A Missing Heart

Loki stood before a small base, watching as the sun rose on Earth, the scepter in his hand, ignoring what was going on behind him. He had assigned Selvig to begin preparations to work on the Tesseract, had sent Agent Barton to find more people to help, needing to get things done and get them done quickly, much more quickly now that his arrival on Earth had been a bit more public than he'd hoped. He had desired to appear in an abandoned location, to be able to infiltrate that facility subtly, taking control of who he needed to get the Tesseract out swiftly but undetected. It would have allowed him more time, a more…leisurely pace to complete the Chitauri's plans.

Now though…with Director Fury aware of him, with the man knowing full well that he had control of two of the men that would be needed to ensure his plans were carried out…he knew it was only a matter of time before the man took it upon himself to 'stop' him…or try to. He would NOT let the man succeed, of that he was certain. But it did pose a very real and very large hindrance in his own plans. Had he been able to infiltrate more surreptitiously, the Tesseract would have longer to be worked on, he would be able to convince the Chitauri that he was completely on top of everything, that their plans were safe and that everything was going accordingly.

But with Fury after him, everything had to be rushed, which meant…he had less time to find Kona and to…try and help her, try and…and restore her memories. He knew that, as he was not King, he wouldn't be able to reverse Thor's command and punishment. Thor, while wielding Gungnir, the staff recognizing him as the true king upon his return to Asgard, had stripped her memories from her, something fully within his power as king to do. Well, Gungnir had done it really, Thor wasn't quite…skilled at magic, nowhere near as adept as HE was at it. But that didn't matter, the point was that…Kona was out there, alone and with an empty head and…he had hoped to find her, to gain her trust again, playing the part of a human, trying to gauge what she did remember, what might have slipped through the king's command. He had hoped he might have time to subtly try and nudge her memories to the surface. He didn't know if it would be possible, he had never heard of anyone that a prior king had banished remembering their lives once their memories had been stripped without the king himself reversing it.

But…none before Kona had ever been a seer. She saw things that others didn't, she saw the future, she had dreams of them, there was, he hoped, a chance that perhaps her sight might allow her to see the truth, so to speak, might allow her to at least recover enough of a sense of who HE was to…to love him again, to leave with him, to trust him.

He closed his eyes, THAT was what he feared most dearly, that he would find her and she would…she'd be frightened of him. He had no idea what she might think of her life from before she awoke on Earth. He had no idea if she might have remembered anything, even a snippet, of what had happened before she'd been banished. He was…utterly terrified that her mind, to fill the gaps, might have made him out to be the monster everyone else saw him as. If Kona ever lost faith in him…

He shook his head, he couldn't think like that, not now, not when he was…vulnerable. Kona had always been a source of strength to him, but also…his greatest weakness, a weakness he would never give up for anything, not even for more strength. Her love, her faith, her trust in him, the hope that he might find her again and earn all that back…THAT was what kept him going. And THAT was what had helped him endure the agony of separation, the solitude of banishment, and the…pain…that the blackness of space afforded him. The pain…was crippling, maddeningly so at times, but he always had her to escape to in his mind, to barricade himself from it, imagining her there with him, him in her arms, being held by her and holding her in return.

He…couldn't remember much of the actual pain really, he knew he'd felt it, he knew it had been agonizing, but he also knew it had been so powerful that he had blocked it out. He had to have, just…made a wall and kept all the memories of that pain behind it. He didn't' like to think of that, to the pain that lurked in the darkness, the whispered voices that laughed as he had screamed himself into oblivion…

He winced, shaking his head again and…started to smile when he felt warmth on his face. The sun was rising on him, warming him with its light. Kona had once said that she would sit in the light of the rising sun and close her eyes, waiting to feel its rays on her, imagining that she was there with him, when they'd been children, when she'd still been able to see, before she'd open her eyes and realize she was still blind. His own eyes fluttered open as he squinted out into the building light.

He looked down at the scepter in his hand and held it out before him with one hand. He stared at the glowing blue gem intently, "Find her," he commanded it, "Find my heart," he stated, before he reached out with his other hand and grasped the blue gem, his eyes falling closed as a vision of sorts filled his mind. It was as though he were racing across the planet so fast that everything was a blur, till he reached the city, New York signs said, racing down street after street…till it reached a building, heading up it to an apartment…where he could see her!

