Chapter IV
Separation
Reclining in his chair, Shepard rubbed the strain from his eyes. It was nice to be back in his room. He had essentially evicted himself to provide a private place for Miranda and Oriana to use however they pleased. The two spent the majority of their time in his room, but as Oriana's departure draw nearer Miranda insisted on training her in the use of various types of firearms down in the lower decks. With his room available, Shepard used it to privately study some compilation footage of Kai Leng on his private terminal. Cerberus did a thorough job when erasing any C-Sec footage that contained Leng from the raid on the Citadel, but they didn't account for brave, outstanding citizens that took recordings of their own. One of Liara's informants as Shadow Broker discovered the footage which she then compiled into a single, convenient file for Shepard. It wasn't much and the quality was poor, but after scrutinizing one frame at a time, Shepard was able to monitor Kai Leng's every movement and glean a small amount of much needed insight on how the wretched assassin operated.
Stretching his legs, Shepard stood up and strode to his aquarium. Seeing his tank filled with fish was a new sight for him. He never bothered having any when he worked with Cerberus because he knew he wouldn't take care of them. On his last visit to the Citadel, however, he found a vendor selling an Aquarium VI that would automatically feed and care for any fish he had. Having credits to spare, Shepard impulsively bought the VI and every fish available. He started to second guess his purchase, but once he saw his tank teeming with new life he didn't regret a thing, especially since he didn't have to take care for them himself. Watching the fish slowly drift through the tank, in and around the coral, was like staring into a campfire - calming and mesmerizing. He enjoyed watching the Khar'Shan Snapping Eel's rhythmically rippling body as it slithered along the bottom of the tank, the smaller, more vibrant-colored fish darting away and out of reach of the larger creature.
"Shepard?" EDI's voice range over the intercom, pulling him out of his daze. "We have reached the Iera relay. Miranda's sister is preparing to leave."
"Thanks, EDI," Shepard replied. He watched the eel take up residence among the coral in the far corner of the tank before leaving and summoning the lift.
Instead of heading down to the lower deck to bid Oriana farewell, Shepard selected to get off on the Crew Deck. He needed to see Liara, Kaidan, Tali, and James before they left. Earlier, he received a private message from Captain Fisher of the SSV Salamis that they had arrived at the rendezvous point. Their quick arrival surprised Shepard. Only a couple of hours had passed since Shepard and Admiral Hackett agreed to carry out the Leviathan mission in this manner. Captain Fisher must have been in the area or near a relay to make it to the rendezvous point so quickly. Regardless of where she had been, her punctuality impressed Shepard. They would need that speed if they hoped to find Leviathan quickly. However, Shepard had hoped that he would be the first to arrive to give himself more time to say goodbye to his crew.
When it came to parting with a member of his crew, whether they were being transferred from under his command or fell in battle, Shepard would never go beyond a simple, respectful gesture. Many viewed this to mean he was uncaring and unsympathetic, which wasn't entirely true. Shepard believed everyone to be expendable, including himself, and that death was something everyone accepted when they swore on the Alliance uniform. It was a dark perspective, but one that helped him avoid the crippling trauma of loss.
The team he had now, however, was different. Shepard had never served with a more loyal and extraordinary group. He was damn proud to have fought beside them. Through the years, he got to know each of them on a personal level and because of that he knew saying goodbye would be one of the most difficult things he would have to do; all the more reason to keep the farewells brief and simple.
It was comforting to know who they would be serving under for the Leviathan mission. Captain Fisher had the skills and dedication to go to great lengths to protect those around her. Her most notable feat was defending Elysium from the batarians during the Skyllian Blitz. She single-handedly rallied the colonists against the invaders and held them off until reinforcements arrived. Her efforts skyrocketed Alliance morale, making them more ambitious and daring, leading to the retaliatory attack on Torfan. Shepard didn't meet Captain Fisher, but he wanted to ensure that her efforts, and those who fell, were not in vain. Combine that with his unyielding thirst for revenge after the slaughter on Mindoir, Shepard had the ruthless determination to stop at nothing until every batarian on Torfan was wiped out. He lost a lot of good men and women, but he got the job done.
If his current squad was able to survive under his command through some of the most dangerous missions the galaxy had to offer, they would be in great hands with Captain Fisher.
