. "I want you to be reminded every day that no matter what, you own me- heart and soul. I truly love you, Bella."

I wanted to cry. He loves me. He said he loves me! I wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him and tell him how much I loved him, so that's exactly what I did. He held me close for a moment and then we heard someone clearing their throat. We looked up at our obviously irritated waitress who asked Edward if SHE could get him anything else. Edward looked at me and questioned, "Just the check?" wanting to know if I was ready to go. I nodded, and he told her we'd take the check, but he never looked back up at her. He pulled out cash, placed it in the folder and we got up from the table.

We bought a bottle of wine and then drove back to my apartment. He wanted to get a room at bed and breakfast, but I wanted to feel like normal couple tonight and going to a hotel just made it sleazy in my mind.

When we arrived we cuddled on the couch, drank wine, talked, and made out like teenagers. We were kissing and grinding against each other for what felt like hours, and it was wonderful. Tonight there was no hurry. Clothes began to come off, and he picked me up and carried me to my room. We made love hard and fast and then slow and easy before he fell asleep, holding me in his arms. Like I said, Best. Birthday. Ever.

I felt his breathing change and looked up to see his green eyes staring sleepily at me.

"Mmmm, Bella, I was afraid this was a dream." His voice was husky and thick with sleep.

"I'm afraid to sleep because I don't ever want to wake up." I whispered as I reached up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"Bella, tonight I am all yours, and you always have my heart and my soul." He said softly as he brushed his hand over the wrist that held his gift.

I placed a soft kiss over his heart, earning a satisfied moan from Edward. That spurred me on, and I continued kissing his chest crossing from one side to the other, stopping to gently nip at his nipples and lap at them with my tongue. Edward's moans grew more fervent and I smiled against his soft skin. I began working my way down his glorious body, through his happy trail that was the same glorious color as the hair on his head.

"God Bella, what you do to me," he panted out as his hands went to my head, and his fingers began to tangle in my hair.

I kept going lower until I reached is very prominent erection. I placed a kiss on the tip of his cock and was rewarded with a shudder from Edward. His hands tightened in my hair. I gripped the base of his shaft with my hand, knowing that he would have very little control once I wrapped my lips around him. I placed a long lick up from base to tip and without warning, took him fully in my mouth.

"Fuuuccckkk, Beelllaa" he moaned, breathlessly.

His hands gripped my hair even tighter as he helped guide my mouth up and down over his cock.

"God your mouth is incredible, Bella-so warm, so wet."

I grazed my teeth lightly over his cock as I pulled up. and he hissed. "FUCK!"

His hips started bucking up into my mouth erratically, and I alternated sucking and licking. My hips began to thrust, seeking friction of any kind. I didn't know sucking a cock could be such a turn on, but Edward taught me that feeling pleasure as a result of giving pleasure was natural.

Without warning, Edward pulled my head up and then flipped me so I was under him. His knees gently urged my legs apart, and he entered me swiftly.

"Ung, Edward," I moaned as he thrust in and out of me, hard and fast.

I could feel the pressure building quickly. "More, Edward, please."

He pulled out of me farther, leaving only the head of his cock inside of me and then slammed back into me. I was struggling to get my legs higher on his hips, so I could feel him deeper. He realized this and picked up my left leg and propped it on his shoulder. I wrapped the other tightly around his hip.

"Fuck me faster, Edward," I moaned as he continued to slam into me at an agonizingly slow but hard pace. He began moving faster while slamming into me, hard enough to move me up the bed.

"Oh god, Edward, don't stop," I breathed out, heavily. "I'm cumming."

That's when the pressure turned to nausea. A now familiar ring tone was trilling on the dresser across the room.

"Fuck," Edward said in frustration. "I'm sorry Bella."

He pulled out of me, and I immediately felt the loss, both physically and emotionally. He was really going to stop making love with me to answer her call.

He crawled out of bed and walked across the room.

My heart sank and the nausea I felt when I first heard her ring tone became more pronounced.

"Hey, love." He answered the phone.

My heart cracked as he walked out of my room to talk to her.

I ran into my bathroom and leaned over the toilet. Everything I had that evening came back up. Tears were flowing freely down my checks and falling into the bowl. I knew he was leaving me to go home. Home. The one thing I wanted more than anything: him to come home to me. I realized in that moment that it would never happen. I would never be the home he came to. It would always be her. I would always be THAT girl, and in that moment I despised myself; I despised him, and I despised her.

I knew what I had to do if I was going to salvage any of myself at all.

The knock on the door startled me and brought me back from my thoughts.

"Bella?" he whispered.

My heart broke clean in two. I didn't answer.

"Bella, are you okay?"

Deep breaths.

"Bella, baby, talk to me."

I steeled myself and opened the door. He was dressed. He was really going home.

My heart shattered; the tears flowed freely.

"Bel…"

I held my hand up to stop him from speaking.

I walked around him, squeezing myself between him and the door frame, trying desperately not to touch him. I made my way over to the dresser where he had placed his wallet and keys. I fumbled with the clasp but eventually removed the bracelet and placed it on top of his wallet. I was dying on the inside and trying to make myself numb.

I picked up his keys and removed the one for my apartment before placing them back down on the dresser. I didn't look back at him; I couldn't without losing my resolve. I walked out into the living room and sat on the couch just staring at nothing. I was fighting to keep it together. I had to keep it together. I'd given him the very best of me but would always be second best in his life.

He walked sullenly out of the bedroom, not even trying to hide the tears that flowed freely down his cheeks.

"You should probably leave your car downtown and take a cab home. We wouldn't want Tanya to get suspicious now." The words were almost mechanical. They came out of my mouth, but I'm not sure how I actually formed the words.

He walked slowly towards me and raised his hand to cup my face. I leaned away hoping he would understand. I couldn't let him touch me. I had been a fool, and I had to save myself.

He flinched when I leaned away from him.

"Bella, baby, please. I'm so sorry."

"DON"T!" I screamed at him, the tears continuing their trek down my cheeks. "Please, Edward, just go." I was begging him now.

Just like the first night we were together when he looked into my eyes seeking an answer, he looked deep into my eyes again, and I prayed he would see this is what I needed. I prayed he wouldn't be selfish because I would never get myself back if he was.

He must have seen what he needed to because he lowered his head and walked towards the door. I didn't look – I couldn't. I might have begged him to stay with me. But he made his choice when he answered the phone tonight. When he stopped making lo… I mean fucking me to answer the call from his wife. He could stay in her bed from now on because I needed more. I needed someone to come home to me.

I heard the door shut and waited a few more seconds just to make sure he was really gone. I braced myself and stood, turning towards the door. He wasn't there. I walked robotically over to the door and locked the deadbolt, and just like the first morning he left, I sank to floor.