It's What's Inside That Counts
Chapter 3
Harry numbly made her way along the platform at King's Cross to walk through the Nine and Three Quarters entry way. The past eight days had been awful. She was sure she was making Harry out to be the prissiest bloke at Hogwarts this year. Remus assured her that she was doing all right. She scratched her crotch enough, burped when she ate and swore that she was breaking some kind of masturbation record.
How does Harry live with this? I've only lived with it for eight days and I feel bonkers! She felt the need to wank (she had resigned herself to say the word) not only in the morning, but at various times during the day. By researching male physiology, she found that this was due to surging male testosterone. Adding to her dismay, seeing attractive boys, namely Justin Finch-Fletchly, only added to the arousal. She remembered the day vividly last year when Harry and Ron teased her mercilessly when she confessed her crush on the Hufflepuff. So it was with an aching crotch he found a compartment on the train and wondered where the nearest loo was. He heard the familiar voices of Ron, Seamus Finnegan and Neville Longbottom and the three entered the compartment.
"Oi mate, how've ya been?" Seamus asked and chucked him on the shoulder.
"We heard about Hermione, sorry mate," Neville said. "I'm gonna miss her. No one stood up for me like she did," he said quietly.
At the sweet compliment, Harry resisted the feminine urge to cover his mouth with her hand and the compartment door opened. It was Remus.
"Can I speak to you for a moment Harry?" he asked.
Harry shrugged. "Sure."
He followed Remus to the baggage compartment.
"Last chance to back out, Hermione. If you think this is going to be too hard, say it now and we can go to plan B."
"What's plan B?"
Remus was silent.
"There is no plan B, is there?"
Remus shook his head.
"Don't worry Remus, what we're currently doing can hardly be considered plan A as it is," she said. "It's more like...negative A."
"You're not doing that bad," Remus said.
"Oh yeah? By this time next week, Harry will be known as the poof-who-lived," she quipped ruefully.
"Just keep in mind that if you feel the need to talk, or of the pressure gets to be too much, Minerva or I will available at any time."
Harry went back to the compartment to find the boys talking about their summer trysts with girls.
More like their imagined trysts. Hermione thought.
They were reviewing what they thought were good pick up lines to use on girls. She listened in disbelief. Only the most brainless of tarts would actually be flattered by the nonsense she was hearing.
"Somebody better call God 'cause he's missing an angel" from Seamus.
Harry felt like making a gagging noise.
"Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes" from Neville.
Harry finally had to speak up. "You really didn't use that line, did you?" he she asked Neville.
"No...not yet, why? Think Luna will like it?" Neville asked.
"Forget I said anything," Harry mumbled.
"Last year, I told Mione that we would look good on a wedding cake together," Ron offered.
Ugh, I remember that.
"What did she say?" Neville asked.
"She asked if I had been drinking fire whiskey," Ron said and the compartment burst out in laughter. "She could be wicked funny, ya know?"
"Yeah, like when she told me don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own," Seamus said.
"Or when she told Ferret I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works," Ron said.
The compartment fell quiet. Ron slept, Neville flipped through a Herbology Journal, Seamus ate and Harry read a book about Quidditch. It was her biggest worry, but she was determined to fly or die trying.
Which brought about this whole surreal mess in the first place!
She felt someone shaking her shoulder and opened her eyes. Ron was shaking her, telling her to change into her robes, they were almost there. She grunted in response, adjusted her crotch for the tenth time that day and followed the crowd to the carriages. A familiar, annoying voice carried through the crowd.
"So Potty, did Granger finally came to her senses and leave you two?" Draco Malfoy drawled.
Harry and Ron looked at the wanna-be Death Eater blankly.
"Ferret, if ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person in the world," Harry said and walked away. Ron shot him the middle finger and followed. Severus Snape, a.k.a. Patrick Anderson heard the encounter from the shadows.
Potter actually said something clever!
By the time he had made it to the Great Hall, Harry wished she had stayed on the train. Permanently.
The coquettish looks from dozens of girls, the "accidental" brushes across her crotch and the notes slipped into her robe pockets made her want to run screaming from the Great Hall. She had never seen Harry as an object of desire, nor had she ever noticed the sheer number of girls trying to catch his eye, but she was experiencing it now. She had no idea what to do about it so she sat down wearily at her spot at the table. She barely heard the Sorting Hat song and sorting ceremony. She took note of the former auror, now the DADA professor, Professor Anderson and absenrtly ate her dinner. The next morning, McGonagall passed out the student's time tables and nodded at Harry pointedly. He looked at the class schedule.
What?
She was looking at what Hermione's schedule would be. Ron was looking over her shoulder and spoke up.
"Harry, since when do you take Arithmancy? Why aren't you taking divination? That's a Hermione-type time table," he said.
"I dunno...just felt like doing stuff differently," Harry said.
"Well, with that mess," Ron said, gesturing to the paper, "you're gonna wish Mione was here to help you."
A week later in NEWT Potions class, Slughorn was surprised in Harry's marked improvement in his class. In DADA class, "Professor Anderson" noticed mannerisms from Harry that he was used to seeing from a certain Gryffindor witch.
Why on Earth do I even care? This is Potter for Merlin's sake!!
When Harry sucked herhis bottom lip in his teeth, he looked up to see Professor Anderson looking straight at him. He blushed, released the lip and resumed his note taking.
I've been inhaling too many fumes!! I'm ogling at Potter!