"Hello, Commander. Is there something you need?" Liara asked once she saw Shepard enter her room.
Liara was packing away her equipment, leaving the room that was once filled with monitors, servers, computer terminals, and a cable-covered floor bare. Everything was stashed away into the many crates that were stacked neatly at the foot of her bed.
"I was checking to see how you were doing," Shepard said.
"I'm just about ready," Liara replied, brushing sweat from her glistening forehead with the back of her sleeve. "James will be here soon to help me move everything up to the bridge."
"Hey, Commander?" Joker's voice came through the intercom. "Miranda's sister just passed through the relay. Initiating our transmission sequence now."
That was fast. It had only been a couple of minutes since EDI informed Shepard that they arrived at the Iera relay. He assumed Miranda would require more time than that to say her final words to Oriana.
"Thanks, Joker," Shepard replied, still surprised by the quick departure.
"I didn't realize she had already left," Liara confessed. "How's Miranda handling it?"
"I haven't seen her yet," Shepard shrugged. "I didn't want to get in the way, so I left them alone."
"That's very considerate of you. Knowing Miranda, I'm sure she'll quickly return to her usual self. She's an incredibly strong woman."
Shepard nodded in agreement. Hearing footsteps coming toward them, Shepard peered behind him to see who it might be.
"Hey, Commander," James said, entering the room.
"James," acknowledged Shepard.
Liara directed James' attention to the stack of crates at the foot of her bed.
"Everything I'm taking is right here. You can handle that, right?" Liara was taunting him. Shepard cocked an eyebrow at her. She noticed his gaze and motioned that she would explain later.
"That's all you got?" James laughed, eyeing the crates. "Liara, you said you would challenge me."
"You might be surprised how much a few of those weigh," she declared, folding her arms and watching him as he moved closer to the crates.
"Nothing I can't handle," James said confidently. "I mean, check me out." He puffed out his chest and cocked his arms to show off his bulging muscles. "I am in peak physical form."
Liara raised an eyebrow. "Prove it," she challenged him, unfazed by the overly masculine show.
"Try not to be too impressed," James added with a cocky grin.
He sized up the crates a final time before kneeling down and re-stacking them in the manner he deemed best. Satisfied with the stack he made, James squatted down, grabbed the bottom crate and heaved. Liara's eyes flashed with devilish delight as she watched James struggle to lift the crates.
"Don't strain yourself too much, James," she added sarcastically. "It's fine if you can't carry them all. I can always do it myself. With my mind."
"I... already... told you..." he grunted, straining against the weight. Then, with a powerful thrust James pushed himself into a standing position. "Nothing I can't handle."
He shifted his hands to find a firmer, more comfortable hold on the crates and, careful not to topple the stack or drop a single one, slowly turned around and made his way out of the room.
"Can someone get the elevator?" he called in the direction of the mess before the door slid shut behind him.
Unable to figure out what caused the scene he just witnessed, Shepard looked to Liara for answers, who was stifling laughter.
"What was that all about?" he asked her.
Liara composed herself, but couldn't shake the smile from her face.
"A while back, James was gloating about his strength and tried to explain to me how physical conditioning trumps biotics. After a little back-and-forth, I told him that I would provide him opportunities to prove himself."
"Carrying your equipment was one of them?"
"Or an excuse to have someone else do it," Liara winked.
"All stations secure for transit," Joker announced over the Normandy's intercom. "Acquiring approach vector."
There was a moment's pause before Joker came back on. "The board is green. Relay is hot. Approach run has begun. Hitting the relay in 3... 2... 1..."
Outside, the relay's massive, spinning rings accelerated and a discharge of dark energy erupted from the massive core of element zero, sweeping toward the Normandy and enveloping it. They were still a few hundred kilometers away when the relay fired, hurtling them across the galaxy. Shepard felt the soft, familiar lurch in his stomach as the Normandy traversed hundreds of thousands of kilometers instantaneously.
"We've cleared the relay," Joker announced. "ETA to rendezvous point: ten minutes."
"Commander," EDI's artificial voice chimed in. "I'm receiving a priority message from Captain Fisher. She's requesting permission to come aboard once we arrive."
"Permission granted," Shepard responded. "I'll inform the crew to be ready."