His eyes snapped open as he panted, he was…tired, he was so tired, and weary and worn, and not just from the battle and escape he'd just endured, not from the travel across the Universe, but just…physically. But he HAD to see her, he had to get to her!

He grabbed the scepter in both hands and closed his eyes again, the blue glow of the gem brightening till it encompassed him…and he disappeared in a flash of light…

~8~

Loki stood off to the side, partially hidden in an alley, in the shadows, standing under a darkened street light, dressed in more 'modern' clothes similar to what he'd worn to visit Thor ones, nearly a black suit with green accents and a green scarf, his hair down, the scepter now looking more like a walking cane than anything. He glanced up at the broken street light, it wasn't really needed, all the darkness, given who the person he was watching from afar was. He stared out, across the street, watching his Kona walked up it, two bags of groceries in her arms, seeming to be struggling with a third wedged between them. He swallowed hard, his hand curling into a fist as he watched her, wanting so desperately to go over and help but…for the first time his wits and his 'silver tongue' failed him and he froze.

What did one say to the woman they loved when said woman had no idea who they were?

It made him so sad to see her like that, trying to hold a sort of red and white cane in her hand on top of it all, using that to guide her. He knew, on Earth, it was meant to help those who couldn't see, and also to make others aware of them as well. But he didn't like it, he didn't like a thing about it, not how the stick made her stand out, made the humans see her as someone who needed to be watched out for. And he didn't like how it made her appear that she needed help to get things done. In Asgard she had been so familiar with the palace, with the rooms, having had him there beside her, guiding her, helping her get used to the steps from one place to another for years on end…she hadn't needed any sort of help like that. Kona was one of the strongest women he knew, one of the most capable, and she had always hated when people saw her as being defined by her blindness, as though that were all there was to her. To see her with that stick…it just reminded him of how truly out of place she was on Earth, how it…it wasn't home, how she'd been banished from it.

Because of him.

He watched her struggling with her bags, knowing that this was NOT like the Kona he remembered, the Kona he knew, and that worried him so terribly. What else was different? How much of her personality had changed with her memories missing. His moth…Frigga…had always told him that a person's life was like a ball of clay, all their experiences and memories shaped the clay into who they were.

What was Kona now that all that had been wiped clean?

He truly…hated Thor for that, for what he'd done to her. He would give anything to take Kona's place, to have had HIS memories taken though…he was fairly certain that it was just his own sorrow at knowing they were now separated by more than just distance. She had no idea who he was, and it killed him to know that. He almost wished he could forget her, so that it wouldn't hurt so much, but…he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to ever forget her, not Kona, not his heart. What was worse was that…he almost had to thank Thor for what he'd done to him, if events had played out differently, if he'd been taken to the prisons and thrown in the dungeons like he knew Thor would have originally pushed for…he'd have been trapped, completely trapped within Asgard while Kona suffered and struggled on Earth, with no way to escape and no way to get to her. In a way…what Thor had done to him had allowed him to find Kona again.

Only now he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to face her, to face this new her, to stand before her and talk to her and have her so…distant and blank and…he didn't know. He was just…scared.

He glanced up and down the street, which was rather empty, before he stepped out of the shadows, trailing quietly behind her, just…wanting to make sure she would make it home to her apartment safely. He had found out where she was earlier, the scepter had shown him, and had gone to see her…but had backed out at the last moment. He'd been unable to bring himself to leave though, had spent the entire day just…watching over her, seeing what had become of her life on Earth, and he didn't like what he saw at all.

Kona was struggling to make do, struggling to adapt. Everyone treated her as though she were a fragile doll they didn't think capable of doing anything for herself, and the place she lived? It was not fit for even the worst prisoners of Asgard and he had seen the prison cells they resided in himself. They were quite comfortable compared to the apartment she was living in. And what was that…thing…that scampered around her room all day? He just shook his head, needing to focus on following her, this was not a good part of town despite being so near a hospital. He didn't want her to get harmed or hurt or have anyone try to take advantage of her while she was trying to make it to her apartment.

He stopped just under street light when he saw her slow and stop before him, watching as she stiffened and turned her head back as though she were about to look over her shoulder at him but not quite doing so.