Trying to chalk up what he observed as Potter being around Hermione for so long, he was quite relieved when class was over. And for the first time since he had been teaching Potter, his lesson assignments were close to perfect. Over the course of the next week, Severus was certain of three possibilities. He was either losing his mind, under some kind of curse, or was coming out of the cupboard.
Was I ever in the cupboard to begin with?
He never had reason to question his sexuality until now. Never. He was quite sure of his virility, and had hoped one day to demonstrate said virility to Hermione. She was a perceptible girl-; surely she would see past the mask he was forced to wear? The role he was forced to play? What was happening now was just plain weird, not to mention highly inappropriate. Why was he having feelings for a male, much less Harry Potter? The staff noticed that Professor Anderson was out of sorts, not in an angry way, but in a troubled way. He seemed embarrassed about something, was spending more time in library reading than he usually did, and avoiding contact with males as much as he could. The last Friday night in September, Severus was pacing his quarters with a glass of whiskey in hand.
Oh how I wish Albus was here! I could talk to him about anything, no matter how absurd it was!
He took a quick sip of his drink and continued to think. He ran to his bed, lifted the mattress and flipped through copies of Playwizard. He looked at the Madame August centerfold with her wand held suggestively between her legs and started to read the caption: Madam August enjoys whip cream charms and long walks...
Okay, I get a rise from that. Good.
He thought of Potter running his quill along his lip. His erection didn't fade. I should not have a rise from that!!
He threw the magazine across the room, tossed back the rest of his drink and reached for the bottle. He frowned when he heard a knock on his door.
"What!" he barked.
"Severus, it's Minerva, may I come in?"
Wonderful.
"If I asked nicely, would you go away?" Severus called out.
"Afraid not," came the reply.
He flicked his wand at the door. Minerva and Remus entered. At the sight of the two, he took a long swig from the bottle.
"Careful you don't get fleas on my floor, Loo-pin," he drawled.
"Good evening to you too, " Remus replied.
"Severus, is there anything at all you'd like to discuss? You seem out of sorts these days," Minerva offered. "We're worried about you."
"Well, you should be," he replied.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Minerva asked. Even drunk, that was a curious statement to come from Severus.
"I'm a man! Do you hear me? A man!" he shouted.
"Okay Severus, you're a man, we know that," Remus said carefully.
"I like witches!" Severus declared with a fist in the air. "My bread is not buttered on both sides!"
Minerva and Remus looked at each other with blank looks.
"Severus, what on Earth are you rambling about? What bread?" Minerva asked.
"And he quoted Shakespeare! Since when does he quote Shakespeare?" Severus asked no one in particular.
"Who quoted Shakespeare?" Remus asked.
"Potter!" Severus returned.
"Why do you care if Harry quotes Shakespeare?" Minerva asked.
She was perplexed. What on Earth had gotten into Severus? This conversation was making no sense at all. Should I fetch Poppy?
"Quite against my will, I have been noticing more of Potter than I should be," Severus said sadly.
"Pardon?" Remus asked then the realization hit him. Severus had been picking up Hermione's mannerisms through Harry, which had now led Severus to believe that his "bread was buttered on both sides."
Remus tried his best to hold in the laughter to no avail. He burst out laughing, so much that he had to hold his stomach and wipe the tears from his eyes. Now Minerva was looking at him as if he too had lost his mind.
"Remus, this is no laughing matter," Minerva scolded.
"I agree Madame," Severus said and flopped down on his bed.
Remus caught his breath and whispered something in Minerva's ear. Her eyes widened and she put her hand on her chest.
"You can't be serious! Is that what this is all about?" Minerva asked.
She looked to Severus, who was now laying down and trying to take off his robe, mumbling something about green eyes.
"We need to let him in on what's going on, look at him," he said.
"Tomorrow then," Minerva said.
Oh Albus, how I wish you were here! Minerva thought.
The next morning after breakfast, Minerva told Severus that he was excused from chaperoning the Hogsmeade visit.
"I have something more important for you," she said. "We're going to Grimmuald Place."
"Is there an Order meeting?" he asked.
"No, but it's something that should put your mind at ease," she said.
"What's left of it," Severus mumbled.
At Grimmuald Place, Harry sat at the piano in the parlor tapping at the keys.
"Thanks Remus for getting me out of that school. I needed to get away, I'm tired of hiding in my room," he said.
"You can't hide all the time," Remus said.
"If girls can't see me, they can't come after me," Harry replied. I'm creeping out Justin too!!
She started a tune, losing herself to the music and didn't notice Professor Anderson come in the house with Minerva. Severus looked in the parlor then looked at Minerva curiously.
"I didn't know Potter played."
Harry didn't, but Hermione did.
"Now Minerva, what is here to put my mind at ease? Surely you don't mean for me to sit and listen to Potter play the piano?"
"No Severus. I need you to take a Wizard's Oath that you will reveal to no one what you are about to find out. Come, let's go upstairs."
The two stopped in front of a wall in the hallway. Minerva muttered an incantation and a door appeared on the wall.
"The oath, Severus," Minerva said.
He said the oath, the magic swirled around them and Minerva opened the door and walked through. Severus followed and came to a dead stop at the sight before him. There was Harry, asleep in bed. He heard the piano downstairs. How could Harry be playing the piano and be in bed asleep?
What kind of magic is this?? It's official, I have lost my mind. Severus' head drooped. I'm going insane like my father!
"Severus, do you remember me telling you that we found a candidate for your Polyjuice potion?" Minerva asked and poked him. "Severus?"
"...when you said that Miss Granger went to America," Severus muttered. Seconds later, his head popped up and he ran downstairs.