Looking back at Liara, she had distanced herself from Shepard and was no longer facing him. The moment to say goodbye to one another was upon them. The room's lighthearted atmosphere had become somber.
"This is it, isn't it?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah. This is it."
"I don't know what to say," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "I just know I'll have a clever line five minutes from now." She tried to laugh at the expense of herself, but she could only manage an uncertain smile.
"I do have one thing for you, Shepard," she continued, turning toward him. "A gift. It'll only take a moment if you want it."
"What kind of gift?"
Shepard was a little wary. Gift giving was not included in Shepard's definition of a brief and simple farewell.
Liara came closer. "Do you remember when I first joined my consciousness to yours?"
Shepard nodded. His first encounter with an Asari's ability to join their consciousness with his was after he extracted Shiala from the Thorian's control on Feros. Like the Prothean beacon on Eden Prime, the experience was not pleasant, leaving him with a splitting headache. During their debriefing after he narrowly escaped the crumbling Prothean ruins on Therum, Liara offered to join her mind with his to help him understand the images ingrained in his mind. Shepard had needed to find and stop Saren, no matter the cost, and a terrible lingering headache was just a small price to pay. He agreed to let her try.
After their joining, however, Shepard experienced very little discomfort. It was Liara who endured the most - overwhelmed by intense fatigue. It was then that Shepard assumed the recipient of information during an Asari joining experienced the most stimulation, meaning he would potentially be exposing himself to another mental overload should he accept Liara's gift.
"I can show you some of my own memories," continued Liara. "Asari exchange them sometimes with their friends or the people they respect... It can also be a way to say farewell."
Part of him wanted to decline. There was no telling what memories she would show him and it was very likely that it would make their separation far more difficult than it originally would be, but out of all his companions, Liara impressed Shepard the most with how much she grew since they first met. She earned this opportunity and he could handle whatever it was she would give him.
"Go ahead," he said.
Drawing very close to him, Liara placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder and closed her eyes. "Close your eyes."
And embrace eternity, Shepard thought with a smile, completing what she would say years ago.
It only took a moment until a warm flash enveloped Shepard's mind and he felt his surroundings melt away. The out of body experience was strange, but far from unpleasant; it was soothing and relaxing. Shepard took a calm, deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. Liara was still standing near him, but they were no longer on the Normandy. They were standing in space, surrounded by countless number of stars that drifted around them. It was a beautiful sight. Several of the stars floated near them, close enough to reach out and grab hold of. Upon further inspection, though, they were not stars but rather pieces of Liara's memories.
Gently nudging Shepard to get his attention, Liara motioned for him to turn and look to his right. Liara hugged onto his left arm and laid her head on his shoulder. Shepard didn't know what he was supposed to be looking at, but then, peaking over the distant horizon, there looked to be a beautiful blue sunrise, its rays gently painting the surrounding darkness. The light steadily grew, casting everything in a shade of blue and even seemed to melt away the stress and tension from his body. Before Shepard could fully enjoy his relaxed state, though, the light's growth accelerated, engulfing everything in its magnificent light.
Shepard gasped. He was back on the Normandy. As expected after the joining his head was throbbing. The joining was intense. The moment the light enveloped him, Shepard felt and saw everything Liara packaged into her gift. He knew they shared a close bond, but he didn't realize she treasured it that much. Her intentions with the gift must have been to show him how much she valued him and their relationship. She certainly got her point across.
His mind was overwhelmed with the images and emotions he just experienced. There were so many. The images that stood out the most were of the day the Normandy was destroyed, the loss Liara felt knowing her friend perished, the risks she took to save his charred corpse from the hands of Collectors, and then agreeing to hand him over to Cerberus. Shepard had no idea she went through so much trouble in pursuit of a miracle, the slightest glimmer of hope that he could be revived. Finally there was the overwhelming joy to see him standing before her very eyes on Illium.
All of these memories and emotions were incredibly strong; they felt like they were his own now. He knew it would be difficult saying goodbye, but now it felt impossible. He had to stay strong. Trying to suppress these feelings, Shepard thought of Kai Leng and his goddamn acrobatics, of the Illusive Man and his cold synthetic eyes, and of the Reapers and their destructive descent on Earth; images that fueled his rage and would hopefully, and quickly, get his mind elsewhere. It seemed to be working. His rage-fueled desire to obliterate Kai Leng until nothing remained except an unrecognizable heap of flesh began to supersede the images from Liara's memory.