"Who's there?" she called.

He had to smile at that, that, even now, even without her memories, even without her sight, she could still tell when he was sneaking up on her. It…gave him hope that, maybe, just maybe there was more of HIS Kona in there, just beneath the surface. He could already see it in the way she held herself when she thought someone was there, the…poise and quiet authority in her posture as she straightened, the tone of her voice calm yet demanding.

"I know you're there," she added, turning completely around this time, shifting quickly to keep that third bag in place, "I may not be able to see you but I can still hear you. So who's there?"

His smile faded though when he heard a trace of…fear in voice. That was not his intention at all, he never ever wanted her to be afraid of him. He had just been trying to protect her but he could see how that might have come across now. He took a breath and stepped closer to her, "I…I'm sorry," he said, actually stuttering just a little as he always did whenever he was in front of her after a long time away.

It had happened one time, when he had gone with Thor upon Odin's request to one of the distant edges of Asgard where a civil war nearly seemed about to happen. He had gone mostly just to be there as an advisor, offering sound advice and military strategy where his brother was more for the strength and power. It had been months away from Kona and, when he saw her again, it was like he hadn't seen her for years instead. He had been so nervous around her and stuttering because that had been just before he had asked Odin if he could court her. He had been away for so long and, during all that time, all he could think about was Kona, getting back to her and making sure that this war was avoided quickly and peacefully so that he could 'boast' about it to her…actually so that he could just tell her, tell her that he had had a hand in maintain the peace.

He loved it when she was proud of him.

Those three months had been the worst of his life up until this point, he had thought of her constantly, had missed her terribly, had dreamed of her so often that even Thor could tell there was something bothering him. And when he'd returned and seen Kona standing there, speaking to his mother, he hadn't even stopped, hadn't even thought, as he just run to her and pulled her into his arms and just…held her. He had glimpsed his mother smiling at him, but he'd been too focused on Kona to really notice. That had been all the clues his father needed to realize his true affections for her, the true depth of his feelings for her.

He never thought anything could be worse than those few months away from her, until he'd been separated from her for a year. It was especially worse not knowing what was going on with her, to know she wasn't in the palace, that she wasn't safe, that she wasn't being protected and that she didn't have her memories. He had known all that time that she'd been lost and alone on Earth, that she was probably struggling to survive worse than Thor had. Thor at least still held his memories, had his training, had his sight. Kona was without almost everything and that worried him deeply. He'd had nightmares of all the things that could have happened to her without him there to protect her.

"Who are you?" she asked, cutting off his remembrance and breaking his heart in the process.

Kona had always known the sound of his voice, always. Even as he grew, even when his voice changed, even when it was in the process of changing, she always knew it was him. It just killed him inside to see her standing there, this look of confusion on her face, like she couldn't recognize his voice. His voice was all she really had when she'd lost her sight, his voice and his touch, and now…she couldn't remember that. Now…she had none of that.

"I…I'm sorry," he repeated, "I…I…I saw you struggling and I…I wanted to ask if you wanted help. But I didn't…I wasn't sure how to…"

"Oh," she blinked a bit, nodding, "Why didn't you just ask?" she wondered, "It's not like you could comment on my blindness as though it's new to me," she remarked.

He nodded slowly though he knew she couldn't see it and stepped closer, "May I?" he asked, his hands hovering by her own, waiting for her to give a sign that it was ok to take the bag.

"Thank you," she whispered, leaning forward a bit for him to take the one bag, but he did her one better and took a second (what looked like the heavier bag) as well, "Thank you very much it seems."

He let out a small chuckle, he could…see a bit of HIS Kona in that, making light of a situation, commenting on her blindness as though it were no big thing. It reminded him of how she had been when she'd started to get used to her blindness as a child, how she would make light of it to try and help HIM get over it as well. She was still doing it even now and it gave him hope to see if more of her old self would peek through.

"I hope I didn't…um…" he wasn't sure the word.

"Creep me out by stalking me up the street?" she asked.

The small smile that had been making its way onto his face from her remarks on her blindness started to fade, that…didn't sound like Kona, the words she used, it wasn't like her, "Yes," he muttered.