"Thank you, Shepard," Liara said, snapping Shepard's attention back to the current situation. "For everything." She gave him a smile and slowly moved away to pack her remaining items.
Shepard promptly left, taking a deep breath once the door closed behind him. At least she's the only one who can do that, he reassured himself. Saying goodbye to the rest won't be nearly that difficult.
Feeling he sufficiently suppressed his emotions and was ready for the next farewell, Shepard made his way to the starboard observation room where Kaidan could usually be found. Upon opening the door he was right. Kaidan had his back to him, standing silently with a raised arm pressing up against the glass, gazing into the deep starry abyss of space. Shepard quietly walked up and stood beside him.
"Hey, Kaidan" Shepard said, crossing his arms. Kaidan didn't respond. He remained motionless and deep in thought. Shepard turned his gaze to the stars as well. They stood in silence.
"You know," Kaidan finally said, quietly. "I used to look at the stars in search for answers, for guidance, for hope. But now?" He sighed, shaking his head and lowering his voice further. "We know the score. We know this is goodbye."
In all likelihood, Kaidan was right, but regardless of who lived and died Shepard was determined to find a way to defeat the Reapers. He had to.
"We're going to win this thing," Shepard promised, reassuring himself and trying to lift Kaidan's spirits.
"Don't get me wrong! I'm going to fight like hell to see you on the other side. But listen, there's...things I want to say and looking back...I have a few regrets, but not many. That's pretty damn amazing, right? Messed up kid that I was, never would have dreamed of the life I've had. And I owe a lot of that to you, you know."
"It's been quite a ride," Shepard reminisced, briefly recalling the moments they shared dating all the way back to Saren's attack on Eden Prime. Kaidan seemed to have done the same.
"It sure has. But how are you doing?" Kaidan asked, lowering his arm from the window and facing Shepard. "Scared?"
"Damn straight, I'm scared. But that fear is going to keep me alive long enough to strike these bastards right through the heart."
"Yeah. Exactly."
The room became silent once again as the two human Spectres returned their focus to the stars outside; the very stars they swore to protect. Kaidan did have a point. The stars used to be calming and majestic, but now they were solemn, lamenting the galaxy's impending doom.
Having kept their farewell brief and simple, and knowing he was short on time and still needed to find Tali and James, Shepard turned to leave.
"See you on the bridge," he said.
"Yeah, I'll be up in a minute," Kaidan sighed.
Shepard left Kaidan to his thoughts and made his way for the port-side lounge to find Tali. She could usually be found there or down in Engineering. Stepping inside the room, it only required a quick scan to find that no one was there. Leaving as quickly as he came, Shepard headed for the lift, which opened just as he came up to it. Miranda stepped out.
"Hello, Shepard." she said.
"Hey, Miranda. What are you up to?"
"Now that Oriana is gone, I've decided to reacquaint myself with the Normandy and her crew. Nice to see you kept Daniels and Donnelly. They're two of the best engineers humanity has to offer."
"How are you holding up? About your sister," he clarified.
Miranda brushed a lock of her raven hair out of her eyes.
"It… wasn't the easiest thing I've had to go through. But now that it's taken care of all that matters is taking down Kai Leng and the Illusive man. And you can be damn sure I'll be ready."
"Good to hear."
Miranda placed her hands on her hips. "Now that we've passed through the relay, I take it your crew will be splitting up soon?"
"Captain Fisher will be boarding soon. I'm on my way down to Engineering to inform Tali."
"Captain Fisher?" Miranda cocked an eyebrow. "Haven't heard that name in a while."
"You know her?"
"What human doesn't? She's a bloody icon for saving Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz. You might not have known this, but she was held in such high regard that humanity almost had a large scale revolt when they heard you became the first human Spectre instead of her."
"Why?"
This was new information for him. Shepard was always under the impression that he was the only candidate, though it made sense to have several possibilities since humanity was pushing so hard to get someone into the Spectres.
"They believed humanity's first Spectre should be a benevolent, courageous hero" Miranda said with mocking vibrato. "Not the Butcher of Torfan."
The Butcher of Torfan. It had been years since Shepard heard that, a title he acquired from those who strongly opposed his actions on Torfan, and there were a lot. Though, no one dared to say it to his face.
"I never realized any of that was going on," Shepard said.
"Because you had far more important matters to attend to," Miranda explained. "Like stopping Saren and the Reapers." She lowered her arms and motioned to leave. "It all doesn't matter now and I shouldn't keep you any longer. You said you were looking for Tali? I didn't see her in the lower decks."
Shepard thought for a moment on where else she could be. If Tali wasn't in the lounge or down in Engineering, then she was probably in the main battery with... A sinister smile twisted across his lips.
"Thanks, Miranda. I think I know where to find her."
Miranda looked at him suspiciously as he left and made his way for the bow of the ship. Shepard made sure that he approached the door silently, careful not to make a sound. He motioned over the controls and the door shot open. Startled, the two intertwined figures sprang apart.
"Oh!" Tali exclaimed.
"We were just, uh..." Garrus fumbled for words.
"I...well, I...just came to say goodbye, and well..."
"I...think one of my mandibles got hooked on her helmet..."
"It might have caused a rupture, so I asked him to check..."
"You know...because of infection risks. Didn't want to jeopardize the mission..."
"So..."
"Yeah..."
Tali and Garrus stood there awkwardly, fidgeting under the Commander's gaze. The silence was unsettling and Shepard knew it; he enjoyed watching them squirm. Feeling he gained the desired effect and sufficient amusement, Shepard broke the silence.
"Captain Fisher will be here shortly, Tali. I'll give you two another minute."
With that, Shepard turned on his heels and strode away, thoroughly pleased with himself.
"You're such an ass," Miranda remarked, having watched the scene from afar.
"Spying on me, Ms. Lawson?" Shepard chuckled and strolled to the lift.
Exiting and being greeted by the familiar glow of the illuminated galaxy map, Shepard made his way for the bridge, passing a familiar stack of crates and several large duffel bags piled near the airlock. Along with the cockpit's two usual occupants, James was the only other one there, standing with his arms crossed as he looked out the port window and watched the Salamis line up with the Normandy.
"I see you were able to get all of Liara's things up here," Shepard nodded toward the crates.
James merely shrugged and grunted.
"You okay?" Shepard asked him.
"I'm pissed off, Commander!" James suddenly lashed out, spinning around to face the Commander and nearly smashing him in the head with a flailing arm. "I feel like I'm constantly being pulled out of fights! I don't run and I don't play detective. I blow shit up-"
"Can it, James!" Shepard growled, pointing a dangerous finger at him and silencing the sudden outburst. If there was one thing Shepard hated the most it was people arguing against his orders. "You're pissed. I get that. I would be too. But if I can't go on this mission I need you. You're a terrific soldier. Seeing you fight, the shit you've pulled... reminds me a lot of myself."
His words had the desired effect. James was stunned. His pursed lips slowly parted until his mouth stood agape; his rage quickly subsiding. Clearly, he never dreamed the Commander would think so highly of him.
"You really mean all that, sir?"
"I do. And that's why I need you on this mission. There's no telling what you'll face out there. And when things go to hell, I'll need someone I know who will get the job done."
James smiled awkwardly, battling mixed emotions of guilt, for lashing out against the Commander, and of thanks, for the praise he just received.
"Thanks. That means a lot to me, sir."
"We are successfully linked with the Salamis, Commander," EDI reported from the copilot seat.
"Thanks, EDI," Shepard said, taking a look outside. Sure enough, the Salamis had extended its boarding tunnel to link the two ships.
"So, I guess this is it, no?" James shrugged, drawing Shepard's attention again. He didn't wait for an answer before giving Shepard a respectful salute. "It's been an honor serving with you, Loco."
Instead of returning the salute, Shepard held out his hand. James smiled and shook it.
"You're a good man," Shepard said. "Whatever happens, I know you'll make me proud."
James nodded and squeezed Shepard's hand a little tighter, promising he would live up to those words.
Several pairs of footsteps where coming toward the bridge; it was the rest of Shepard's squad. Liara had one final bag slung across her back, Kaidan was burdened with several large duffel bags that he deposited on the floor, and Tali was walking with Garrus, who was carrying her things.