"You didn't," she reassured him, before turning, "My apartment is just over here…"

Loki followed her gaze a moment before he moved to walk with her, "Aren't you concerned?" he asked, "That I might be dangerous? A strange man, in the middle of the night, stalking you, as you said, down a street?"

"And then politely offering to carry my bags for me?" she countered, as though that point alone made her case.

"It could be a ploy to gain access to your home."

"For what purpose?" she shrugged, "I clearly have nothing worth stealing and anything you could have taken from me you could have easily done in the empty street as opposed to my crowded apartment building. No," she shook her head, "If you had wanted to harm me, you would have done it before."

He looked at her, "Perceptive as ever," he murmured under his breath.

She smiled, "Thank you. But...it's not just that."

"What else is there?" he shook his head.

"Your voice," she remarked quietly, "You...sound genuine," she nodded, "I can tell...you won't hurt me."

He let out a small breath at that, "Never," he promised, even though he knew that she had no idea how true that was. A smile grew on his face at that, she'd heard him, both his murmuring and the meaning in his words. Well at least he knew her senses were as sharp as ever and...she seemed to trust him. And that...was nearly enough to have him sagging in relief to hear. He knew it was probably confusing for her, if she even realized what she had implied in her words, to seem to...trust him...so quickly. But it made his heart soar to hear.

She trusted him.

For some reason she still trusted him, even with no memories, a part of her believed in him and trusted him. He knew it was just because it was HIM. He'd seen it in her interactions with others throughout the day, she had been wary and distant with quite a few people, yet with him...she was smiling and allowing him closer, allowing him to know where she lived. He couldn't begin to describe how thankful he was that she still did trust him, even if she didn't know why.

He moved quickly ahead of her as she climbed the steps of her building to open the door for her.

"You're…quite the gentleman, aren't you?" she asked him.

"I…try to be," he supplied, following her further in, to an elevator.

"You succeed," she informed him, "Though I feel like you succeed in a lot of things when you set your mind to it. I bet you were quite the mischievous child."

He stopped short in following her out of the elevator when it reached her floor, "What…what makes you say that?" he inquired as he moved after her, following her down the hall. All he could think was his mind going right to Kona calling him 'Mischief Maker,' her own little sweet name for him, much like he called her 'my heart.'

"I don't know?" she shrugged, "I just think the most polite adults were the most troublesome children."

"Sounds like me," he had to agree, he was often thought of, on Earth, as the 'god of mischief' and it certainly held true. As a child he was always pulling tricks on Thor and the guards and even his parents at times. But not her. He just…never felt the need or desire to want to irritate her like that. It just…wasn't in him to do that. He liked seeing her happy and smiling and laughing, not irritated and angry and upset.

He watched as she made her way to a door, reaching up to feel the metal numbers nailed to the front of it, as though checking to make sure it was her apartment, before sliding the key into the lock and opening the door. She stepped in, holding the door wider to let him in with her two bags. He walked over to a small, rather dingy-looking, kitchen and placed the groceries down for her.

"I…um…" he swallowed hard, looking at her as she walked past him, her arm brushing his in the process, making his eyes fall closed and his breath to catch in his throat.

This was…exactly what he had been hoping when he saw her again, that the…spark would still be there, that the way he felt whenever he was with her would still be there. He was of the belief that a feeling like THAT had to be felt by both sides, Kona had often told him enough in Asgard. It had been a feeling he'd been longing for, that he'd been craving, the…the feel of being around her. He hadn't felt…that sort of touch, gentle, soft, warm, in…a year it seemed. It was almost foreign yet SO familiar to him, and he craved more but…now was not a good time to try and get to know her like that, to try and touch her.

This was a mistake, to come see her so soon after reaching Earth, to know that his time with her was being rushed. He didn't want to rush this, he didn't want to rush her, but he'd just…wanted to see her. And things had gotten a bit out of hand, he had never had the best restraint when it came to her. Whenever he saw her he wanted to touch her, whenever he touched her he wanted to kiss her, whenever he kissed her…he needed to leave, being around her but not being around HER was starting to get to him. He just felt like…there was so much of the old her in her, but to see the biggest chunks still missing...to have someone who acted so much like HIS Kona, who looked like her and almost sounded like her but...to not BE her...it hurt too much to have her standing there and not know who he was to her, to not know who he was at all.

The fact that the only thing she seemed to remember of him was he was mischievous didn't give him a lot of hope.

"I…I should go," he finished.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" she offered politely, if a bit quickly, "You um…you don't HAVE to go."

She didn't understand why she'd offered that, offered to let the man whose name she didn't even know stay longer instead of insisting his part was over and that he leave. She'd just…said it. But…hearing him say that he was leaving, she had no idea, she didn't understand it, but…a part of her panicked at the thought of it. A part of her wanted to grab his hand and ask him to stay. She actually felt her heart stop for a split second when he mentioned leaving and she knew it wasn't normal, she was well aware, but…she just…couldn't let him go.

There was something familiar about him, about his voice, it was…soothing and it…it made her happy. Hearing him speaking just before when he'd stuttered over his words…she'd felt completely…safe. It was just like he said, a strange man had stalked her down the street in the middle of the night and yet…she felt safe and at ease, it was like she knew he would NEVER hurt her. But how? She'd never met him before, or she didn't think she had.

"You wouldn't mind a 'strange man' staying longer in your home?" he wondered, a bit…curious (and trying NOT to be hopeful) as to why she seemed to not want him to go.

"You wouldn't be strange if you introduced yourself," she pointed out, "I'm Kona," she offered.

"Kona," he repeated, SO pleased to know she remembered her name at least, that had to be a sign, "That's…quite the unique name."

She nodded, her smile turning sad, "It's…it's all I can remember," she told him, "I've…things happened and I've no memory of anything before a year ago," she shrugged, "I woke up in a hospital and…that was the only thing I could remember, my first name."

…and she had no idea why she was telling him all this. It wasn't like he needed to know it, but she just…couldn't help it. It was like…telling him things just came so easily.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, looking at her. She may have sounded nonchalant about it, but he had always been able to see things in her face, and she was more upset by that, by the lack of what she knew, than she let on, "I am Lo…"

"Loki!" Kona cut in quickly with a gasp, "Oh…" she winced, "I'm sorry, that was rude," she knelt down and picked up the ball of fur that had just brushed past her, startling her into shouting that, "Someone was just…um, eager to say hello."

Loki stared at the kitten in her hand, his eyes wide. The kitten…was black, like his own hair, with light eyes that were actually quite close to his own. And…she'd named it…she'd…

"Loki?" he asked, his voice sounding more like a whisper than anything.

"Yes," she smiled, petting the small bundle of fur.

"After the god of mischief?"

"Well…" she seemed to flounder a moment that he knew that, "I…he's very mischievous," she defended.

Loki eyed the kitten as it purred contentedly in her arms, just…dozing off, "Yes…he…seems it."

Kona sighed, "He's nothing like that at all," she admitted, "I…don't know why I named him that. I just…sort of adopted him and…he's been here a year," she shrugged, "He's been with me since I moved in and…it was nice, to have someone there with you, by your side, protecting you, even if it was a kitten."

"And…and 'Loki' was a fitting name for someone like that?" he swallowed, afraid and excited for the answer, the fact that she'd named her kitten after him…it had to mean something even more than remembering her own name that she'd named the being that was always there for her and comforting her after HIM.

"I suppose so," she murmured, "Yes."

He felt himself smile, felt…a peace settle over him that was unlike anything he'd felt the last year or so. It was….similar to the peace he felt when the pain he vaguely remembered struck him, but ten times as strong now. She…she remembered him, somewhere in her mind she remembered him! She had to have! And now that he knew that…

He knew there was a hope of getting her back.

A/N: Hmm...Loki seems...quite different around Kona here than he did at the start of the story, I can say there's a reason for that that we'll see in the next chapter }:) I know there wasn't much Loki/Kona here either, for this chapter I wanted to show the bits of Kona that were still lingering around in her choice of words and how she reacted to Loki. I can say there'll be a bit of Loki/Kona fluff tomorrow ;)

I'm glad you're all enjoying the start of the story though ;)

Some notes on reviews...

Lol, nope, I think Loki's more touched that the kitten was named after him ;) That's...IF Kona gets her memory back }:) I can't say if Thor will lift the banishment or not, we'll have to wait and see. But as for Loki, she definitely 'recognizes' him even if she doesn't know how ;)