No one spoke as they waited for Captain Fisher. Not even Shepard could find any words to break the silence. There was an uncomfortable lump in his throat. He swallowed hard to get rid of it before casting a lingering look at each member of his parting squad. James stood with his arms crossed, staring at the airlock door. The corners of his eyes grinned as Shepard's words continued to resonate within him. Tali and Garrus stood together, hand in hand, speaking their final thoughts to each other through their gaze. Kaidan seemed to have the same idea as Shepard. His eyes drifted across the Normandy as he absorbed every last detail of the ship and her crew. Their eyes met and the two Spectres looked at each other for a moment. Kaidan gave a faint smile and nodded before looking away. Liara stood closest to Shepard. She was staring at the floor, but looked up at him when she noticed his head was turned in her direction. They smiled at one another. Emotions of loss and separation began to creep back into Shepard's system, stimulated further by Liara's memories.
Thankfully, there was noise from beyond the door, drawing Shepard's attention. Soon a the door opened and a woman, flanked on either side by male soldiers, entered. The two men looked like average male alliance soldiers, most likely roped in to assist with any cargo or luggage needing transferred. Their plain appearances made the woman stand out that much more. The woman, presumably Captain Fisher, moved with grace and dignity. She had pale skin with light auburn hair which was tied back into a traditional military bun and shone red under the Normandy's lighting. Her large brown eyes gleamed like chocolate diamonds. Similar to Shepard, she opted to wear a standard Alliance Crewman's outfit rather than her Officer's uniform. She was a few inches shorter than Shepard and had the perfect body for an attractive, female soldier. Shepard knew she was near his age, give or take several years, but she looked younger than she really was.
"Commander Shepard," she said, her voice low and husky, yet gentle. "It's an honor to finally meet you."
"Captain Fisher. Welcome aboard the Normandy." Shepard respectfully saluted his Alliance superior.
She responded with a salute of her own. "Well, Commander, I hate to rush you but we both know time is not on our side. Is your team ready?"
"They're ready."
"Good," Captain Fisher nodded, glancing around at everyone and the surrounding cargo. "Is all of this going?" she asked pointing toward Liara's stack of crates.
"Yes, Captain. That's my equipment," Liara replied.
"You're an information broker, correct? That will be very useful. We're pretty tight on space, but you can set up in the Conference room." Captain Fisher turned to the men accompanying her and nodded. They moved simultaneously and proceeded to gather Liara's equipment. Between the two of them, they were able to move all of the crates in a single trip.
As James, Kaidan, and Liara gathered their bags, Tali approached Shepard.
"I can't believe this is goodbye, Shepard. I wish we had more time," she sighed. "I would just like to say, after everything you did for me and my people, I will do whatever it takes to repay the favor. We'll find Leviathan, we'll save your home-world, and we'll defeat the Reapers once and for all. I promise."
"Thank you, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy," he said.
"Goodbye, Shepard." Her voice quivered as she backed away to Garrus, collected her things from him, and joined the rest of the team with Captain Fisher.
"Good luck out there, Commander," she said. "Do what you do best and give Cerberus hell."
With that, she led the group across the tunnel and onto the Salamis. Shepard and Garrus stood together, motionless. The lump in Shepard's throat returned as he watched four extraordinary members of his team, his friends, slowly walk away until the airlock door slid shut and they were forever out of his sight.
The air hung heavy and not a sound was made.
Several long moments passed before EDI spoke. "The Salamis is away, Commander. We are clear for takeoff."
Trying not to dwell on the separation and the unfamiliar emptiness he was beginning to feel, Shepard reverted his thoughts on what was to come. He cleared his throat and turned to EDI.
"How far until we rendezvous with Admiral Hackett and the fleet?"
"ETA: three hours," she responded.
"Good." Shepard turned to leave. "I need to shoot something."
Author's Notes:
This chapter took me FOREVER to write and that doesn't include the time I spent away from writing to enjoy my final semester of college, hunt for a job, start grad school and adjust to the work load, etc. I've been away from the Mass Effect universe for a long time, so I had to get back into it. Now that I've found some time to write, I've been able to slowly get back to work on this project.
And sorry for the long overdue chapter. I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to leave your comments so I know what I'm doing right and where to improve. It may take a long time to post updates, but they will come. Promise.